Review for Stay With Me.

Stay With Me.

(#) CarcinoGeneticist 2012-11-18

Yes, it's sad. Let's look beyond that, shall we?

Grammatically, it should be 'Gazed', not 'Dazed'. Or maybe the whole largely-concussed thing was what you're going for?
Dying, dying, dying...Notebook or something worthy death scene. Okay, then.
Personally, I would have included morphine, at least a little, mostly for the side effects. And for the line, "Gerard hates it", I would go with, "He hates it". But that's just writing stylistic differences, so pay that no mind if you don't agree.

It's hard to critique this at all, because there isn't actually a lot there. Sure, it's a well-written death scene. It's actually and extremely well-written death scene. But a death scene is still a death scene. There's not much room for improvement.
That's a good thing, because there's really not much to improve here. Go through the grammar and syntax, though. It's icking up your story. You misspelled 'Beginning'. ARGH! ARGH ARGH!

It's good. There's just not enough of it. Think you can carry this over for a few more chapters?

Author's response

LOL you're right, it might be frustrating sorry, do take in to account I wrote this quite a while ago and was really tired so maybe that influences on the fact that it is very short.

I've also tried also to continue but ugh, I need more brainstorms for a background story or something. Other than that I'm working on other stuff at the moment and considering leaving it as a oneshot for the moment. Thanks for the criticism! Helped a lot, I'll check the story tomorrow.