FicWad

It was easily the most difficult thing Demyx had ever had to do- give up his precious music in the hopes of salvaging what was left of his hearing. As far as his sanity went, it was almost as bad as the prednisone. But - he reminded himself every time he wanted to break down, turn the stereo on, summon his sitar - it had to be done. If his hearing continued to go downhill, not only would he not be able to hear music anyway, he'd be totally unable to function. He tried to forget the dull, extra-empty feeling in his chest, like a permanent heart attack - or like he was losing his soul too. He pretended not to care when the other members - or at least the other members who weren't scared to go near him after his publicized mental breakdown - treated him like he wasn't exactly all there, or like he couldn't hear anything that was going on around him. Well, he certainly couldn't hear all of it, but he wasn't completely deaf yet. Axel and Roxas, the only ones who'd still go near him and didn't treat him like an idiot, seemed to think he'd suddenly turned to glass or something, possibly with the help of mind-altering substances - which conclusion he resented immensely, but he couldn't find it within himself to blame them. And Vexen, the only one who knew the whole story - well, they didn't call him the Iceman just because of his element.

"It shouldn't hurt," he whispered to himself. "None of this should hurt...I shouldn't be able to feel it...but why can I? Why does it hurt?"

"Are you talking to me, to...the voices in your head?"

Demyx sighed heavily, taking a break from staring out the window to look down at Axel. "You might be happy to know that there aren't any voices in my head for me to talk to, and haven't been for some time."

"I can live...-parently they were bastards anyway. So I'll ass-...talking to yourself there."

"Yeah. I kinda was." Demyx sighed and turned back to the window; Axel was looking at the television screen, not at him, so there wasn't much hope of reading his lips.

Axel snorted. "Well, sorry for eavesdropping."

Demyx would really have preferred not to be there. He didn't have any business in Roxas's room, and he felt stupid hanging around with nothing to do, especially while Roxas himself was out of the room. But they didn't let him excuse himself and go; they always found some reason why he should stay that sounded valid at the time, even though he knew they really wanted to keep an eye on him because they thought he was shooting himself up with bizarre chemicals every time they had their backs turned. Which was insulting, humiliating, and demeaning, but the alternative was being completely alone. So he put up with this well-meaning ill-treatment, just for the sake of a little companionship. It was much easier than giving up music to save the rest of his hearing. Kingdom Hearts, he missed it so much...

"What's wrong?"

Demyx swallowed hard, choking a little on the lump in his throat."Nothing."

"Nothing, my ass. Nothing doesn't make...crying randomly." Demyx didn't have the energy or motivation for an argument. He just rolled off the bed onto the floor and lay there, staring at the ceiling. Axel turned around and glared at him. "What the hell('s the matter) with you anyway? Break your stereo?" Demyx shook his head, but didn't comment further. Axel shrugged and continued setting up the video game before Roxas got back. Demyx ignored him.

Eventually, he realized he was humming to himself.

No...I can't do that...I have to stop...otherwise I'm gonna want to turn my stereo on...get my sitar out...ruin everything again...

"...finally back."

"Not a second too soon! Did you have to go...get it?"

"Xaldin had a spear up...or something. Didn't want...the kitchen." Roxas was suddenly leaning over him, offering him ice cream. "Demyx? You okay?"

Demyx nodded and accepted the ice cream. Maybe the cold would numb the emptiness a little.