Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Wearing Drugs On Your Skin
Nothing To Lose
0 reviewsJamia tries to convince Frank to talk to Gerard before their fighting jepordizes the band...
1Ambiance
Frank's P.O.V.
"Oh Frank, you can't just keep hating him babe. You'll cause the whole band to fall apart, and you know I'm right. I know you don't want that to happen, I've seen you and this band claw your way to the point you are now at, I've seen the way your heart looks like it is bursting out of your chest and you dart around on stage. That band saved you Frankie, and I'm pretty sure it handed you everything you currently have in your life. In saying that though, you know who started the band that saved your life, Frank, had it not been for him I would never have met you, and I can't even imagine where you might be right now. You can't just keep hating him forever" Jamia argued for about the thousandth time today.
That's pretty much all I've heard these past two weeks, she keeps trying to put her reasoning into my head, but I refuse to even listen to what I know can more than likely change my mind entirely. I don't want to forgive that man and I certainly don't ever want to love him again, ha, if Jamia only knew that half of the equation. I bet she'd never try and mend the "friendship" ever again, hell, she might even try to encourage me and give me reasons to hate him.
You know, that is the weird part of this whole thing though, she thinks I hate him, I'm pretty sure most people will think I hate him, but that's not even the case. I'm just hiding behind the hate, I want people to assume that I hate him and a most definitely want Jamia to believe that. You see, it would be so much easier to hate the man, looking at the circumstances and all. Pretending to hate him almost makes me believe that I truly do, and believing that makes me feel less hurt... not to mention the fact that it just makes everything else in my life about a thousand times easier. It makes it so that I can still laugh and smile and hold Jamia close without any shame, because, after all, I do "hate" him, right? Oh I really do wish it were so, but like I said, that's not even the case. Jamia is arguing with me and trying to force me back into something that I never removed myself from.
I still love him, I always have, and I'm pretty sure that I always will as much as I would like to deny that and move on. See the real case here is that I don't hate Gerard... Gerard hates me. No one can even imagine how hard for me that one single sentence is to except, those three words sunk me down to the point that I almost wish I never had met the man, because had I not, they[ would have killed me and none of this would have to happen. I wouldn't have met Jamia, I wouldn't have proposed to her, I wouldn't have fallen for Gerard, and I wouldn't have to be in the heart wrenching situation where I am forced to hide from public eye the one feeling in this world that I have never felt more strong about. Oh, and the best about the whole equation of never meeting him, I wouldn't have to ruin his life the way that I do... he could be free, and love whoever he wants without any distress, and he'd never have to worry about a foolish, stupid, and inconvenient little asshole boy prying into his life and forcing him to hide things.
Well actually... I'm wrong now that I think about it, Jamia is wrong too, everyone who thinks this is completely wrong. Gerard Way didn't save me... this band didn't save me, and had I not met him, I might actually still be alive regardless, because there is one simple life terrorizing thing that Gerard was never there to stop, that Gerard never swooped in to protect and save me from: ]them[. I certainly don't recall it being the face of a man that found me passed out on the pavement, on the verge of slipping out of my existence. I most definitely don't recall it being his beautiful voice that shattered through the black layer of fog that was clouding my eyes, and the blood that was clogging my eardrums.
No, the voice was that of a girl, a beautiful girl with long black hair and watery brown eyes. Gerard Way didn't save me, this unknown beauty did, and I don't even recall a single syllable of her name, nor do I have a single item to remember her by. All I have is my life, and that is the only reason I can even prove to myself that she actually existed, otherwise she seems like a figment of my imagination, just another little human being that derived from a whirlwind of thought.
I smiled shyly, giggling at Jamia's ignorance toward the situation. She didn't even have the slightest clue of what she was saying, she didn't even know what she was trying to promote and recollect, sometimes I actually wish she did know... for some odd reason.
"Jamia, Jamia, I love you sweetie, and I know you are only trying to bring this back together and help, but really love, you don't have a clue just what you are trying to mend. You can't fix it babe, it's something no one can fix. I won't let it destroy the band, trust me, I'm sure we will reestablish at least some sort of friendship over this break, or become acquaintances at the least. We've come to far and saved to many kids to just end it now over such a foolish, and idiotic fight, we won't let this kill such a marvelous creation, just believe me when I say that babe. I promise this will all turn out fine, as for your little dare however, ha, you really shouldn't even ]try[ to challenge the fact of hating him forever, because I can hate him forever, I'm perfectly capable of it, and I will just to prove you wrong. So don't push me sweetie..." I chimed, pulling her against my chest, gently kissing her forehead.
She sighed, pushing away a little, looking up at me doubtfully. I find these days that she seems to have more trouble trusting the things I say. I can't determine rather it's the fact that she has just become so paranoid and uneasy, or if maybe it's the fact that I have become a liar, the whole scenario just has my thoughts in a twist.
"Frank... if you both keep this up, then My Chemical Romance won't even survive another recording... Please don't try and say that I am over reacting and being paranoid, because I–I'm not, I just sort of have this...feeling. You know, I just sort of know something is going to happen that's going to kill this whole work of art if you refuse to back down" she said quietly, voice beginning to shake uneasily. I sighed heavily, cupping her cheek in my hand as she leaned her silky face against it, her beautiful hazel eyes littered with shreds of yellow and brown as she stared up at me fearfully. Yes, fearful, and fearful because she can sense the one thing that I've been fighting the ignore, fearful because she can smell the cheap perfume that masks the monster that lurks toward this band, threatening to tear it to shreds, fearful because she knows better than anyone that I'm only attempting to hide the knowledge of what I know might happen, and fearful because she knows I'm just as scared as she is of everything that is to come due to our fight...
"I know, Jamia, sweetie, I know... I'm going to start trying baby, I really am. I understand what can happen because of all of this, but I refuse to let it happen. I'm going to try Jamia, and I can only hope that I grow to accept his apologies and friendship once again, and well, I just wish that he learns to forgive me also. If not, well then... I...we'll make this work, I promise" I promised, hugging her tightly, rubbing my hand across he bare arm lightly.
"I know you will try Frank, I believe you, but I can't ever trust your promise that everything is going to turn out fine, because you can't possibly know that... no one can. I'm just scared you're going to lose the biggest passion you've ever had, Frank, I'm just scared that you will..." she whispered quietly, hugging my torso tightly as she rested her cheek against my chest.
"I know baby, I'm not even going pretend that I'm not scared anymore, because I am, I'm just as scared as you. I'm just as frightened of losing this, but I will do everything in my power to keep from losing it" I murmured, kissing the top of her head gently, burying my face in the short, black strands.
"Call him, Frank, try talking to him, you've got nothing to lose..." she demanded, sitting up carefully, hugging her red plaid housecoat closer to her pale, glowing flesh. Call him? How can I fucking call him? Does she even understand how difficult and hard it would be to even pick up the receiver and struggle to get a single ]syllable[ out of my mouth, knowing his ear would be placed against the receiver of the other line, listening contently and ready to slam the phone down. Oh wait, that's right, she doesn't have a clue because she doesn't even know what has been happening these past few years whenever she wasn't around, or those nights when I left the house at two in the morning and somehow managed to sneak back in at seven and crash on the couch. Honestly I still am shocked at how exactly she has carried on all this time, remaining completely clueless, but there's no question about it, she definitely doesn't know. I shook my head weakly, struggling to sit up as I stared at the brown comforter.
"No... I–I can't...."
"Why not, why can't you, Frank? What have you got to lose when you are attempting to apologize? You said you were going to try... so why don't you start by calling him?" she pushed, tossing the phone to my side gently as she tucked a lock of black hair behind her tiny, little ear. I opened my mouth to reply when a high pitch ring struck the silence in which should have been consumed by my reasons not to call. I held my breath fearfully, not even wanting to glance at the caller ID, in complete fear of the irony that I might see. I shakily took the phone in my hands, creakily turning my head to look down at the glowing, green screen with black print scrolling across it that read what I had been fearing: Way, Gerard.
"Oh Frank, you can't just keep hating him babe. You'll cause the whole band to fall apart, and you know I'm right. I know you don't want that to happen, I've seen you and this band claw your way to the point you are now at, I've seen the way your heart looks like it is bursting out of your chest and you dart around on stage. That band saved you Frankie, and I'm pretty sure it handed you everything you currently have in your life. In saying that though, you know who started the band that saved your life, Frank, had it not been for him I would never have met you, and I can't even imagine where you might be right now. You can't just keep hating him forever" Jamia argued for about the thousandth time today.
That's pretty much all I've heard these past two weeks, she keeps trying to put her reasoning into my head, but I refuse to even listen to what I know can more than likely change my mind entirely. I don't want to forgive that man and I certainly don't ever want to love him again, ha, if Jamia only knew that half of the equation. I bet she'd never try and mend the "friendship" ever again, hell, she might even try to encourage me and give me reasons to hate him.
You know, that is the weird part of this whole thing though, she thinks I hate him, I'm pretty sure most people will think I hate him, but that's not even the case. I'm just hiding behind the hate, I want people to assume that I hate him and a most definitely want Jamia to believe that. You see, it would be so much easier to hate the man, looking at the circumstances and all. Pretending to hate him almost makes me believe that I truly do, and believing that makes me feel less hurt... not to mention the fact that it just makes everything else in my life about a thousand times easier. It makes it so that I can still laugh and smile and hold Jamia close without any shame, because, after all, I do "hate" him, right? Oh I really do wish it were so, but like I said, that's not even the case. Jamia is arguing with me and trying to force me back into something that I never removed myself from.
I still love him, I always have, and I'm pretty sure that I always will as much as I would like to deny that and move on. See the real case here is that I don't hate Gerard... Gerard hates me. No one can even imagine how hard for me that one single sentence is to except, those three words sunk me down to the point that I almost wish I never had met the man, because had I not, they[ would have killed me and none of this would have to happen. I wouldn't have met Jamia, I wouldn't have proposed to her, I wouldn't have fallen for Gerard, and I wouldn't have to be in the heart wrenching situation where I am forced to hide from public eye the one feeling in this world that I have never felt more strong about. Oh, and the best about the whole equation of never meeting him, I wouldn't have to ruin his life the way that I do... he could be free, and love whoever he wants without any distress, and he'd never have to worry about a foolish, stupid, and inconvenient little asshole boy prying into his life and forcing him to hide things.
Well actually... I'm wrong now that I think about it, Jamia is wrong too, everyone who thinks this is completely wrong. Gerard Way didn't save me... this band didn't save me, and had I not met him, I might actually still be alive regardless, because there is one simple life terrorizing thing that Gerard was never there to stop, that Gerard never swooped in to protect and save me from: ]them[. I certainly don't recall it being the face of a man that found me passed out on the pavement, on the verge of slipping out of my existence. I most definitely don't recall it being his beautiful voice that shattered through the black layer of fog that was clouding my eyes, and the blood that was clogging my eardrums.
No, the voice was that of a girl, a beautiful girl with long black hair and watery brown eyes. Gerard Way didn't save me, this unknown beauty did, and I don't even recall a single syllable of her name, nor do I have a single item to remember her by. All I have is my life, and that is the only reason I can even prove to myself that she actually existed, otherwise she seems like a figment of my imagination, just another little human being that derived from a whirlwind of thought.
I smiled shyly, giggling at Jamia's ignorance toward the situation. She didn't even have the slightest clue of what she was saying, she didn't even know what she was trying to promote and recollect, sometimes I actually wish she did know... for some odd reason.
"Jamia, Jamia, I love you sweetie, and I know you are only trying to bring this back together and help, but really love, you don't have a clue just what you are trying to mend. You can't fix it babe, it's something no one can fix. I won't let it destroy the band, trust me, I'm sure we will reestablish at least some sort of friendship over this break, or become acquaintances at the least. We've come to far and saved to many kids to just end it now over such a foolish, and idiotic fight, we won't let this kill such a marvelous creation, just believe me when I say that babe. I promise this will all turn out fine, as for your little dare however, ha, you really shouldn't even ]try[ to challenge the fact of hating him forever, because I can hate him forever, I'm perfectly capable of it, and I will just to prove you wrong. So don't push me sweetie..." I chimed, pulling her against my chest, gently kissing her forehead.
She sighed, pushing away a little, looking up at me doubtfully. I find these days that she seems to have more trouble trusting the things I say. I can't determine rather it's the fact that she has just become so paranoid and uneasy, or if maybe it's the fact that I have become a liar, the whole scenario just has my thoughts in a twist.
"Frank... if you both keep this up, then My Chemical Romance won't even survive another recording... Please don't try and say that I am over reacting and being paranoid, because I–I'm not, I just sort of have this...feeling. You know, I just sort of know something is going to happen that's going to kill this whole work of art if you refuse to back down" she said quietly, voice beginning to shake uneasily. I sighed heavily, cupping her cheek in my hand as she leaned her silky face against it, her beautiful hazel eyes littered with shreds of yellow and brown as she stared up at me fearfully. Yes, fearful, and fearful because she can sense the one thing that I've been fighting the ignore, fearful because she can smell the cheap perfume that masks the monster that lurks toward this band, threatening to tear it to shreds, fearful because she knows better than anyone that I'm only attempting to hide the knowledge of what I know might happen, and fearful because she knows I'm just as scared as she is of everything that is to come due to our fight...
"I know, Jamia, sweetie, I know... I'm going to start trying baby, I really am. I understand what can happen because of all of this, but I refuse to let it happen. I'm going to try Jamia, and I can only hope that I grow to accept his apologies and friendship once again, and well, I just wish that he learns to forgive me also. If not, well then... I...we'll make this work, I promise" I promised, hugging her tightly, rubbing my hand across he bare arm lightly.
"I know you will try Frank, I believe you, but I can't ever trust your promise that everything is going to turn out fine, because you can't possibly know that... no one can. I'm just scared you're going to lose the biggest passion you've ever had, Frank, I'm just scared that you will..." she whispered quietly, hugging my torso tightly as she rested her cheek against my chest.
"I know baby, I'm not even going pretend that I'm not scared anymore, because I am, I'm just as scared as you. I'm just as frightened of losing this, but I will do everything in my power to keep from losing it" I murmured, kissing the top of her head gently, burying my face in the short, black strands.
"Call him, Frank, try talking to him, you've got nothing to lose..." she demanded, sitting up carefully, hugging her red plaid housecoat closer to her pale, glowing flesh. Call him? How can I fucking call him? Does she even understand how difficult and hard it would be to even pick up the receiver and struggle to get a single ]syllable[ out of my mouth, knowing his ear would be placed against the receiver of the other line, listening contently and ready to slam the phone down. Oh wait, that's right, she doesn't have a clue because she doesn't even know what has been happening these past few years whenever she wasn't around, or those nights when I left the house at two in the morning and somehow managed to sneak back in at seven and crash on the couch. Honestly I still am shocked at how exactly she has carried on all this time, remaining completely clueless, but there's no question about it, she definitely doesn't know. I shook my head weakly, struggling to sit up as I stared at the brown comforter.
"No... I–I can't...."
"Why not, why can't you, Frank? What have you got to lose when you are attempting to apologize? You said you were going to try... so why don't you start by calling him?" she pushed, tossing the phone to my side gently as she tucked a lock of black hair behind her tiny, little ear. I opened my mouth to reply when a high pitch ring struck the silence in which should have been consumed by my reasons not to call. I held my breath fearfully, not even wanting to glance at the caller ID, in complete fear of the irony that I might see. I shakily took the phone in my hands, creakily turning my head to look down at the glowing, green screen with black print scrolling across it that read what I had been fearing: Way, Gerard.
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