Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Harry Potter and the New Powers
Reviews
Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) Dragen 2008-05-09
Great chapter mate, I love the letters, oh the asses Granger and Weasley going Harry evil.
So Professors Vector and Sinistra is on Harry's side, and want to talk to him.
And the manipulatve ass Dumbledork, not allow to leave Privet DriveHarry Potter and the New Powers
(#) Cateagle 2008-05-09
Interesting and more interesting, it's clear there's a lot more going on than we've seen, even at Hogwarts. Methinks Dumbles is not going to like what eventuates as his manipulations become evident.Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) ficbob 2008-05-17
The letter from Sirius is a nice touch
A Marauder needs a send-off prank thoughHarry Potter and the New Powers
(#) SomeGuyFawkes 2008-05-22
You've abused the word "Suddenly". This is lazy and should have been beaten out of you by your fifth-grade english teacher. Avoid trite words and phrases and your writing will be much better.
Other than that, and one or two typos, the grammar is good.
The story has nothing new, so far, but is a good enough example of its genre.
That is, until the very last paragraph. The last paragraph makes Harry out to be brainless and even less mature than he was as an eleven year old!
This story is not bad but has room for improvement.
Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) SomeGuyFawkes 2008-05-22
Looks like most of your ratings show as "Trainwreck" while the few reviews are mostly positive.
This story has flaws, oh yes, but it is hardly a trainwreck.
It's almost like you were being sniped by a pack of dorky splosers™. Did you offend some-such, like at DLP?Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) Geovanni_Luciano 2008-05-25
I had to mark this chapter as cliche. It has been done before in other stories and this chapter came to be a bit of a cliche. Sorry. Not that I don't like the story so far, again on the short side, but this has just been done and done and done.Harry Potter and the New Powers
(#) juanjoseso 2008-09-28
I hope that old fool dies and harry's friends sufferHarry Potter and the New Powers
(#) atom-of-ice 2009-05-12
Well, I guess I get to be the asshole.
Reading this was like a cliche trainwreck in the sense that it was so full of overused plot holes that I couldn't pull myself away until chapter 5. Any one of these (heir of merlin, heir of the founders, ultra rich, uber-nice goblins, ultra powerful) can be done well; but when you throw them all together at once there's really only one way the story can go. Any problems you put Harry in just aren't because there is nothing big enough at that point to challenge him. You can whip out a convenient solution to any plot twist from any number of holes and just blame it on the setup you did in the first three chapters with barely a sentence to explain it. If there aren't any real problems then it just becomes a mad lib (pick three romantic interests for Harry, pick four magic sounding verbs, pick five characters to rip to shreds, etc. ...fill in the blanks as indicated). I think you could do much better if you picked one of these that really struck your fancy and stuck to it or if you can't live without them perhaps rewrite complications into Harry claiming his positions.
I think you're falling into an easy trap with fanfiction (all writing really but especially easy for us who play in the Harry Potter fandom) you've decided that Harry gets kicked around enough by JKR and you treat him with kid gloves. It makes for a wonderful fairytale ending that ends up rotting your teeth it's so sweet but Harry shines because he is Fate's litter box and Destiny's whipping boy. You can do anything to him and reasonably expect him to come back even more badass than ever so don't be afraid to write out some mistakes for Harry to learn from.
Take that as you will I suppose but as much as I'm a total sucker for happy endings I feel like Harry should at least pay lip service to earning them.
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