Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > How Do You Feel About That?
I Know That I Can’t Make You Stay
2 reviews‘Look, I’m sorry for so many things. I didn’t think your parents would react so badly, dammit I should have driven us home. I could tell you were pissed off and upset and not really looking w...
1Exciting
‘Right, is that all? Can we leave?’ Frank’s mother asked Doctor Martin.
‘Sure, you’re not really required to stay’ He replied, but this simply made Gee angry.
‘How can you be so cold? Why would you want to leave your son? He just died.’ Gerard shouted across Frank’s deathbed to the unremorseful parents. Mrs Iero, however, was unfazed and had a spiteful remark stored for a moment such as this one.
‘My son died the day he met you’ With that, she left, Mr Iero in tow. Having no other reason to stay, Father Reed, Doctor Martin and Doctor Tennant exited the room within seconds of his parent’s hasty departure. Leaving just Frank, Gerard, Mikey and I left in the small hospital room.
‘Uh guys, can I have a few minutes?’ Gerard’s eyes pleaded, ‘Please?’
‘Why?’ Mikey retorted, in a ‘The guys dead, he ain’t gonna talk back’ kind of way.
‘Just to say … You know, goodbye and stuff’ I nodded, shooing Mikey out of the room along with myself. Mikey mumbled something about going to go get coffee and disappeared within a second or two. I hung back, being oddly curious as to what people said to people they loved on their deathbeds. I mean, I was curious but I wouldn’t exactly go out and seek said ‘deathbed’. You know, lurking around hospital wards for weeping families and shrieking heart-rate machines for the last few seconds of passing life.
I guess I wondered what I’d have said to my dad if I’d had the chance. If he hadn’t died in the way he did. Alone. Unconscious. Nobody there. Nope, shake away that thought again. I guess I would’ve told him what a great dad he was, I’m sure I’d have apologised. I’d have said sorry for all of the times I ever said a bad word against him, because really, I didn’t mean it. I’d have said ‘thanks dad’, thanks for actually believing in me and not just because I was trying to be a doctor. Just believing in me, that’s all.
‘Frank, Jesus, this is so stupid. I know you can’t hear, and yeah, I’m not really making much sense but they do this on TV, right? Not that you watched much TV, music was your thing.’ Gerard stopped, pausing on his next thought. I’m not sure if he wanted to say anything that he was thinking out loud. Cautiously, censoring his speech to fit his dead lover.
‘Look, I’m sorry for so many things. I didn’t think your parents would react so badly, dammit I should have driven us home. I could tell you were pissed off and upset and not really looking where you were going. I guess that’s why you nearly hit that kid, I know you didn’t want to hurt anyone but Frank, she was only young, eight or nine and you would’ve killed her. You were way over the limit, I had to grab the wheel, to save her.’
He stopped again. Nobody had known quite how the accident had come about, until now that is. Frank’s car had spun off the road and over a bridge into a lake below. Gerard was lucky to have survived, apparently it was the little girl who had phoned the ambulance on a payphone nearby. Gerard had never said how the accident was caused, he’d always maintained that he couldn’t remember. This was fair enough and nobody really questioned him much more.
‘I know you’d probably hit me for saying this, but I wish it was her that was dead, not you. At least I could go to whatever prison you’d probably be in and visit you. I don’t wish her dead; I just wish that I’d been able to choose. I guess that’s what I did the day I grabbed the steering wheel, I chose her without really thinking about losing you.’
‘I love you Frank, and I swear if either of us make it to that heaven your parents keep going on about, I swear I’ll make it up to you. I wish you weren’t dead, I wish you’d been given a real chance but I guess you lost that when you met me. Bye Frank, miss you’
Gerard and Mikey appeared by my side simultaneously, one with a coffee in hand, the other with tears down his cheeks. An awkward silence later, Mikey was bidding his farewells, making some excuse to do with work or alike. I decided I’d hang around with Gee for just a little bit longer, then I’d have to get back to my next client, Bob.
‘He didn’t want to talk to me about it’ Gerard muttered.
‘Just didn’t know what to say,’ I empathized with the grieving guy, ‘It’s difficult for him’
‘Sure, I’ll offer a supporting hand to the guy that lost someone he hardly knew, it must be sooooo hard for him’ He mocked me.
‘Touché, look, what I meant was that he may not know what to say to you because he wants to say the right thing and is almost certain that he’ll say something wrong, you know’ We kept walking, right up until we got to Gerard’s room. I asked one of the nurses to keep an eye on him, making sure that he didn’t become hysterical. I also ordered a dose of valium for the poor guy.
With every intention of driving myself off of a cliff this evening, if anything else bad happened today, I headed towards my office. Hoping for no more distractions between now and the time of my next patient I slid through my office door and headed towards the desk I was about to slump myself on. Surely, honestly, people are not worth all of this hassle.
Ok, I don’t believe that really. There are many people that are worth so much more than I give them credit for; I know I take them for granted. A tune playing in my head distracting me from any tangible thoughts, it was some song about love, truth but most of all irony. Another distraction, the gentle rap of fingers on wood.
‘Patrick? Can I come in? Please,’ It was Beth, probably checking up on me, I did look mighty pissed off when I got back to the office, ‘I want to ask you something’
‘Yeah?’ I asked as she peeked her head round the doorway.
‘Uh, how’s Gee?’ She mumbled, ‘And you, how’re you?’
‘Umm Gee’s not too great, his brother kind of abandoned him at the worst possible time. Me? Well, I can cope, right?’
‘Yeah …’ She didn’t sound too convinced, I guess that’s why she said this next part, ‘Do you want to come to Becca’s tonight? There’s a band playing, it’s Becca’s boyfriend. I mean, it should be fun – she doesn’t even know he’s back from the army, he’s going to surprise her’
‘Should be awesome, I’ll swing it with Kate’ I shuddered, thinking about her reaction last night. She’d probably be really pissed, but I honestly couldn’t care less after the day that I’ve had.
‘Ok, meet you outside at five?’ She nodded, waiting for a response.
‘Sure’ I waved as she went to leave, ‘Five’
It was something I hadn’t done in a while, I’d been a little too busy, but today (In my patient-free moments) I checked my e-mail. Not expecting anything apart from the usual spam, I started to check the e-mails off one by one. Delete, delete, can’t keep you, delete, trash, not even worth opening, delete and then all of a sudden I came across something that caught my eye.
‘Sure, you’re not really required to stay’ He replied, but this simply made Gee angry.
‘How can you be so cold? Why would you want to leave your son? He just died.’ Gerard shouted across Frank’s deathbed to the unremorseful parents. Mrs Iero, however, was unfazed and had a spiteful remark stored for a moment such as this one.
‘My son died the day he met you’ With that, she left, Mr Iero in tow. Having no other reason to stay, Father Reed, Doctor Martin and Doctor Tennant exited the room within seconds of his parent’s hasty departure. Leaving just Frank, Gerard, Mikey and I left in the small hospital room.
‘Uh guys, can I have a few minutes?’ Gerard’s eyes pleaded, ‘Please?’
‘Why?’ Mikey retorted, in a ‘The guys dead, he ain’t gonna talk back’ kind of way.
‘Just to say … You know, goodbye and stuff’ I nodded, shooing Mikey out of the room along with myself. Mikey mumbled something about going to go get coffee and disappeared within a second or two. I hung back, being oddly curious as to what people said to people they loved on their deathbeds. I mean, I was curious but I wouldn’t exactly go out and seek said ‘deathbed’. You know, lurking around hospital wards for weeping families and shrieking heart-rate machines for the last few seconds of passing life.
I guess I wondered what I’d have said to my dad if I’d had the chance. If he hadn’t died in the way he did. Alone. Unconscious. Nobody there. Nope, shake away that thought again. I guess I would’ve told him what a great dad he was, I’m sure I’d have apologised. I’d have said sorry for all of the times I ever said a bad word against him, because really, I didn’t mean it. I’d have said ‘thanks dad’, thanks for actually believing in me and not just because I was trying to be a doctor. Just believing in me, that’s all.
‘Frank, Jesus, this is so stupid. I know you can’t hear, and yeah, I’m not really making much sense but they do this on TV, right? Not that you watched much TV, music was your thing.’ Gerard stopped, pausing on his next thought. I’m not sure if he wanted to say anything that he was thinking out loud. Cautiously, censoring his speech to fit his dead lover.
‘Look, I’m sorry for so many things. I didn’t think your parents would react so badly, dammit I should have driven us home. I could tell you were pissed off and upset and not really looking where you were going. I guess that’s why you nearly hit that kid, I know you didn’t want to hurt anyone but Frank, she was only young, eight or nine and you would’ve killed her. You were way over the limit, I had to grab the wheel, to save her.’
He stopped again. Nobody had known quite how the accident had come about, until now that is. Frank’s car had spun off the road and over a bridge into a lake below. Gerard was lucky to have survived, apparently it was the little girl who had phoned the ambulance on a payphone nearby. Gerard had never said how the accident was caused, he’d always maintained that he couldn’t remember. This was fair enough and nobody really questioned him much more.
‘I know you’d probably hit me for saying this, but I wish it was her that was dead, not you. At least I could go to whatever prison you’d probably be in and visit you. I don’t wish her dead; I just wish that I’d been able to choose. I guess that’s what I did the day I grabbed the steering wheel, I chose her without really thinking about losing you.’
‘I love you Frank, and I swear if either of us make it to that heaven your parents keep going on about, I swear I’ll make it up to you. I wish you weren’t dead, I wish you’d been given a real chance but I guess you lost that when you met me. Bye Frank, miss you’
Gerard and Mikey appeared by my side simultaneously, one with a coffee in hand, the other with tears down his cheeks. An awkward silence later, Mikey was bidding his farewells, making some excuse to do with work or alike. I decided I’d hang around with Gee for just a little bit longer, then I’d have to get back to my next client, Bob.
‘He didn’t want to talk to me about it’ Gerard muttered.
‘Just didn’t know what to say,’ I empathized with the grieving guy, ‘It’s difficult for him’
‘Sure, I’ll offer a supporting hand to the guy that lost someone he hardly knew, it must be sooooo hard for him’ He mocked me.
‘Touché, look, what I meant was that he may not know what to say to you because he wants to say the right thing and is almost certain that he’ll say something wrong, you know’ We kept walking, right up until we got to Gerard’s room. I asked one of the nurses to keep an eye on him, making sure that he didn’t become hysterical. I also ordered a dose of valium for the poor guy.
With every intention of driving myself off of a cliff this evening, if anything else bad happened today, I headed towards my office. Hoping for no more distractions between now and the time of my next patient I slid through my office door and headed towards the desk I was about to slump myself on. Surely, honestly, people are not worth all of this hassle.
Ok, I don’t believe that really. There are many people that are worth so much more than I give them credit for; I know I take them for granted. A tune playing in my head distracting me from any tangible thoughts, it was some song about love, truth but most of all irony. Another distraction, the gentle rap of fingers on wood.
‘Patrick? Can I come in? Please,’ It was Beth, probably checking up on me, I did look mighty pissed off when I got back to the office, ‘I want to ask you something’
‘Yeah?’ I asked as she peeked her head round the doorway.
‘Uh, how’s Gee?’ She mumbled, ‘And you, how’re you?’
‘Umm Gee’s not too great, his brother kind of abandoned him at the worst possible time. Me? Well, I can cope, right?’
‘Yeah …’ She didn’t sound too convinced, I guess that’s why she said this next part, ‘Do you want to come to Becca’s tonight? There’s a band playing, it’s Becca’s boyfriend. I mean, it should be fun – she doesn’t even know he’s back from the army, he’s going to surprise her’
‘Should be awesome, I’ll swing it with Kate’ I shuddered, thinking about her reaction last night. She’d probably be really pissed, but I honestly couldn’t care less after the day that I’ve had.
‘Ok, meet you outside at five?’ She nodded, waiting for a response.
‘Sure’ I waved as she went to leave, ‘Five’
It was something I hadn’t done in a while, I’d been a little too busy, but today (In my patient-free moments) I checked my e-mail. Not expecting anything apart from the usual spam, I started to check the e-mails off one by one. Delete, delete, can’t keep you, delete, trash, not even worth opening, delete and then all of a sudden I came across something that caught my eye.
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