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Fuck, Just Because You Can Have Everything, Doesn't Mean You Can Have Everything

I sat back on the cream cushioned seats and waited for my stop.
“C’mon Sisky!” I pulled his arm softly.
Sisky got up and walked into my house with me. The two of us collapsed on my queen sized side by side. “Why are you famous?” he asked.
“Because my dad is a shitty ass rock star and my mom is one of the greatest pop singers of all time for some odd reason. I don’t know. Because I can stir up trouble in the news rooms but some day, Curse On Your Lips will be famous and then that’ll be my answer to this question.” I said turning over to rest my chin on his chest.
Sisky stroked my black hair as he stared at me. “Does it ever suck to be a daughter of two famous peeps?”
“Yeah, all the news reporters find out shit.”


After our talk on fame we fell asleep and when we woke up it was six thirty. It was time for me to make dinner.
I picked myself off the sleeping Sisky. I walked into the kitchen just as the phone started ringing.
“What now?” I exclaimed.
“Hey Estella, it’s time to talk about the two day tour.” Pete sang.
“Oh, so you have time to talk to me when you drive home but when there’s a concert and I wanna talk about something important you can’t talk? Well I got news for you, that subject was finished the minute I said Metro Station.” I told him angrily.
“Este don’t be like that.”
“Never call me that again. I’m going with Metro Station. The plans are being made up as we talk, there’s no more we can do.” I lied clutching the phone so hard I was sure it would break soon.
Sisky walked up and patted his head with his hand in a thinking way.
“Listen Estella, I will not allow you to go with Metro Station.” He said bringing on the father concerned voice. Like I really believed it. He chooses now to be concerned! Yeah right. He’s only concerned because someone isn’t doing what he wanted that person to do.
“Hey Pete, news flash, I could care less! I’m gonna go with Metro Station because they want me to go with them and I wanna go with them.” I told him. “I’m sorry if me being happy is really that bad for you.”
“You being happy makes me happy but couldn’t you be happy with Gym Class Heroes or someone like that?” he asked getting annoyed.
“Hold on.” I covered the mouth thing and looked at Sisky. “What?”
“What’s for dinner?” he asked anxiously.
“We were supposed to have pasta but now I think we’re gonna end up with mac and cheese, sorry Sisky.” I put the phone back to my ear. “Bye dad.”
“No Estella Marie Wentz we are not done!” Pete screamed.
“No Pete Wentz, I believe the term is we are done with this matter.” I hung up the phone and went to the cabinet. “What?” I demanded at Sisky’s brown eyes looking at me as my eyes got tears in them. They were burning a hole through me and I wanted to know why.
“Nothing, I just wanna know when dinner will be done.” Sisky whispered.
“Whatever!” I whispered pouring the noodles into the pot full of hot water and now my salty tears.
“You don’t have to act like it doesn’t bother you around me. I know it does Estella.” Sisky whispered rubbing my back.
He didn’t understand what it was like to understand Eminem’s “Cleanin’ Out My Closet” or feeling discriminated against by both parents. Eminem had it easy compared to me because only his mother hated him and they weren’t famous and he decided to share that with the world. My life was shared with the world against my will and Pete and Ashlee hated me as hard as they could. I felt like Hell was getting me prepared for going there. As if I was gonna go to Hell but they wanted to see how much I could handle and how well I handled it.
I wish I was Eminem’s kid. Hailey, made by Slim Shady. The famous Slim Shady, the only guy who had felt the way I felt now. He knew what I felt and how I hated my life. How much it wouldn’t matter if I died at the moment.
My life had been a hell hole since the day Ashlee had shared with me the reason I was born.


“Happy thirteenth birthday, Estella!” Ashlee cheered with a huge grin on her face at the private family party Pete and Ashlee had decided to hold.
All the DecayDance and Fueled By Ramon guys were there along with My Chemical Romance’s Mikey Way and Frank Iero, All Time Low, and Travis McCoy’s cousin whose name I couldn’t remember at that time.
My grandmother brought out a wonderfully decorated homemade black and white cake with red candles. There were mini figurines of the entire Wentz family minus the Simpson side, even some of Panic At The Disco.
“Happy birthday, babe!” Brendon Urie grinned kissing my check.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Am I old enough for you yet?” I whispered kissing his check.
“Yes because you’re so damn sexy!” he muttered nibbling on my ear like it was food.
“Alright you two, some of us want cake!” Spencer exclaimed holding up the black one hundred percent recycled plate and clear one hundred percent recycled plastic fork in the air.
I closed my eyes and thought for a second. What did I really want that I needed to wish for? In a snap I could have nine ponies plus a stable, thirty nine apples, or my own mansion. What the fuck did I need to wish for?
I opened my eyes and looked around the long table. All my closest friends and the Wentz’s and Simpsons’s were here to celebrate me becoming a teenager. If only it could stay like this forever.
That’s what I should wish for! Everything to stay perfect and fairytale like, I thought smiling. I shut my eyes and breathed in ready to blow out those candles like a fire hose getting rid of the fire.
“Hey Estella, can you hurry this up? My mom wants me home at nine ‘cause she’s moving.” Frank whispered.
I rolled my eyes before blowing out the candles.

“How’s my sexy teenage girlfriend doing?” Brendon asked approaching me with two plates of cake and two red plastic one hundred percent recycled cups of chocolate milk.
“Good, she’s just thinking.” I replied taking a cup and cake.
“About what? Today isn’t a day to think, unless it’s about what you’re getting me for my birthday tomorrow.” Brendon smirked.
“Yeah right. My presence is all you need from me.” I said smugly.
He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer. I snuggled into his tight black sweater. It felt warm against my check but it was a good tingly warm that made me wish someone would freeze us right there. So I wouldn’t have to live on and be hurt by his break-up eventually. Even I knew it would come soon.
“What kind of cake is this?” I asked him taking my head out of his chest.
“Try it.” he urged. “You never answered my question.”
It was Grandma Wentz’s famous double story chocolate cake with mixed vanilla, chocolate fudge, and tangerine icing. There were M&Ms and the good kind of nuts you got at baseball games in the cake. There were stars, spirals, and skulls in red and dark navy blue were there weren’t figurines.
“This is awesome! I love my grandma.” I said taking another bite. It was. The icing may sound totally gross but I swear it was like taking a bite of heaven. Everything together made it taking a bite of heaven and when I was done there wouldn’t be any heaven left.
“There was cake there.” Brendon noted laughing.
“I was thinking about how everything was perfect right now. Today. You, me, your band, Fall Out Boy, everything is incredibly perfect. Tonight is going as planned. All my closet friends, my family members, and my boyfriend are here to enjoy my thirteenth birthday. I’m elated and all, but I want everything to stay like this. Me in your chest, everyone getting along like we’re hippies. It’s totally clichéd and cheesy but that’s how I want it. It’s all fucking perfect.” I whispered changing the subject from my eating habits because frankly, that wasn’t something I felt needed to be discussed.
“That’s beautiful.” Ryan breathed from behind me.
Brendon and I turned around full speed to stare at the boy eavesdropping on us. Ryan blushed and ran away.
“He ruined the moment.” Brendon told me.
“Then I’ll fix it.” I whispered.
My lips crash landed onto Brendon’s finally. It was like being on Mars for the first time but I was thinking I wasn’t sharing my discovery. This was something I wanted all for me.
The kiss was beautiful. Brendon didn’t rush he just kept his hand on my face as I lost my hands in his wonderful chocolate brown hair. He tasted good in my mouth. I didn’t want him to leave; I didn’t want “us” to end.
That was how my night ended. Brendon and everyone left, except for some of my relatives, and I went to bed.

Two weeks after Panic! At The Disco became the hottest new band. They couldn’t concentrate on anything except music and touring. I cried to Hayley every night at a sleepover.
“He didn’t even call tonight.” I choked out before bursting into more tears.
That’s when my cell phone started ringing like crazy.
“Wh-What?” I stuttered wiping away tears.
“Estella, are you alright?” Brendon’s concerned voice rang through my ears.
“Hey Brendon.” I said my sadness leaving completely. The thin line on my face was replaced by a smile and the twinkle in my soft brown eyes came back.
“Estella, we need to talk.” He said.
“What?”
“We need to break up. You won’t see enough that I’ll be able to claim you as my girlfriend. Panic! At The Disco has tours to do and then we’re gonna start recording. I mean, I wanna be with you, really, but I don’t wanna hold you down. I love you, but we can’t be together. Maybe at another time.” Brendon hung up. That was the last I ever heard from Brendon Urie –er, Panic At The Disco actually. I only heard break up songs about loving girls, leaving girls, and missing girls knowing each one was about me. It was depressing but reassuring at the same time.
That’s where it started. Brendon’s break up was the least of my pain.


The next morning after Hayley left, Ashlee came to me in my room. She glared at me, like I’d broken something.
We were really close so I couldn’t believe she was glaring at me. It was different and it didn’t feel right.
“Alright you little weirdo, time to explain the real reason you were born.” She said squinting her eyes at me as if it might hurt to look at me. Like I would hurt her beautiful misty blue eyes like a Sun would.
“Ashlee, baby, she doesn’t need to know this. We love her and that’s all that matters!” Pete was calling from up the stairs. His feet were pounding against the waxed wood.
Ashlee shut the second door and locked it so Pete wouldn’t be able to get in.
I grinned at her as she sat down next to me.
“Estella, your birth was a mistake. Pete and I were trying for a Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz IIII but what we got was an Estella Marie Kingston Wentz I. Pete was very disappointed and as much as I wanted to give a goddamned mistake like you away Pete wanted to keep you. He grew to love you but I didn’t. You were the mistake that made Pete not have as much sex with me as before. We were wishing that we’d used protection that night the day we found out you were a girl. I acted like I loved you but I don’t. You’ll always be that fucking bad mistake God made to me but to your dad, you’re a good mistake from God. Go figure.” Ashlee lifted herself off the bed and walked to the wooden door.
“That’s all I am? A mistake from hell?” I whimpered. My bottom lip was trembling as I processed this. Sadness swept through me like a broom swept through the floor but this broom swept away every ounce of happiness and sadness. I felt…. Nothing. If anyone died that month I wouldn’t have cared.
My life was black and white to me. I was only dust in the wind, a turd in the end. What was the point of me living? Suddenly hatred swept through me as I thought that. Why had Ashlee tried for a baby? She couldn’t predict the turn out! How was this my fault?!?! She was the one who hadn’t used protection! I loathed my mom now.
That day made history because that was the day the mother daughter war started. Pete just stood in the middle of the battlefield getting shoot by both sides and being used by both sides. He couldn’t choose because he loved us both.

“Dust in the wind.” I muttered unconsciously stirring the noodles.
“What do you mean, dust in the wind?” Sisky’s voice brought me back to reality.
The memories from today came back. I knew where I was, what I was making, and why Sisky was here and not Brendon.
“I’m dust in the fucking wind of mistakes from hell.” I replied stopping my stir and going counter clock ways instead.
“You aren’t a mistake.” Sisky chuckled.
“Yeah I am.” I replied simply as I took the cheese packet out of the box.
Sisky took the packet from me and ripped it open so he could dump the cheese in. “Can I stir the cheese? Can I please, Este?! Oh please!” Sisky whined.
“Knock yourself out!” I whispered sitting at the mahogany four server kitchen table. Sisky had set the table with two places.
I put my head in my hands and started crying.
“Oh Ella, you aren’t fucking dust in the wind of mistakes from hell! I love you too much!” Sisky laughed hugging me from behind.
I groaned as he said I love you. Shit. I had no idea who I loved and I only knew who didn’t love me.
“I mean as a sister or something or a friend.” Sisky said quickly when he felt me grow tense.
“Yeah, I love you like that too!” I smiled turning to hug me back.
I released Sisky and he released me so he could finish stirring. I wiped my nose and eyes clear.
Sisky picked up the pot and the plastic black spoon. Steam went up in front of my face and all I could see was a white cloud. Sisky sat across from me with his bowl of macaroni and cheese.
The two of us ate our dinner in silence. I was thinking about Sisky Love and Parents No Love. They were both different feelings but they both made me feel good. Sisky was probably trying to figure out why I said dust in the wind.
“What ever happened to the friendship you and Brendon had?” he asked suddenly lifting his face from his bowl.
That was something I had never been asked. When Brendon had broken up with me no one had even asked what had happened. I sort of blurted it out to my friends but my dad or mom were never interested. It was refreshing to have someone care about my break-ups.
“He was always on tour and then they had to record Pretty. Odd. He decided to break-up with me on their tour. I never saw them again actually. But that’s pretty good because it would be awkward between us.” I explained.
Sisky stared at me before looking back down at his bowl to eat. “That’s a bummer.”
I glared at him.
When he finally looked up (which was about twenty minutes later) he noticed my glare. “I mean for him.”
I nodded as a smile started spreading across my face.
The rest of the dinner was quiet.
I thought more about Sisky and my parents. Nothing made sense anymore. My perfect life was becoming more ruined as the days passed.

*******
Something good (graduation party) finally happens to Estella!! :D
Sisky thinks it's too good to be true.
No one else does.
And besides why would that happen???
Let's see if Estella's graduation party will happen.
You know what?
It will.
Or will it?
;)

********
So how goes it peeps?!?! You still into it? That's good....
Sorry bout the old note i wrote at the end. my aunt wanted
me & my cousin to sleep (worst timing ever!!) so I had to
hurry. i'm so sorry.
anyway go to the last chapter & keep voting, i mean you've
got till July 27th. so uh, vote!!! i'm keeping them open.
please review cuz it'll make me happy & you want me to be
happy so that I update sooner.
sorry bout the slow updates too. i'm on vacation but i still
write. i've been making my grandma bring me to internet cafes (panara)
that way i cud keep this going.
so review for my :) that way i'll update & u'll b :D cuz u know another part of the story.
figure that out!! put it in the review so u can tell me wut it says.
or vote!!! (last chapter i wrote, plz vote)
thnkz & hve a nice day!!! :D :D :D :D
Only Este