- I'll second JDE's comment - this story gets better as it goes along.
I've seen other stories that use a similar plot device in which Harry is trained elsewhere and comes to Hogwarts with a mission to kill Voldemort and annoy Dumbledore. This story stands out among those, I think, because your Harry has such a well-developed personality; he can radiate badassery when he needs to, but he can also be friendly, polite, and gentle, and even a bit of a sexual innocent. That makes him a lot more fun to read than if he were a one-dimensional Super!Harry.
I like your Hermione and Neville too, for similar reasons. I want to like Susan, but we haven't seen as much depth from her yet. I hope you'll give her more screen time soon.
Your chapters start and end in good places, and there's very little waste in between. I'd say they're just the right length.
Thanks for writing! I'm looking forward to more.
- Just lovely.
How many steps could a Veela take, you think? 2, or all of them? Just a thought. The fight scene was good but brief, and if anyone complains that your chapters are too long, shoot them. It's a mercy killing.
I seem to recall an episode/book, where Remo pressed a disturbing woman's neck, sending her into a 10 minute orgasm, just to get her out of the way. Wouldn't that be great against an obstructive Skeeter? Just another thought. How many U's are there really in "Continue"?
- I'm sure that some would accuse you of writing a 'super-Harry' story here. I personally dislike those sorts of stories as it destroys most of the character challenges. However, in this case, you have justifiably created something approaching (but not quite being) a true super-Harry. With his training in Sinanju, Harry is going to be faster, stronger and more capable a fighter than about 99% of the foes he will meet in the wizarding world. However, he is still mortal and fallible, which gives this story is important edge over more clichéd super-Harry stories.
This aside, I have found your writing of a 'world without Harry' quite interesting. It is clear that Dumbledore will continually indulge Snape and the Slytherins out of some senile need to 'not drive the children away'. Susan nearly getting raped was the consequence.
Will this story have any long-term shipping? At this stage, I would say 'no', although Harry might take eitehr Susan or (more likely) Hermione as a lover for the length of the assignment to Hogwarts, the life of an international assassin-for-hire does not lend itself to starting a family.
I wonder... is there a clause in Sinanju contracts that allows for the termination of a client if they attempt deception or betrayal? If so, Dumbledore could be in trouble.
BenRG's Rating: 8/10
Author's response- In fairness, most of the challenges that Sinanju!Harry is facing comes from the 'light' side of the equation...
- That and Malfoy senior protected Draco from the consequences of his actions... I just realized I forgot to have Harry bitch slap Wrong Hole around in chapter three... I'll have to work on that.
- No, no shipping. Harry is there for a job and not looking for an attachment. Plenty of time for that later. Which isn't to say he isn't going to practice with all the girls willing to work out with him...
- Hell, there are clauses in the Sinanju contract that makes annoying the master fatal. Apprentices can be annoyed at will, but you payment had best be in full and on time.
(#) PerfesserN 2009-01-14Excellent chapter, I especially like the “stranger in a strange land” aspect, the twist being that Harry understands the culture - that of a stagnant oligarchy, and then uses his special form of social ju-jitsu to throw it back in their faces.
Right now he is just what Magical Britain needs, a fresh new point of view to point out its most glaring errors.
Maybe, in some off-hand way, he can convince Dumbles and the Geezergamot that Voldemort was inevitable. He was, in fact, a product of their own making, and, barring any changes, will just be the prelude to a truly dangerous Dark Lord (or Lady).
I look forward to updates on this and your other fascinating stories.
I won’t ask you to update often, but would be grateful if you would hint at which story you’ll be updating (and/or finishing) next.
Write on, write on.
Author's response- Well, the multi chapter story that has gone the longest without an update is Distaff Side, but I haven't been getting anywhere with it (trying to think up a prank to pull on the minders) I've actually been making progress on chapter 12 of Technomage, so it will probably be ready to post next.
- .... they want shorter chapters personaly I like the longer ones so please take that with a grain of salt and keep up the good work the story is outstanding and very intresting to read love the note about not getting past 10 steps and cant wait to see who gets the highest number.... on other note love the personality of harry in this and like that remo is well remo keep up the good work and cant wait for the next chapter...
- I was delighted when I saw that you'd updated this one. It is one of my current favourites.
There is something about the way you write that appeals to me, a certain flavour that defies my conscious minds efforts to describe.
It began with the marriage contracts and continues on.
The chapter length is just fine, as many others have stated. I was a faithful reader of the Destroyer-series in my youth and am a patter about your interpretation of it.
I do favor strong Harry's and you provide. Am hoping for spectacular smackdowns of Snape, McGonnagall & Dumbledore in the future.
Thank you for your efforts!
(#) Reckless_Youth 2009-01-14I've been a fan of the Destroyer for a long time. I love the series. (the movie Remo was good too) I love to see how much changes that happened when Harry wasn't there. Not to mention how the Wizarding World is reacting to the "silent whirlwind" that's Harry. It's just cook to see what happens next. The fight scenes are great and the reactions are good too.
One question though: When are you going to continue your Hawk and Dove crossover, I liked that was well next to Sun Source, Technomage your Hawk and Dove story got my interest as well. Keep it up with the stories
(#) cloneserpents 2009-01-15Looks like I was wrong assuming Susan with her Hufflepuff tenacity would make it well into the double digits. At lest she made it to ten.
So Voldemort needs Harry for a body swap or the like. Whew! I was worried that this was going to be one of those types of fics (just kidding.)
Harry’s tee-shirt is very fitting. Not "fitting" as if "form-fitting" but "fitting" as in... oh you get the point.
So the Veela blood mucked up Voldemort’s resurrection? That’s a new twist I haven’t seen before.
Uh-oh. Chiun is coming to Hogwarts? That should be interesting
Shawn (a.k.a. cloneserpents)
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