Categories > Celebrities > Guns n' Roses > First Date
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What the fuck am I doing here? I shouldn't be here, shouldn't be locked up!
I sigh and run my hands through my hair. They've taken everything off me and put me in some fuck ugly boiler suit. Oh, and I've just been told that I'm on a murder charge as well. I didn't even fire the fucking gun! It went off when it fell. Rape, bodily harm, kidnap, murder. Fuck. How has my life gotten this low? What the fuck have I done to reach this point?
There's a pencil and pad on the small concrete. I pick it up and desperately try to lie on the uncomfortable bed. I need to write things down. I don't know how much time I have left and I'm scared. Seriously. Me. Little Bill Bailey, the quiet guy in the choir.
Of course I'm shit scared. Yeah, I've been in prison before but not for anything big. Petty crimes, drunk in public. Not on murder charges though. A cold sweat breaks out over my body as I think about being strapped into the city's gas chamber. Tears prick my eyes and I begin to sob uncontrollably. I can't believe I'm in this situation. And why? For my own stupid, selfish reasons. If only I'd let Izzy go. If only I'd given up. The world's full of if onlys...
I'm such a fuck up. Such a stupid, stubborn, arrogant fuck up. I can't believe that I've stooped this low to try and get someone back. I can't believe that I've gone back to my old ways of being such a shit to him. I made a promise that I'd be nice and that I wouldn't lay a finger to him. But it seems that Izzy makes me hurt him. It's like he almost enjoys the pain. Or does he? Does he just go along with it to make me happy? Is that why he left me for LA and another man? Man, I'm such a fuck up. I could blame my parents, my upbringing, my mental illness. But I can't. I'm the one that made me into this monster. I'm that one that stuck my claws in and wouldn't let go.
But I couldn't give up on him. Izzy's my everything. Correction. Was my everything. But he picked someone else over me. And he picked him because I treated the only person I loved like shit.
But I had my reasons for treating him like that. Really I did. He told me he loved me over and over, yet I caught him cheating with others. And I did love him. I loved him with my whole heart. I wonder if he ever saw that? I wonder if he ever saw the pain I went through for him? I cried the night I found out he'd been fucking the others. I remember stabbing myself with some shitty little knife, just to try and let out the pain he was causing me. And all I wanted to do was love him again. Hold him in my arms and look into those beautiful dark eyes of his. The eyes that used to hold so many feelings for me. I used to believe that I could see straight into his soul and read his thoughts. But Izzy's such a labyrinth of unspoken emotions that it was impossible to find what I was looking for. I could have wandered through the passages of his mind for years without finding what I wanted.
He told me he loved me and I know that, deep down, he did somewhere. Occasionally it would show itself and he would do the do the odd sweet thing for me. He once left me a trail of rose petals all the way up to his bedroom. When I walked in, the whole place had been decorated. There were candles everywhere and the bed was piled with pillows. He was sitting on the bed, dressed in his best clothes with a bouquet of those roses in his lap. What we did that night went so against everything I've ever been taught. But it was so beautiful, so amazing and seemed so... natural. I'll never forget that night. No matter who long I'm locked up for, that night will be one of my favourite memories. If only I hadn't been so stupid.
Sighing, I brush the hair and tears out of my eyes and put pencil to paper.
Dear Izzy...
~~~~
What the fuck am I doing here? I shouldn't be here, shouldn't be locked up!
I sigh and run my hands through my hair. They've taken everything off me and put me in some fuck ugly boiler suit. Oh, and I've just been told that I'm on a murder charge as well. I didn't even fire the fucking gun! It went off when it fell. Rape, bodily harm, kidnap, murder. Fuck. How has my life gotten this low? What the fuck have I done to reach this point?
There's a pencil and pad on the small concrete. I pick it up and desperately try to lie on the uncomfortable bed. I need to write things down. I don't know how much time I have left and I'm scared. Seriously. Me. Little Bill Bailey, the quiet guy in the choir.
Of course I'm shit scared. Yeah, I've been in prison before but not for anything big. Petty crimes, drunk in public. Not on murder charges though. A cold sweat breaks out over my body as I think about being strapped into the city's gas chamber. Tears prick my eyes and I begin to sob uncontrollably. I can't believe I'm in this situation. And why? For my own stupid, selfish reasons. If only I'd let Izzy go. If only I'd given up. The world's full of if onlys...
I'm such a fuck up. Such a stupid, stubborn, arrogant fuck up. I can't believe that I've stooped this low to try and get someone back. I can't believe that I've gone back to my old ways of being such a shit to him. I made a promise that I'd be nice and that I wouldn't lay a finger to him. But it seems that Izzy makes me hurt him. It's like he almost enjoys the pain. Or does he? Does he just go along with it to make me happy? Is that why he left me for LA and another man? Man, I'm such a fuck up. I could blame my parents, my upbringing, my mental illness. But I can't. I'm the one that made me into this monster. I'm that one that stuck my claws in and wouldn't let go.
But I couldn't give up on him. Izzy's my everything. Correction. Was my everything. But he picked someone else over me. And he picked him because I treated the only person I loved like shit.
But I had my reasons for treating him like that. Really I did. He told me he loved me over and over, yet I caught him cheating with others. And I did love him. I loved him with my whole heart. I wonder if he ever saw that? I wonder if he ever saw the pain I went through for him? I cried the night I found out he'd been fucking the others. I remember stabbing myself with some shitty little knife, just to try and let out the pain he was causing me. And all I wanted to do was love him again. Hold him in my arms and look into those beautiful dark eyes of his. The eyes that used to hold so many feelings for me. I used to believe that I could see straight into his soul and read his thoughts. But Izzy's such a labyrinth of unspoken emotions that it was impossible to find what I was looking for. I could have wandered through the passages of his mind for years without finding what I wanted.
He told me he loved me and I know that, deep down, he did somewhere. Occasionally it would show itself and he would do the do the odd sweet thing for me. He once left me a trail of rose petals all the way up to his bedroom. When I walked in, the whole place had been decorated. There were candles everywhere and the bed was piled with pillows. He was sitting on the bed, dressed in his best clothes with a bouquet of those roses in his lap. What we did that night went so against everything I've ever been taught. But it was so beautiful, so amazing and seemed so... natural. I'll never forget that night. No matter who long I'm locked up for, that night will be one of my favourite memories. If only I hadn't been so stupid.
Sighing, I brush the hair and tears out of my eyes and put pencil to paper.
Dear Izzy...
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