this is a very good idea!
so i guess they sorta "saved my life",
not drastically like i was an alchoholic or was like taking lots of pills or anything, but as other people already said, they did impact me.
it's kind of personal and i don't really ever tell people about like shitty things that happen in my life, because i don't want pity points or whatever.
but for the sake of your story i'm willing to share.
SO
way back in eighth grade i was a pretty happy girl and i had so many friends.
midway through the year i started dating this guy named Eric, who was a year younger than me, and he was PERFECT. he had the long brown hair, he was really tall (like 6 feet), attractive, played football/basketball/baseball, so my parents loved him. and everything was so great.
then after school got out he started acting more distant and i started feeling really sad that he was going to break up with me. instead of me just doing it, i waited around, which made it worse because i was holding onto something that i didn't really have anymore.
then a week before my freshman year, we finally broke up.
it was the worst, hardest breakup i have ever been through.
what happened was, i went to his first or second football game, and it was an away game. (and my dad was his coach) we barely talked and at the end i gave him a note about how i felt like things were different.
that night i called and he "was busy" and said he'd call me later. he didn't call until the next day.
on the phone he didnt mention the whole note thing, so finally i brought it up and he was like "well we'll never see eachother" and kept bringing up that.
finally i just said "if you want to break up, just tell me please."
and that was that.
he said we would still be friends, and he lied.
all this leads up to how i became extremely anti-social and would cry a lot over like nothing. and it sounds so stupid because, i was only what, fourteen? but it was really bad.
im of course still not over eric, because i can't find a reason to hate him.
and i'm still sad a lot, but there's other things like how my dad is the biggest asshole and my little brother (who i used to be so close to) is turning into a douchebag just like him.
stuff all put together in my life has lead me to be suicidal at points.
for example, sophomore year, in the fall, i was really anit-social again and would think of ways to just get out of this life. i used to just sit next to my window and look outside while i thought of how life is useless because in the end i will just die and be dead, because i don't believe in religion (in my opinion its just something that a bunch of people made up to comfort themselves from the truth; that you die and then you rot and its nothingness)
i remember the one person i ever confided in was my friend michelle. it was midnight and i had slept over her house and ended up telling her how i feel so helpless. she told me to talk to my mom, i didn't.
SO mcr comes into the picture when,
one day i randomly got the life on the murder scene dvd, because i liked mcr.
i watched it and could just relate to them, and their music, and i took up guitar because of them.
AND I PRETTY MUCH FELL IN LOVE WITH THEM EVEN MORE.
whenever i'm feeling shitty i just put on my chem and play my guitar along, or lay in my bed and stare at the ceiling while i listen to them.
they're such a huge influence to me, and i look up most to frank because we're both vegitarian and are all for animal rights, and other stuff like that.
i just love them SO. MUCH. and my friends get all annoyed b/c i talk about them all the time.
they don't really know about how i feel
but i wish they did so i could say, "well, would you rather me talk about mcr, or sit here and think up a suicide plan?"
and the other thing with mcr is, how gerard and mikey have been through being suicidal and unhappy,
and now they're trying to help out teens that are feeling this way.
it makes me not want to do it, and i've become somewhat happier and i've stopped thinking about wanting to die.
it feels so wierd to type these thoughts out, because i never have before.
there's so much more to it but i dont want you to think i'm wierd for just dumping it all on you.
so i'll just stop now.
hopefully all of this kind of made sense... ha