FicWad

Gerard spent Thursday alone. It was what he wanted. He wandered along stopping at small shops but in truth he was completely lost in thought. How had it all turned out like this? The fact that he was truly alone was sinking into his soul. He had lost it all, his home, and his family. This wasn’t supposed to happen, it was wrong. But for the life of him he couldn’t think how to make it right. He needed to find a way home. He needed his life back. He needed Monica; she was his life, his way back home.
It was getting late in the day when he stopped in a small coffee shop. The place was almost deserted and he took his latte and settled down at a small table. Taking out his laptop he began to pour out his feelings. Soon the screen was filled with his pain. All the hurt of his brothers betrayal, his misplaced anger with Monica, the pain of Liv’s death, it was all there in words. But the words were song lyrics. As he released the pain he felt his soul try to take flight. It has been in the darkness too long. It needed the light. As he looked over all he’d poured out it came to him. He must his way back home. There was only one way to do that. He leaned back and closed his eyes. Silently he prayed he would find the way.

Monica had dropped Elle off at Donna’s and was spending the day looking for a job. She was just leaving the third job interview when the feeling overtook her. She drove along the familiar streets never stopping to question her path. She knew her destination. It was a place she’s found solace once before.
Parking outside the mausoleum she took a deep breath and turned off the car. At first Monica didn’t move, she simply sat trying to collect her thoughts. Why was she here? The answer was buried deep in her heart but she knew it was there waiting.
The peaceful feeling that filled her as she walked inside caused her to pause and take a deep breath. Slowly she walked to Elena’s final resting place and simply waited. She believed with all her heart this was where she needed to be and that thought scared her. Why come here? The logical part of her brain told her it was hopeless. It told her that she was just causing herself more pain, yet in her heart she knew this was right. Monica closed her eyes and opened her heart, waiting.
Her whispers filled the emptiness, “Elena the things I did were for him. I wanted to hate Liv for claiming his heart so long ago but I couldn’t. I tried to understand she would always be part of his past that he couldn’t forget. I cared for her, I watched him hold her in his arms at the end of her life. I held Liv’s secret deep in my heart because I knew it would devastate him. “ She paused as tears rolled down her cheeks, “I did it all because I love him so much. Now, I’ve lost him.” Her voice broke, “I’ve failed him. My love wasn’t enough. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Please help me.”

Gerard’s eyes flew open. A sudden feeling he couldn’t explain came over him. The fear, regret, and emptiness still filled his soul yet there was something else. He looked back at the computer screen at his words. These were for her. He saved them then repacked his things. He knew he needed to focus on the tour. It was almost over then he would return home. A feeling of hope flickered in his soul. He was afraid to acknowledge it, afraid that if he did, it might fade. Yet he held that small flame of hope. It was all he had.

Monica left the mausoleum just at the heavens opened and released the rain. She walked slowly to her car not caring that she was getting soaked. The raindrops matched her tears. She had found no answers. Maybe that was because she already knew the answer; he was lost to her forever. He didn’t love her, maybe he never had.

“Come on. We’ll change then head out for dinner.” Bob grabbed Kara’s hand and pulled her up the bed and breakfast front stairs. He tried not to moan as his leg muscles protested with each step. Who would have thought bike riding would make him feel like an old man. With each step he cursed the bikes they’d rented for the day.
“What’s the hurry?” Kara asked as she stumbled along behind him.
“Hungry.” Bob answered. He wasn’t going to share the fact he was hoping not to run into the innkeeper again. He was blaming her for the bike ride idea at the moment.
Kara smiled. “Wasn’t our ride fun? This is such a beautiful place. Maybe we can go on another ride tomorrow.”
Bob groaned to himself and made a mental note to plan something else for tomorrow that did not involve two wheels.
They made it in the front door and half way up the stairs leading to their room when Mrs. Lancaster appeared, “Well, here’s the happy couple now. So didcha enjoy your bike ride?”
They both halted on the stairs.
“It was great.” Kara said grinning, “I haven’t ridden a bike in years.”
Bob remained silent. He hadn’t ridden a bike in years and after today hoped to make that a true statement in the years to come. The calves of his legs were screaming. Shit, he thought to himself, they must have ridden a good ten miles.
“And Bob?” Mrs. Lancaster looked at him expectantly.
Bob looked at her blankly a moment then realized she was waiting for his take on the day. “Uh, it was great.” He said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.
“Well then, that’s good dontcha know. So, ya sure you two can’t take your dinner with me and Herbert? I’ve made a yummy pot roast.”
Bob had visions of his breakfast drowning in syrup flash through his head, “Uh, sorry but we’ve already made plans.” He could see Kara out of the corner of his eye give him a puzzled look.
“Ah well then, too bad for ya. Guess I won’t be seen ya two until breakfast in the morning, then.”
Bob tried not to cringe. He and Kara smiled and started up the stairs.
“Ya two love birds let me know if ya need anything.” Mrs. Lancaster called after them. “We’re here to please, dontcha know.”
“Thanks” Kara said as Bob pulled her up the stairs behind him.
Once they reached their room Kara pulled her hand from his, “Okay, what’s wrong?”
Bob fell into a chair, “Wrong?”
Kara smiled, “Yes, wrong.
“Nothing.” Bob said as he leaned down to untie his shoes with a grimace.
Kara crossed the room and knelt down in front of him. She gently pushed him back and took control of the shoelaces. “Bob, don’t you like it here?”
He sat back and closed his eyes. “I like it here.”
Kara untied both shoes then slipped them off his feet. She sat back on her heels and looked up at him. “Don’t lie. You’re not happy.”
“I’m happy.” Bob said opening his eyes and looking into her face. God, he loved her. She as so young and beautiful. The thought struck him and he frowned.
“Okay, now what? You’re frowning.”
Bob didn’t want to discuss this. He tried to stand but his legs started to cramp up and he sat back down.
“What’s wrong?” Kara asked, “Your legs hurt?”
He didn’t want to admit they did. “No.”
Kara laughed, “Oh, yes they do. Crap, my legs are screaming. We must have peddled ten miles today.”
Bob looked at her closely, “Really?”
At first Kara was confused by his behavior then it came to her. He didn’t want to admit the bike ride had taken its toll on him. “Bob, are you having one of those ‘Kara is so much younger than me’ moments?”
At first he simply stared at her then he broke out in laughter, “I can’t get anything by you, can I?”
Kara stood, “Nope. And stop thinking like that. That bike ride was just as hard for me. After a few miles I really wanted to stop but you seemed so into it I didn’t. My legs hurt.”
“You did?” Bob questioned. “Why didn’t you say so?”
“Cause I thought you were having a good time.”
Bob reached up and pulled her on to his lap. “I was having a good time because I was with you.” He said hugging her close.
“Same here.” Kara said. They were quiet a moment then Kara spoke. “Hey, I have an idea. Since both of our legs hurt how about we take a shower together then I’ll massage your legs and you can massage mine.”
Bob liked the way she was thinking. “But what about dinner?”
“I saw a little restaurant a few blocks down the road. We can walk that far.” She teased. She nuzzled his ear. “But later.” She purred. “Much later.”
“Christ woman. I love you.” Bob said before capturing her lips.