Categories > Anime/Manga > Inuyasha > A Sad Lack of Consonants

Kagome the Fabulous Human Chewdoll

by cellar-door 0 reviews

In which Sesshoumaru is slightly vicious.

Category: Inuyasha - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Parody, Romance - Characters: Kagome, Sesshoumaru - Published: 2006-02-17 - Updated: 2006-02-18 - 1315 words

I feel like the humor level dropped this chapter, but never fear! I feel that the next chapter makes up for it. Heheheh.

Kagome awoke slowly, the remaining afternoon light filtering in softly through the heavily curtained windows. 'Where am I? I remember seeing Inuyasha kissing Kikyou. That stupid hanyou went and putting his mouth where it doesn't belong... god. He needs to have his head examined for necrophilia.'

She had gone running through the forest for a good cry-after all, it's common knowledge that if you want a good cry, you should go running through a forest-and then she had run into Sesshoumaru. He had embraced her before knocking her unconscious. Yeah.

Something about this situation seemed very, very wrong.

'Wait. Sesshoumaru embraced me... then I was unconscious... now I'm in a fancy room in a strange castle...golden eyes staring at me from the corner of the room...I'm surrounded by mahogany drawers, yes, very nice, the silk sheets are a nice touch too-Wait. Golden eyes?'


The scream echoed through the castle. Resident demons merely shook their heads and continued about their daily business upon hearing the noise, assuming that a new maid had probably just stumbled across Jaken for the first time. It wasn't an uncommon reaction.

Inside Sesshoumaru's room, Kagome sat up ramrod straight in the large bed, panting. She could have sworn that she had just seen a demon with golden eyes observing her calmly from a far corner of the room.

'Which technically means that it was Sesshoumaru... if 'it' wasn't a hallucination or some sort of disease received by watching too much interaction between the undead and the not-dead-at-all. Good science fair project, that.'

Scanning the room now, however, all Kagome could see was expensive furniture and the occasional lonely rug.

"Looking for someone, Ka-go-me?" someone whispered softly into her ear from behind, one hand coming forth to lightly stroke her neck.


Kagome whipped around so quickly in response to the question that she lost all sort of balance, and ended up face-faulting into the soft plush of the mattress. A deep chuckle sounded from behind her.

'Oh, crap. It's Sesshoumaru. It's Sesshoumaru. It's Sesshoumaru. And to top that off, the man-er, demon-is chuckling! It's a chuckle of doom! Of death! Of despair! Sesshoumaru doesn't chuckle unless he's about to kill someone, like Inuyasha. Oh, crap. He's going to kill me? Is the last noise I hear going to be a chuckle? Because that would really suck.'

Two large hands came to rest upon her forearms, pushing her back into an upright position. Kagome found herself staring at the face of Sesshoumaru, who was sitting neatly on the other side of the bed. Despite the seriousness of the serious of the situation, she decided to take a couple of minutes to admire his masculine beauty. What else was she supposed to do? Something useful? Hah! As if.

Those aristocratic stripes-the long, flowing silver hair-the crescent moon on the forehead-the cold, hard line of his jaw-the smooth skin-it all contrived to make him look like a god from one of her school's Greek Mythology textbooks.

None of which she'd actually read. But whatever-it made such a good simile.

Oh, and his piercing amber gaze, which was currently focused entirely on her.


Couldn't he pierce something else in the room with his amber gaze? Like, for example, the mahogany drawer to her left? Kagome was almost positive that it wouldn't mind a bit. Inanimate objects tended to be complacent that way.

Seconds ticked by, in which Kagome decided that she was going to have to have to be the one to initiate a conversation. Sesshoumaru didn't seem very big on verbal communication. He didn't seem very big on any type of communication, for that matter.

Desperately trying to appear like she wasn't officially wierded out, she queried, "Sesshoumaru-sama? Why am I here? Where is 'here'? Am I in your castle? A mansion? Kansas?"

When no response seemed forthcoming, Kagome decided for a more forceful approach.

"WHY... DID... YOU... KIDNAP ME?" she yelled, leaning forward to grasp at his outer robe. Arguably, it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but after all, Kagome wasn't a very smart girl. (A/N: Jk, Im in goemetry, and its rlly hard, but I still thnk I'm smart than Kagome, has you seen how long she spends on her hw? It's rlly stupid, anyways, back 2 the story)

Sesshoumaru's eyes darkened, and within seconds Kagome found herself laying flat on her back with his hands gripping her neck.

"You will not speak to me in such a manner, wench. You should be grateful that I, Sesshoumaru-sama, have not taken your pitiful human life already."

"I am not a subject of yours! I can speak to you whatever way I want, Sesshoumaru-sama," Kagome hissed back, her eyes widening when his grip around her neck tightened in response to her outburst.

"Not if you want to retain your pathetic mortal life."

"Then why did you save me in the woods? Why didn't you just kill me then?" she asked once more, her voice raspy from his suffocating hold. Sesshoumaru seemed to belatedly realize the effect his hold was having on her, and he calmly pulled his hands away from her neck.

Kagome gasped for air. She would have continued with her tirade, but realized that it was about time for Sesshoumaru to make an extremely possessive speech absolutely guaranteed to make any fan-girl swoon.

In the background, violas are strummed tempestuously. Basses are plucked. The anticipation rises.

Sesshoumaru obviously knew what was expected of him as well, for he leaned forward, his eyes glinting dangerously, and whispered softly, "I saved you in the woods because you are mine. You are mine to do with as I please. Mine to touch, mine to hurt, mine to please, mine to kill, mine to glomp..."

He leaned forward even closer, his fangs beginning to graze the curve of her collarbone, and continued, "You mortals seem to think that actions speak louder than words, so I will demonstrate for you exactly what it is I speak about."

This time, his fangs pierced her skin sharply.

Kagome drew back with a cry, but he quickly reached forward and wrapped his arms around her, holding her still in a controlling embrace.

He began to lap at the wound with his tongue softly, trying to sooth Kagome's soft whimpers. What he didn't realize is that they stemmed not from pain, but that the shock that he actually BIT her. What was she, a human chew doll?

She understood that yes, he was a dog demon, and therefore had some dog-like "urges", but that didn't give him an excuse to BIT her!

Come on. Kagome had been taught in school that she was descended from apes. At first this was really offensive, because she thought the teachers thought this true of only her in particular, but then she realized that it applied to everybody else in her school, and consequently the world. So that was ok.

But she didn't go around swinging around from trees and pounding her chest!

...Actually, that sounded pretty fun.

Meanwhile, Sesshie stopped only briefly to whisper to her, "My future mate..."

Hooray, Hoorah. I finished this chapter. In case it wasn't immediately apparent, the A/N in the middle of the story was not at all serious...

I was slightly scared of having someone think that it was an actual A/N of mine.

I'm trying desperately to keep this on an absolutely silly level, but I'm afraid I'm failing. I need to go find and read some really bad Kag/Sess fics, and soon. My worst nightmare would to be to look back and suddenly discover that instead of being a parody of bad Kag/Sess fics, it has become an AUTHENTICLY BAD Kag/Sess fic. (shudder.)
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