Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Awake
Tears bounce into my eyes in my deep-rooted frustration. One large, fat droplet frees itself from the spidery cage of my eyelashes and cuts a jagged path down my cheek as I pull desperately at the encumbering suitcase; it’s broken wheels scraping crudely on the damaged pavement.
Pale digits reach out to grasp the leather strap, lifting it from my aching fingertips and hauling it wordlessly into the trunk before grasping my door and easing that open for me as well, as though I was some helpless child incapable of fending for myself.
Folding frail fingers into my lap I chew on my lips, my brain rattling over the plan I had so meticulously created within the last hour and a half, each step twisting my heart into physical pain with the knowledge of what I was about to do; who I was about to hurt
Settling back into my seat for the first part of a ride that I know will take exactly four hours, I close my eyes and play a game of pretend. I pretend that I’m not leaving Frank and heading towards certain disaster. I pretend that the weight of my decisions is not weighing quite so heavily on my shoulders, and that my heart won’t shatter from the burden of it all. I pretend that I don’t feel terrible for allowing Gerard to accompany me and get involved in mess I should have solved on my own almost two years ago. I pretend everything is perfect. In my head the world is butterflies and rainbows. Outside, it’s pouring rain.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” My perfect world crumbles as the sound of Gerard’s voice rattles through my ears. I nod my answer, the same I have given the last eleven times he’s asked. Averting his eyes from the road, caramel meets blue in question. “Kaelin, I know that you think that you’re making the right decision, but have you seriously thought about this? I mean, really? This is not some fucking story book; from the sounds of this guy, I don’t think you can just waltz up to him and expect him to back down.” I roll my eyes as a response.
“Gerard, I, of all people, know what I’m up against, so while I appreciate the concern, I know what I’m doing.” Even I noted the bitter aftertaste of the words that pressed their way past my lips, the way his pale lips merged before his eyes returned to the slick road, knuckles white on the leather wheel. Swallowing, my eyes press closed. “I’m sorry Gee. I feel like I’m falling apart over here. I just don’t want you to worry about me. I need to do this. Alone.” Silence envelopes us, wrapping around our throats like a noose pulled too tight.
The gentle shaking of my shoulder alerts me to the fact that I must have fallen asleep at some point. My eyes snap open, ice blue darting around the confines of the car, finally locking on the golden irises lined with concern; yet another reminder that I’ve left the owner of green behind.
“We’re at the hotel Kael. I uh, booked us a room. I can sleep on the floor.” I shake my head at the notion.
“If anyone’s on the floor Gee, it’s me. I’m the one who dragged you along.” It’s his turn to shake his head, though the intensity is much more than my own.
“No way. I can’t let you sleep on the floor.” A small smile tugs at the corner of my lips, my makeshift heart stitching together one of it’s missing pieces at his gesture.
“I’m sure we can both fit on the bed Gerard.” Uncertainty flits across his features but he bites back any retort he may have been considering as we step into the room, each tossing our bags into the corner. We’ll only be here long enough to sleep, it’s hardly necessary to unpack or make ourselves comfortable.
Slipping into the bathroom, I steal my cell phone from its resting place within my bag, flipping it open to reveal my eight missed calls. Without reading the caller id, I instinctively know whom they belong to. The temporary stitch undoes itself.
My eyes pressed firmly shut, I hold the speaker as close to my ear as I can, his voice surrounding me within the small bathroom.
“Kaelin? It’s Frank, where are you? Call me back as soon as you get this.”
“Kael? Please pick up the phone. I’m getting worried, please call.” I bite down harshly on my trembling lips, willing them still.
“Kaelin? Look, please, even if you’re mad at me, please let me know that you’re okay! I’m going crazy over here!”
“Kaelin! Pick up the fucking phone!” Desperation to anger in seconds in true Frank Iero style; Still, I cringes.
“Please baby, I’m sorry! Kaelin, I don’t know what I did, please call me!” His pleas ripped at my ears, tearing the tender flesh, soft entrails burning it’s way through the canals to my heart, resting only when it seared another hole through the barely intact organ.
I deleted the rest of the messages without listening to them before splashing my face with cool water, removing any evidence of my emotions. Satisfied, I exit the bathroom into the darkened room, the only source of light the sliver floating beneath the curtained windows.
Shifting my gaze, I smirk with the sight of Gerard, already half asleep on the far side of the bed. His breathing slow, the gentle rise and fall of his t-shirt clad chest the only indication that he was alive beneath the embroidered covers.
Slipping a pair of shorts on and a hoodie I collapsed into the firm mattress, the covers up around my chin as I curl my tired body into a ball, as far away as possible from the warmth of the only living body in the bed. I fall asleep to my heart crashing hard enough into my ribcage to bruise and a new wave of tears drying on my cheeks.
-----
An update! Yea!
Please please PLEASE rate and review! I need some serious support and love over here!!
Cheers
Kat
Pale digits reach out to grasp the leather strap, lifting it from my aching fingertips and hauling it wordlessly into the trunk before grasping my door and easing that open for me as well, as though I was some helpless child incapable of fending for myself.
Folding frail fingers into my lap I chew on my lips, my brain rattling over the plan I had so meticulously created within the last hour and a half, each step twisting my heart into physical pain with the knowledge of what I was about to do; who I was about to hurt
Settling back into my seat for the first part of a ride that I know will take exactly four hours, I close my eyes and play a game of pretend. I pretend that I’m not leaving Frank and heading towards certain disaster. I pretend that the weight of my decisions is not weighing quite so heavily on my shoulders, and that my heart won’t shatter from the burden of it all. I pretend that I don’t feel terrible for allowing Gerard to accompany me and get involved in mess I should have solved on my own almost two years ago. I pretend everything is perfect. In my head the world is butterflies and rainbows. Outside, it’s pouring rain.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” My perfect world crumbles as the sound of Gerard’s voice rattles through my ears. I nod my answer, the same I have given the last eleven times he’s asked. Averting his eyes from the road, caramel meets blue in question. “Kaelin, I know that you think that you’re making the right decision, but have you seriously thought about this? I mean, really? This is not some fucking story book; from the sounds of this guy, I don’t think you can just waltz up to him and expect him to back down.” I roll my eyes as a response.
“Gerard, I, of all people, know what I’m up against, so while I appreciate the concern, I know what I’m doing.” Even I noted the bitter aftertaste of the words that pressed their way past my lips, the way his pale lips merged before his eyes returned to the slick road, knuckles white on the leather wheel. Swallowing, my eyes press closed. “I’m sorry Gee. I feel like I’m falling apart over here. I just don’t want you to worry about me. I need to do this. Alone.” Silence envelopes us, wrapping around our throats like a noose pulled too tight.
The gentle shaking of my shoulder alerts me to the fact that I must have fallen asleep at some point. My eyes snap open, ice blue darting around the confines of the car, finally locking on the golden irises lined with concern; yet another reminder that I’ve left the owner of green behind.
“We’re at the hotel Kael. I uh, booked us a room. I can sleep on the floor.” I shake my head at the notion.
“If anyone’s on the floor Gee, it’s me. I’m the one who dragged you along.” It’s his turn to shake his head, though the intensity is much more than my own.
“No way. I can’t let you sleep on the floor.” A small smile tugs at the corner of my lips, my makeshift heart stitching together one of it’s missing pieces at his gesture.
“I’m sure we can both fit on the bed Gerard.” Uncertainty flits across his features but he bites back any retort he may have been considering as we step into the room, each tossing our bags into the corner. We’ll only be here long enough to sleep, it’s hardly necessary to unpack or make ourselves comfortable.
Slipping into the bathroom, I steal my cell phone from its resting place within my bag, flipping it open to reveal my eight missed calls. Without reading the caller id, I instinctively know whom they belong to. The temporary stitch undoes itself.
My eyes pressed firmly shut, I hold the speaker as close to my ear as I can, his voice surrounding me within the small bathroom.
“Kaelin? It’s Frank, where are you? Call me back as soon as you get this.”
“Kael? Please pick up the phone. I’m getting worried, please call.” I bite down harshly on my trembling lips, willing them still.
“Kaelin? Look, please, even if you’re mad at me, please let me know that you’re okay! I’m going crazy over here!”
“Kaelin! Pick up the fucking phone!” Desperation to anger in seconds in true Frank Iero style; Still, I cringes.
“Please baby, I’m sorry! Kaelin, I don’t know what I did, please call me!” His pleas ripped at my ears, tearing the tender flesh, soft entrails burning it’s way through the canals to my heart, resting only when it seared another hole through the barely intact organ.
I deleted the rest of the messages without listening to them before splashing my face with cool water, removing any evidence of my emotions. Satisfied, I exit the bathroom into the darkened room, the only source of light the sliver floating beneath the curtained windows.
Shifting my gaze, I smirk with the sight of Gerard, already half asleep on the far side of the bed. His breathing slow, the gentle rise and fall of his t-shirt clad chest the only indication that he was alive beneath the embroidered covers.
Slipping a pair of shorts on and a hoodie I collapsed into the firm mattress, the covers up around my chin as I curl my tired body into a ball, as far away as possible from the warmth of the only living body in the bed. I fall asleep to my heart crashing hard enough into my ribcage to bruise and a new wave of tears drying on my cheeks.
-----
An update! Yea!
Please please PLEASE rate and review! I need some serious support and love over here!!
Cheers
Kat
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