Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > You’re My Phobia
Chapter One: I'm Sorry
“Don’t touch me, it hurts, STOP!”
“Gerard honey, I’m not going to hurt you!”
“I don’t care, STOP! STOP TOUCHING ME!”
“Gerard-“
“JUST STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME!”
It all started at the age of six. Unlike other attention seeking toddlers, I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t want to be hugged and cuddled by my two loving parents, who would softly sing me into slumber.
Well, to be honest.. I really didn’t actually have two loving parents who would laugh and sip away at there champagne as the florescent bottle shun brightly as they pored each other another glass. “I love you darling” they would whisper as they caught each others lips in a delicate kiss.
I didn’t have that.
And I never will.
“Dona, I cant take your shit anymore!”
“And you think I can Donald! Its over, I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”
That was the end of that. Those two simple words ‘Its over’ changed my life, or better still.. changed our lives.
Regardless off my parents divorce, something greater happened. Something more tragic.
“Stop touching me!”
“Gerard! Settle down damnit, the doctor is trying to help you!”
“I don’t care, FUCK! STOP TOUCHING ME!”
“Gerard Author Wa-“
“Please settle down Mr. Way. And Dona, I believe I know why your son reacts in such a negative way when being touched.”
“And whys that doctor? I don’t understand it.. Since Gerard was a baby he would always scream and cry every time I tried to hug him. What’s wrong with him?”
“Your son I believe, suffers from Aphephobia.”
“Excuse me?”
“Aphephobia, the fear of being touched.”
And that my friends is where my story begins. I’m not exactly going to spill out my life ambitions or anything, nor am I going to promise you a happy ending, because stuff like that doesn’t happen.
That’s right, you heard me.
“And they lived happily ever after..” Sound farmiliar? Well I’m sorry to burst your bubble kid, but that’s just a load of bullshit. Parents always tuck you into bed and tell stupid stories about how the prince feel in love with the princess and then they got happily married and had many kids… just to shut you up.
It doesn’t really exist, but who am I to know?
I’ve never fallen in love, considering I’m too afraid to be even be touched.
But sometimes it better to live in a fairytale though, it can sometimes be good to dorwn yourself in a world of utter imagination, but the sad fact is.. that one day you gotta wake up to reality. There is no such things as happy endings. And that my friends is the truth.. nothing good ever lasts, and it never will.
~*~
“Gee! Get up!” the rushed voice of my younger brother growled as he scrambled around my room. “Where the hell did you put my Metallica tee-shirt?!”
I grumbled “under the bed” as he ran around my room frantically trying to find his band tee-shirt. “Under the fucking bed Mikey!” I snapped at they amount of noise he was making, as he stupidly scrambled through my closets causing numerous artworks to tumble and crash onto the floor with a loud BANG.
“Your room is a dump Gerard, why don’t you clean it.”
I ignored his motherly nag as I heard the sudden shuffling under my bed. “Fucking pig” he muttered under his breath causing me to sight in annoyance.
“Go away alre-“ I yelped, shooting my arm away from the sudden contact Mikey had made. “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” I growled as I took holy of my left hand squeezing it tightly as if to rid the somewhat burning sensation.
“Oh shit, Gerard I’m so sor-“
“GET OUT!” I snapped harshly as I shuffled my body further away from him as possible. “GET THE HELL OUT NOW!” I screamed louder as he remained still, dumbstruck.
“I’m sorry” he whispered softly as he dragged his feet out of my room. A single tear running down his pail cheek.
I wasn’t always like this if you were wondering. I had my off days, and I had my good days. But sometimes I just snapped. And I hated myself every god damn day for it. It was hell, and I mean it was literally hell. Imaging growing up with no comfort whatsoever. Just imagine it.. watching your little sibling sobbing heavily as your parents argued, and you just couldn’t go over and hug them and softly kiss there cheeks and whisper small sympathetic worlds like “it’ll be okay.”
And just imagine watching a divine sunset filled with numerous shades of reds and yellows, fading into one, to create the prefect scene.. and in the distance sat two couple holding hands and looking out into the ocean.
Just imagine..
Never being able to have that.
To watch the world pass you by as you wilt and grow old, all alone.
Alone, forever and ever. Just sitting there, watching as everyone passed you by without a simple glance thrown your way.
“Gerard Way! What in gods name did you do to Mikey!?”
I bit my lip as the regret began to kick in. “I yelled at him because he touched me.” My voice barely a whisper as I barried my head in my hands, holding back the tears.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
"Bloody hell Gerard!” My mother snapped. “Mikey is trying his best to deal with this, and all you do is yell, yell and yell! Do you understand how hard it is?! DO YOU?”
I shook my head, lifting my head to eye her with sorrow. “I’m sorry Ma.”
“Your sorry?!” She snapped. “Well you should be! You have no idea how hard it is for poor Mikey to grow up with no physical contact from his brother. How do you think he feels when he see’s all the other kids outside playing kickball with there elder brothers, laughing and having fun! How do you think he feels Gerard!”
She suddenly turned her back, “your so selfish!” she whispered harshly exiting my room.
I remained frozen, somewhat stunned by her harsh words.
But who was I to be mad? It was true.. It was all true. I was nothing but a disgrace, nothing more than a waste of space. And because of me, Mikey would grow up alone.. that is, until he found a friend of even a girlfriend that would hug him and keep him close, make him feel safe and then soon, one day.. he would forget all about me. I would be nothing more than a memory begging to be remembered.
You’re a waste. Nothing more than a stupid pathetic waste of space. You’ll be alone forever, you die old and alone. You’re a fucking..
“waste of space.” I finished aloud.
“No your not.”
I jumped slightly as Mikey seated himself a far distance away from me. “Your not a waste Gee..”
Snorting in disagreement, I muttered a small “yeah right.”
“Your not Gee, I-I-I’m sorry I touched you, I swear.. I-“
“Stop Mikey, I.. I should be the one saying sorry. I just, it hurt and I-“
“Its okay Gee.” Mikey sighted as he lifted his hand bringing it towards my face. “Its okays Gee.” He whispered once more, and with that he took a strand of my shaggy black hair and tugged twice, causing me to smile.
Ever since me and Mikey were children, considering he couldn’t touch my skin, he would always take a strand of my hair and tug twice. It was our way of saying “your forgiven” or just a simple gesture to indicate a non-physical hug.
“Gee, I-I’m s-scared” Mikey sobbed as he huddled in his corner, a stuffed animal clenched tightly in his arms.
“I’m sorry Mikey, I’m sorry!” I pleaded, walking towards him, biting back the tears as he shuffled further away from me. “Why wont you let me h-h-hug you Gee?”
I sniffed loudly as the tears feel, I stood helplessly as I watched my brother sob uncontrollably. “W-Why? I-Is it cause I’m b-b-bad? Am I b-bad Gee?”
I feel to my knees crawling towards my younger brother. “No, no, no!” I reaped. “Y-You cant touch me Mikey, I-I-I don’t know w-why.. I’m sorry Mikey, I’m sorry.” The tears felt warm against my cheek as I held back the temptation to reach out and hug him.
“Oh..”
I bit my lip as I sniffled loudly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I repeated.
“G-Gee?” Mikey suddenly whispered causing me to look towards him, I cringed as he lifted his hands towards me. “N-No Mikey! N-No-“ My voice broke as his hand suddenly took hold of my hair, he tugged twice then aloud his hand to drop.
“T-That can be our w-way of saying its kay.” Mikey smiled, causing me to chock as a loud sob escaped my lips. “O-Okay Mikes.” I tugged at his brown locks causing him to giggle.
“Your not a waste Gee. Its not your fault.” Mikey muttered fiddling with the hem of his ripped jeans, bringing me out of my sudden flashback. “I’m sorry I yelled Mikey.” I tugged at his straightened chestnut hair causing him to giggle.
…Just like old times.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coughs please excuse all the spelling errors/grammar Blush
Hmmm.. I’m also sorry that chapter kinda sucked balls, but I promise it’ll be much better.
That was just a filler kinda thingy.. so yeah.
Reviews please!
&&
Should I continue?
“Don’t touch me, it hurts, STOP!”
“Gerard honey, I’m not going to hurt you!”
“I don’t care, STOP! STOP TOUCHING ME!”
“Gerard-“
“JUST STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME!”
It all started at the age of six. Unlike other attention seeking toddlers, I didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t want to be hugged and cuddled by my two loving parents, who would softly sing me into slumber.
Well, to be honest.. I really didn’t actually have two loving parents who would laugh and sip away at there champagne as the florescent bottle shun brightly as they pored each other another glass. “I love you darling” they would whisper as they caught each others lips in a delicate kiss.
I didn’t have that.
And I never will.
“Dona, I cant take your shit anymore!”
“And you think I can Donald! Its over, I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”
That was the end of that. Those two simple words ‘Its over’ changed my life, or better still.. changed our lives.
Regardless off my parents divorce, something greater happened. Something more tragic.
“Stop touching me!”
“Gerard! Settle down damnit, the doctor is trying to help you!”
“I don’t care, FUCK! STOP TOUCHING ME!”
“Gerard Author Wa-“
“Please settle down Mr. Way. And Dona, I believe I know why your son reacts in such a negative way when being touched.”
“And whys that doctor? I don’t understand it.. Since Gerard was a baby he would always scream and cry every time I tried to hug him. What’s wrong with him?”
“Your son I believe, suffers from Aphephobia.”
“Excuse me?”
“Aphephobia, the fear of being touched.”
And that my friends is where my story begins. I’m not exactly going to spill out my life ambitions or anything, nor am I going to promise you a happy ending, because stuff like that doesn’t happen.
That’s right, you heard me.
“And they lived happily ever after..” Sound farmiliar? Well I’m sorry to burst your bubble kid, but that’s just a load of bullshit. Parents always tuck you into bed and tell stupid stories about how the prince feel in love with the princess and then they got happily married and had many kids… just to shut you up.
It doesn’t really exist, but who am I to know?
I’ve never fallen in love, considering I’m too afraid to be even be touched.
But sometimes it better to live in a fairytale though, it can sometimes be good to dorwn yourself in a world of utter imagination, but the sad fact is.. that one day you gotta wake up to reality. There is no such things as happy endings. And that my friends is the truth.. nothing good ever lasts, and it never will.
~*~
“Gee! Get up!” the rushed voice of my younger brother growled as he scrambled around my room. “Where the hell did you put my Metallica tee-shirt?!”
I grumbled “under the bed” as he ran around my room frantically trying to find his band tee-shirt. “Under the fucking bed Mikey!” I snapped at they amount of noise he was making, as he stupidly scrambled through my closets causing numerous artworks to tumble and crash onto the floor with a loud BANG.
“Your room is a dump Gerard, why don’t you clean it.”
I ignored his motherly nag as I heard the sudden shuffling under my bed. “Fucking pig” he muttered under his breath causing me to sight in annoyance.
“Go away alre-“ I yelped, shooting my arm away from the sudden contact Mikey had made. “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” I growled as I took holy of my left hand squeezing it tightly as if to rid the somewhat burning sensation.
“Oh shit, Gerard I’m so sor-“
“GET OUT!” I snapped harshly as I shuffled my body further away from him as possible. “GET THE HELL OUT NOW!” I screamed louder as he remained still, dumbstruck.
“I’m sorry” he whispered softly as he dragged his feet out of my room. A single tear running down his pail cheek.
I wasn’t always like this if you were wondering. I had my off days, and I had my good days. But sometimes I just snapped. And I hated myself every god damn day for it. It was hell, and I mean it was literally hell. Imaging growing up with no comfort whatsoever. Just imagine it.. watching your little sibling sobbing heavily as your parents argued, and you just couldn’t go over and hug them and softly kiss there cheeks and whisper small sympathetic worlds like “it’ll be okay.”
And just imagine watching a divine sunset filled with numerous shades of reds and yellows, fading into one, to create the prefect scene.. and in the distance sat two couple holding hands and looking out into the ocean.
Just imagine..
Never being able to have that.
To watch the world pass you by as you wilt and grow old, all alone.
Alone, forever and ever. Just sitting there, watching as everyone passed you by without a simple glance thrown your way.
“Gerard Way! What in gods name did you do to Mikey!?”
I bit my lip as the regret began to kick in. “I yelled at him because he touched me.” My voice barely a whisper as I barried my head in my hands, holding back the tears.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
"Bloody hell Gerard!” My mother snapped. “Mikey is trying his best to deal with this, and all you do is yell, yell and yell! Do you understand how hard it is?! DO YOU?”
I shook my head, lifting my head to eye her with sorrow. “I’m sorry Ma.”
“Your sorry?!” She snapped. “Well you should be! You have no idea how hard it is for poor Mikey to grow up with no physical contact from his brother. How do you think he feels when he see’s all the other kids outside playing kickball with there elder brothers, laughing and having fun! How do you think he feels Gerard!”
She suddenly turned her back, “your so selfish!” she whispered harshly exiting my room.
I remained frozen, somewhat stunned by her harsh words.
But who was I to be mad? It was true.. It was all true. I was nothing but a disgrace, nothing more than a waste of space. And because of me, Mikey would grow up alone.. that is, until he found a friend of even a girlfriend that would hug him and keep him close, make him feel safe and then soon, one day.. he would forget all about me. I would be nothing more than a memory begging to be remembered.
You’re a waste. Nothing more than a stupid pathetic waste of space. You’ll be alone forever, you die old and alone. You’re a fucking..
“waste of space.” I finished aloud.
“No your not.”
I jumped slightly as Mikey seated himself a far distance away from me. “Your not a waste Gee..”
Snorting in disagreement, I muttered a small “yeah right.”
“Your not Gee, I-I-I’m sorry I touched you, I swear.. I-“
“Stop Mikey, I.. I should be the one saying sorry. I just, it hurt and I-“
“Its okay Gee.” Mikey sighted as he lifted his hand bringing it towards my face. “Its okays Gee.” He whispered once more, and with that he took a strand of my shaggy black hair and tugged twice, causing me to smile.
Ever since me and Mikey were children, considering he couldn’t touch my skin, he would always take a strand of my hair and tug twice. It was our way of saying “your forgiven” or just a simple gesture to indicate a non-physical hug.
“Gee, I-I’m s-scared” Mikey sobbed as he huddled in his corner, a stuffed animal clenched tightly in his arms.
“I’m sorry Mikey, I’m sorry!” I pleaded, walking towards him, biting back the tears as he shuffled further away from me. “Why wont you let me h-h-hug you Gee?”
I sniffed loudly as the tears feel, I stood helplessly as I watched my brother sob uncontrollably. “W-Why? I-Is it cause I’m b-b-bad? Am I b-bad Gee?”
I feel to my knees crawling towards my younger brother. “No, no, no!” I reaped. “Y-You cant touch me Mikey, I-I-I don’t know w-why.. I’m sorry Mikey, I’m sorry.” The tears felt warm against my cheek as I held back the temptation to reach out and hug him.
“Oh..”
I bit my lip as I sniffled loudly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I repeated.
“G-Gee?” Mikey suddenly whispered causing me to look towards him, I cringed as he lifted his hands towards me. “N-No Mikey! N-No-“ My voice broke as his hand suddenly took hold of my hair, he tugged twice then aloud his hand to drop.
“T-That can be our w-way of saying its kay.” Mikey smiled, causing me to chock as a loud sob escaped my lips. “O-Okay Mikes.” I tugged at his brown locks causing him to giggle.
“Your not a waste Gee. Its not your fault.” Mikey muttered fiddling with the hem of his ripped jeans, bringing me out of my sudden flashback. “I’m sorry I yelled Mikey.” I tugged at his straightened chestnut hair causing him to giggle.
…Just like old times.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Coughs please excuse all the spelling errors/grammar Blush
Hmmm.. I’m also sorry that chapter kinda sucked balls, but I promise it’ll be much better.
That was just a filler kinda thingy.. so yeah.
Reviews please!
&&
Should I continue?
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