Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Hotel Bella Muerte
Chapter 20:
Alex was sitting on the window sill as she had done two days previously. She was very consciously aware of her brother’s eyes boring into her, but she did not show that she had noticed. The two of them had hardly talked the last night. Ray was obviously worried about Alex, and curious as to what she had been doing with Frank, though he was still too wary of her feelings, considering present times, to question her. Alex was thankful for this, it gave her time to think up some sort of excuse. She did not want to tell him where Frank and herself had really gone. It seemed private somehow. She also did not want him knowing her feeling towards Frank, just as much as she didn’t want Frank, himself to know. It was confusing her anyway. How was she meant to be in control of her emotions? She probably didn’t feel what she thought she did. Her head and heart were so messed up and the moment, who knew what was going on. Adding to that, it was just a little embarrassing, plus she did not want Ray on her back 24/7, and she feared that he would stop her meeting with him or something. One option which she did not want to take.
“Alex?” Ray said uncertainly. He made her jump She had been so deep in thought, she hadn’t realise him approaching her, but when she looked up he was standing over her.
“Hi.” She said, smiling slightly.
He looked at her, as if words would spread across her face and tell him what she was thinking. This made her become increasingly paranoid that they had, even though it was ridiculous.
“You okay?” He asked gently.
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” Alex answered. Trying to play dumb.
“Many reasons. I can think of a few.” Ray said, looking down at his hands, “funeral’s tomorrow.” He said the last part as a whisper and instantly Alex’s stomach knotted. This was all too much for her to handle.
“I know.” She said back to him.
“Listen, if you don’t want to tell me about yesterday, that’s cool. I just want to make sure you’re okay. I was so scared yesterday, I had no idea where you were and I…” Ray swallowed.
Alex instantly felt a rush of guilt. Why did he have to be so understanding and caring? It made it so much harder to keep secrets from him. She was thankful to have him as a brother, more than words could describe. But sometimes she felt like she didn’t deserve it.
“I’m sorry.” Alex said, honestly, “I didn’t think. It was stupid of me, I didn’t mean you to get worried, I didn’t do it on purpose. It just kind of happened” - and she didn’t have much choice, with the whole ’throw you over my shoulder’ thing that Frank had pulled - “It wont happen again, promise. I’m so sorry.”
Ray looked up to her and gave her a smile. She returned it, “that’s fine. I’m just glad you’re okay. If I lost you too…”
Alex stood up and wrapped her arms around her brother’s in a hug. She could feel that he was holding back tears and wished he would just let it out. Though she knew he would never do it in front of her. He hugged her back tightly. They stood there for a long while until Alex finally pulled away.
“You need to stop worrying about me you know.” She said, giving him a half smile, “I’m alright.” She lied. “You need to worry about yourself a bit more.”
“I can’t help it.” Ray said.
“I know. But being selfish isn’t so bad every now and again.” Alex reminded him.
“Perhaps. I take care of myself.” Ray said.
“Not enough.” Alex sighed. “You don’t have to worry about Frank, the guy yesterday, either, he’s just a mate.” Lies. Lies. Lies. “He was just making me feel better.”
She could tell by Ray’s face that this was the information he had been waiting for, and her answer, even if not totally honest, had been what he had hoped for. “That’s nice of him. I didn’t know you knew someone here. You should have said.”
“Yeah, he went to my old school.” Alex lied. How long was this going to continue? “Haven’t seen him in ages.”
For all she knew, it could be true. They were both from New Jersey. There was actually quite a high chance that they had gone to the same school. If so she had not noticed him. Which almost seemed like a crime. Though he was a year or so older than her, so maybe it wasn’t too bad. If it turned out he had, it would make it a little better. One less lie.
“Well that’s good. Seems he finally managed to get you out of the hotel room.” Ray said, beaming at this fact, it had been concerning him greatly. “Where did you go?”
“Just walked around a bit.” Alex lied. Again.
“Sounds good.” Ray said. “Do you want to go out somewhere with me today?”
She could see the hope written in his face, and she felt cruel to turn him down. Besides, there was no reason not to, and maybe then he would stop worrying so much. Plus, she liked going places with her brother, they had always gotten on well together.
“That would be great. Where are we going?” Alex asked.
Ray beamed at her, she was sure he was going to break into a miniature sun, his eyes were so bright. “We could just go to the park, then go to a couple shops or something?”
“I’d like that.” Alex said, truthfully, for once. “Just let me go get ready.”
Ray looked down, realising she was still in her pyjamas. “Sure.”
Alex grabbed some clothes and rushed into the bathroom. She managed to take a pen and paper also. When in the bathroom she took it out. She wasn’t sure, but Frank may have planned to stop by the hotel room sometime today, and she felt like she owed him an explanation as to where she was going. She didn’t know why, surely he would get that she was out with Ray. But she didn’t want him to worry, and she definitely didn’t want him to think she was avoiding him.
Alex exited the bathroom a while later, fully dressed and ready to go. Ray stood there, smiling warmly at her. He was standing near the door, almost itching to get out.
“Just a sec; need to get my jacket.” Alex told him. She turned her back on him and leaned across her bed to tug her jacket from her suitcase. She slipped the note onto her pillow, when she was sure that Ray wouldn’t see. Then she straightened up, smiled at him, and followed him out of the door.
It was sunny that day, and Ray and Alex were walking casually down a path. It was nice to get out, Alex thought. Though she wouldn’t admit it. She was too stubborn, but being on the rooftop last night had taught her that locking herself away was not the answer. Even thinking about last night made her stomach tingle. A small smile spread across her lips and Ray noticed.
“What are you grinning about?” He asked, smiling himself.
“I’m not grinning! I’m just… it’s a nice day.” Alex said, which was true in some respects.
Ray shook his head, “you’re a funny one sometimes.”
“For liking the weather?” Alex asked.
“Never mind.” Ray said. Alex looked at him suspiciously, “wanna get ice cream?”
“I’m not five, you know.” Alex said.
“So you don’t?” Ray teased.
“No, I do.” Alex admitted grudgingly, “just a reminder.”
“I will keep it in mind.” Ray said, winking at her as the headed off towards the ice cream vender.
They had been in the park for a good few hours, just walking around, chatting, occasionally Alex would pull Ray off into a shop that caught her eye, and they would both go into music or comic book stores. It was nice to be out together just like old times.
“When was the last time we went out like this together?” Ray asked Alex, happily, back in the park.
“God, I don’t know.” Alex said, thinking. “Wasn’t it that time where we went to that funny Italian restaurant for…”
Alex’s face fell as she recalled the memory mid way.
“Mum’s birthday.” Ray finished for her. Looking down at his feet. They had managed to avoid the topic of their parents for the whole day. Though it seemed impossible to avoid it forever. It would be lingering over them for a long time. They had hardly forgotten, but it was easier if you just didn’t bring it up and tried to distract yourself. They had both been thinking about it, but neither had mentioned it so as to spare the other’s feelings.
There was an awkward silence between them, and Alex realised they had come to a stop. Ray turned towards her and he seemed to be holding his breath, waiting for her to speak.
“Will we ever be able to mention them… without this?” She asked, still not looking at him.
“I’m sure we will. It’s still early days. It’s just… hard.” Ray said gently.
“Hard doesn’t even cover it.” Alex sighed a tear sliding down her face.
Ray noticed and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her tight to his side and starting to walk again, “lets go back to the hotel, yeah?”
Alex just nodded. Not able to do anything else. Every breath she took seemed to cause physical pain. She had no idea why it was all crashing down on her now. Maybe she had finally accepted they were gone. She just let Ray guide her back through the park, to the hotel, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. She felt like a walking ghost. Even as she thought this her thoughts went to her parents. Were they ghosts now? Were they anywhere? Were they anything? It hurt too much to think about it in detail.
So there we go. Not much to ramble about this chapter, I think it is pretty self explanitory. If you didn't find it self explanitory you know what to do! If you did... review it anyway! Pleeeeeeeease!
Thanks xxx YGLTGRT
Alex was sitting on the window sill as she had done two days previously. She was very consciously aware of her brother’s eyes boring into her, but she did not show that she had noticed. The two of them had hardly talked the last night. Ray was obviously worried about Alex, and curious as to what she had been doing with Frank, though he was still too wary of her feelings, considering present times, to question her. Alex was thankful for this, it gave her time to think up some sort of excuse. She did not want to tell him where Frank and herself had really gone. It seemed private somehow. She also did not want him knowing her feeling towards Frank, just as much as she didn’t want Frank, himself to know. It was confusing her anyway. How was she meant to be in control of her emotions? She probably didn’t feel what she thought she did. Her head and heart were so messed up and the moment, who knew what was going on. Adding to that, it was just a little embarrassing, plus she did not want Ray on her back 24/7, and she feared that he would stop her meeting with him or something. One option which she did not want to take.
“Alex?” Ray said uncertainly. He made her jump She had been so deep in thought, she hadn’t realise him approaching her, but when she looked up he was standing over her.
“Hi.” She said, smiling slightly.
He looked at her, as if words would spread across her face and tell him what she was thinking. This made her become increasingly paranoid that they had, even though it was ridiculous.
“You okay?” He asked gently.
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?” Alex answered. Trying to play dumb.
“Many reasons. I can think of a few.” Ray said, looking down at his hands, “funeral’s tomorrow.” He said the last part as a whisper and instantly Alex’s stomach knotted. This was all too much for her to handle.
“I know.” She said back to him.
“Listen, if you don’t want to tell me about yesterday, that’s cool. I just want to make sure you’re okay. I was so scared yesterday, I had no idea where you were and I…” Ray swallowed.
Alex instantly felt a rush of guilt. Why did he have to be so understanding and caring? It made it so much harder to keep secrets from him. She was thankful to have him as a brother, more than words could describe. But sometimes she felt like she didn’t deserve it.
“I’m sorry.” Alex said, honestly, “I didn’t think. It was stupid of me, I didn’t mean you to get worried, I didn’t do it on purpose. It just kind of happened” - and she didn’t have much choice, with the whole ’throw you over my shoulder’ thing that Frank had pulled - “It wont happen again, promise. I’m so sorry.”
Ray looked up to her and gave her a smile. She returned it, “that’s fine. I’m just glad you’re okay. If I lost you too…”
Alex stood up and wrapped her arms around her brother’s in a hug. She could feel that he was holding back tears and wished he would just let it out. Though she knew he would never do it in front of her. He hugged her back tightly. They stood there for a long while until Alex finally pulled away.
“You need to stop worrying about me you know.” She said, giving him a half smile, “I’m alright.” She lied. “You need to worry about yourself a bit more.”
“I can’t help it.” Ray said.
“I know. But being selfish isn’t so bad every now and again.” Alex reminded him.
“Perhaps. I take care of myself.” Ray said.
“Not enough.” Alex sighed. “You don’t have to worry about Frank, the guy yesterday, either, he’s just a mate.” Lies. Lies. Lies. “He was just making me feel better.”
She could tell by Ray’s face that this was the information he had been waiting for, and her answer, even if not totally honest, had been what he had hoped for. “That’s nice of him. I didn’t know you knew someone here. You should have said.”
“Yeah, he went to my old school.” Alex lied. How long was this going to continue? “Haven’t seen him in ages.”
For all she knew, it could be true. They were both from New Jersey. There was actually quite a high chance that they had gone to the same school. If so she had not noticed him. Which almost seemed like a crime. Though he was a year or so older than her, so maybe it wasn’t too bad. If it turned out he had, it would make it a little better. One less lie.
“Well that’s good. Seems he finally managed to get you out of the hotel room.” Ray said, beaming at this fact, it had been concerning him greatly. “Where did you go?”
“Just walked around a bit.” Alex lied. Again.
“Sounds good.” Ray said. “Do you want to go out somewhere with me today?”
She could see the hope written in his face, and she felt cruel to turn him down. Besides, there was no reason not to, and maybe then he would stop worrying so much. Plus, she liked going places with her brother, they had always gotten on well together.
“That would be great. Where are we going?” Alex asked.
Ray beamed at her, she was sure he was going to break into a miniature sun, his eyes were so bright. “We could just go to the park, then go to a couple shops or something?”
“I’d like that.” Alex said, truthfully, for once. “Just let me go get ready.”
Ray looked down, realising she was still in her pyjamas. “Sure.”
Alex grabbed some clothes and rushed into the bathroom. She managed to take a pen and paper also. When in the bathroom she took it out. She wasn’t sure, but Frank may have planned to stop by the hotel room sometime today, and she felt like she owed him an explanation as to where she was going. She didn’t know why, surely he would get that she was out with Ray. But she didn’t want him to worry, and she definitely didn’t want him to think she was avoiding him.
Alex exited the bathroom a while later, fully dressed and ready to go. Ray stood there, smiling warmly at her. He was standing near the door, almost itching to get out.
“Just a sec; need to get my jacket.” Alex told him. She turned her back on him and leaned across her bed to tug her jacket from her suitcase. She slipped the note onto her pillow, when she was sure that Ray wouldn’t see. Then she straightened up, smiled at him, and followed him out of the door.
It was sunny that day, and Ray and Alex were walking casually down a path. It was nice to get out, Alex thought. Though she wouldn’t admit it. She was too stubborn, but being on the rooftop last night had taught her that locking herself away was not the answer. Even thinking about last night made her stomach tingle. A small smile spread across her lips and Ray noticed.
“What are you grinning about?” He asked, smiling himself.
“I’m not grinning! I’m just… it’s a nice day.” Alex said, which was true in some respects.
Ray shook his head, “you’re a funny one sometimes.”
“For liking the weather?” Alex asked.
“Never mind.” Ray said. Alex looked at him suspiciously, “wanna get ice cream?”
“I’m not five, you know.” Alex said.
“So you don’t?” Ray teased.
“No, I do.” Alex admitted grudgingly, “just a reminder.”
“I will keep it in mind.” Ray said, winking at her as the headed off towards the ice cream vender.
They had been in the park for a good few hours, just walking around, chatting, occasionally Alex would pull Ray off into a shop that caught her eye, and they would both go into music or comic book stores. It was nice to be out together just like old times.
“When was the last time we went out like this together?” Ray asked Alex, happily, back in the park.
“God, I don’t know.” Alex said, thinking. “Wasn’t it that time where we went to that funny Italian restaurant for…”
Alex’s face fell as she recalled the memory mid way.
“Mum’s birthday.” Ray finished for her. Looking down at his feet. They had managed to avoid the topic of their parents for the whole day. Though it seemed impossible to avoid it forever. It would be lingering over them for a long time. They had hardly forgotten, but it was easier if you just didn’t bring it up and tried to distract yourself. They had both been thinking about it, but neither had mentioned it so as to spare the other’s feelings.
There was an awkward silence between them, and Alex realised they had come to a stop. Ray turned towards her and he seemed to be holding his breath, waiting for her to speak.
“Will we ever be able to mention them… without this?” She asked, still not looking at him.
“I’m sure we will. It’s still early days. It’s just… hard.” Ray said gently.
“Hard doesn’t even cover it.” Alex sighed a tear sliding down her face.
Ray noticed and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her tight to his side and starting to walk again, “lets go back to the hotel, yeah?”
Alex just nodded. Not able to do anything else. Every breath she took seemed to cause physical pain. She had no idea why it was all crashing down on her now. Maybe she had finally accepted they were gone. She just let Ray guide her back through the park, to the hotel, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. She felt like a walking ghost. Even as she thought this her thoughts went to her parents. Were they ghosts now? Were they anywhere? Were they anything? It hurt too much to think about it in detail.
So there we go. Not much to ramble about this chapter, I think it is pretty self explanitory. If you didn't find it self explanitory you know what to do! If you did... review it anyway! Pleeeeeeeease!
Thanks xxx YGLTGRT
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