Categories > Celebrities > Good Charlotte > Look Inside Me 2
Ch. 7
Memories
Benji lay on his bed in the hotel crying, hard, nothing could make him stop, not even Joel. He cried thinking about Billy, hoping that it was truly all a dream, a sick dream. Something that would make everything just go back to normal.
Hilary stood outside the door with the band looking at the door hugging herself, “He blames himself for Billy’s death…” she looked back at Joel
Joel put his hand over his face trying to fight tears, “Billy was my best friend, and Benji blames himself… it’s not his fault… its that fucking father of ours.” He shook his head, “I should’ve stopped it a long time ago…”
Hilary reached out and placed her hand to his shoulder, “Joel… no one knew, how could a little boy who did, stop anything. You know as well as I that no one would listen and think you were bluffing.”
Chris looked at them, “I don’t believe Billy to be gone!” He said, angered by everything, everyone beating themselves up, “Don’t give up… the police haven’t found his body.” He looked down hugging himself, “There is no proof he is dead. Maybe when Benji’s father took off after him Billy, still alive, ran off…” He looked at them
Hilary looked at Chris then looked back at the door, “If only Chris…”
Joel walked up to the door and place his hands on the door lightly tears rolling down his face, “Benj?” He said softly though the door
Benji looked at the door hugging the pillow tightly
Joel put his forehead to the door, “We are not going to continue the tour… Maybe… we can go home? Leave here?” His voice crackled as he tried to stop his crying to speak clearly
Benji shook his head and put his face back in the pillow sighing deeply, he cried lightly now, but still felt horrible inside
Paul looked at Chris then looked at the door, he walked up to Chris and whispered something looking down
Chris nodded and he looked up at Hilary, “We will go… get Billy’s things… ok?” He said sighing deeply also
Hilary looked at him and nodded, not saying a word as she glanced back to the door
Chris walked off with Paul
Joel closed his eyes tightly, “Benji, don’t blame yourself, you couldn’t do anything. You ran, you tried to keep him behind you, nothing you could do Benji, nothing no one could do. Billy is in a better place bro…”
Benji sat up to his knees and glared back at the door, “But I didn’t! I couldn’t save him! And bad enough he died blaming me for something that I turned my back to him on! He died hating me!” Tears came quickly back as he said that, he felt crushed thinking it was true, Billy died hating him for having sex with Hilary, he hated him for that and then he died. For all he knows is that Billy blames him for letting him die as well
Hilary looked at the door, “Benji… he doesn’t hate you…”
Benji closed his eyes tightly then grabbed a pillow and tossed it at the door, “It’s your fucking fault!”
Hilary blinked, “What?!”
Benji closed his hands tightly in a fist, “You had to! You had to have god damn sex with me!”
Joel blinked and looked at Hilary, “Hilary?”
Hilary closed her eyes and hugged herself, she waited, she looked at the door, “Why does that matter?”
Benji sighed and looked down, “Billy… he loved you… a lot… he would do anything for you.” He looked at the door glaring, “He did do anything for you.”
Hilary watched the door in shock
Benji stood up and looked at the window, “And I blame myself cause I knew… he told me… I remember…” He looked down closing his eyes
“Benji?” Billy’s voice rang through his head
Benji looked back as Billy stood there in his memory, a flash back. He smiled, “Hey Billy. Sup?”
Billy hugged himself looking down, “I need to tell you something… Something kinda… embarrassing.” He looked up at him with a shy small smile
Benji looked around the hall or the arena they were in, he looked at him, “This a secret?”
Billy nodded and looked down, “Yeah it is…”
Benji smiled and looked down rubbing the back of his head looking up, “Hopefully I can help ya out dude, usually you go to Joel for this shit…”
Billy shook his head, “Not this time… I just think for some reason he wouldn’t help.”
Benji leaned on the wall, “Ok… Hell… I can try.”
Billy nodded, “Thank you.” He closed his eyes then looked up at him, “I’m in love…”
Benji blinked and looked to the side, “That.. was unexpected…” He looked up at him, “Love?” He crossed his arms, “With who?”
Billy looked down closing his eyes, red came to his face, “Hilary…”
Benji blinked, “Now that was unexpected!” He put his hand to his head, “Uh…” He looked to the side then looked at him, “Does she notice?”
Billy shook his head, “I help her out and I’m really sweet to her… I think… and she doesn’t say anything.” He looked up at him, “But I want her to notice.”
Benji nodded, “Hmmm…” He looked up, “Well, maybe you should tell her?”
Billy nodded, “When?”
Benji looked up at him, “When you get the courage to.”
Billy laughed, “Some fucking help dude.”
Benji smiled, “Love really isn’t my thing… I swear I’m better off fucking myself…” He mumbled
Billy smiled and walked up, “I will take your advice. See if it works… Thanks though, you’re a lot of help.” He hugged him and backed up, “Thanks again… you’re a great friend.” He walked around him
Benji opened his eyes back in the hotel room, “He trusted me and I broke it.” He looked at the door, “I broke it by fucking you. The one he loved.” He looked down
Hilary looked at Joel
Joel stood there watching her
She looked down, “He didn’t, say anything.”
Joel sighed and looked down, “But it should’ve been obvious, he was doing everything for you.”
Hilary shook her head, “I didn’t know.” She looked up tears in her eyes, “I’m sorry Billy.”
Benji shook his head and walked out on the balcony and looked down at the streets below, he started to think to himself, “If I die… no one else will.” He closed his eyes, “I need to go… Billy was enough to kill me.” He looked down at the street, he glanced at the door, “If I jump… they wont know till I don’t really answer.” He looked over the side, “It would be quick, and I can’t stop myself from falling.” He lifted his leg and put his over the side. He lifted his other on and stood on the outside of the railing. He closed his eyes his heart racing, “But… What if he goes after Joel next?” He opened his eyes quickly surprising himself, “Joel? Why? Why would he go after Joel.” He held the tightly.
Joel looked at the door, “Benj?” He blinked, “Benj? You there?”
Hilary looked up, “Benji? Where are ya?”
Benji looked up, “No… killing myself will make him win…” He got back on the balcony on the other side and started back in the room, “I’m here…”
Joel and Hilary both sighed with relief
Joel closed his eyes, “Hey, Benj? Are you gonna be ok?”
Benji looked up then nodded to himself then sat on the bed. He crawled up to the head board and sat down. He glanced at the door
“Benj?”
Benji sighed and pulled his knees up to himself, “Yeah. I’m just going to go to sleep.” He looked down, “That’s all I need, you two can go to bed also.”
Joel nodded, “Ok… but Benji.. if you need anything, anything at all, just call me.”
Benji smiled a little, “Thanks, though, you’re a lot of help, you’re a great bro.” He stopped and closed his eyes remembering Billy
“Thanks though, you’re a lot of help… Thanks again… you’re a great friend.”
He hugged his legs and put his face in his knees trying not to cry, “Billy…”
Hilary grabbed Joel’s arm and started walking with him
Joel watched the door, his heart seemed to drop, he didn’t want to leave Benji alone… but if it was what he wanted. He looked forward
Benji looked up, “Billy, I will miss you. Sorry…” He looked to the side, “I hate myself for loosing you.” He closed his eyes, he scooted down to where he was laying on his back. He pulled the covers up and curled up in a ball when he rolled on his side. He stared at the wall Billy’s voice echoing in his head, “You’re a great friend… Thanks tough… a lot of help… Thanks again… you’re a great friend…” Benji slowly slipped to sleep
Memories
Benji lay on his bed in the hotel crying, hard, nothing could make him stop, not even Joel. He cried thinking about Billy, hoping that it was truly all a dream, a sick dream. Something that would make everything just go back to normal.
Hilary stood outside the door with the band looking at the door hugging herself, “He blames himself for Billy’s death…” she looked back at Joel
Joel put his hand over his face trying to fight tears, “Billy was my best friend, and Benji blames himself… it’s not his fault… its that fucking father of ours.” He shook his head, “I should’ve stopped it a long time ago…”
Hilary reached out and placed her hand to his shoulder, “Joel… no one knew, how could a little boy who did, stop anything. You know as well as I that no one would listen and think you were bluffing.”
Chris looked at them, “I don’t believe Billy to be gone!” He said, angered by everything, everyone beating themselves up, “Don’t give up… the police haven’t found his body.” He looked down hugging himself, “There is no proof he is dead. Maybe when Benji’s father took off after him Billy, still alive, ran off…” He looked at them
Hilary looked at Chris then looked back at the door, “If only Chris…”
Joel walked up to the door and place his hands on the door lightly tears rolling down his face, “Benj?” He said softly though the door
Benji looked at the door hugging the pillow tightly
Joel put his forehead to the door, “We are not going to continue the tour… Maybe… we can go home? Leave here?” His voice crackled as he tried to stop his crying to speak clearly
Benji shook his head and put his face back in the pillow sighing deeply, he cried lightly now, but still felt horrible inside
Paul looked at Chris then looked at the door, he walked up to Chris and whispered something looking down
Chris nodded and he looked up at Hilary, “We will go… get Billy’s things… ok?” He said sighing deeply also
Hilary looked at him and nodded, not saying a word as she glanced back to the door
Chris walked off with Paul
Joel closed his eyes tightly, “Benji, don’t blame yourself, you couldn’t do anything. You ran, you tried to keep him behind you, nothing you could do Benji, nothing no one could do. Billy is in a better place bro…”
Benji sat up to his knees and glared back at the door, “But I didn’t! I couldn’t save him! And bad enough he died blaming me for something that I turned my back to him on! He died hating me!” Tears came quickly back as he said that, he felt crushed thinking it was true, Billy died hating him for having sex with Hilary, he hated him for that and then he died. For all he knows is that Billy blames him for letting him die as well
Hilary looked at the door, “Benji… he doesn’t hate you…”
Benji closed his eyes tightly then grabbed a pillow and tossed it at the door, “It’s your fucking fault!”
Hilary blinked, “What?!”
Benji closed his hands tightly in a fist, “You had to! You had to have god damn sex with me!”
Joel blinked and looked at Hilary, “Hilary?”
Hilary closed her eyes and hugged herself, she waited, she looked at the door, “Why does that matter?”
Benji sighed and looked down, “Billy… he loved you… a lot… he would do anything for you.” He looked at the door glaring, “He did do anything for you.”
Hilary watched the door in shock
Benji stood up and looked at the window, “And I blame myself cause I knew… he told me… I remember…” He looked down closing his eyes
“Benji?” Billy’s voice rang through his head
Benji looked back as Billy stood there in his memory, a flash back. He smiled, “Hey Billy. Sup?”
Billy hugged himself looking down, “I need to tell you something… Something kinda… embarrassing.” He looked up at him with a shy small smile
Benji looked around the hall or the arena they were in, he looked at him, “This a secret?”
Billy nodded and looked down, “Yeah it is…”
Benji smiled and looked down rubbing the back of his head looking up, “Hopefully I can help ya out dude, usually you go to Joel for this shit…”
Billy shook his head, “Not this time… I just think for some reason he wouldn’t help.”
Benji leaned on the wall, “Ok… Hell… I can try.”
Billy nodded, “Thank you.” He closed his eyes then looked up at him, “I’m in love…”
Benji blinked and looked to the side, “That.. was unexpected…” He looked up at him, “Love?” He crossed his arms, “With who?”
Billy looked down closing his eyes, red came to his face, “Hilary…”
Benji blinked, “Now that was unexpected!” He put his hand to his head, “Uh…” He looked to the side then looked at him, “Does she notice?”
Billy shook his head, “I help her out and I’m really sweet to her… I think… and she doesn’t say anything.” He looked up at him, “But I want her to notice.”
Benji nodded, “Hmmm…” He looked up, “Well, maybe you should tell her?”
Billy nodded, “When?”
Benji looked up at him, “When you get the courage to.”
Billy laughed, “Some fucking help dude.”
Benji smiled, “Love really isn’t my thing… I swear I’m better off fucking myself…” He mumbled
Billy smiled and walked up, “I will take your advice. See if it works… Thanks though, you’re a lot of help.” He hugged him and backed up, “Thanks again… you’re a great friend.” He walked around him
Benji opened his eyes back in the hotel room, “He trusted me and I broke it.” He looked at the door, “I broke it by fucking you. The one he loved.” He looked down
Hilary looked at Joel
Joel stood there watching her
She looked down, “He didn’t, say anything.”
Joel sighed and looked down, “But it should’ve been obvious, he was doing everything for you.”
Hilary shook her head, “I didn’t know.” She looked up tears in her eyes, “I’m sorry Billy.”
Benji shook his head and walked out on the balcony and looked down at the streets below, he started to think to himself, “If I die… no one else will.” He closed his eyes, “I need to go… Billy was enough to kill me.” He looked down at the street, he glanced at the door, “If I jump… they wont know till I don’t really answer.” He looked over the side, “It would be quick, and I can’t stop myself from falling.” He lifted his leg and put his over the side. He lifted his other on and stood on the outside of the railing. He closed his eyes his heart racing, “But… What if he goes after Joel next?” He opened his eyes quickly surprising himself, “Joel? Why? Why would he go after Joel.” He held the tightly.
Joel looked at the door, “Benj?” He blinked, “Benj? You there?”
Hilary looked up, “Benji? Where are ya?”
Benji looked up, “No… killing myself will make him win…” He got back on the balcony on the other side and started back in the room, “I’m here…”
Joel and Hilary both sighed with relief
Joel closed his eyes, “Hey, Benj? Are you gonna be ok?”
Benji looked up then nodded to himself then sat on the bed. He crawled up to the head board and sat down. He glanced at the door
“Benj?”
Benji sighed and pulled his knees up to himself, “Yeah. I’m just going to go to sleep.” He looked down, “That’s all I need, you two can go to bed also.”
Joel nodded, “Ok… but Benji.. if you need anything, anything at all, just call me.”
Benji smiled a little, “Thanks, though, you’re a lot of help, you’re a great bro.” He stopped and closed his eyes remembering Billy
“Thanks though, you’re a lot of help… Thanks again… you’re a great friend.”
He hugged his legs and put his face in his knees trying not to cry, “Billy…”
Hilary grabbed Joel’s arm and started walking with him
Joel watched the door, his heart seemed to drop, he didn’t want to leave Benji alone… but if it was what he wanted. He looked forward
Benji looked up, “Billy, I will miss you. Sorry…” He looked to the side, “I hate myself for loosing you.” He closed his eyes, he scooted down to where he was laying on his back. He pulled the covers up and curled up in a ball when he rolled on his side. He stared at the wall Billy’s voice echoing in his head, “You’re a great friend… Thanks tough… a lot of help… Thanks again… you’re a great friend…” Benji slowly slipped to sleep
Sign up to rate and review this story