FicWad

Ten minutes after Brendon had left me in his room I came down the stairs with a duffel bag, carry-on, and purse in hand. After looking out of the living room window and noticing the guys on the lawn, I joined them.

“What are you doing, Dani,” Brendon asked me in an irritated voice.

“I’m going with you. To New York.”

“Is that safe,” Spencer asked?

“No, it’s not” Brendon spat before turning back to me, “You are not going with us and possibly endangering the life of my child.”

“How the hell do you know whether its safe for me or not? You’ve only been with me to the doctor once and that was two months ago! Also the baby isn’t yours, Brendon. It’s Brent’s,” I yelled.

“I--” Brendon glared at me as his eyes began to tear up, “Fine then. Get on a plane and fly to New York with us. Endanger Fender‘s life. I really don’t care.”

As Brendon and I fought, Ryan and Spencer stood back with dropped jaws.

Before Brendon and I could say anything else to the other, Dan pulled up. Quickly Ryan grabbed my bags and pulled me over to the vehicle and opened the passenger side door for me.

“I thought Brendon didn’t want her--” Dan was cut off by Ryan.

“Dude don’t ask, just drive.”

As soon as the rest of the guys were in the car Dan started off for the airport.

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The jet ride to NYC was full of tension. Poor Jon made the mistake of asking why I was with them which led to Brendon chewing him out. Several hours later we landed and were taken to our hotel.

“Um, tell you what Dani, We have two rooms. So uh, Jon and I will room with Brendon. You and Spencer can share the other room. Is that cool,” Ryan asked me in a hushed voice.

“Yeah,” I said in an equally quiet voice.

“What’s wrong,” Ryan asked?

“I didn’t mean to upset Brendon like that. I really didn’t. He was just being unreasonable. I’m perfectly healthy enough to fly right now. Stupid fricken hormones,” I muttered.

“I know, but you know you’re more at fault than he is. He was just trying to protect you and Fender in the only way he thought he could. He hasn’t been able to be with you as much as either of you would like, as you said. But you really hurt him when you brought up the fact that the baby isn’t his. We all know that. There was no need to mention that though. I would think it would be enough for you that Brendon cares for both you and your unborn child. That Brendon loves Fender as if he were his own child. That was a hurtful comment and you knew it, hormones or not.”

“I’m sorry,” I said knowing that even though Ryan’s words hurt, they were very much the truth.

“Dani, don’t tell me sorry. Tell your baby’s daddy that,” Ryan said giving me a hug, “I’m not mad at you, just so you know.”

“Thanks Ryan."

"What are brothers for?"

I laughed,"I love you brobro."

“I love you too.”

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December 31, 2006

Ever since I arrived in NYC with Panic! I’ve tried to apologize to Brendon but he won’t let me. I’ve tried to approach him in public but he always finds a way to avoid me. I’m heartsick. I’ve been beating myself up over how I yelled at him. I didn’t mean to hurt him like that, but when I’m mad sometimes I say things that are extremely hurtful. What is killing me the most is knowing that he is a room away from me and I can’t hold him and tell him I’m sorry.

I actually need to get ready for their performance. Ryan will be by in a few minutes to get me. This isn’t how I planned to spend New Year’s Eve. Damn me and my big mouth.

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It’s 11:35. The ball drops in 25 minutes. I still haven’t had a chance to talk to Brendon. Every time I look at him and smile he turns his eyes back to the audience.
11:40. The guys second break. That’s it. I’m walking, or technically waddling, over to him. If I have to wait for him I’ll be waiting all night.

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“Brendon,” I tapped him on the shoulder as he was signing autographs.

“What,” he asked turning to me giving me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Can I speak to you?”

“Your talking now.”

“Privately. Please.”

“One minute,” Brendon said to the fans he had been talking to.

The two of us walked to a corner where we could talk.

“What is it Dani?”

“I’m so sorry. I really am. I know you just wanted to protect our baby.”

“Really.”

“Yes. I miss you.”

“I’m standing right here.”

“I know that, but I miss you in an intimate way. I miss your hugs. I miss when you smile at me. I don’t like these cold eyes you’ve been giving me.”

Brendon’s eyes softened as he reached down and picked up my hand.

“Truthfully I’ve missed you too. It was hard to stay mad at you, it really was. I think it’s affected my singing. I‘m sorry for acting like an ass.”

“And I’m sorry for yelling at you and hurting you like I did.”

“Well now that we’ve made up, I think there is supposed to be a kiss involved.”

I laughed as Brendon bent down to kiss me but before our lips met, he was called off break to finish performing.

I looked at my watch. 11:56. The ball drops in four minutes.

“Dani?”

Hearing my name I looked up.

“Yeah?”

“Come here for a minute.”

I nodded and walked over to Brendon who was still at the mic. As soon as I was next to him he put his arm around my waist and pulled me close to his side.

“Hey guys. Before the excitement really begins I’d like to introduce you to this beautiful woman by my side. This is my fiancee’, Dani Ross. And yes she is with child as you can see. We are expecting a boy in February.”

Everyone applauded as Brendon kissed me on the cheek. Before I could say anything everyone started counting.

“5”

“Dani?”

“4”

“Yes?”

“3”

“I love you.”

“2”

“I love you too Brendon.”

“1”

“Happy New Year!”

Everyone yelled except for two people who were too busy kissing to even bother.