Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Like A Knife

Please Let This Be A Horrid, Twsted Dream. Please.

by PanicxFOBx4Everx 0 reviews

When Ryan finds Cammy and Brendon in a situation he never would have thought about dealing with, things turn into a brutal war with harsh words. How will they cope?

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Romance - Published: 2008-04-26 - Updated: 2008-04-27 - 1911 words

Like A Knife Part 23

“Back so soon?” Keltie asked me as I approached the porch again miserably, soaked from head to toe, my tee shirt clinging to my body.

“Yeah,” I said bluntly. I didn’t feel like explaining myself.

I thought again about the happiness that I saw in their eyes, the liveliness that had left Cammy after we had our conversation. It was back again, but only when I wasn’t around, which caused more anguish and sorrow than any human being could ever comprehend. I had known her for a large portion of my life, before I was famous even, and once you know someone’s heart inside and out, you can’t sit there and let yourself watch it be put back together again by someone other than yourself.

I sat back down next to Keltie on the loveseat, watching as Pete and Moony happily conversed, looking at each other with a passion and a fire in their eyes that I wished I could imitate. But in reality, true love could not be imitated, only experienced, and it was irregular to see it often. I wasn’t sure if Pete and Moony were truly, genuinely in love with one another, but there was a spark of lust in each of their eyes.

For all I know, Pete could have loved Cammy.

And she could have loved him back, because we had drifted away from one another, and I wasn’t as in tact with her emotions as I used to be. I wish it was different, but it took a lot to change things as you aged.

“I’m going to get going, guys. Dylan might be getting lonely,” Jon said, standing up and finally prying himself from the conversation he was having with Spence. They were talking about something having to do with walruses. I didn’t bother to ask.

From then on, everybody began leaving, as the rain continued to stream down in swift torrents. Brendon and Cammy still had yet to return, which kept me wondering what they could possibly be up to. No one could tell what to expect with two people as spontaneous as they were, when they obviously had feelings for each other. Whether they were they were just feelings as friends or more would be a mystery to me until I had proof.

Even Keltie had to leave; she had to go and pick up some things for her friends. I sat by myself on the loveseat, just waiting for them to return. But as much as I waited, I knew they would be a while, because they were enjoying themselves. I really couldn’t blame them.

As I watched the rain fall down past me, I slowly drifted into a sleep, almost free of worries. Besides the fact that I didn’t really love my girlfriend, had true feelings for my best friend whom I refused to tell, and my doubt that she loved me and that she had utterly fallen for my best friend.

Upon waking up, I couldn’t help but let curiosity seep in to my body and propel me forward, down the porch steps and onto the sidewalk again. The sun was just beginning to creep out from behind the clouds, now relieved of their sorrows, and trees leaned over, heavy from the recent downpour. I made my way down the road, taking in the smell of asphalt after a heavy rain, fresh, sweet, and bringing back memories.

I dribbled the basketball down the course, the sun preaching its happiness down on Cammy and I. We had just gotten out of school for the day, and decided that with a lack of homework we would take advantage of it and play basketball in the court near the edge of the building. It was just her and I, as the other kids had better things to do. But there was nothing more important to us than spending time together.

“Traveling! You’re traveling!” I shouted as she ran down the court, basketball in hand, grinning. She knew she was traveling; I could tell form the look in her deep blue eyes.

I ran to her and tried to grab the ball; she held it defensively, making sure I was unable to steal it from her. We laughed as we played keep away with the ball, smiles written on our faces in what seemed like permanent ink.

“I know what traveling is, Ry,” She giggled, as I wrapped my arms around her from the back, holding her in place. She tried to squirm away from me, but I just held her tighter, as her hair rubbed up against my face. She smelled sweet; a smell that I knew would be etched in my mind forever. Even after our years in high school were over, maybe even our last times together, I would never be able to forget anything about her.

Or so I hoped.

“Let go of me!” She squealed, trying desperately to get away from my tight grasp. But I held her there, laughing as she laughed with me, watching as the sky became dark with low hanging clouds.

“It looks like it’s going to rain out,” I pointed out, finally allowing her to break free. “Maybe we should go.”

“What are you talking about? Scared of a little rain?” She teased me. “Poor little Ryro. Are you going to melt?”

“I just might,” I replied.

She couldn’t see it, but every time she batted her long eye lashes, looked at me with her beautiful blue eyes that reminded me of the never ending sky, even spoke simple words to me, I melted. So in a way, I wasn’t lying. I was just too embarrassed to admit anything like that to her.

“Well, I’m not cleaning up the mess you make when you melt everywhere. So find yourself a new maid,” She giggled, shooting the basketball into the hoop. I watched as it made a swish sound and fell right through, obediently making it down to the ground through the net.

She beamed. “Did you see that, Ry?”

“No, I didn’t see anything,” I joked, covering my eyes. Ah, the innocence of high school kids.

“You’ll see it next time when I accidentally throw it in your face,” She kidded, playful anger in her voice.

And then, as I had predicted, the rain began to fall from the sky, staring as a rain drop and progressing to a full out shower. I gave her a ‘told you so’ look and smiled.

“Maybe we should get going,” She agreed, following me as we walked down the sidewalk to our houses.

Trees leaned over us, casting a shade that kept up more than cool in the rain. Our clothes clung to our bodies, our hair was drenched and was sticking to our ever so joyful faces, and we stood close to keep warm. Maybe a little too close than normal friends would, but close enough to admit that we were wholly comfortable being around each other. We didn’t care what other people thought about us.

The rain let up, turning to small sprinkles, and the roads gave off the beautiful aroma that wet pavement always did after a rain storm.

“Don’t you just love that smell?” Cammy asked me, closing her eyes in content.

“What smell?” I replied, unsure of what she was talking about.

“The smell of pavement after a storm. Doesn’t it smell great?” She wondered.

She had gotten me to notice something completely new, as always, introducing me to things I never would have noticed without her. She had a tendency to pick out the smallest things and make them seem larger than life, and I loved it. Maybe I even loved her.
As I drifted out of my reverie, I found them.

I finally had the proof I was searching for.

Brendon and Cammy stood in the middle of the street, completely drenched, locked in a passionate kiss. Nothing could describe how I felt at that very moment, except betrayed by everyone, like the world had purposely gotten revenge for hurting her. Even though I never meant to.

Once again, I felt like I had no right to interrupt them, as I wouldn’t want to be, either. But I couldn’t depict just how much I wished to be him, to be the boy I had known my whole life, that I had gotten famous with, that I had trusted with my deepest, innermost feelings. I had yet to tell him how I felt about her.

But I went on my quicker impulses and split them apart.

“What the Hell, guys?!” I screeched angrily. “I’m not here to watch out after you for two hours and you end up making out? Seriously, you have fucking problems!”

“This doesn’t involve you, Ry! So get the fuck out of our lives!” Someone said.

I was expecting it to be Brendon, but the girl I had once known was drifting from me, and she had finally stood up for herself. She had finally come out of her shell and took a stand for what she thought about, was willing to admit that sometimes she just might have been right.

“You’ve hurt her enough, Ry! Just leave!” Brendon yelled, as the rain fell.

“I’m living my life, and you’re living yours. Just let me be who I want to. I told you that I loved you, you didn’t want to hear it, I’ve moved on like you told me to, and now you stand there, expecting me to bear with you in one of the best moments of my life? Only bitches ruin other people’s lives over and over again with a clear conscience. So just…Go talk to Keltie, because she’s so fucking important to you,” Cammy continued. My jaw dropped in confusion.

Never had she been able to talk like that. Never had I known this Cammy, a girl who spoke her mind and let it all out. And I willed myself to let it go, but I couldn’t.

“Brendon is the only one who ever loved me, so what’s the problem, huh, Ry? Angry that someone flipped my life right side up for once? Just fuck off already, because I’ve finally found someone who felt for me. Who felt with me,” She argued.

“Cammy, plenty of people felt for you! You just didn’t see it!” I objected. I thanked the rain as it became a camouflage, hiding all of the tears creeping their way from my eyes.

“Who are you talking about, Ry? Because it sure as Hell wasn’t you!” She shouted.

“It was me, Cams! I loved you from the beginning of everything…I just never admitted it. And now that you’ve found Brendon…” I began. “I think I will fuck off for once.”

And with that, I walked away; brushing my tears away from my grief stricken eyes, wishing things had been different. Wishing that things could change, that I could maneuver around this and convince her that I loved her more, that I needed her. Hoping that it was all just a horrid, twisted dream that lurked in the back of my mind.

And as I shot up, still on the love seat, I realized it was.

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