- hmm.. first off... Tragic is the word I believe you are searching for in the title. Secondly, there seems to be no ... begining? to this story? It seems rushed and just a little confused. There are more than a few run ons but sometimes its hard to catch that, hell even I do that. Let the audience know whom is speaking, bring them into the frame and take them out.. otherwise its just a jumbled mess. Though these stories are ALWAYS overdone, you could really find some potential if you clean up your grammar and formatting and continue the story. Add a begining that tells us how this happened, why he's reacting how he is... and an unrushed ending that doesn't seem... 'dream sequenced'
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