Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Awake
The soft chime of the doorbell sent me flying out of the chair I’d been anxiously bouncing in for the past thirty minutes, skidding across the hardwood in my haste to get to the door and it’s waiting guest. Pulling it open, I forced out a smile of greeting.
“Thanks for coming Gerard…” He nodded curtly, glancing suspiciously around the foyer before his eyes settled on me.
“Where’s Frank?”
“Out. He’ll be gone for a few hours at least.” Again he nodded, allowing me to lead him into the living room, tossing himself down into one of the chairs. I took the seat across from him, my shaking hands gripped furiously together in the hopes of stilling them.
“Why’d you call Kaelin? You made it pretty clear that you didn’t want my help.” I swallowed back the soft tinge of anger in his voice, the hurt that radiated out of those caramel eyes as they stared over at me, fidgeting under his gaze.
“I realized I was wrong…I do need your help. Frank and I both need your help.” His dark brows contracted beneath the white blonde fringe of hair, creasing his forehead as he stared, uncomprehending. “I need to tell you some stuff, some of it you’re probably not going to like…fuck, I don’t like it, but it’s the truth, I swear that to you.” I gazed into those hazel orbs momentarily, silently pleading him to listen, to understand, to believe. At his nod, I continued. “The only other person who knows what I’m about to tell you is Frank. He’s the only person who’s ever understood me, who I could ever trust, and you have to believe that I love him with everything I am. He’s more than I could ever ask for or ever deserve, no matter what you might think.” Swallowing, I bit nervously on my bottom lip, dropping my gaze to the twisting fingers residing in my lap.
A gentle shuffle of the leather brought my gaze back up, blue locking with brown, pale hands entwining with my own, their colors almost a perfect match.
“It’s okay Kaelin…you can trust me.” A soft smile pulled at my lips, the sincerity of his words comforting me in a way I hadn’t known anyone else in the world could.
Closing my eyes, I could picture the scene as if it had all happened yesterday, not more than a year ago; faces and words fresh in my memory, the screams ringing in my ears as loudly as the first time they were uttered.
“I don’t really know where to start this, to make you understand everything…” I looked up pleadingly at his eyes before darting into the story I had kept wrapped up inside myself for too long, a scarf of secrets that was slowly choking the life out of the two people inhabiting this house. “Before Frank I was dating a guy named Bob, he seemed like the perfect boyfriend, you know? We started dating my senior year of high school; he’s actually the one who introduced me to Frank. Anyways, I dated Bob for a little over two years, and at first, everything seemed like a fairytale come true. I should have known better, I guess, but I was young and I’d never really had a serious boyfriend.” My feeble attempt to keep the bitterness out of my voice failed as I recalled with vivid clarity what began just six months into our relationship.
“The first time Bob hit me, I easily convinced myself it must have been a mistake; Bob was not the kind of guy I believed could ever do that to me, so I forgave him. It started happening more frequently, but I forgave him every single time, because he apologized, and well, he just seemed so sincere, and I was in love with him at that point.” I felt the soft squeeze of Gerard’s hand on my shoulder, allowing me to continue. “Soon enough the slaps and shoves turned more violent, the injuries more than small bruises and momentary pain. He pushed me down the stairs, breaking three of my ribs and my right arm.” My gaze dropped to the floor, angry tears blurring the view of pity I couldn’t handle. “The apologies stopped too, replaced instead by threats. He warned me that if I ever tried to leave, if I ever told anyone, he’d kill me and he’d kill my mother, who was my only living relative. I was terrified for my own life, mostly because, maybe I didn’t believe he’d actually go through with the threat against my mother, maybe I was still enough in love with the image of him I’d created that I believed some good still existed inside of him. I will forever hate myself for that mistake.” The familiar tightness was in my throat, my eyes closed against the bitter sting of the awaiting tears.
“As I said, Bob introduced me to Frank, back when he used to take me out, but Bob used to let Frank come over to the house sometimes, none of Bob’s other friends ever came round, but Frank always made a point to talk to me; I think he figured out what Bob was doing. Anyways, one day Frank showed up, Bob wasn’t home, and found me unconscious and bleeding on the floor.” Shifting away from Gerard to pull my knees up to my chest, my breathing would not still, my heart heaving against my ribs as it bid for freedom. Resting my forehead on my bent knees, I bit my bottom lip, breathing through my nose, my voice quiet and muffled against the bare skin of my legs. “I told Frank everything, I knew even then that I could trust him, so I spilled every single detail of my pain, told him about Bob’s threats, and begged him not to say anything to anyone.
Bob came home a few hours later, saw Frank and I together and flipped out. I’d never seen him so angry before, he threw Frank out of the house, beat me worse than ever before; I thought he was finally going to fulfill his threat and kill me because in that moment I realized he could go through with it for real. As he walked out that door, I was, for the first time, afraid for my mother.” Silent tears rushed down my cheeks, my own personal war being lost by the moment, each word breaking down the barrier I had so carefully constructed to protect myself from the feelings swarming with their vicious images and memories. I pulled my knees closer against my chest, the knowledge that I was saving Frankie the only motivation I found to continue.
“He” My throat constricted angrily at the words about to spill themselves from my lips, my hands forcefully shaking as they gripped the cool flesh of my shins. “He killed her…my mom.” I heard Gerard’s sharp gasp, didn’t need to look up to see his creased brows, regret and sorrow shining in his caramel globes to know that it existed. “He came home, covered in blood, and I knew without his admission that it was hers, I knew that he’d finally been good on his promise, and it was all because I couldn’t keep my fucking mouth shut.”
“Kaelin, it’s not-“ A wave of my hand shut his objection down, my head shaking as I pursed my lips.
“He left again soon after and at the time I thought it was fate, that the stars had finally aligned themselves for me and that this was my chance for escape. Looking back on it all now, I can see it for exactly what it was; he wanted to see how I would react, because in the end, I had become too submissive. He wanted it to end with a fight, he needed the chase that me leaving would provide, and I gave him exactly what he wanted. I called Frankie, told him what happened and he came back over to the house and we left. I convinced myself that it was all over, that Frank was my knight in shining armor and we could live happily ever after.” I chanced my first glance at Gerard, his own hazel eyes shining bright, harsh Jersey sunlight bouncing off his white-blonde hair. “Happily ever after doesn’t exist. Bob called the police shortly after I left, told them that Frankie had killed my mom, that he had kidnapped me as well; he played the distraught boyfriend, spinning lies to the cops while I ran for my life. I don’t think he really thought they would figure it out, it was more just an obstacle he wanted to set for us; in the end, he wants to be the one to find me.
Frankie and I had to run though, we weren’t safe in Colorado, so we came to Jersey – Frankie said that he had some friend here, so we left, tried our best to just disappear; it’s easier said than done I guess.” I looked imploringly at my companion again, carefully phrasing the rest of my story. “Bob sent people after us shortly after we got here…they broke into the house and Frank fought them off.” I debated whether or not exact details were necessary, whether the information was suffice if left as such, but knew that questions would arise eventually if I wasn’t completely honest. “He killed them. It wasn’t intentional though, you have to understand that!” I bit the inside of my cheek, tears once again streaming down my cheeks as I grasped Gerard’s hand between my own. “Frank wants to protect me, but he doesn’t really realize what Bob is capable of. I can’t keep putting his life in danger! I’ve been doing it for almost two years because I was so afraid to lose him, but last night I realized that I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to him. It’s my fault that he’s involved at all, and I want him out.” Gerard’s eyes were wide, the white surrounding the hazel more visible, a striking contrast against his hair and pale features. Taking a deep breath, I made the request I’d been leading up to for the past hour. “Gerard, I need your help…I’m going to leave Frankie.”
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Alright! Finally some insight!
Hopefully this chapter wasn't too much of a drag...it felt a little slow to me, but I promise to pick it up! You ]/needed/] to know!!
RATE AND REVIEW!!!!!
Cheers
Kat
“Thanks for coming Gerard…” He nodded curtly, glancing suspiciously around the foyer before his eyes settled on me.
“Where’s Frank?”
“Out. He’ll be gone for a few hours at least.” Again he nodded, allowing me to lead him into the living room, tossing himself down into one of the chairs. I took the seat across from him, my shaking hands gripped furiously together in the hopes of stilling them.
“Why’d you call Kaelin? You made it pretty clear that you didn’t want my help.” I swallowed back the soft tinge of anger in his voice, the hurt that radiated out of those caramel eyes as they stared over at me, fidgeting under his gaze.
“I realized I was wrong…I do need your help. Frank and I both need your help.” His dark brows contracted beneath the white blonde fringe of hair, creasing his forehead as he stared, uncomprehending. “I need to tell you some stuff, some of it you’re probably not going to like…fuck, I don’t like it, but it’s the truth, I swear that to you.” I gazed into those hazel orbs momentarily, silently pleading him to listen, to understand, to believe. At his nod, I continued. “The only other person who knows what I’m about to tell you is Frank. He’s the only person who’s ever understood me, who I could ever trust, and you have to believe that I love him with everything I am. He’s more than I could ever ask for or ever deserve, no matter what you might think.” Swallowing, I bit nervously on my bottom lip, dropping my gaze to the twisting fingers residing in my lap.
A gentle shuffle of the leather brought my gaze back up, blue locking with brown, pale hands entwining with my own, their colors almost a perfect match.
“It’s okay Kaelin…you can trust me.” A soft smile pulled at my lips, the sincerity of his words comforting me in a way I hadn’t known anyone else in the world could.
Closing my eyes, I could picture the scene as if it had all happened yesterday, not more than a year ago; faces and words fresh in my memory, the screams ringing in my ears as loudly as the first time they were uttered.
“I don’t really know where to start this, to make you understand everything…” I looked up pleadingly at his eyes before darting into the story I had kept wrapped up inside myself for too long, a scarf of secrets that was slowly choking the life out of the two people inhabiting this house. “Before Frank I was dating a guy named Bob, he seemed like the perfect boyfriend, you know? We started dating my senior year of high school; he’s actually the one who introduced me to Frank. Anyways, I dated Bob for a little over two years, and at first, everything seemed like a fairytale come true. I should have known better, I guess, but I was young and I’d never really had a serious boyfriend.” My feeble attempt to keep the bitterness out of my voice failed as I recalled with vivid clarity what began just six months into our relationship.
“The first time Bob hit me, I easily convinced myself it must have been a mistake; Bob was not the kind of guy I believed could ever do that to me, so I forgave him. It started happening more frequently, but I forgave him every single time, because he apologized, and well, he just seemed so sincere, and I was in love with him at that point.” I felt the soft squeeze of Gerard’s hand on my shoulder, allowing me to continue. “Soon enough the slaps and shoves turned more violent, the injuries more than small bruises and momentary pain. He pushed me down the stairs, breaking three of my ribs and my right arm.” My gaze dropped to the floor, angry tears blurring the view of pity I couldn’t handle. “The apologies stopped too, replaced instead by threats. He warned me that if I ever tried to leave, if I ever told anyone, he’d kill me and he’d kill my mother, who was my only living relative. I was terrified for my own life, mostly because, maybe I didn’t believe he’d actually go through with the threat against my mother, maybe I was still enough in love with the image of him I’d created that I believed some good still existed inside of him. I will forever hate myself for that mistake.” The familiar tightness was in my throat, my eyes closed against the bitter sting of the awaiting tears.
“As I said, Bob introduced me to Frank, back when he used to take me out, but Bob used to let Frank come over to the house sometimes, none of Bob’s other friends ever came round, but Frank always made a point to talk to me; I think he figured out what Bob was doing. Anyways, one day Frank showed up, Bob wasn’t home, and found me unconscious and bleeding on the floor.” Shifting away from Gerard to pull my knees up to my chest, my breathing would not still, my heart heaving against my ribs as it bid for freedom. Resting my forehead on my bent knees, I bit my bottom lip, breathing through my nose, my voice quiet and muffled against the bare skin of my legs. “I told Frank everything, I knew even then that I could trust him, so I spilled every single detail of my pain, told him about Bob’s threats, and begged him not to say anything to anyone.
Bob came home a few hours later, saw Frank and I together and flipped out. I’d never seen him so angry before, he threw Frank out of the house, beat me worse than ever before; I thought he was finally going to fulfill his threat and kill me because in that moment I realized he could go through with it for real. As he walked out that door, I was, for the first time, afraid for my mother.” Silent tears rushed down my cheeks, my own personal war being lost by the moment, each word breaking down the barrier I had so carefully constructed to protect myself from the feelings swarming with their vicious images and memories. I pulled my knees closer against my chest, the knowledge that I was saving Frankie the only motivation I found to continue.
“He” My throat constricted angrily at the words about to spill themselves from my lips, my hands forcefully shaking as they gripped the cool flesh of my shins. “He killed her…my mom.” I heard Gerard’s sharp gasp, didn’t need to look up to see his creased brows, regret and sorrow shining in his caramel globes to know that it existed. “He came home, covered in blood, and I knew without his admission that it was hers, I knew that he’d finally been good on his promise, and it was all because I couldn’t keep my fucking mouth shut.”
“Kaelin, it’s not-“ A wave of my hand shut his objection down, my head shaking as I pursed my lips.
“He left again soon after and at the time I thought it was fate, that the stars had finally aligned themselves for me and that this was my chance for escape. Looking back on it all now, I can see it for exactly what it was; he wanted to see how I would react, because in the end, I had become too submissive. He wanted it to end with a fight, he needed the chase that me leaving would provide, and I gave him exactly what he wanted. I called Frankie, told him what happened and he came back over to the house and we left. I convinced myself that it was all over, that Frank was my knight in shining armor and we could live happily ever after.” I chanced my first glance at Gerard, his own hazel eyes shining bright, harsh Jersey sunlight bouncing off his white-blonde hair. “Happily ever after doesn’t exist. Bob called the police shortly after I left, told them that Frankie had killed my mom, that he had kidnapped me as well; he played the distraught boyfriend, spinning lies to the cops while I ran for my life. I don’t think he really thought they would figure it out, it was more just an obstacle he wanted to set for us; in the end, he wants to be the one to find me.
Frankie and I had to run though, we weren’t safe in Colorado, so we came to Jersey – Frankie said that he had some friend here, so we left, tried our best to just disappear; it’s easier said than done I guess.” I looked imploringly at my companion again, carefully phrasing the rest of my story. “Bob sent people after us shortly after we got here…they broke into the house and Frank fought them off.” I debated whether or not exact details were necessary, whether the information was suffice if left as such, but knew that questions would arise eventually if I wasn’t completely honest. “He killed them. It wasn’t intentional though, you have to understand that!” I bit the inside of my cheek, tears once again streaming down my cheeks as I grasped Gerard’s hand between my own. “Frank wants to protect me, but he doesn’t really realize what Bob is capable of. I can’t keep putting his life in danger! I’ve been doing it for almost two years because I was so afraid to lose him, but last night I realized that I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to him. It’s my fault that he’s involved at all, and I want him out.” Gerard’s eyes were wide, the white surrounding the hazel more visible, a striking contrast against his hair and pale features. Taking a deep breath, I made the request I’d been leading up to for the past hour. “Gerard, I need your help…I’m going to leave Frankie.”
-----
Alright! Finally some insight!
Hopefully this chapter wasn't too much of a drag...it felt a little slow to me, but I promise to pick it up! You ]/needed/] to know!!
RATE AND REVIEW!!!!!
Cheers
Kat
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