Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Guilt is the worst feeling.
Chapter 16 – The storm
“Fine then. You want the truth? The park is where you were hurt and every time I go near, I see your body by the side of the road, covered in blood and I can’t handle it. What’s more, I’m fed up of you acting like I’m going to kill myself as soon as I’m out of your sight. Everywhere I go, you follow me. I turn around and there you are. I can’t get a minutes peace, without seeing you hovering around me or a vision of you almost dead and I’ve had enough. I just want it to stop. Happy now?” Ryan shouted, finally getting what had been bothering him for so long off his chest. He ran out of the room and upstairs, to hide his tears from a shocked Brendon.
Following him upstairs, Brendon knocked on the door of the bedroom. “Ryan, can I come in?” he asked cautiously and opened the door when no answer came from within. Ryan was sitting cross-legged on the bed, his head in his hands. Brendon could hear muffled sobs coming from his direction. Walking over to the bed, he sat down next to Ryan and hugged him tightly.
“I am so sorry, Ryan. I didn’t know it affected you so bad or I never would have suggested it. And I’m sorry, for… you know, following you but… I was scared. I was scared I’d walk in a room and find you dead and I wanted to be around so I could stop you if you…” he trailed off, looking ashamed.
“Bren, do you know why I did it? It was because I was unhappy. Now I’m not, so I won’t do it again. You just have to trust me.” Ryan said, now he had stopped crying. “I’ll never do it again, while you still love me.”
“And I’ll always love you ‘till I die. Sorry, that was insensitive.” Brendon said, realising, too late.
“It’s okay. I’m sure I’ll get over it in a few years,” Ryan joked, “maybe after some therapy.”
“Come on,” Brendon said, laughing, “We should go on that date I promised. Get changed and you can choose the movie. No chic-flicks, mind. I know that’s what you girlfriends usually choose.” And with that he walked out the room.
“That movie was awesome,” Brendon exclaimed, as he and Ryan walked out the cinema.
“I know,” Ryan agreed, “and when that guy’s head fell off… it was hilarious.”
“You sadist. Do you enjoy pain of something? Oh shit. I've done it again. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. You need to know. I don’t enjoy pain but physical pain helps to get rid of emotional pain, you know, ‘cause my attention is somewhere else. It sort of hides my feelings. Do you understand?”
“I guess… so you hurt yourself so it hurts more and then you don’t notice your mental hurt?” Brendon questioned, still looking puzzled.
“Yeah, I know it sounds weird but it helps. It really does.”
“Okay, just don’t expect me to try it.”
“I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially not you. Can we go home now?”
“Yeah, of course” Brendon said, taking hold of Ryan’s hand, as they both walked down the street.
A/n
I love a happy ending!
Xxx Nica xxX
“Fine then. You want the truth? The park is where you were hurt and every time I go near, I see your body by the side of the road, covered in blood and I can’t handle it. What’s more, I’m fed up of you acting like I’m going to kill myself as soon as I’m out of your sight. Everywhere I go, you follow me. I turn around and there you are. I can’t get a minutes peace, without seeing you hovering around me or a vision of you almost dead and I’ve had enough. I just want it to stop. Happy now?” Ryan shouted, finally getting what had been bothering him for so long off his chest. He ran out of the room and upstairs, to hide his tears from a shocked Brendon.
Following him upstairs, Brendon knocked on the door of the bedroom. “Ryan, can I come in?” he asked cautiously and opened the door when no answer came from within. Ryan was sitting cross-legged on the bed, his head in his hands. Brendon could hear muffled sobs coming from his direction. Walking over to the bed, he sat down next to Ryan and hugged him tightly.
“I am so sorry, Ryan. I didn’t know it affected you so bad or I never would have suggested it. And I’m sorry, for… you know, following you but… I was scared. I was scared I’d walk in a room and find you dead and I wanted to be around so I could stop you if you…” he trailed off, looking ashamed.
“Bren, do you know why I did it? It was because I was unhappy. Now I’m not, so I won’t do it again. You just have to trust me.” Ryan said, now he had stopped crying. “I’ll never do it again, while you still love me.”
“And I’ll always love you ‘till I die. Sorry, that was insensitive.” Brendon said, realising, too late.
“It’s okay. I’m sure I’ll get over it in a few years,” Ryan joked, “maybe after some therapy.”
“Come on,” Brendon said, laughing, “We should go on that date I promised. Get changed and you can choose the movie. No chic-flicks, mind. I know that’s what you girlfriends usually choose.” And with that he walked out the room.
“That movie was awesome,” Brendon exclaimed, as he and Ryan walked out the cinema.
“I know,” Ryan agreed, “and when that guy’s head fell off… it was hilarious.”
“You sadist. Do you enjoy pain of something? Oh shit. I've done it again. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. You need to know. I don’t enjoy pain but physical pain helps to get rid of emotional pain, you know, ‘cause my attention is somewhere else. It sort of hides my feelings. Do you understand?”
“I guess… so you hurt yourself so it hurts more and then you don’t notice your mental hurt?” Brendon questioned, still looking puzzled.
“Yeah, I know it sounds weird but it helps. It really does.”
“Okay, just don’t expect me to try it.”
“I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially not you. Can we go home now?”
“Yeah, of course” Brendon said, taking hold of Ryan’s hand, as they both walked down the street.
A/n
I love a happy ending!
Xxx Nica xxX
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