Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > So Little Time

I'm Not Okay

by xleftxbehindx 2 reviews

Oh Gerard. Why did you do it?

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: G - Genres: Angst - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way - Published: 2008-06-12 - Updated: 2008-06-12 - 551 words

Sorry I haven't updated in a long time. I've been busy. This chapter is short but I felt it was needed. Enjoy.

Gerard's POV

I sat there all alone, watching Frank sleep off his fever, trying to battle the dark thoughts that assaulted my mind. With every breath that Frank took my heart clenched in fear, knowing that it could be his last. It’s my fault, my mind told me. You could have saved him but you didn’t even care enough to take him to a doctor. Now it is too late. You are worthless, pathetic, why are you here? Watching over him like it will save him. Stop lying to yourself. Nothing you do will ever help him. You aren’t worthy of him. You should be the one dying instead of him.

I clutched my head in my hands and moaned. I hated this, when my mind takes over. I feel disgusting. I needed to silence the voice, and the only way to do that was to get so drunk that I couldn’t hear it anymore.

I stumbled to my feet and down to the kitchen searching for anything alcoholic. Of course I had nothing; I was a recovering alcoholic after all. But the voice continued to torment me. I couldn’t take it, I had to please it. I dug in a drawer under my counter and pulled out a slender knife. Yes, the voice would be pleased. I deserve to hurt, it told me, if I deserved anything at all, I deserved to hurt. I placed the blade to my arm and pressed down. The blood flowed from me and the voice disappeared back into my mind. I breathed a sigh of relief when suddenly the knife was knocked out of my hand and I was embraced by someone warm.

“Oh Gerard. Why did you do it?” Frank sobbed.

“Frank, I though you were asleep,” I mumbled. Frank just collapsed into my arms in sorrow.

“Why?” he whimpered.

“I’m so sorry babe,” I cooed. “It’s just that sometimes, I can’t resist.”

“I never want you to feel that way, Gee,” he whimpered. “Please tell me if you feel like doing it again.”

“I promise,” I stroked his beautiful hair out of his eyes. “And I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he sighed. “I forgive you.”

I carried Frank back up to my room and laid him back down.

“Now you need to go back to sleep,” I commanded.

“Promise you’ll be fine?” he asked.

“I promise,” I answered firmly. I tucked Frankie in as he closed his eyes wearily, then I headed downstairs to clean myself up. I felt guilty for doing it to myself, but mostly for worrying Frank. I just couldn’t stop myself sometimes. The voice inside me was so powerful that I was nothing compared to it. Only Frankie made it go away. What was I going to do when he was gone? I can’t live without him. No, I told myself. I have to stop thinking like that. I have to be strong, for Frank.

Ok so what did you think? Also go read my new one shot The Tragic End. I worked really hard on it and I would love some feedback.
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