(#) HarryGinnyTonks 2008-05-14interesting. The HarryFleur interaction was a bit too sappy, fairy-tale for me.
1 - try to avoid in-chapter author notes. They really break up the rhythm of the story.
2 - I noticed a bit too many exclamation marks. From what I have seen, they really shouldn't be used other than to emphasize dialogue (i.e, "Get away from her!") Exclamation marks in battle description tend to make me feel as if it is less mature writing. Periods do their job well; trust them.
Good chapter, try to lengthen them, as I enjoy longer chapters where I can really sit down and enjoy it.
Waiting for the next chapter, good luck writing!
- i think you've found your literary mojo! good action and good chapter length. i liked your fic from the beginning but i can already see big improvements in your plot development and writing style. keep up the good work. im looking forward to the next update!
(#) Geovanni_Luciano 2008-05-25I liked it. Good action scene. AGAIN I will complain about the length so please make a note of my complaint. That said, I also think that you might want to expound upon Harry's training with Merlin. You came up with some good stuff, but you didn't really go into too much detail as to his training.
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