Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Awake
My eyes snap open with the startled realization of what I’m doing. How can I possibly expect to be successful in this crazed endeavor? The thought of facing Bob again after all these months sends chills racing down my spine and my legs swinging off of the bed. My feet set a steady pace as they race across the room to the front door, wrenching it open before sprinting down the hallway, my fear chasing me like a rabid dog, it’s teeth bared, gnashing at my heels and eager to sink into pale flesh.
I find myself standing before the last door, it’s silver knob staring blankly back at me, taunting me with the knowledge that fear brought me to its entrance and will force me to open the door. Fear is the secret code to enter and I have a surplus supply.
Shakily, I twist the cold knob, feeling the steel burn through my palm, a faint reminder of yet another mistake I’m about to commit; another life I’m sentencing with my actions.
Unnoticed, I slip into the darkness wrapped so tightly around the room, my temporary blindness a small price to pay. Loneliness tunnels through my body, and I subconsciously wrap my arms around my body to keep from shattering into a thousand pieces on the carpeted floor. I silently pray for some beam of light to splinter its way through the suffocating darkness.
Arms outstretched, I make my way further into the room, eyes skimming sightlessly left and right, my heart pounding like a war drum in my ears, drowning out any thoughts my brain might have considered conjuring.
Flickering light strikes its appearance through the blackness; it’s feeble beam drawing me towards it like a moth, my eyes locked on the salvation in the distance, my body eager to be scorched by the light, and it’s bearer.
“Hello?” My lips move to form the socially acceptable words, the voice that resounds across the room quiet and cracked, belonging to someone much older than twenty two; my eyes continue to strain towards the light, burning as they manage to distinguish a candle, it’s bearer still shrouded in darkness.
My breath catching at the sight, I urge my feet forwards, my tongue darting out to quickly wet parched lips, before they part again.
“Please, I need your help! I’ve got to get out of here, I’ve made a huge mistake, please.”
The light is lifted, the face of my companion slowly coming into the soft glow of the candle. Pale skin illuminated through the darkness, it’s perfection somewhat startling before the light elucidates the familiar green eyes I’ve been yearning for. My throat instantly constricts at the sight before my eyes manage to realize that this is but another dream shattered; it is not Frank. The white blonde hair falling past bony shoulders barely shrouded in tattered white cloth confirms that this is but a child.
“You can’t leave.” The soft voice sent a frown to crease my forehead at the announcement.
“What do you mean? I have to! I’ve already hurt too many people, I’ve got to get out of here before I fuck anything else up!” A slight shake of her head sends that luminescent hair splashing over her forehead, obscuring my view the olive orbs sending my heart into overdrive.
“You can’t. You have to finish what you’ve started. It’s the only way.” It was my turn to shake my head in disagreement, my bare feet backing me slightly away from the small girl before me. Too many emotions were racing around my head to be able to look at her straight. A small smile pulled apart her lips, those eyes twinkling through the darkness that seemed to have lightened in her presence. “I’ll take you. Come on.” Still shaking my head, a small hand reached back for my own, intertwining its tiny fingers through my own. My feet seemed more agreeable than my head as they moved forwards, leaving my head and all indecision in their wake.
“Where exactly are you taking me?” After several minutes of wordlessly walking, I finally found my voice. Mutely, she turned back to me with a small smile before continuing to lead my through the darkness.
Abruptly, we stopped, the darkness much lighter here as she turned back to me, her smile having disappeared beneath something like sadness.
“You have to face your past, it’s the only way to protect your future.” I frowned at the cryptic talk emitted from my guide. “Everyone is relying on you now. You can’t fail.”
“What if I do? What happens if I can’t do this?” A single tear rolled down those porcelain cheeks, sliding off a trembling chin, turning her into the small child I hadn’t realized she was.
“We’ll die.” She stepped away from me, her shoulders sagging as though beneath some weight she could no longer carry.
“We? Whose we?” Frank suddenly stepped forwards, one inked arm wrapped around the shaking shoulders of the crying girl, appearing through the darkness as though he’d always been there. My eyes visibly widened at the sight, my body aching to reach forwards. “Frank? I…you…” He ignored the quiver of my voice, the way my eyes instantly filled at the sight of him, as he did what I could not and I found myself enveloped in his arms as though I had never left.
“I need you Kael. You’re our only chance.” My head swimming with his words, I pressed my face deeper into his warmth. His heart is beating like a soft-ticking clock, and I want to crawl inside of that home inside his chest. There I know I’ll be safe. We will all be safe.
“I can’t do it Frank; I’m not strong enough.” My tears wet through the light fabric of his t-shirt, fear making me tremble beneath his arms and my stomach churn.
“You’re the only one who can Kaelin. We need you.” Stepping away from me, I instantly missed the warmth, he made his way back beside our silent companion, each staring back at me with identical looks of hope, making it all the more clear to me that I was simply not strong enough for any of this.
“I can’t do this! Please! I just want to go home!” Tears streamed furiously down my already wet cheeks, choked words barely distinguished beneath the sobs that overrode them.
“If you don’t, there won’t be a home to go back to.” More tears sprung to replace the ones lost, blurring my vision as I stood shaking and clinging onto the little bit of sanity I had left.
“Please…” Desperation was all that was left.
“It’s all you Kaelin. We need you.” Smiling, the darkness swallowed them almost instantly as though they had never been there.
“No! No!” Lurching forwards, I tried to grasp onto anything that might allow me the belief that they hadn’t been a figment of my imagination. Finding only air, my legs dropped from beneath me, knees stopped just before the inevitable crash with the floor as it rose to meet them.
“Kaelin! Wake up Kaelin!” Realization that it was in fact all a dream, yet another falsity that my own treacherous mind had managed to conjure up, I squeezed my eyes tighter shut again the reality crashing against my consciousness. “Kaelin? Please! Are you okay? Open your eyes.” Filtering a deep breath through my lungs, my eyes complied Gerard’s request, sodden cerulean against smooth caramel.
Lifting me off of the floor, he easily carried my almost lifeless body back to our room, flicking on the light as we entered, setting me carefully onto the bed as I stared listlessly at the water stains on the roof.
“Kaelin, what the fuck happened? Why’d you leave the room? I thought something had happened to you!” Watching the concern leak out of those caramel eyes I came to a conclusion; Gerard was getting too involved, too interested for his own good. Didn’t he know that curiosity didn’t just kill the cat? It lured it in, confusing, lying and betraying it, dragging it along into a cruel world of deceit where suffering is just the name of the game. The cat never saw it coming.
Gerard was quickly becoming the cat, while I was easily filling the role of “curiosity”. I would not let history repeat itself. I would fix this, if not for myself, then for them.
-----
I'm not completely satisfied with this chapter. Nonetheless, it presents some important details that some of you may catch - don't worry if you don't, it'll be a lot clearer later. Hopefully, I'll get the next chapter up by early next week at the latest.
As always RATE AND REVIEW!!!!!!
Cheers
Kat
Oh yea, thanks for the reviews last chapter - there were a lot of new ones, and I appreciate that!
I find myself standing before the last door, it’s silver knob staring blankly back at me, taunting me with the knowledge that fear brought me to its entrance and will force me to open the door. Fear is the secret code to enter and I have a surplus supply.
Shakily, I twist the cold knob, feeling the steel burn through my palm, a faint reminder of yet another mistake I’m about to commit; another life I’m sentencing with my actions.
Unnoticed, I slip into the darkness wrapped so tightly around the room, my temporary blindness a small price to pay. Loneliness tunnels through my body, and I subconsciously wrap my arms around my body to keep from shattering into a thousand pieces on the carpeted floor. I silently pray for some beam of light to splinter its way through the suffocating darkness.
Arms outstretched, I make my way further into the room, eyes skimming sightlessly left and right, my heart pounding like a war drum in my ears, drowning out any thoughts my brain might have considered conjuring.
Flickering light strikes its appearance through the blackness; it’s feeble beam drawing me towards it like a moth, my eyes locked on the salvation in the distance, my body eager to be scorched by the light, and it’s bearer.
“Hello?” My lips move to form the socially acceptable words, the voice that resounds across the room quiet and cracked, belonging to someone much older than twenty two; my eyes continue to strain towards the light, burning as they manage to distinguish a candle, it’s bearer still shrouded in darkness.
My breath catching at the sight, I urge my feet forwards, my tongue darting out to quickly wet parched lips, before they part again.
“Please, I need your help! I’ve got to get out of here, I’ve made a huge mistake, please.”
The light is lifted, the face of my companion slowly coming into the soft glow of the candle. Pale skin illuminated through the darkness, it’s perfection somewhat startling before the light elucidates the familiar green eyes I’ve been yearning for. My throat instantly constricts at the sight before my eyes manage to realize that this is but another dream shattered; it is not Frank. The white blonde hair falling past bony shoulders barely shrouded in tattered white cloth confirms that this is but a child.
“You can’t leave.” The soft voice sent a frown to crease my forehead at the announcement.
“What do you mean? I have to! I’ve already hurt too many people, I’ve got to get out of here before I fuck anything else up!” A slight shake of her head sends that luminescent hair splashing over her forehead, obscuring my view the olive orbs sending my heart into overdrive.
“You can’t. You have to finish what you’ve started. It’s the only way.” It was my turn to shake my head in disagreement, my bare feet backing me slightly away from the small girl before me. Too many emotions were racing around my head to be able to look at her straight. A small smile pulled apart her lips, those eyes twinkling through the darkness that seemed to have lightened in her presence. “I’ll take you. Come on.” Still shaking my head, a small hand reached back for my own, intertwining its tiny fingers through my own. My feet seemed more agreeable than my head as they moved forwards, leaving my head and all indecision in their wake.
“Where exactly are you taking me?” After several minutes of wordlessly walking, I finally found my voice. Mutely, she turned back to me with a small smile before continuing to lead my through the darkness.
Abruptly, we stopped, the darkness much lighter here as she turned back to me, her smile having disappeared beneath something like sadness.
“You have to face your past, it’s the only way to protect your future.” I frowned at the cryptic talk emitted from my guide. “Everyone is relying on you now. You can’t fail.”
“What if I do? What happens if I can’t do this?” A single tear rolled down those porcelain cheeks, sliding off a trembling chin, turning her into the small child I hadn’t realized she was.
“We’ll die.” She stepped away from me, her shoulders sagging as though beneath some weight she could no longer carry.
“We? Whose we?” Frank suddenly stepped forwards, one inked arm wrapped around the shaking shoulders of the crying girl, appearing through the darkness as though he’d always been there. My eyes visibly widened at the sight, my body aching to reach forwards. “Frank? I…you…” He ignored the quiver of my voice, the way my eyes instantly filled at the sight of him, as he did what I could not and I found myself enveloped in his arms as though I had never left.
“I need you Kael. You’re our only chance.” My head swimming with his words, I pressed my face deeper into his warmth. His heart is beating like a soft-ticking clock, and I want to crawl inside of that home inside his chest. There I know I’ll be safe. We will all be safe.
“I can’t do it Frank; I’m not strong enough.” My tears wet through the light fabric of his t-shirt, fear making me tremble beneath his arms and my stomach churn.
“You’re the only one who can Kaelin. We need you.” Stepping away from me, I instantly missed the warmth, he made his way back beside our silent companion, each staring back at me with identical looks of hope, making it all the more clear to me that I was simply not strong enough for any of this.
“I can’t do this! Please! I just want to go home!” Tears streamed furiously down my already wet cheeks, choked words barely distinguished beneath the sobs that overrode them.
“If you don’t, there won’t be a home to go back to.” More tears sprung to replace the ones lost, blurring my vision as I stood shaking and clinging onto the little bit of sanity I had left.
“Please…” Desperation was all that was left.
“It’s all you Kaelin. We need you.” Smiling, the darkness swallowed them almost instantly as though they had never been there.
“No! No!” Lurching forwards, I tried to grasp onto anything that might allow me the belief that they hadn’t been a figment of my imagination. Finding only air, my legs dropped from beneath me, knees stopped just before the inevitable crash with the floor as it rose to meet them.
“Kaelin! Wake up Kaelin!” Realization that it was in fact all a dream, yet another falsity that my own treacherous mind had managed to conjure up, I squeezed my eyes tighter shut again the reality crashing against my consciousness. “Kaelin? Please! Are you okay? Open your eyes.” Filtering a deep breath through my lungs, my eyes complied Gerard’s request, sodden cerulean against smooth caramel.
Lifting me off of the floor, he easily carried my almost lifeless body back to our room, flicking on the light as we entered, setting me carefully onto the bed as I stared listlessly at the water stains on the roof.
“Kaelin, what the fuck happened? Why’d you leave the room? I thought something had happened to you!” Watching the concern leak out of those caramel eyes I came to a conclusion; Gerard was getting too involved, too interested for his own good. Didn’t he know that curiosity didn’t just kill the cat? It lured it in, confusing, lying and betraying it, dragging it along into a cruel world of deceit where suffering is just the name of the game. The cat never saw it coming.
Gerard was quickly becoming the cat, while I was easily filling the role of “curiosity”. I would not let history repeat itself. I would fix this, if not for myself, then for them.
-----
I'm not completely satisfied with this chapter. Nonetheless, it presents some important details that some of you may catch - don't worry if you don't, it'll be a lot clearer later. Hopefully, I'll get the next chapter up by early next week at the latest.
As always RATE AND REVIEW!!!!!!
Cheers
Kat
Oh yea, thanks for the reviews last chapter - there were a lot of new ones, and I appreciate that!
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