FicWad

I gasped a little, backing into the door, "Jeez Mandy, you scared the...Mmm...Banana out of me," not swearing was proving itself harder then I expected.

Hawk wrinkled her little nose and aimed the red tipped arrow at my forehead, screaming something that reminded me a banshee, "NO Mandy! You suwend!"

"I'm what?," I winced at the volume a little.

"Suwend! suwend!," she stomped her red shoe on the floor, her fair complexion turning crimson from the effort of hollering, "Hawk kill you! suwend!"

"Oh, you mean surrender? Can't we negotiate?," I desperately hoped my peace making wouldn't make her erupt in yet another freakishly loud screams.

She frowned again but lowered her arrow, pointing it at my knee cap. I used the moment to bend at her eye level and change the subject before she fucking explodes, "So what would you like for dinner, hawk?"

"Petty"

"If only I knew what petty means," I murmured to myself, "Is it a cake or something?"

She took a deep breath just like when she did before screaming her lungs out," No don't scream, please! Just tell me what you want for dinner besides petty," I hated the begging tone in my voice. I was begging a fucking 6 year old! But I was willing to do worse then to hear her blood freezing screams again.

"Bass?," her eyes gleamed maliciously.

"Pizza it is," I exclaimed joyfully, ignoring the kid's cannibalistic tendencies. I so hope she was just kidding about wanting her brother for dinner. Please let it be just her twisted sick sense of humor.
Again she hollered her usual Indian thing and ran out of the room, "I guess that's a no"

I could just feel it was gonna be a long night but if I wanted my gold pool, I was gonna have to work harder. So a quick recap of my to do list. I have to keep Donny away from the screaming little beast....Hm I mean, darling little hawk, I have to keep Bass away from Hawk, I have to keep myself away from Hawk...Mmm wouldn't it be easier to just lock hawk in her cage till Carla is back...No! No locking anybody up no matter how tempting it was...You are 9 years older, you can handle a 6 year old, just think happy thoughts....Think happy thoughts....Think happy thoughts....Think happy thoughts, dammit!...Gold pool gold pool gold pool..

I made my way to the kitchen after standing a few moments at the bottom of the stairs listening for any alarming noises. When none came, I breathed out a sigh of relief, no one was brutally murdered or cooked yet. which was more credit then Gerard would have given me, I was a bit disappointed though that the kids weren't admiring me yet.

Mary was sitting at the table, sucking her thumb and staring ahead, "Hey Mary"
She didn't even budge when I sat across from her, "So what would you like for dinner?"
No response whatsoever, "Not one of your siblings I hope," I giggled, trying to small talk my way into her thumb sucking world.
She gave me one look and resumed her thumb sucking, making me sign again as I grabbed the phone. They fucking hated me.
I dialed the number to the best pizza place in Belleville, Chuck's chuckiest pizza.

"Tony's pizzaiest pizza. Tony is speaking"

"That's catchy," I chuckled, "What happened to Chuck?"

"Are you the FBI?," Tony's voice immediately went lower.

I rolled my eyes, you know you're in Jersey when the pizza dude asks if you're the FBI, "No I'm from the CIA, agent Daisy Dim Witson speaking. Do you mind answering a few questions?"

Tony's went silent but I could hear some soft whispers, "Shoot"

"It is a regular investigation, a few things came to our attention and we're just wanna confirm either way"
Tony hummed on the other side as I carried on babbling, "Remember the answers you give me now might serve against you in the court of law. Do not lie for it will be considered a felony and you will be charged and produced to fullest extent of the. Don't even think about running cause we know where to find you, You understand?"
Tony hummed again.
"Is that clear?," I barked into the phone.

"Yes agent," Tony gritted his teeth.
.
"Do you or do you not use fresh ingredients in your pizzas," I struggled to maintain the straight face, wishing Frankie could be here and be agent Zack Ass Holes.

Some more whispers echoed in my ear from Tony's end, "Yes"

"Do you or do you not use black olives on your pizza?"

"Yes, is this a code or something?"

"I ask the questions around here, punk." I managed to capture Mary's attention and she was now sucking her thumb while sneaking glances in my direction. I was thrilled at the achievement, "Do you or do you not spit on your clients pizza?"

"No, agent"

"Are you sure?! Not ever?," I exclaimed, careful not to resume to my usual voice instead of the low growl I adopted.

"Ask him if they have kid menus," Mary yanked her thumb out and whispered excitedly.

Aw I should've known evil pranks will make them open up to me and not all that mature babysitter crap, "Do you or do you not hand out kids menu?," I winked at Mary before tilting the phone so she could hear the other side which turned to be a big mistake cause the little fucker giggled and our cover was blown.

"Listen kid," Some other dude snatched the phone from Tony and was now shrieking in my ear, "You think fucking with people's mind is funny! I can track you down and fucking serve your left overs in my fucking place. Do you hear me?!"

I gasped, giggling quietly, "I'm a paying customer mister what's your face and it's my right as a proud citizen to enquire after the level of service I get in your establishment"
I wasn't sure if Mary understood everything I said but she was laughing madly into her hands.
"And if you wanna have customers you will treat me with the respect I deserve and take my effing order, mister. Cause we all know what you did to effing chuck, chuck is sleeping with the pepperoni, isn't he?"

"So you are from the CIA!"

"Are you kidding me," I laughed joyfully, winking at Mary who was listening closely, "I actually have brains. I'm a working lady"

The guy chuckled, "Figures"

My smiles turned into a pout, "Not that kinda working lady! I'm a babysitter"

"So that's what it called nowadays," the dude snorted, "In my days they had less sophisticated names"

"Oh just take my effing order!" I breathed out with annoyance.

"Sure doll and I'll send my hardest working guy"

"OK so I want a pizza with-," I frowned questioningly at Mary.

"Onions," she whispered back.

"Onions?" I made a face..

"And extra cheese," she cited, counting down on her fingers, "And no cheese"

I repeated the order to the guy who was getting aggravated again, "Stop fucking around!"

"I'm not," I said apologetically, lowering the phone a little from my ear and mouthing to Mary, "Are you sure?"

Mary nodded, "That's how Mooney likes her pizza"

I shrugged and confirmed my order before hanging up, "Could you please tell your brother and sister dinner will be served soon, Marry?"

She shrugged indifferently and tucked her thumb back in before slipping out of the kitchen with soft steps.

I smiled smugly to myself, watching her go. This job was a fucking breeze. I did nothing but prank some pizza dude and even had the kid doing the walk for me and call her other siblings.
All I had left to do is eat some pizza and relax till Gerard got here. SoI headed to the living room and I lost myself in the blue glow of the TV and the stillness of the house.
After a while into some chap stick comedy, the phone startled me, "Hello"
The line was so quiet you'd think it was dead, I scrunched my face, "Hello?"
Another attempt of making contact and I gave up. Returning to the TV show I tried to place the character and figure out what did I miss when the phone rang again, "Fuck you!"

"I'd love to doll but I'm on duty tonight. Jack would love to enjoy our company though," Tony's voice filled the line.

"Oh so now who's fucking with whose mind," I grumbled, my eyes fixed firmly on the screen.

"I don't fuck with minds, doll," I could hear him smirk, "I just called to confirm the address"

No sooner that I hung up the phone's loud ring filled the silence of the room, annoying the shit out of me, "Motherfucker! What do you want?"

The person on the other side took a few raspy breaths before hissing, "You die tonight"