FicWad

Painfully I crawled across the perfectly mown lawn and preened flower beds before reaching our garden. I pulled my body along with my arms, no longer having the strength left in my legs. The stone pathway scraped across my skin, peeling away the skin and leaving me a bloody mess. Finally I reached the front door. I pounded against the bottom of it, unable to stand. In a few short minutes Gerard answered, crying when he saw me and throwing his body over to the side so he could throw up on the garden instead of on me.

Once he’d finished he leant over me, crying, holding beneath my armpits and hauling me up. I tried to take a step forward but collapsed against him. Gerard wrapped his arms around me and I screamed in agony.

“I’m sorry.” He cried, “I need to get you inside, I’m sorry.”

Gerard lift me up and carried me inside, apologising all the way, trying to get me in as fast as possible so as not to prolong the pain the pressure of his arms was causing me to my already battered body.

As soon as the door was shut behind us, Gerard let me down, still holding onto me for support.

“What happened Mikey?” he cried, his eyes begging for me to tell him.

“Adriann.” I whispered before I blacked out and fell to the floor.


I began to come round; Gerard had placed a pillow beneath my head and was wiping my face softly with a cool cloth. I whimpered as the pain hit my body, bringing attention to the fact I was awake.

“Mikey, Mikes, we need, we need to get you to h-hospital ok.” Gerard whispered, petting my hair back away from my face. I cried out.

“No please no, I don’t want to go, please don’t make me go, you can’t make me. Please Gerard, please no, no questions. Don’t make me go through it again.” I begged, pulling on Gerard’s sleeve, I could feel the threads beneath my fingers protesting.

“Ok Mikey, Shh, calm down. It’s going to be ok, its ok I promise. We won’t go to hospital ok. It’s alright. It’s all going to be alright.” Gerard soothed desperately.

I sobbed into his side, my hand clenching a fist in the stomach of his shirt.

“We still need to clean you up though yeah, we’ll clean you up and everything will be alright.” Gerard whispered.

I nodded, all I wanted was to be clean of him, be clean of Adriann and the sin he’d enforced upon me.

“Can you get up?” Gerard asked softly. I shook my head.

“Ok, take a deep breath, I’ll carry you upstairs but it’s going to hurt again ok?”

I nodded, “please just help me,” I whimpered.

Gerard let out a small sob and wrapped me once again in his arms before carrying me softly and gently upstairs. He took me to the bathroom and folded up a towel, placing it on the toilet seat and sitting me on it. He kissed my forehead as he stood up and searched the medicine cabinet for the first aid kit and taking two bottles of pills out as well. He poured a glass of water and handed me some painkillers which I gratefully accepted.

“This is going to sting ok, but I’ll go as gentle as I can,” Gerard said as he poured antiseptic onto some cotton wool. He started with my legs, cleaning all the mud and grit away as best as he could and applied antiseptic cream. Next was my back. I could hear him gasp as he saw the wounds and sob quietly as he cleaned them up. He was trying to be quiet. Like he didn’t want me to hear, but I knew him better than anyone else, I knew he was crying and it pained me to know I was causing his hurt. He wrapped bandages around my chest, covering as much of my back as he could.

“I’m so sorry Mikey,”

“It’s ok Gerard.” I replied. I didn’t know what he was apologizing for. Not being there, not protecting me or causing more pain in the aftermath. But my reply would be the same for them all. This wasn’t his fault, none of it. I shouldn’t have gone round. I should have told him where I was going. If anyone’s fault, it was mine.


Gerard sighed. “No it isn’t,” I heard him whisper as he stood up to wet a wash cloth. But I knew he wasn’t speaking to me and couldn’t find the energy in me to argue with him. “Baby I need you to stand up for this bit; I’m going to clean the blood away ok? That’s all I’m going to do. Is that alright?”

I hesitantly nodded my head. It was Gerard; he would never hurt me, right?

Gerard helped me to stand up and propped me up against the sink so I would have something to lean against. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see the pitiful reflection of myself in the mirror. I jumped slightly as I felt the warm damp of the washcloth. Gerard shushed me, all I could feel was Adriann’s hardness against me, against my thigh, slowly getting closer and closer…

“No! Not again please!” I screamed, jumping away from the cloth, shooting pains ripping through the lower half of my torso.

“Shh Mikey, its ok. It’s me, it’s Gerard. It’s ok I’m not going to hurt you. I promise its ok.” He cried gently. I cried. Gerard reached up and linked fingers with me. “It’s ok. It’s me, Gerard.”

He stroked my hand with his thumb as he brought the washcloth back up to my thighs, whispering to me reassuringly the whole time. Eventually his hand fell away and he pressed a kiss to the back of my neck as he stood up.

“Come on, you need to sleep.” Gerard picked up the bottle of pills and lift me up once again, carrying me downstairs and to his door into the basement.

“Can you open it for me please Mikey? My hands are full.”

I shook my head. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t go down there.

“I can’t. Gerard I can’t go down there that’s where he…”…I couldn’t finish.

“Alright. We’ll go up to your room yeah.” I nodded. Gerard took me back upstairs where I opened the door for him and he proceeded to lay me on my bed. He left me for two minutes and came back with a glass of water, handing me two pills.

“These are muscle relaxants ok, they’ll make you sleepy.” I took them and settled back, feeling my eyelids become heavy and close almost instantaneously.