Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Harem
Chapter Two
6 reviewsLuna talks to a friend; Harry gets a shock, Albus gets an unpleasant mental picture.
5TrainWreck
Reviews
Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Harem
(#) Wonderbee31 2008-06-09
Yes! Luna is always full of WIN imo, and Luna and Padma, well that's even moreso. Loved the moment of shock from Harry and to see what all goes down from here, and to see what all brings about the end of the war.Author's response
Hey; if I were a fictional character in the HP universe, I would certainly want Luna and Padma, as well as Hermione, of course, as part of my harem! GRIN
redHarry Potter and the Hogwarts Harem
(#) spedclass 2008-06-10
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Harem
(#) Dragen 2008-06-10
Great chapter mate, I like how you wrote Luna, very nice. I like the talk with Harry and Dumbledore, nicely done. Keep up the great work mate.Author's response
thanks
redHarry Potter and the Hogwarts Harem
(#) cloneserpents 2008-06-11
The scene in which Dumbledore tells Harry what he must do in order to survive has given me an idea for a little plot bunny: Dumbledore gives Harry the “Talk.”
“You see Harry, when a phoenix gets old, it dies and is reborn. That is the phoenix’s life cycle. It lives, grows old, dies in a fiery explosion and is reborn over and over again. The wonderful creature has no need for reproduction like we humans do. And let me tell you, Fawkes doesn’t know what he’s missing,” the old wizard said knowingly while using his elbow to nudge Harry in the ribs.
Also, even though Harry was stunned by Luna’s forwardness, I still think he would’ve caught her throwaway line of “...I knew that my first male lover...”
I imagine he would’ve said something along the lines of; “Wait, male lover? Why do you have to make that distinction...? Oh... sweet!”
Again, I kid because I care. It’s fun so far. A nice, fun story.
Author's response
As for the bit with Dumbledore; If I wasn't already using the Monty Python "Wink Wink Nudge Nudge Know What I Mean?" bit in a later chapter, I might have included it. But, you'll just have to wait for the obligatory Eric Idle Cameo GRIN
As for Luna, well, if I'd thought of it, I probably would have used something like "Yippee!"
RedHarry Potter and the Hogwarts Harem
(#) The_Pharaoh 2011-03-05
The setup seems flimsy, since there's no reasoning of why or how abundant sex works as a treatment for sudden magical core expansion. It just goes "You need to adjust to your magic -> ??? -> having sex helps you adjust to your magic, so for your own safety you have to have a lot of sex". I think Dumbledore would use more discreet terms than "having sex", and would give an academic explanation of the first and second steps, i.e. what happened to his magical core and what's involved in the process of adjusting his body to his magic, and let Harry draw his own conclusions. However, because if I'm honest with myself I didn't click on this story for a great plot experience, I can move past it. It would help, though.
One thing I cannot ignore, though, is the large number of semicolons where there should be commas or sometimes periods. You start off this chapter using commas, so I thought it might have been a one-time thing in the last chapter, but then I saw it again in this one. I hope it doesn't happen during a lemon scene.Author's response
Hi, you aren't the only person to point out my excessive use of semi-colons, and, when I get the re-write done, I will be sending through a grammar beta process. And, I have to agree that the setup is fairly weak, but, it's something I plan to work on in the re-write. This story has actually been occupying my muse for the past week or so, and I'm planning, once I get my computer issues resolved, to actively start working on it.
Thanks for your interest
red
Sign up to review this story.