Categories > Anime/Manga > Loveless > The Hardest Part
The Hardest Part
White.
White walls, white bed, white curtains.
The room was completely bare except for a few withering flowers on a table. Sunlight streamed through the windows, stealing the color out of everything, including the man sitting in his wheelchair. The man was dressed in pure white and had his back to the door. Soubi couldn’t see the man’s face, but he didn’t have to. He already knew the smug and self-satisfied expression that would greet him.
“I’ve been waiting for you. I knew you couldn‘t resist coming,” the man said, motionless except for his lips, which twisted into subtle sneer.
Soubi pulled his white coat closed, as if it could conceal him amongst the colorless elements of the infirmary room. He didn’t know whether to approach the man or not. His feet felt too heavy to move, but his mind was a fury of thoughts that demanded him to go. The man in the wheelchair chuckled at his hesitation to step past the doorway. At this taunt, Soubi narrowed his eyes and forced his feet to carry him to the man.
He slowed his steps as he reached the wheelchair. His gaze traveled to the man’s bandaged eyes. Even though he knew those piercing eyes were gone, there was something about the bandages that frightened him. Not wanting to be so close to the man, Soubi took a step further and leaned against the window, half sitting on the sill.
“Could you move a bit to the right? You’re blocking the sunlight,” the man complained in a casual tone, “I’m still trying to learn to feel everything.”
Soubi grudgingly slid a bit to the right and let the sun illuminate the man’s face. He pulled out a cigarette and fumbled in his pockets for his lighter. The injured man turned his way curiously. Soubi tossed his long hair out the way and lit the cigarette, subsequently blowing out a few circles of smoke. The scent immediately polluted the clear sterile air of the room.
“Didn’t anyone tell you that it is impolite to smoke in an infirmary?”
The young man made a sound of ironic disbelief and bent down to blow a large puff of smoke into the older man’s face.
“I didn’t come to see you be pathetic,” Soubi said harshly. He leaned heavily on the window sill and crossed his feet. Ash was falling on the immaculately clean ground, but he couldn‘t care less.
“Does it please you to see me like this, Soubi-kun?”
The pale man smiled wistfully and reached up with one hand to lightly touch his bandages.
“I don’t give a damn how you are.” Soubi took a long drag of his cigarette and tapped more ash onto the ground. He knew that ash irritated the man and so he took extra care to spread it everywhere so the scent of cigarettes could linger long after her had left, as a reminder.
“The day you please me is the day you die…” he said with much distain before adding in a mocking afterthought, “…Minami-sensei.”
Minami made no protests. He merely said, “And yet you still come back to see me. How touching.”
“I want to know about names. I want to know my mother’s name,” Soubi said forcefully, ignoring Minani’s previous comment. He watched Minani’s face intently, paying attention to every small movement. Without eyes, it was hard to tell what the man was thinking, not that his cold eyes were ever particularly revealing. Minami opened his lips slightly as if you speak, but stopped abruptly. He thoughtfully rested his chin on his hand.
“You mother’s name was Agatsuma Ariya.”
Soubi frowned and glared at the man.
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Nagisa told me she was a fighter as well. She also said names are passed down from a parent to a child when they die.”
Minami leaned back in his chair and rubbed his left wrist as if it was cramping. He smiled enigmatically and said, “come here Soubi-kun. Come here.” He reached out his hand to beckon the younger man.
Hesitating for a moment, Soubi stubbed out his cigarette on the window sill and took two steps, landing him right in front of his former teacher. Minami took his hand in a firm grasp and tugged on it, signaling him to kneel until they were at a more equal level. The blind man slid his hand up Soubi’s arm, past his shoulder, and paused at the bandages of his neck. The cold fingers examined his bandaged neck, but made no attempt to remove them. Soubi shuddered at the gesture, but found himself frozen, unable to protest.
“I should have never given you to him. If I had known he would damage you, I wouldn’t have.”
The fingers moved to touch his jaw line, paused again at his lips before moving on to see every feature of his face. They brushed past his ears, down his nose, tracing his brow line and feeling each eye with gentle care. Minami’s hand treated him as if he were a precious piece of artwork that could crumble if the touches had too much pressure.
“Such fierce eyes, Soubi-kun,” The hand kept on until they ran through the individual strands of his almost colorless hair. Minami continued, “You are growing to look more like her everyday.”
“Tell me about her, or I will leave,” Soubi said sharply.
“She was beautiful. She looked like sunlight…Ariya. Ariya was a cruel woman. Cruel to me, cruel to you.”
Minani twisted the corners of his mouth into an ironic smile. He took his hand back and laid it on his lap, laying his other hand over it. The man drew a long breath and continued.
“Your mother…she broke the rules and cursed you for life. Fighters are not supposed to be with Sacrifices of another name, much less have a child with them. You shouldn‘t exist. You are what happens when fate doesn‘t know what to do. You are forever doomed to be used.”
Soubi stiffened and clenched his fists. It hurt his left hand to do so, but the pain kept him aware of the reality around him.
“Did I say something you don’t like?”
“No, continue.”
Minami reached out again for Soubi’s right hand. This time, he took it in his right and pulled Soubi’s fingers to his left wrist. The blind man leaned forward calling for Soubi to do that same. He leaned until his lips brushed against the younger man’s cheek. As Soubi’s fingers touched Minami’s wrist, etched words flared to life on the skin. He couldn’t write read what they said, but it didn’t matter. Minami tilted his head and whispered in his ear.
“Our name was Godless.”
Soubi could feel lips curling into a smile against his ear as they added, “As should have yours.”
That meant his mother was Minami’s…
He jerked his hand back and backed away from the wheelchair. The word Godless was still glowing on Minami’s wrist accusingly.
“Don’t you want to hear about how she died?”
Soubi shook his head and kept taking steps back, away from the man in the wheelchair. He spun around and quickly walked toward the door. This was too much, he couldn’t bear to be in the same room as this man.
“She died with tears clouding her eyes. It was beautiful. It was her punishment.”
Soubi look at Minami with wild eyes. The man had his back turned, just as he had been when Soubi first entered. There was no sign of him having moved, yet with only words, he had dealt more pain than any physical wound could have. It made everything he had endured so much worse.
“It was her punishment, and it shall be yours as well.”
The young man rushed out and slammed the door behind him.
White tension pressed upon his eyes.
A woman with flowers entered the room he had just left, looking after him curiously.
“Was that Soubi?” she asked Minami as she threw away the withered flowers on the table and replaced them with the ones in her arms.
The blind man turned his wheelchair around and smiled smugly.
“Don’t worry, he’ll be back.”
White.
White walls, white bed, white curtains.
The room was completely bare except for a few withering flowers on a table. Sunlight streamed through the windows, stealing the color out of everything, including the man sitting in his wheelchair. The man was dressed in pure white and had his back to the door. Soubi couldn’t see the man’s face, but he didn’t have to. He already knew the smug and self-satisfied expression that would greet him.
“I’ve been waiting for you. I knew you couldn‘t resist coming,” the man said, motionless except for his lips, which twisted into subtle sneer.
Soubi pulled his white coat closed, as if it could conceal him amongst the colorless elements of the infirmary room. He didn’t know whether to approach the man or not. His feet felt too heavy to move, but his mind was a fury of thoughts that demanded him to go. The man in the wheelchair chuckled at his hesitation to step past the doorway. At this taunt, Soubi narrowed his eyes and forced his feet to carry him to the man.
He slowed his steps as he reached the wheelchair. His gaze traveled to the man’s bandaged eyes. Even though he knew those piercing eyes were gone, there was something about the bandages that frightened him. Not wanting to be so close to the man, Soubi took a step further and leaned against the window, half sitting on the sill.
“Could you move a bit to the right? You’re blocking the sunlight,” the man complained in a casual tone, “I’m still trying to learn to feel everything.”
Soubi grudgingly slid a bit to the right and let the sun illuminate the man’s face. He pulled out a cigarette and fumbled in his pockets for his lighter. The injured man turned his way curiously. Soubi tossed his long hair out the way and lit the cigarette, subsequently blowing out a few circles of smoke. The scent immediately polluted the clear sterile air of the room.
“Didn’t anyone tell you that it is impolite to smoke in an infirmary?”
The young man made a sound of ironic disbelief and bent down to blow a large puff of smoke into the older man’s face.
“I didn’t come to see you be pathetic,” Soubi said harshly. He leaned heavily on the window sill and crossed his feet. Ash was falling on the immaculately clean ground, but he couldn‘t care less.
“Does it please you to see me like this, Soubi-kun?”
The pale man smiled wistfully and reached up with one hand to lightly touch his bandages.
“I don’t give a damn how you are.” Soubi took a long drag of his cigarette and tapped more ash onto the ground. He knew that ash irritated the man and so he took extra care to spread it everywhere so the scent of cigarettes could linger long after her had left, as a reminder.
“The day you please me is the day you die…” he said with much distain before adding in a mocking afterthought, “…Minami-sensei.”
Minami made no protests. He merely said, “And yet you still come back to see me. How touching.”
“I want to know about names. I want to know my mother’s name,” Soubi said forcefully, ignoring Minani’s previous comment. He watched Minani’s face intently, paying attention to every small movement. Without eyes, it was hard to tell what the man was thinking, not that his cold eyes were ever particularly revealing. Minami opened his lips slightly as if you speak, but stopped abruptly. He thoughtfully rested his chin on his hand.
“You mother’s name was Agatsuma Ariya.”
Soubi frowned and glared at the man.
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Nagisa told me she was a fighter as well. She also said names are passed down from a parent to a child when they die.”
Minami leaned back in his chair and rubbed his left wrist as if it was cramping. He smiled enigmatically and said, “come here Soubi-kun. Come here.” He reached out his hand to beckon the younger man.
Hesitating for a moment, Soubi stubbed out his cigarette on the window sill and took two steps, landing him right in front of his former teacher. Minami took his hand in a firm grasp and tugged on it, signaling him to kneel until they were at a more equal level. The blind man slid his hand up Soubi’s arm, past his shoulder, and paused at the bandages of his neck. The cold fingers examined his bandaged neck, but made no attempt to remove them. Soubi shuddered at the gesture, but found himself frozen, unable to protest.
“I should have never given you to him. If I had known he would damage you, I wouldn’t have.”
The fingers moved to touch his jaw line, paused again at his lips before moving on to see every feature of his face. They brushed past his ears, down his nose, tracing his brow line and feeling each eye with gentle care. Minami’s hand treated him as if he were a precious piece of artwork that could crumble if the touches had too much pressure.
“Such fierce eyes, Soubi-kun,” The hand kept on until they ran through the individual strands of his almost colorless hair. Minami continued, “You are growing to look more like her everyday.”
“Tell me about her, or I will leave,” Soubi said sharply.
“She was beautiful. She looked like sunlight…Ariya. Ariya was a cruel woman. Cruel to me, cruel to you.”
Minani twisted the corners of his mouth into an ironic smile. He took his hand back and laid it on his lap, laying his other hand over it. The man drew a long breath and continued.
“Your mother…she broke the rules and cursed you for life. Fighters are not supposed to be with Sacrifices of another name, much less have a child with them. You shouldn‘t exist. You are what happens when fate doesn‘t know what to do. You are forever doomed to be used.”
Soubi stiffened and clenched his fists. It hurt his left hand to do so, but the pain kept him aware of the reality around him.
“Did I say something you don’t like?”
“No, continue.”
Minami reached out again for Soubi’s right hand. This time, he took it in his right and pulled Soubi’s fingers to his left wrist. The blind man leaned forward calling for Soubi to do that same. He leaned until his lips brushed against the younger man’s cheek. As Soubi’s fingers touched Minami’s wrist, etched words flared to life on the skin. He couldn’t write read what they said, but it didn’t matter. Minami tilted his head and whispered in his ear.
“Our name was Godless.”
Soubi could feel lips curling into a smile against his ear as they added, “As should have yours.”
That meant his mother was Minami’s…
He jerked his hand back and backed away from the wheelchair. The word Godless was still glowing on Minami’s wrist accusingly.
“Don’t you want to hear about how she died?”
Soubi shook his head and kept taking steps back, away from the man in the wheelchair. He spun around and quickly walked toward the door. This was too much, he couldn’t bear to be in the same room as this man.
“She died with tears clouding her eyes. It was beautiful. It was her punishment.”
Soubi look at Minami with wild eyes. The man had his back turned, just as he had been when Soubi first entered. There was no sign of him having moved, yet with only words, he had dealt more pain than any physical wound could have. It made everything he had endured so much worse.
“It was her punishment, and it shall be yours as well.”
The young man rushed out and slammed the door behind him.
White tension pressed upon his eyes.
A woman with flowers entered the room he had just left, looking after him curiously.
“Was that Soubi?” she asked Minami as she threw away the withered flowers on the table and replaced them with the ones in her arms.
The blind man turned his wheelchair around and smiled smugly.
“Don’t worry, he’ll be back.”
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