FicWad

Chapter Two

Regrets: I have too many to mention, but not enough to give a damn.

I woke with a dry throat and throbbing head. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as I sat up in the bed. I looked around and thoughts of last night came back to me.

“Shit,” I gasped looking around. Maddie was nowhere in the room. I climbed out of the bed and grabbed my clothes off of the floor. What had I done? I had been stupid. Now I just needed to get out.

Once I was dressed I opened the door from the bedroom and went into the hallway leading to the kitchen. As I got towards the kitchen I realized I was holding my breath and let it out in a big huff.

“Patrick?”

Shit! I looked over towards the couch were Maddie was sitting with a cigarette place firmly in her mouth. “Hey,” I stuttered not really finding words to say.

“I’m glad you’re up,” she said grabbing her chucks which were sitting by the couch. “I have to go to work,” she continued pulling her shoes on and tying them.

“Oh, ok,” I said heading to grab my own shoes. “I’ll go.”

“No,” she said getting up off the couch to cut me off. “It’s okay, you don’t have to.” I didn’t know what to say now. I couldn’t tell her that I was trying to find the quickest exit out. “You can stay as long as you like,” she said grabbing her coat and purse.

“Um…ok,” I choked out.

She walked up to me and her mouth opened like she was going to add something but she soon closed it. She forced a smile that didn’t suit her and gave me a hug. I caught one last scent of cigarettes and oranges before she left out the door.


“Patrick!”

I snapped my head up at Pete to my left on the stage who was yelling at me. We were supposed to be doing sound check for the show we were playing tonight. “What?” I asked pulling at the strap on my guitar.

“Are you going to be playing today or not,” he asked.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. It had been two months since I had been with Maddie. After she had left, I left too. I didn’t even leave a note or anything. I had ran and I had felt like shit ever since.

“Patrick!” Pete yelled again. I looked over at him this time without any words. “What’s wrong with you man?”

“I’m fine,” I said rolling my eyes away. I always did that when I lied.

“Pete, maybe we should just take a break,” Joe offered from my other side.

Pete for a second looked like he was going to object but he just pulled off his bass and jumped off the stage. Great! Now my best friend was pissed at me because I was thinking about my stupid problems. I looked over at Joe who just shrugged and pulled off his guitar and followed Pete.

“It’s alright Patrick,” Andy said as he came behind me. “I think Pete’s just stressed about the new record and everything.

I forced a smile at Andy and he left also. Then I was left on the stage by myself. I had never felt so alone.


“C’mon Trick,” Joe said. I grabbed my guitar from its stand and walked on stage with the rest of the guys. As I heard the roar of the crowd I suddenly felt like myself again. No problems just the music.

Playing in Fall Out Boy is the highest high I could ever have. It’s what I love to do and on nights like this I am reminded of it.

“Thanks guys,” Pete gasped into the microphone. “This is going to be our last song…I know, I know don’t cry.” I smiled at Pete. He was a good friend. The icy cold sweat dripped into my eyes and I brushed it away. I loved this! Why was I letting anything get in the way? “This one is called Saturday,” he finished with.

I went up to the microphone anticipating starting my vocals. I scanned the crowd looking at the anxious faces of the kids waiting to start blaring the words with me. I took a breath to begin to sing when I saw those crystal eyes staring at me.

It was Maddie.

She was there in the crowd. Her long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail as streaks of various colors showed. I caught my breath and the song started without a word coming out of my mouth. It didn’t matter that much because the words were clear from the crowd.

“Patrick,” Pete hissed.

I turned to see him incredible close to me, a confused look on his face. “I’m good to go,” I sang quickly turning to the microphone.

Through the whole song I couldn’t concentrate. I flubbed words and missed chords. The crowd didn’t seem to mind, they were too into it, but I could tell Pete wasn’t too happy. Most of the time I tried to avoid the stare of her eyes, but I knew it was there. I was happy when the song ended and I scurried off stage.

“Patrick, what the fuck?” Pete said following me. I knew it was coming, but somehow it still hurt.

“Patrick, what’s wrong with you?” Joe said coming up behind Pete. I turned to look at them. I had expected Pete to be mad, but Joe too.

“Sorry,” I said shrugging my shoulders.

“Whatever,” Pete said brushing past me.

“Look,” Joe said staring at me. “Whatever’s wrong with you, you need to sort it out, and quick,” he added moving past me too. Andy came behind them, looked at me, shrugged, and followed.

I pushed my hair out of my eyes with my hand and sighed. I knew what was bothering me, and it stood out in the crowd tonight. I knew what I had to do.


I walked through the crowd stopping occasionally when a fan asked for an autograph or picture. I needed to find her.

I was getting frustrated. I even was pushing fans away just so I could see better over the crowd. I sighed realizing she had probably left and turned to go backstage to rest. I turned around and saw the icy blue eyes staring at me.

“Hey Patrick,” she said.

“Maddie,” I gasped. I had found her, but what was I going to say.

“Can we talk?” She asked brushing some stray hairs from her face.

“Uh, yeah,” I said. I lead her backstage where I found a vacant room. I walked in and she followed. Once she was in, I shut the door and turned to face her. She hadn’t changed. Had I expected her too? She still smelled like oranges, but to my astonishment the smoke stench was gone. Maybe she had quit.

“Patrick,” she said cautiously.

I realized I had been standing there staring at her. “Sorry,” I said. I seemed to be apologizing a lot lately. “You look good,” I stuttered knowing it wasn’t what I wanted to say.

“Thanks,” she said going over to a table in the corner that had band shirts on it.

I followed her over to the table where she was playing with a Fall Out Boy shirt. “Maddie, I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I mean…,” I said getting louder. “I should’ve called or something.” I felt so stupid. I was bumbling.

“It’s okay, Patrick,” she said looked up at me. Will she ever know how her eye’s sting me.

“You know you can have a shirt if you want,” I said looking down at the table again. I was offering her a shirt because I wanted forgiveness. I was low.

“Thanks,” she said picking up one. I looked down at her hands. They looked frail and discolored. Now that I was seeing her close I realized she seemed a lot different. She appeared fragile and weak. She wasn’t the strong, mysterious girl I met in the club. “Patrick, I came to see you tonight because I have something to tell you,” she said walking away from me and towards the door.

Oh no! “What is it?” I asked walking towards her again. Her back was turned to me and I could see her clinging to the shirt in her hands, twisting it like something good would squeeze out of it.

She spun around towards me so we were eye to eye. “I’m pregnant.”