(#) SomeGuyFawkes 2008-05-22Meh. Sappy but not terrible.
Has more than it's share of typos and that fourth-wall-breaking stuff should be avoided.
You should also spend 20 seconds with Google rather than bollixing up simple details or breaking the fourth wall.
(#) alchemist1806 2008-05-22Try not to leave author's notes in the middle of the story, give them out at the end...makes the work look better. Also rereading your work before posting it allows you to remove silly mistakes in spelling and grammar.
As for the rest, mushy stuff. Its not my cup of tea but whatever suits you fine...
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