Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Wearing Drugs On Your Skin
Soon You'll Forget
3 reviewsThe only reason you ever had him, was because she saved him from the one thing you couldn't, Gerard...
1Moving
/Gerard's P.O.V./
"F-Frank?" I questioned in a shaky tone, already positive that just the very tone of my voice was liable to give away what I always thought was a carefully carved disguise. I just don't understand, we always were so careful not to slip up and let people know, she never suspected a thing before or even acted weird around Frank. So how exactly is it that she suddenly knows? Lyn Z sighed, shaking her head and sliding down the wall to the floor, her heartrending, teary, eyes excavating my cheek bones and eyes sockets. Then she did something that stabbed me harder and struck me weirder than any of the events from this afternoon..../she smiled/.
It wasn't necessarily a meaningful, happy smile though, but almost like one of the smiles a crying person gives while explaining their loves death. Not a smile as if they've gone mad because of their loss, not a smile because they find what happened funny, but almost a smile as if they don't even think what happened is real, almost like they don't want to believe, they just keep remembering them. You know... just one of those, empty smiles, the ones that flutter across their lips with hidden grace and then evaporate into a blank slab. The smile that should never have to exist, because no one, not even the worse of people, should ever have to capture that smile upon their fragile lips.
"Oh, Gerard, please just stop acting, I know now, I've always kind of known. I see the way you look at teach other, the way his eyes scan every inch of you as if you are holding his fragile world together, his only connection to this world. It's almost like he sees you as some sort of striking portal that opened and led him to this foreign beauty called the world. He didn't know of such a place before he met you, Gerard, I remember. I remember when I was a teenager, when I first saw him, I don't even think he remembers me... He was stumbling around in the park, covered in gashes and bruises, coughing up blood as if it was the only thing that consumed his organs. I've never seen such a sight to be completely honest, I couldn't even make out a detail of his face, his eyes were so swollen and coated in dark purple contusions that he could barely even open them to see where he was stumbling.
"The only flesh color I could even see on the poor boy was the streaks on his face where tears were washing over. I could hear them laughing Gerard, they were somewhere nearby and they were just cackling like their world was centered on destroying Franks. They kept calling for him, saying they were going to find him and that they wouldn't leave a fragment of skin left for anyone to find. It was almost like some sort of sick and disgusting game, played out by a pack of vicious animals and Frank was the undeserving victim. He just broke down crying then, collapsing across the pavement.
"I tended to him after that, rushing him to the hospital, staying there every night until his eyes finally fluttered open, exposing to me for the first time his swelling hazel eyes as they swallowed every precious surrounding as if it were the last thing he would ever see. I'm guessing it must have been amazing to see again after staring at the curtain veins in his eyelids everyday. Their pulsing being the only sign to him that he wasn't slipping away. I looked so different back then, I doubt he even recognizes me now, and I dare not bring such terror back into his memory.
"You know Gerard, he told me that was a regular thing for him, something they did to him everyday from the time he was a child. It's just that night–that was the night they planned to end the systematic torment they brought upon him, there was to be no more Frank Iero. They were still looking for him when he crawled into that park. He called me his angel for the longest time, you know that Gerard? He said if it hadn't been for me he would have been put through a tree shredder, probably lying on the bottom of the park pond rotting. He said I saved him and maybe I did save him... but I didn't save him from his life, Gerard, you did." Lyn Z said quietly, the smile placing on her lips again as the tears trickled over them from her swollen brown pools of eyes.
Electricity washed under my skin, dragging with it every will to remain hidden, every carefully drawn design to shield myself in. She knew him, she saved him, the only reason I ever had him was because my wife the very one I am /heating on/, allowed his existence to continue to thrive. If she hadn't been there, I never would have met him, there would be no Frank Iero, there would be no cheating, there would be no Lyn Z, and more likely than not, there wouldn't be /anything/. All because of her, I have something I don't even deserve, I have another person that should never have been placed with a scum bag like me, and I have someone to hurt... how does one respond to that? I bit my lip nervously, staring down at the beautiful being before me, after all that she unknowingly brought to me, this is how I repay her?
That sliver on information might be enough to challenge my entire life, because I now am positive of two things that I had never even thought of. One, she saved the person I am cheating on her with, and two, she says I saved him from something I didn't even realize existed. He never told me... and now that brutal scar has been exposed, shining through the surface again. Maybe I "saved" him, but how can a supposed hero bring so much pain upon such an extensive number of people? Oh, I remember now, I'm just a monster, I'm not a hero and I never will be.
"You know all of that... and yet you still let me sleep in this house?" I breathed out timidly beneath my breath, still to shaken to be able to compose any sort of meaningful reply. What's there left to say? I can't defend myself, she knows far too much at this point.
"You think I have it in my heart to throw you out? Believe it or not, Gerard, I still love you regardless if I am of no importance to you. I just need to know one thing for certain... what did he do to you?" she asked quietly, pacing cautiously over to the window, the light that managed to seep through the rain drops swallowing her pale complexion. Her eyes glowed dimly through the thin layer of haze coating them that I'm sure I'm not supposed to see. I could never tell her the whole scenario of what happened, who could possibly have a heart that sour?
"We... we got in a fight at the last show. You know, just one of those fights that wouldn't mean much had they not crawled along at such an inconvenient timing. I tried to blame everything on him, which I know now was the wrong thing to do, and I made him angry. He–he made a comment about you... and well, it was a sensitive subject. I lost my common sense, I told him I hated him, and I'm pretty sure that at the timing, I meant it..." I trailed off into thought, eyes locking on the weeping willow outside.
"What was the comment he made...?"
"I'd rather not say, but just so you know, i-it wasn't anything bad about you. You know, just so you don't hate him more than I've probably already caused you to..." Her head snapped in my direction, scouring my features thoughtfully as if I was supposed to be hiding something again.
"I don't want you to hate each other..." she whispered quietly after a few moments of silence, slowly shifting toward me inch by inch. I shook my head, standing to my feet, pushing my damp hair out of my face. There's no way anyone can be this calm about something like this, it seems far more absurd than running through the house and breaking every possession I own. The silence and acceptance stings more than any words and shreds deeper than any cut I've ever received.
"Lyn Z... sto–" she cut me off, holding up her hand.
"Call Frank, tell him to pack his bags and prepare head for the airport in a few hours so he can catch the connection plane when you arrive. If Jamia asks, you're flying to England for a mini interview tour for a while because a few bands are interested in getting help on getting noticed. Don't worry, I already have your bags packed and they are sitting by the front door. Then...I guess if you really want this, I can go ahead and file the divorce while you're gone and we can fill out the papers when you get back... we could come up with some exc–" she paused, noticing the expression that swelled from every pore of my face as I watched her fighting back tears.
/Divorce/. Something I've wanted for so long now, but now that I'm being offered it, some compartment in my head rejects the idea of it. How could I possibly go along with such a thing whilst she sits here planning out a way for me to get by with all of this, it's almost sickening if I actually accept it.
"I–I don't want a divorce..." I mumbled quietly, tears threatening to tear open my pupils. She wrapped her arms around my neck, gingerly burying her head against my shoulder, laughing quietly, in a once again humorless tone.
"Try not to forget me completely while you're away with Frank, because soon you'll forget...just like everyone else" she whispered quietly, her tears seeping through my jacket as I hugged her tightly.
And so it all began....
"F-Frank?" I questioned in a shaky tone, already positive that just the very tone of my voice was liable to give away what I always thought was a carefully carved disguise. I just don't understand, we always were so careful not to slip up and let people know, she never suspected a thing before or even acted weird around Frank. So how exactly is it that she suddenly knows? Lyn Z sighed, shaking her head and sliding down the wall to the floor, her heartrending, teary, eyes excavating my cheek bones and eyes sockets. Then she did something that stabbed me harder and struck me weirder than any of the events from this afternoon..../she smiled/.
It wasn't necessarily a meaningful, happy smile though, but almost like one of the smiles a crying person gives while explaining their loves death. Not a smile as if they've gone mad because of their loss, not a smile because they find what happened funny, but almost a smile as if they don't even think what happened is real, almost like they don't want to believe, they just keep remembering them. You know... just one of those, empty smiles, the ones that flutter across their lips with hidden grace and then evaporate into a blank slab. The smile that should never have to exist, because no one, not even the worse of people, should ever have to capture that smile upon their fragile lips.
"Oh, Gerard, please just stop acting, I know now, I've always kind of known. I see the way you look at teach other, the way his eyes scan every inch of you as if you are holding his fragile world together, his only connection to this world. It's almost like he sees you as some sort of striking portal that opened and led him to this foreign beauty called the world. He didn't know of such a place before he met you, Gerard, I remember. I remember when I was a teenager, when I first saw him, I don't even think he remembers me... He was stumbling around in the park, covered in gashes and bruises, coughing up blood as if it was the only thing that consumed his organs. I've never seen such a sight to be completely honest, I couldn't even make out a detail of his face, his eyes were so swollen and coated in dark purple contusions that he could barely even open them to see where he was stumbling.
"The only flesh color I could even see on the poor boy was the streaks on his face where tears were washing over. I could hear them laughing Gerard, they were somewhere nearby and they were just cackling like their world was centered on destroying Franks. They kept calling for him, saying they were going to find him and that they wouldn't leave a fragment of skin left for anyone to find. It was almost like some sort of sick and disgusting game, played out by a pack of vicious animals and Frank was the undeserving victim. He just broke down crying then, collapsing across the pavement.
"I tended to him after that, rushing him to the hospital, staying there every night until his eyes finally fluttered open, exposing to me for the first time his swelling hazel eyes as they swallowed every precious surrounding as if it were the last thing he would ever see. I'm guessing it must have been amazing to see again after staring at the curtain veins in his eyelids everyday. Their pulsing being the only sign to him that he wasn't slipping away. I looked so different back then, I doubt he even recognizes me now, and I dare not bring such terror back into his memory.
"You know Gerard, he told me that was a regular thing for him, something they did to him everyday from the time he was a child. It's just that night–that was the night they planned to end the systematic torment they brought upon him, there was to be no more Frank Iero. They were still looking for him when he crawled into that park. He called me his angel for the longest time, you know that Gerard? He said if it hadn't been for me he would have been put through a tree shredder, probably lying on the bottom of the park pond rotting. He said I saved him and maybe I did save him... but I didn't save him from his life, Gerard, you did." Lyn Z said quietly, the smile placing on her lips again as the tears trickled over them from her swollen brown pools of eyes.
Electricity washed under my skin, dragging with it every will to remain hidden, every carefully drawn design to shield myself in. She knew him, she saved him, the only reason I ever had him was because my wife the very one I am /heating on/, allowed his existence to continue to thrive. If she hadn't been there, I never would have met him, there would be no Frank Iero, there would be no cheating, there would be no Lyn Z, and more likely than not, there wouldn't be /anything/. All because of her, I have something I don't even deserve, I have another person that should never have been placed with a scum bag like me, and I have someone to hurt... how does one respond to that? I bit my lip nervously, staring down at the beautiful being before me, after all that she unknowingly brought to me, this is how I repay her?
That sliver on information might be enough to challenge my entire life, because I now am positive of two things that I had never even thought of. One, she saved the person I am cheating on her with, and two, she says I saved him from something I didn't even realize existed. He never told me... and now that brutal scar has been exposed, shining through the surface again. Maybe I "saved" him, but how can a supposed hero bring so much pain upon such an extensive number of people? Oh, I remember now, I'm just a monster, I'm not a hero and I never will be.
"You know all of that... and yet you still let me sleep in this house?" I breathed out timidly beneath my breath, still to shaken to be able to compose any sort of meaningful reply. What's there left to say? I can't defend myself, she knows far too much at this point.
"You think I have it in my heart to throw you out? Believe it or not, Gerard, I still love you regardless if I am of no importance to you. I just need to know one thing for certain... what did he do to you?" she asked quietly, pacing cautiously over to the window, the light that managed to seep through the rain drops swallowing her pale complexion. Her eyes glowed dimly through the thin layer of haze coating them that I'm sure I'm not supposed to see. I could never tell her the whole scenario of what happened, who could possibly have a heart that sour?
"We... we got in a fight at the last show. You know, just one of those fights that wouldn't mean much had they not crawled along at such an inconvenient timing. I tried to blame everything on him, which I know now was the wrong thing to do, and I made him angry. He–he made a comment about you... and well, it was a sensitive subject. I lost my common sense, I told him I hated him, and I'm pretty sure that at the timing, I meant it..." I trailed off into thought, eyes locking on the weeping willow outside.
"What was the comment he made...?"
"I'd rather not say, but just so you know, i-it wasn't anything bad about you. You know, just so you don't hate him more than I've probably already caused you to..." Her head snapped in my direction, scouring my features thoughtfully as if I was supposed to be hiding something again.
"I don't want you to hate each other..." she whispered quietly after a few moments of silence, slowly shifting toward me inch by inch. I shook my head, standing to my feet, pushing my damp hair out of my face. There's no way anyone can be this calm about something like this, it seems far more absurd than running through the house and breaking every possession I own. The silence and acceptance stings more than any words and shreds deeper than any cut I've ever received.
"Lyn Z... sto–" she cut me off, holding up her hand.
"Call Frank, tell him to pack his bags and prepare head for the airport in a few hours so he can catch the connection plane when you arrive. If Jamia asks, you're flying to England for a mini interview tour for a while because a few bands are interested in getting help on getting noticed. Don't worry, I already have your bags packed and they are sitting by the front door. Then...I guess if you really want this, I can go ahead and file the divorce while you're gone and we can fill out the papers when you get back... we could come up with some exc–" she paused, noticing the expression that swelled from every pore of my face as I watched her fighting back tears.
/Divorce/. Something I've wanted for so long now, but now that I'm being offered it, some compartment in my head rejects the idea of it. How could I possibly go along with such a thing whilst she sits here planning out a way for me to get by with all of this, it's almost sickening if I actually accept it.
"I–I don't want a divorce..." I mumbled quietly, tears threatening to tear open my pupils. She wrapped her arms around my neck, gingerly burying her head against my shoulder, laughing quietly, in a once again humorless tone.
"Try not to forget me completely while you're away with Frank, because soon you'll forget...just like everyone else" she whispered quietly, her tears seeping through my jacket as I hugged her tightly.
And so it all began....
Sign up to rate and review this story