FicWad

Jazie rolled over on her bed and winced as the sun shined through the window and hit directly into her tired eyes. She sat up quickly but regretted it after the pounding in her head caught her by surprise. She laid back into the comforter and groaned.

“Wow…ugh my head.” She rubbed her temple and slowly turned her body into the sitting position. She slung her legs off the side of the bed and tried to concentrate on making her headache go away. After she came to the conclusion that she hadn’t acquired kinetic powers overnight and could not just think her pain away, she sighed and tried to remember what happened last night. Slowly, pieces of the night before came crashing back to her, little by little.

She was so drunk last night; she didn’t think she was capable of stringing coherent words into full sentences, let alone do what she’d done. She looked around the room and realized exactly where she was. The master bedroom; Patrick’s bedroom. She gasped and bent forward in a sudden feeling of nausea at the thought of how bad she had seriously messed up. And in Patrick’s room, of all places.

“No, no, no, NO!” She shrieked as she stood up rapidly to look around the room, searching for a sleeping Pete. But he was nowhere to be found. She ran down the hall, against her better judgment, considering her current physical condition. She fought through the nausea as she searched the apartment for some sign that Pete had really been in the apartment last night and it hadn’t all just been a horrible, but kind of pleasurable, nightmare. Looking in her room, every bathroom, and then finally in the living room/kitchen, she didn’t find anything. She came to the conclusion that either she’d dreamt the whole thing, or Pete split last night while she was sleeping. But the later of the two really had her petrified: she might have actually slept with her boyfriend’s best friend and he ran out on her the morning after.

Jazie felt the water build up in her eyes and fought back the tears. She walked over to the kitchen table and sat down clumsily, putting her head in her hands. After a few minutes of slow steady breathing, she opened her eyes and looked down to see a piece of paper lying right under her arms. She picked it up and wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

Jaze,

I’m sorry I just left. And I know what you’re probably thinking, you’re a horrible person and you just betrayed Patrick. I feel the same, but only to a degree. I’m sorry I took advantage of you last night. You were obviously not sober enough to make that decision on your own and I hope you can forgive me one day. But I know somewhere, there’s a part of you that would have done it whether or not you had been drinking. I want you to know that if I had the chance, I’d never take it back, thought I might have timed it out a little differently...

Jazie laughed dryly. It’s kind of sad how even during one of the worse moments of Jazie’s adult life, Pete could still put a smile on her face.

I’ve been waiting for you for almost 2 years. I love you Jazie, and I know you feel the same way. We can’t just keep fighting this in front of Patrick and then give into it behind his back. We both need to think through some stuff and come to a concrete decision. I’m not going to be around for a while. I’ll be staying at my place in Cali to think about this. You have my number, so call me if you need anything or just want to talk. But think about us. Think about what you want. I love you Jaze, with all my selfish little heart. I’ll be back in a few weeks. I hope when I come back, we’ll both have some answers for each other.

Pete

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Nearly a month later, Pete was still in California. Jazie only spoke with him once during that period to say that she needed more time; she couldn’t just choose between the 2 closest men in her life on a dime. So he respected that and gave her space. He only came into town for band business or family affairs and wouldn’t try contacting Jazie while he was in Chicago. Though she appreciated his efforts to respect her wishes, it didn’t do any good for Jazie and Patrick’s relationship.

Patrick came back from his trip to New York and everything changed. Neither of them could shake their own guilt. All they did was fight. Little things would set them off, and they would bicker over what to have for dinner or who left a wet towel on the bathroom floor. Things that weren’t really important were creating a stressful environment in the apartment. It had become awkward between them. They were always walking on egg shells around each other. Few words outside of fighting were actually spoken other then the necessary “What time do you get off work”, or “there’s no more toilet paper in the bathroom.”

It wasn’t what it used to be. There was no cuddling at night or even sweet kisses in the morning before Jazie went off to work. There was no affection, no feeling at all.

Jazie knew what it was all coming to. This was something she had hoped wouldn’t happen just because of one stupid decision she’d made on a drunken night when she was emotionally fragile. But she thought all the fighting and tension had been a direct result of her crippling guilt for what she had done to Patrick. Little did she know that Patrick blamed their current relationship problems on his latest escapade with Anna. The combination of grief and guilt from both Jazie and Patrick had resulted in this utterly helpless situation. Jazie knew what had to be done, even though she knew it never really had to come to this if she had just been able to handle her emotional issues without alcohol.

A new day started and Jazie put on her work clothes and walked into the kitchen to get her morning coffee, working herself up for the conversation she was about to start with Patrick. She sat at the table and waited for him to walk down the hall for breakfast.

“Hey Jaze.” He smiled in her general direction. Jazie frowned when it didn’t reach his eyes. Sighing loudly to get his attention, Jazie put her mug down on the table and cleared her throat.

“Patrick, there’s something we need to talk about,” She started.

He looked up from the newspaper in his hand and leaned against the counter. “Like what?” He watched her with cautious scrutiny.

“You and I both know that we’re having some problems right now. We barely talk. And it’s painful the way you look at me with such disinterest...I just think maybe it would be best if we had a little break from each other. Maybe we’re too comfortable together… or we just aren’t as close as we thought we were. I don’t know…I just know right now this doesn’t fit.” She motioned between the two of them with her hand.

Patrick looked down at the floor and sighed. “I know. I feel it too. Everything we do to fight it just seems to make it worse," He combed his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I guess you’re right,” He paused and looked into her eyes. “So what’s the solution? What now?” He kept watching her face with sad helpless eyes. He couldn’t bare the thought that Jazie was in such pain and he was the cause of it. She didn’t even have a grasp of how awful he really was yet. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like if he told her the truth. He loved her too much to break her heart that way. So, as always, he was determined to keep what he’d done from Jazie.

Her eyebrows creased and she rubbed her forehead, as if reading his thoughts. Frustrated by what this had come to, she took a few deep breaths to calm herself down.

“I’ve been talking with Sarah about this for a while …” Patrick’s eyes widened at finding out that this decision was premeditated.

She continued slowly. “And I think I’m going to move in with her for a while, just to see if it will help anything, help us.” Patrick nodded occasionally but kept his eyes on his feet. Jazie stood up and walked over to him, lifting his chin with her finger. He smiled weakly and nodded in defeat.

“Oh...kay” He choked out. He avoided her eyes and turned his head back down to the floor. She slowly tilted her head in and touched her lips to his, taking in the musky smell of his hair and cologne. She pulled away and smirked.

“You know I love you with all my heart. This isn’t permanent. Just… a little relationship renovation. It’ll be better for us in the long run. You’ll see.” She smiled and he chuckled at her sad attempt at humor. He pulled her close to him and she snaked her arms around his waist. He brought his hand up and cupped her face, bringing her in for another, gentler, more sensual kiss. This time she pulled away slowly, lost in the feeling she had forgotten his kisses brought. Smiling sadly, she turned and picked up her purse on the table.

“I get off at 7 tonight. Sarah says I can start the move at anytime. I’m thinking I’ll have most of my stuff out of here in a few days if I get started today. I just want to make this transition as swift and painless as possible, kinda like ripping off a band-aid.” She smiled again but her eyes read a completely different emotion he couldn’t read. She didn’t want to do this, but she knew it was for the best. She turned and walked out of their, soon to be only his, apartment.

Great, she thinks of our relationship as a band-aid.

Patrick looked away from the door and sucked in a quick breath, trying to hold in the emotion that he’d been fighting against since he’d slept with Anna. He knew he didn’t deserve Jazie. This was his punishment. Living without her is going to be the hardest thing Patrick had ever done, but he deserved the pain after betraying Jazie’s trust. So he stood up tall, taking it as strongly as he could, and walked back towards his room to get ready for the day.

2 Days Later
*****

By 9 o’clock, Patrick dragged himself through the door to his apartment, tired after hours of working with a new band’s upcoming album. Sometimes he wished he didn’t have to work with the younger kids; they can never agree on anything.

He dropped his coat and keys on the kitchen table and sank down into the living room couch. For the first time in a few days, he really looked around the apartment, noting a few missing things that Jazie brought with her to Sarah’s house, he assumed. He sighed and got up off the couch, walking over to the guest room. He was afraid of what he’d see if he opened the door. He didn’t know what he would do if he let himself really realize Jazie had left. Who would be there to remind him that being with Anna was wrong? Without Jazie being his conscience, he would have no control over his actions, as weak and pitiful as that might sound.

Taking a deep breath, he reached out and turned the doorknob. The door swung open, revealing a completely empty room, the way it was before he ever met her, with the exception of a few boxes. So it’s final then. Nothing he could say would keep her here because she was already gone.

He turned away from the emptiness and shut the door behind him. Slowly, he slugged towards his room. He walked straight to his bathroom in a haze, going through the motions of his daily routine: brushing his teeth, washing his face, taking a shower, changing out of his clothes. He didn’t even really pay attention to what he was doing. He was about to crawl into bed when he heard a knock at the door.

Sighing, he walked down the hall and toward the door. He looked through the peep hole and faked a smile as he unlocked the door. Jazie stood in front of him, holding a box filled with miscellaneous things. He motioned for her to come in and she followed him into the living room.

“Hey Patrick,” She said sadly. He nodded lazily in reply.

“These are a few of your things that got mixed in with mine during the move. I just came to return them.” She slid the box across the coffee table toward him. He picked up the box without looking at its contents and placed it on the floor next to him. He nodded only half gratefully.

“Thanks.”

She nodded in reply.

“I know this seems all formal and “break up-y”, but this isn’t a break up. It’s just….a break. I just think…maybe if we have some time to ourselves, we can work out our own problems. We have some personal issues that are just getting in the way of us actually having a serious relationship. Do you know what I mean?”

He looked up and smiled weakly. “Yah, I get it. Maybe you’re right.” He shrugged then.

I hope so, He thought.

“So later when we’re all better, do you think we can hit it off again, like in the beginning?” He asked hopefully.

She smiled a big toothy grin and it was infectious, as usual, causing him to smile as well.

“Totally.” She reached out and caressed Patrick’s hand with hers.

They shared a moment of sincere happiness, which is something that actually hasn’t occurred between them in quite a while, considering all the current hostility.

Patrick coughed and rubbed his shoulder nervously.

“So…while we’re having this……break thing, I’ll be on tour.”

Jazie looked confused and Patrick smirked. To spare her from straining anymore of her brain muscles, he continued to explain.

“The band’s going on a small club tour. Very discrete. It’s gonna be pretty low key, you know? No stress. So it’ll be about a 2 month tour. No big. But I just thought I’d give you the heads up, incase you hadn’t heard it from any of the other guys yet.”

She stared smugly. “No, guess it hasn’t traveled through the grapevine yet.”

He shrugged. “Anyway, I don’t think it will really make a difference to you. In fact, it will probably make this whole thing easier. So don’t worry about it or anything. Just thought I’d let you know.”

She nodded seriously. “Well thanks for telling me. I’m glad someone did.” She laughed playfully to cover up her resentment towards Pete for not at least leaving her a message about the tour. But then again, she told him not to contact her for a while so it’s not like she’d earned the head’s up from him.

“Alright, it’s getting pretty late.” Jazie checked her watch and got up off the couch. Patrick stood up after her, walking her to the door. She leaned in and hugged him tightly. He smiled into her hair and rubbed her shoulder in a strictly “friendly” way. She turned and walked out the door with a simple goodbye. Patrick locked the door behind her and walked back into his bedroom without a word.

Sighing as he flopped down into the bed, he put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. He fought all of his thoughs and tried to get some sleep.

I don’t think this whole “break" thing is going to work.