FicWad

8…Take This To My Grave!

“I can’t believe you!” A cold hand clasped around my throat, shoving me against the back of our house: Winter.
“What…did…I…do?!” I choked, my hands scraping at hers feebly.
“You told him!” She raised me an inch with every word; I was getting dizzy. “You told the fucking human!” There was no question in her voice.
“How…are…you…so sure?” Off the ground now, I focused on pushing her away.
“Summer saw it.” Damn damn damn. Whose side was she on anyways?
“Winter, put her down before you kill her!” Almost immediately, Winter dropped me in the little snow left on the ground.
“Yes, Summer” She said sardonically, stalking back into the house. Summer helped me up.
“Are you okay?” I nodded, brushing the snow off myself. Her smile faded.
“Ivy’s home…” Shit.
“Oh.”
”She wants to talk to you.” I knew it. She didn’t like Gerard the first time she met him (he was hung over) and I knew she wouldn’t have anything good to say about him this time. Ivy was only home once every two or three months; her job was demanding.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Autumn!” she cried out suddenly. “I didn’t mean to tell her, It just happened…”
“It’s okay, she would have found out anyway.” Nervous, I stepped inside, kicked my shoes off and walked to where my mother was sitting at the kitchen table.
“Autumn…” She had a stern, business-like expression on her face; like I was one of her coworkers and not her daughter.
“Hi, Mom…” I murmured. I kept my eyes on my toes, waiting to hear the worst.
“I heard from someone-” Winter, duh. “- that you were courting a human…”
“Yeah…” I said quieter this time
“Well?”
“Well what?”
“I’m very disappointed in you.” I sighed.
“Yeah, I heard”
“And you also told it everything.” I looked up for the first time.
“Whoa, hold on…Gerard is not an it…He’s a guy. Just ‘cause he’s human…”
“Doesn’t make it better for you to tell him everything!” My face felt hot
“I didn’t tell him everything, Mom, I told him what I was!”
”Because you did it again, didn’t you?” We were shouting now
“Well, sorry Ivy, if I didn’t want to watch him get destroyed by some rouge Deamon!”
“That’s it…” She said, shaken. “You are not to see him any more.” My heart dropped.
“Because he’s human? Remember Dad, Mom? He wasn’t exactly-”
“Your father didn’t dress that way.” She snapped bitterly. I sighed, giving up.
“Yes Mother”
“I don’t care…human, angel, whatever…anyone but him.” Tears spilled down my cheeks as I nodded, turned and walked away.
………………………….
“Autumn…? Is something wrong?” All of them had concerned looks on their faces at lunch the next day, even Victoria. I shook my head. If I spoke, I could risk crying or throwing up, both of which felt like they were going to happen since I left my house that morning. Winter had an extremely smug grin on her face when I passed her in the hall. I couldn’t stand it anymore.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly before tearing for the bathroom, slamming myself in a stall. I choked down sobs so that the other girls wouldn’t hear me.
“Oh, I know, what a tramp…” a high-pitched voice came from the other side of the lavatory; it wasn’t alone.
“I know, she sleeps with that kid from that private school doesn’t she?” They were talking about Victoria, it was spread out all over their thoughts.
“That’s what I heard” A different voice, slightly rougher.
“And she hangs out with the weirdest people, like that Autumn girl and Gerard…ugh.” The high-pitched voice again.
”Oh, Olivia! You used to like him!” Something stabbed at my heart.
“Ew, I know…Way over him, dearies.” They tittered, and left.
“Autumn?” It was Victoria. I came out of the stall, wiping my eyes on my sleeve.
“Love, what’s wrong?” I swallowed another sob
“I…Gerard…” Her face grew more and more worried.
“Did he do something?” I shook my head.
“I’m not allowed…..to see him…..anymore.” Her eyes grew wide.
“Autumn! Why?” And I recounted what happened after his detention, what I told Gerard later, and how my mother reacted.
“Oh, god…” she said, softly.
“I’m going to do it…after school today…y’know, get it over with…don’t string him along…”
“But winter formal’s this Friday! Will you have another date in time?” I smiled slightly.
“I’ll manage.”
“You know who Ray’s taking to the dance?”
“Who?”
”Now, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but…” She leaned in really close. “Your sister.” She whispered. Winter coming to mind, I gasped, horrified.
“Winter?! Is he mental?” She rolled her eyes.
“No, you idiot, Spring.” Oh. This was…surprising. I didn’t know they knew each other existed.
“Yeah, I was shocked too. They only met, like, once, and that was at my birthday party.”
“Why did you invite her to that anyway?”
“She looked like she hadn’t left the house in years” The bell rang.
“Come on, let’s get you to class.” She grabbed my arm and forced me out of the bathroom.
……………………………………………
“Hey Autumn…” I was walking home from school, seeing if I could postpone talking to him until after the dance. Unfortunately, I couldn’t.
“Hey, Gee…” My voice wavered. I walked at a quicker pace, trying to get home as soon as possible.
“Are you okay?” He took longer strides to try and catch up. I walked faster still.
“I’m fine, Gerard, I just had a fight with my sisters, that’s all.” I bit the inside of my mouth to keep from crying; I’d have to do it sometime or other.
“Oh, okay…” I stepped over a snow pile “Victoria said there was something you needed to tell me.” Victoria…great.
“Um…in a minute. I have a lot on my mind…right now.” I swallowed, turning a corner into my neighborhood.
“Hon, are you sure? You look sick,” His brows furrowed in confusion. I couldn’t do this. I can’t break his heart.
“I’m fine,” I repeated. He smiled at me and put his arm around my shoulder. My home was just a few houses down; I had to do this. I broke free from him and walked a few paces in front of him. I stopped when he wouldn’t follow.
“Gerard…I don’t think we should go out anymore.” Tears ran down my nose, falling and melting the snow off my shoes.
“Oh.” I sniffled and turned to look at him. He was crying, too.
“Gerard, I’m sorry, I just-” He cut me off.
“I know. I’m not what you are and I never will be.” He looked at his toes, kicking the ice around.
“Gee…” He looked up. His normally bright hazel eyes were darker and bloodshot.
“I love you, Autumn.” And he turned on his heel and ran away.
………………………………………………..
I didn’t know what time it was. I knew it was night; there was a window in the bathroom that I locked myself in when I got home. What could I do? I hated myself for what I was. I didn’t ask for this. I hated Ivy for not understanding. I hated Winter for not caring. I hated Olivia for…being a bitch. I opened my eyes for the first time in what felt (and probably was) hours. I felt drunk, I felt dead. I picked myself up off the bathroom floor, and saw my reflection. Make up made streaks down my cheeks; my hair was tangled. My eyes looked empty, the green had disappeared completely. Behind the mirror was a medicine cabinet that I had never been in. Curious, I opened the cover and looked inside.
It looked like it hadn’t been touched in years. All of my father’s daily necessities were in here. Cologne, shaving things, hair gel. My eyes settled on a razor, a square sheet of metal tucked neatly in a crevice of the cupboard. I pulled it out, turning it over in my hands.
Escape. Closing the door again, I looked back at my reflection. Was this how it was going to be until I died? One major disappointment after another? Tears started sliding down my face, thinking of Gerard. Humans could feel pain, but they’d forget eventually…they’d move on. Time heals all wounds, and whatnot. But I couldn’t forget.
But maybe I could.
I looked at the razor again. Small, delicate thing…but it was enough. I took the rusty blade across my wrist, blood bloomed like red roses where it touched, running down my arm and flooding the sink. It didn’t hurt. I took it more viciously this time, slashing violently at my skin over and over.
Then I realized I’d gone too far.
Crimson exploded out of my arm, splattering the mirror and walls like a poorly scripted horror flick. But this was no fiction. Pain shot up and down my arm, spreading to my chest. Stars burst like fireworks in my eyes as I gripped the counter for support. My legs felt numb; the room was spinning. I let go of the ledge and collapsed.
On the floor again, I heard my heartbeat pound in my ears. Slower…slower….slower……I was bleeding to death. Slipping in and out of consciousness, hearing voices that weren’t my own. Supposedly, before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. All I saw was him.
Gerard.
And then my heart stopped, my lungs wouldn’t budge. I hoped I was dead.
So that maybe I would forget.