Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The Accidental Harem

Year 1 Part 3

by BrianJ 7 reviews

The whole world wonders, and guest stars from all over.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Humor,Romance - Characters: Harry,Hermione,Mandy Brocklehurst,Sibyll Trelawney - Warnings: [!!] [X] [?] [Y] - Published: 2008-04-14 - Updated: 2008-04-15 - 935 words

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. In fact, looking at my credit card
bills, I own slightly less than nothing.

The Daily Prophet and other publicity organs of the Wizarding world
hadn't said much about House Harem since its foundation. Most
readers chuckled at the first mention of the fifth House and wrote it
off as one of Dumbledore's goofier ideas (even though it hadn't been,
for once).

But the "Granger Glide," as it was dubbed, got the attention of sport-
loving wizards worldwide. Within hours of the game's end, Quidditch
teams from Sweetwater to Siberia, from Wollongong to the West Indies
were copying her move as quickly as they could. The results included
more protested matches in one day than in the twenty previous years.
Finally, the International Quidditch Federation managed to compose a
new rule halting the match immediately if an eighth player were to
come onto the field or if the Seeker were replaced. That ended the

Inevitably, House Harem began to come in for further investigation...


Two reporters were parked outside the door of House Harem on Monday
morning when Trelawney opened it to head for her tower. One was a
fortyish blonde woman in too much makeup and robes that had been
fashionable six months earlier, and the other was a somewhat older
man in an orange, purple, and yellow robe whose colors had gone
beyond clashing and declared war on each other. The latter was
accompanied by a sad-eyed girl of about ten.

"Is it true that this house was set up as a harem for Harry Potter?
Is he in there doing... things... with the cream of the wizarding
world even now?" demanded the first reporter, Rita Skeeter. Not
waiting for an answer, she pressed on with her next question about
the "sanctity of marriage" when two doors opened behind Trelawney.
Harry emerged from behind one and the girls from behind the other.

"This house was established at the request of the Sorting Hat with
the permission- indeed, at the demand- of the Board of Governors,"
Trelawney replied firmly. "What Harry does or does not do here is
none of your business. This interview is over."

"But how do-"

"This interview is over! Leave before I summon security!"

"You haven't heard the last of me, you... you... charlatan!" Skeeter
yelled as she marched away.

The wizard and the girl hadn't said or done anything during these
outbursts. When Skeeter was finally out of earshot, they stepped

"Xeno Lovegood, madame Professor, for the Quibbler. This is my
daughter, Luna. We're very pleased to meet you. May we have a few
words? I thought this house was a marvelous idea. I wish they had
it in my day."

Luna, meanwhile, had wandered over to Harry. "Are you Harry Potter?"
she asked.

"Yes, I am."

"I'm Luna Lovegood. I'm so glad to meet you. I heard wonderful
things about you, but you look even better than I thought you did."

"He's a great boy, Luna. You'll like him when you come here... when
will you come here?"

"Next year. And you are?"

"Hermione Granger."

"Of the 'Granger Glide'?"

"The very same," she confirmed with pride. "Let me tell you about


The Quibbler's very positive interview was the talk of Wizarding
Britain for weeks thereafter. Although the two professors prevented
more reporters from stopping by, with the aid of Dumbledore and the
other professors sick of hearing about House Harem's novelty, all
that did was to leave the House's Professors free to ponder House
Harem's other problems. As for Luna, she became a regular penpal of
the girls and Harry.

Classes had been a decidedly mixed bag. Snape's Potions lessons,
never pleasant, had become downright brutal for all of his students,
even the Slytherins whose loss had provoked his wrath. Several other
students had transferred to other houses (although none to House
Harem), and many more were threatening to do so. How serious these
threats were, or whether they were just another part of Slytherin's
never-ending internal intrigues, no one could say.

McGonagall was unusually flustered as well. During one class, when
she transfigured her desk into a pig for the students' benefit, she
found that she had somehow given the pig four additional legs! The
pig spit out a string of something vaguely gluelike and tried to run
up a wall before McGonagall managed to subdue it.

Flitwick, on the other hand, took things in stride during his Charms
classes. In mid-November, he noted to House Harem during class that
his team would provide their next opponent at the end of
February. "One of the things to remember about Charms," he said, "is
that they never last forever. You can lead a charmed life for a
while, but reality always sets in at the end."

If this was meant to be a veiled threat about the Harem team's
Quidditch prowess, it was unnecessary. The team was practicing four
days a week and improving noticeably with each practice. Millicent
turned out to be an excellent beater, albeit one who needed a bit
more discipline; during one memorable week of practices, she managed
to knock out every member of the starting seven with Bludgers,
including herself.

However, by the end of November, the team had gone as far as the
decrepit school brooms could take them. To get any better, they
would need more advanced brooms. But the students couldn't leave
without permission, and both Harem Professors were too busy to go
shopping. Thus, they hit upon an idea, with the help of a sizable
bribe in House Points...


"Wotcher, Harry!"
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