Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I Used To Waste My Time Dreaming Of Being Alive, Now I Only Waste It Dreaming Of You
In Patrick's Point Of View
I sat at the edge of my bed in the dark shivering at the icy cold air seeping out of the vents. My face stings at the tears roll down my face. It's 4 AM, and she's still not home. I've been waiting for about 5 hours. Ever since she snuck out of bed. She didn't think she woke me up but she did. I felt like crying when she slipped off her night shirt and put on her silky black dress. I bought that for her the day Fall Out Boy went to their first big performance back in the Take This To Your Grave Years. She looked flawless in it. The way her delicate curves filled up the dress and her bouncy blonde hair gently touched her shoulders. She found her heels under the bed and sat on the edge quickly putting them on. Where is she going? About three minutes later I saw her come out of the bathroom with her makeup fixed. I started to cry a bit. She's going out I suppose. She quickly looked in the bedroom. Shit did she hear me? She stood in the doorway. Her face looked worried. I kept my eyes shut and layed completly still. I really don't want another fight with her. Fights just mean awkward silences and words that peirce through my heart like a rusty knife. I heared her heels clicking against the floor. She's walking over I suppose. I peeked my eyes open just a bit to see her standing over me. She looked and smelled beautiful. Her purfume is new, I just bought it for her last week. She smiled and etxtended her soft hands to my face and grazed my sideburns smoothly. A signal of affection?
"Shit I hate these things." She said in a hushed tone.
"Patrick, when are you gonna loose some weight and shave these damn things off?" She asked in a hushed tone thinking I was asleep. Those words broke my heart.
"I'm going out, don't wait up..." She chuckled
"Babe..."
With that she walked out of our room. when I heared the door shut I bursted out in tears. How could she do this to me? I thought she... no.... I know she doesen't Love me... she never did. It's the other way around. I'd do anything for her, and she'll take everything from me. And here I am... waiting up for her. I held on to my feet and cried at my girlfriend, out doing god knows what, with I could care less. Slut I fucking swear. When she comes back, it's over. I swear it's over. I can't take this shit anymore. She's breaking me slowly. It's better I break this off before I slip into depression... well, more than I already am. My attention shifted to the front door nob moving slightly. "Shit." I said quickly burying myself in the blankets to pretend I was sleeping. I peeked over my blankets to see her with her tounge down some guys throat. He was slipping off her dress as she grabbed his ass. No, no, no. Not in our apartment... our home. I bit my lip again as I shushed my sobs.
"Fuck... Adam..." He moaned. Ugh. It made me sick to my stomach.
"Stop... stop it, you're gonna wake Patrick." She said pushing him away.
"What the fuck? You're still with that fat ass?" He asked.
"Yeah." She said sounding dissapointed. I shut my eyes while my heart filled with both anger and extreme sadness.
"Okay, I guess i'll see you tomorrow then?" He asked.
"Yeah. Get the fuck out of here."
She said pulling him into a kiss. He left and she went to the bathroom to take off her dress and makeup. I cried some more. How could she do this to me? She's OH FUCKING SLUT! I swear it's fucking over. Over and done. This has happened to fucking much. She came out of the bathroom and slipped into bed besides me.
"Shit what a night."
She mumbled. Fuck. I need to wipe my face. I slowly brought my hands to my face and wiped away my tears. She spun around to face me. I widened my eyes and looked straight into hers. Filled with dishonesty and deception.
"Aw baby. Did I wake you?" She asked. I sniffed and shook my head.
"Dreams again?" She asked. I nodded. She smiled gently and cupped my face with her flawless hands. She began to stroke my sideburns. I saw a smile form across her face.
"I love these things, Patrick." She said licking my left sideburn. I frowned at her lie. She slowly brought her soft lips to mine. She smiled against my lips as she whispered.
"I Love You Patrick." I sighed.
"Yeah..." I repiled sadly. How can she lie to my face like that? She started to bite my neck.
"Alex, stop." I said weakly.
"Mhm? Why? Is my little Patty Pat too tired to play?" She asked.
"Don't call me Pat. I fucking hate it." I said.
"Whats wrong, Patrick?" She asked kissing me again. Ugh her taste. I can't stand it. I pulled away.
"Lets just get some sleep Alex." I said turning over.
"Oh no, you're not getting off that Easy, Stump." She said straddling me. I looked up at her in pure terror.
"Shit Alex. Get the fuck off." I said trying to sound strong. She instead started attacking my chest with sour kisses. Nothing is ever beautiful when she's like this.
"Alex... off." I said. No way in hell i'm making love to her... or in this case getting raped by her right when she gets back from a date. She's just thinking about that guy. I'm not her sex play thing for her to fuck whenever she pleases. She smiled and bit my neck.
"ALEX!" I said moving from underneath her.
"Fine. Sleep alone Patrick. Denying Me? Bad move Punk Boy." She said grabbing her stuff and heading to the living room. Great. Another night alone.
My eyes shot open to the horrific sound of my alarm clock in the not so early hour of 6:00 AM tearing me from my horrible memories. In Patrick time 6:00 AM is really 8:00 AM. Yeah, setting my clocks early started out as a joke from Pete saying thats the only way i'll get anywhere on time. In reality I'm actually pretty good about being on time. It's just early mornings I don't get along with.
My entire body shook as chills made their way down my body. Shit it's cold in here. I said gripping my blankets closer. I sighed as my atempt to stay warm failed. My bed is always so cold in the middle of the night. I remember when I was with Alex... my bed was never cold. The hallways never creaked when I walk down them...i'd never come home from a show alone. "
Fucking Shit." I say outloud at myself.
"Thats said and done... overwith... she just hurt me... I don't need her."
I mumbled. I decided laying in this big bed alone wont help me feel any better. So I got up and walked to the bathroom. After I was done with all of my morning activities I washed my hands and looked into the mirror. I looked horrible, but when don't I look horrible? I sighed and sat down on the cold tile trying not to feel sorry for myself.
"You're... you're too good for her." I said hoping i'd believe myself for once, no such luck. I got up and walked to the kitchen to make some coffee. Maybe that'll make me feel better. I boiled the water and sat on the stool turning on the tv. Probably the only thing I will ever be able to turn on. I changed it to fuse to see if anything worth watching came on. An interview show came on. The Sauce I'm guessing?
"I'm sitting here with Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump Of Fall Out Boy who are here to talk about headlining the Honda Civic Tour."
The lady announcer said. I sighed. I remember this interview. She kept asking us questions... but not really us... she was asking Pete. But I can't really blame her... it's my fault for not speaking up. My fault. This is all my fault. I turned off the tv and walked over to fix my coffee. Once that was done with I headed outside forgetting that I was still without pants.
"Fuck it's cold." I said retreating back inside my apartment. It's not much better in here either. I got dressed and tried to think happy thoughts. I mean... I should be happy... I'm the lead singer of a sucessful band... I'm going on tour with my best friends... we get paid... I see fans... yeah. Happiness and joy will soon come over me...
I hope.
Great. All done here. I jumped in my car and drove off to the airport that we would be riding on our way to the first tour date in colorado. Originally the tour was supposed to start a few weeks ago. But we were all feeling too shitty to go on. By we... I mean Me. I was a wreck. My lawyers says not to talk about it. I don't blame him. Although we're not playing right away, our agent wants us in the area. I was told some gaurd would escourt us. I don't see why. I mean... we can just wear our sunglasses. I finally got to the airport and met up with the gaurd. His name was Alex. Perfect. We just sat there. I'm glad. But eventually the silence got errie. Twenty minutes soon turned to forty.
"Where the hell are the guys?" I mumbled. I took out my phone and called Pete. The phone just ringed.
"Fucker." I mumbled. Why does he always pull this shit? I tried calling Andy. He didn't answer either. Joe was my last resort. He answered grogilly.
Joe: Mmhm?
Patrick: Where the hell are you guys?! The plane is about to take off!
Joe: For?
Patrick: A little thing I like to call TOUR!
Joe: I know...what time is it now?
Patrick: Noon.
Joe: SHIT!
Patrick: I know! Get your asses over here!
Joe: Oh shit. We're coming.
I hung up. They were still asleep. I can't believe that shit. After about a half hour of waiting, they finally showed up. Then after ten minutes of them saying bye to their girlfriends we finally got on the plane.
"You alright Trick?" Pete asked sitting next to me. "Yeah. I'm fine." I mumbled back. "You sure?" He asked again.
"Positive."
"This is gonna be awesome. Honda Civic Tour!" Joe said sitting down. Pete smirked at Joe.
"Me and My comrads have kidnapped him... I don't have any list of demands yet of any versions! NOW!" Pete said rolling up some paper for the 'microphone'
"Look At His Delicious Stomach." Joe said running my stomach. I tried to get him to stop.
"SPEAK INTO THE MICROPHONE!" Pete said loudly. People started to stare.
"... Look at his delicious stomach..."
Joe said into the 'microphone' I laughed.
"No fair you guys." I said trying to hold back my growing smile. Thy both laughed. I guess this tour isn't gonna be too bad.
If only I didn't feel like complete shit.
I sat at the edge of my bed in the dark shivering at the icy cold air seeping out of the vents. My face stings at the tears roll down my face. It's 4 AM, and she's still not home. I've been waiting for about 5 hours. Ever since she snuck out of bed. She didn't think she woke me up but she did. I felt like crying when she slipped off her night shirt and put on her silky black dress. I bought that for her the day Fall Out Boy went to their first big performance back in the Take This To Your Grave Years. She looked flawless in it. The way her delicate curves filled up the dress and her bouncy blonde hair gently touched her shoulders. She found her heels under the bed and sat on the edge quickly putting them on. Where is she going? About three minutes later I saw her come out of the bathroom with her makeup fixed. I started to cry a bit. She's going out I suppose. She quickly looked in the bedroom. Shit did she hear me? She stood in the doorway. Her face looked worried. I kept my eyes shut and layed completly still. I really don't want another fight with her. Fights just mean awkward silences and words that peirce through my heart like a rusty knife. I heared her heels clicking against the floor. She's walking over I suppose. I peeked my eyes open just a bit to see her standing over me. She looked and smelled beautiful. Her purfume is new, I just bought it for her last week. She smiled and etxtended her soft hands to my face and grazed my sideburns smoothly. A signal of affection?
"Shit I hate these things." She said in a hushed tone.
"Patrick, when are you gonna loose some weight and shave these damn things off?" She asked in a hushed tone thinking I was asleep. Those words broke my heart.
"I'm going out, don't wait up..." She chuckled
"Babe..."
With that she walked out of our room. when I heared the door shut I bursted out in tears. How could she do this to me? I thought she... no.... I know she doesen't Love me... she never did. It's the other way around. I'd do anything for her, and she'll take everything from me. And here I am... waiting up for her. I held on to my feet and cried at my girlfriend, out doing god knows what, with I could care less. Slut I fucking swear. When she comes back, it's over. I swear it's over. I can't take this shit anymore. She's breaking me slowly. It's better I break this off before I slip into depression... well, more than I already am. My attention shifted to the front door nob moving slightly. "Shit." I said quickly burying myself in the blankets to pretend I was sleeping. I peeked over my blankets to see her with her tounge down some guys throat. He was slipping off her dress as she grabbed his ass. No, no, no. Not in our apartment... our home. I bit my lip again as I shushed my sobs.
"Fuck... Adam..." He moaned. Ugh. It made me sick to my stomach.
"Stop... stop it, you're gonna wake Patrick." She said pushing him away.
"What the fuck? You're still with that fat ass?" He asked.
"Yeah." She said sounding dissapointed. I shut my eyes while my heart filled with both anger and extreme sadness.
"Okay, I guess i'll see you tomorrow then?" He asked.
"Yeah. Get the fuck out of here."
She said pulling him into a kiss. He left and she went to the bathroom to take off her dress and makeup. I cried some more. How could she do this to me? She's OH FUCKING SLUT! I swear it's fucking over. Over and done. This has happened to fucking much. She came out of the bathroom and slipped into bed besides me.
"Shit what a night."
She mumbled. Fuck. I need to wipe my face. I slowly brought my hands to my face and wiped away my tears. She spun around to face me. I widened my eyes and looked straight into hers. Filled with dishonesty and deception.
"Aw baby. Did I wake you?" She asked. I sniffed and shook my head.
"Dreams again?" She asked. I nodded. She smiled gently and cupped my face with her flawless hands. She began to stroke my sideburns. I saw a smile form across her face.
"I love these things, Patrick." She said licking my left sideburn. I frowned at her lie. She slowly brought her soft lips to mine. She smiled against my lips as she whispered.
"I Love You Patrick." I sighed.
"Yeah..." I repiled sadly. How can she lie to my face like that? She started to bite my neck.
"Alex, stop." I said weakly.
"Mhm? Why? Is my little Patty Pat too tired to play?" She asked.
"Don't call me Pat. I fucking hate it." I said.
"Whats wrong, Patrick?" She asked kissing me again. Ugh her taste. I can't stand it. I pulled away.
"Lets just get some sleep Alex." I said turning over.
"Oh no, you're not getting off that Easy, Stump." She said straddling me. I looked up at her in pure terror.
"Shit Alex. Get the fuck off." I said trying to sound strong. She instead started attacking my chest with sour kisses. Nothing is ever beautiful when she's like this.
"Alex... off." I said. No way in hell i'm making love to her... or in this case getting raped by her right when she gets back from a date. She's just thinking about that guy. I'm not her sex play thing for her to fuck whenever she pleases. She smiled and bit my neck.
"ALEX!" I said moving from underneath her.
"Fine. Sleep alone Patrick. Denying Me? Bad move Punk Boy." She said grabbing her stuff and heading to the living room. Great. Another night alone.
My eyes shot open to the horrific sound of my alarm clock in the not so early hour of 6:00 AM tearing me from my horrible memories. In Patrick time 6:00 AM is really 8:00 AM. Yeah, setting my clocks early started out as a joke from Pete saying thats the only way i'll get anywhere on time. In reality I'm actually pretty good about being on time. It's just early mornings I don't get along with.
My entire body shook as chills made their way down my body. Shit it's cold in here. I said gripping my blankets closer. I sighed as my atempt to stay warm failed. My bed is always so cold in the middle of the night. I remember when I was with Alex... my bed was never cold. The hallways never creaked when I walk down them...i'd never come home from a show alone. "
Fucking Shit." I say outloud at myself.
"Thats said and done... overwith... she just hurt me... I don't need her."
I mumbled. I decided laying in this big bed alone wont help me feel any better. So I got up and walked to the bathroom. After I was done with all of my morning activities I washed my hands and looked into the mirror. I looked horrible, but when don't I look horrible? I sighed and sat down on the cold tile trying not to feel sorry for myself.
"You're... you're too good for her." I said hoping i'd believe myself for once, no such luck. I got up and walked to the kitchen to make some coffee. Maybe that'll make me feel better. I boiled the water and sat on the stool turning on the tv. Probably the only thing I will ever be able to turn on. I changed it to fuse to see if anything worth watching came on. An interview show came on. The Sauce I'm guessing?
"I'm sitting here with Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump Of Fall Out Boy who are here to talk about headlining the Honda Civic Tour."
The lady announcer said. I sighed. I remember this interview. She kept asking us questions... but not really us... she was asking Pete. But I can't really blame her... it's my fault for not speaking up. My fault. This is all my fault. I turned off the tv and walked over to fix my coffee. Once that was done with I headed outside forgetting that I was still without pants.
"Fuck it's cold." I said retreating back inside my apartment. It's not much better in here either. I got dressed and tried to think happy thoughts. I mean... I should be happy... I'm the lead singer of a sucessful band... I'm going on tour with my best friends... we get paid... I see fans... yeah. Happiness and joy will soon come over me...
I hope.
Great. All done here. I jumped in my car and drove off to the airport that we would be riding on our way to the first tour date in colorado. Originally the tour was supposed to start a few weeks ago. But we were all feeling too shitty to go on. By we... I mean Me. I was a wreck. My lawyers says not to talk about it. I don't blame him. Although we're not playing right away, our agent wants us in the area. I was told some gaurd would escourt us. I don't see why. I mean... we can just wear our sunglasses. I finally got to the airport and met up with the gaurd. His name was Alex. Perfect. We just sat there. I'm glad. But eventually the silence got errie. Twenty minutes soon turned to forty.
"Where the hell are the guys?" I mumbled. I took out my phone and called Pete. The phone just ringed.
"Fucker." I mumbled. Why does he always pull this shit? I tried calling Andy. He didn't answer either. Joe was my last resort. He answered grogilly.
Joe: Mmhm?
Patrick: Where the hell are you guys?! The plane is about to take off!
Joe: For?
Patrick: A little thing I like to call TOUR!
Joe: I know...what time is it now?
Patrick: Noon.
Joe: SHIT!
Patrick: I know! Get your asses over here!
Joe: Oh shit. We're coming.
I hung up. They were still asleep. I can't believe that shit. After about a half hour of waiting, they finally showed up. Then after ten minutes of them saying bye to their girlfriends we finally got on the plane.
"You alright Trick?" Pete asked sitting next to me. "Yeah. I'm fine." I mumbled back. "You sure?" He asked again.
"Positive."
"This is gonna be awesome. Honda Civic Tour!" Joe said sitting down. Pete smirked at Joe.
"Me and My comrads have kidnapped him... I don't have any list of demands yet of any versions! NOW!" Pete said rolling up some paper for the 'microphone'
"Look At His Delicious Stomach." Joe said running my stomach. I tried to get him to stop.
"SPEAK INTO THE MICROPHONE!" Pete said loudly. People started to stare.
"... Look at his delicious stomach..."
Joe said into the 'microphone' I laughed.
"No fair you guys." I said trying to hold back my growing smile. Thy both laughed. I guess this tour isn't gonna be too bad.
If only I didn't feel like complete shit.
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