After batteling the dementors at the end of his third year at Hogwart's, Harry notices himself going through some changes. He's a male Veela! The first in hundreds of years. Follow him on his new a...
(#) juggler196 2008-04-23 09:42:12 PMThis is a new twist on the usual 'male Veela' story. I especially like the fact that he can't hide his wings at will. I've read A LOT of stories where Harry is perfect/god-like and it's always nice to read a story where he is really cool/strong but also has some limitations (even if they are small). Can't wait for the next chapter.
- Sounds promising, im glad you didn't drag on the whole training like some people do.
In your a/n you mentioned that you are probably going for Harry/Fleur ship, maybe it’s an idea for multiship, he is a Veela after all?
Also can Harry fly or float with his wings? They are pretty big but big enough to support his weight?
Also i hope you aren't going to let him freak out when girls flirt with him etc. It’s always nice to read Confident!Independant!Harry fic.
Good luck with your next chapter!
(#) haroon_angel 2008-04-24 03:55:04 AMGreat Start Mate and you have really Brought some New Changes in Male Veela Plot but it was Greatly appreciated.
I hope you will update it soon and Harry/Fleur Pairing should Work Perfectly because she might be the only one around his Age who will understand him and his Powers although I think Harry Should use his Powers aroung others Girls and take some Advantage.
- /His magic flowed into his wand until he literally felt a couple of connections snap in it. He knew that he needed to be to assimilate the memories he had areceived. He knew that this would take quite a bit of time so he needed a spell to slow down the time flow in his room compared to the outside...
... He would now have more than enough time, one day in the room equaled one hour outside of it. The circle had been sucked into the floor as the light had faded and could only be countered by Harry spilling his blood on it willingly./
One thing here. You just triggered a pet peeve of mine. Harry sped up time in his room. He did not make it pass more slowly than it does in the outside world. If one day passed in his room while an hour passed outside, then time is flowing faster where he is; thus his ritual was a time speeding one.
- Quite the interesting start to your story; there are a few typos but nothing too jarring to the reader. I'll be looking forward to seeing where this story goes and while I can see Harry/Fleur as the primary relationship, his being a male veela makes it likely, to me, that overall it should be a Harry/multi story.
(#) toranosuke 2008-04-24 11:47:36 AMAn interesting start but please do not make Harry so overwhelmingly powerful that he can defeat any order member in a duel. Just because he has the knowledge doesn't mean he can use it well (yet).
As for the ship, I don't mind Harry/multi but just don't overdo it (we don't need a new girl every chapter, no one is able to resist him, etc).
This is well written apart from a few odd phrases here and there. There is potential here and I can't wait to see what you do with it.
(#) thedon1023 2008-04-24 02:00:45 PMit would be easier if Harry learned to turn himself invisible like Dumbledoor does and instead of willing his entire body invisible he would just will his wings invisible. he could probably work somethin out with runes that allows for him to keep his wings hidden even when not consciously trying to hide em like if he was sleeping or knocked out somehow but at the sametime allows for him to show the wings when he wants to. iono just a thought.anyways please update soon
(#) jabarber69 2008-04-24 03:30:22 PMHey I like your story but I got to be honest, I stopped reading it when you got to the point where it stated his wings are always there, he cant retract them at will, which I figure would be a major bummer, I know I wouldnt want them if I couldnt retract them at will.
- Male Veela. hmmm, bit of a cliche, but workable.
The main issue I have with what you have written are all the Deux Ex Machina magics you pulled to give Harry the freedom he needs. It's all a bit to convenient.
He doesn't really have to work to get what he needs. It's just dropped into his lap. No challenge what so ever. What's worse it all seems like one big cliche used by "Lazy" writers that want to get to the "good part".
This is not meant as a flame, just constructive critisisme.