Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Soul Purpose

For Tonight

by asherschick 8 reviews

I'm getting pretty much used to writing huge-ass chapters, really.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres: Drama,Humor,Romance - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2008-07-13 - Updated: 2008-07-13 - 6951 words

30. For Tonight

Gerard woke up with vanilla and sour apple smell in his nose and strands of hair in his mouth. Apparently, he had been sleeping with his mouth hanging open. Again. He brought one hand to clean his mouth from all that hair currently inhabiting it and scrunched his face at the unpleasant feeling of something tangible on his tongue.

He glanced down and noticed the pretty peaceful head of the still sleeping girl on his chest. Her dark hair was everywhere – it seemed like those rebellious locks had decided to take over the whole world. He smiled to himself and smoothed his hand down her silky strands gently, taking extra care not to wake her up. His fingers wandered over her scalp with feather-like touches as he played with her hair until she let out a loud unconscious sigh of contentment and rolled over to lie on her side beside Gerard, her right arm draping itself over his waist immediately. She tucked her other arm close to her bare chest and snuggled closer against his shoulder.

A wave of affection ran through the front-man’s body and he couldn’t keep the smile from spreading over his face. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand, brushing back his own black hair away from his sight. The digital indicator blinked back bright green numbers at his face in the dim light of the room: 03:47. He should go back to sleep. He hummed and turned on his side to face Defne, slinging one arm over her torso casually. He felt the monotonic rise and fall of her chest and studied her face after stroking back the unruly strands to reveal her fair visage. She was a heavy sleeper; she didn’t even stir at his movements. And although he knew he should go back to sleep, he couldn’t help watching her. She looked even more beautiful asleep, if possible. He wanted to wake up in the middle of the night and watch this adorable creature next to him for the rest of his life.

His fingers twitched as he continued watching her. He trailed them from her shoulder to her elbow, fingertips touching her skin lightly. She gave a puff of breath and snuggled closer in her sleep.

He didn’t want to get out of bed. He didn’t want to leave her alone on the comfortable mattress, all warm and nude like that. Beside him. Like the way she was supposed to be. But the sight of her, the feel of her, the smell of her provoked so many different emotions in him, he had to let them out, somehow. He couldn’t wake her and suggest another lovemaking session; she was sleeping so peacefully. He was left with two alternatives: He could either write about her or he could draw her. But he was pretty sure at this point whatever he wrote would sound like a cheesy love song. As cliché as they come. Not that he didn’t love some of those cliché songs…

In the end, he decided to take notice of the unconscious twitching of his fingers and got out of bed after planting the most innocent of kisses on Defne’s forehead, making her stir quietly.

Turning on the bedside lamp, he walked over to his suitcase and took out his sketchbook along with his pencils and sharpies. Then he adjusted the position of the dressing table chair in order to be able to see her sleeping form and perched on the side of it, placing his sketchbook on top of the table.

His hand started to glide over the white paper and he was lost.


Defne blinked her closed eyelids as the sun beamed through the hotel window, hitting her right on the face. She stretched her back, yawning, and rolled over to the other side of the bed. Her hands searched for a warm presence that she yearned for but they were only met with the bed sheets.

Surprised, she opened her eyes only to blink at the empty space on the bed beside her. She frowned in confusion, wondering where the hell Gerard was. Finally realizing she was naked, she pulled the sheets over her body in an illogical wave of modesty and sat up in bed, looking around the room as if expecting he would suddenly jump inside her field of sight from his hiding place behind the curtains or something.

She exhaled disappointedly and moved to get out of bed. She found her underwear and put it on, then walked over to her suitcase, pulling her mussed hair up in the messiest bun ever. After much searching around, she retrieved her old white over-sized Peanuts shirt and put it on. It hit her at mid-thigh and had Charlie Brown’s picture on the front, reading “Talk nerdy to me.” She smiled to herself distractedly as she walked around the room, enjoying the feeling of her old comfy shirt on her skin. A poor attempt for a consolation prize since Gerard was gone.

Right then, she glanced at the vacant bed and noticed some papers on Gerard’s pillow. Her mood immediately brightened. Apparently, he had had to run and had left her a note!

Or not.

Bright colors caught her eyes and she retrieved the papers from the bed.

There was a drawing of a sleeping woman on the first sheet. She was drawn like a comic book super-hero, all bright colors and smooth curves. She looked like someone out of X-Men. Her rich dark black-brown hair was spilt all over the pillow underneath her head. Her eyes shut in a relaxed way, her reddish lips slightly apart, letting out damp, soft breaths. One of her hands was tucked towards her chest protectively whereas the other was thrown over the empty space beside her as if her lover had just vacated the bed. A white sheet was casually thrown over her nude form, barely covering what needed to be covered. She smiled as she took notice of the tattoo on her back and finally decided that the resemblance wasn’t a coincidence. Gerard had drawn her as a comic character. While she was asleep. It felt like all her childhood wishes of being a super-hero had come true in a bizarre sort of way. She felt kinda special.

Grinning like a mad person, she glanced at the second sheet and let out a sound of pure unadulterated glee as soon as she realized what it was.

Two fluffy tiny heads were snuggled against each other; one white, the other blue. Two graceful beaks touching each other with affection. Little feathered bodies cuddled together: Gerard had drawn the two budgies they had seen that night. Complete with the puffs of air between their fluffed up feathers. The tiny birds she had cooed over… Those tiny birds that had triggered Gerard to declare his love for her for the very first time. “I love you like that blue budgie loves the white one.” he had said.

She couldn’t help but smile. So in love…

She was so absorbed in the feelings the pictures awoke in her, she didn’t even hear the door of the room opening and then closing again.

Upon seeing Defne up, Gerard quietly set down the paper bag in his hand and padded down the short hallway towards her. Her hair was up over her head, sticking out in every direction mindlessly and her neck was bare. The wide neckline of the obviously old enormous shirt she had on was tugged to one side slightly, leaving her collar bone out in the open. And although Gerard couldn’t see it fully from where he was standing, he wanted to touch it. He just couldn’t help himself. He had to. Because she looked so graceful and beautiful and… whatever. He just wanted to put his fingers on that pale skin over the collar bone and feel.

He cautiously approached her from behind and noticed that she was staring at the drawings he’d left for her. It made his insides warm when he saw the big, awe-filled smile she had on her face.

He quickly toed off his Chucks in the way, his eyes not even leaving her form for one moment. Once he reached her, he raised a hesitant hand and placed two gentle fingers on her exposed collar bone. Her back stiffened momentarily and she shuddered after recognizing his touch.

He let his fingers trail lower along that shapely bone and sighed towards her neck, making her close her eyes and tilt her head back. He played with her skin, touching it lightly, teasing. His fingertips ghosting over all those sensitized nerve endings. Grinning inwardly, he realized her neck was an erogenous zone for her and concluded that it made the two of them with the vampire fetish. Then, he finally decided to let his other fingers join in on the fun and started to stroke the side of her neck. Move down her smooth collar bone. Almost touch her breast. Then come back up again. Take in the graceful sweep of her shoulder.

After a while, she rested her head on his shoulder, making these little noises, melting in his arms like a puppy that finally got the attention it had been seeking. He blew in her ear and buried his nose in the crook of her neck, wrapping his other arm around her narrow waist, letting their bodies collide at long last. Her hand shoot up to his hair, mingling with it. Toying.

“Mmmm…” Gerard hummed against her skin, “Missed you.”

She shivered and turned her face to pepper kisses along the side of his face.

“You, too,” she responded with a hasty whisper. “I was a bit disappointed when I couldn’t find you in bed.”

Gerard’s hand on her waist slowly glided down to touch her bare thigh as he whispered back.


Then he slowly turned her in his arms and lowered her to the floor after kissing her on the lips lightly. She let gravity do the work when she thought it’d be safe and saved him the trouble of balancing their combined weights, causing him to fall in towards her body in the process.

He gasped as they hit the floor and laughed, one of his hands beginning to knead the flesh of her thigh whereas the other resumed giving special attention to her neck.

The papers lied on the bed quietly, forgotten. But not for too long.

Defne pried her lips away from Gerard’s to talk as her hands slipped past his t-shirt to run up his smooth back.

“I love the drawings.”

The front-man’s face lit up with one of his trademark dorky smiles.

“You do?” he asked innocently.

She nodded frantically, her hands pressing down his body onto hers more forcefully.

“I’m glad,” Gerard murmured, dipping his head down for a ghost of a kiss, “It’s been a while since I sketched the birds… but the other one’s new.”

She chuckled.

“Yeah, I figured,” she said, her hands moving back down to the hem of his shirt. “Seeing myself like that… you know… like a super-hero.” She tugged his shirt up. “Or a super-heroine. I don’t know. It was kinda like a dream coming true. You know… like I was like Rogue or something…” They finally managed to get rid of the irritating barrier that was his shirt and she latched onto him like he was her life support.

Gerard cupped her face and kissed her firmly, holding her head in place with his hands.

“You don’t need to be like Rogue. You’re awesome just like this. Just by being you,” he whispered, slipping one knee between her legs, making her squirm in her place. The situation could have been awkward. Discussing comic books in the middle of hot, breathy foreplay. But it was probably one of the priamry reasons they were together in the first place.

She chuckled and kissed a wet trail along his neck, bringing out unintelligible sounds from his throat as her warm damp breath hit his sensitive skin.

“Yeah, well…” she trailed off, “I look pretty much awesome in that picture.”

They rolled around on the floor for some time until Defne came up for a breath and started talking again.

“The budgies…” she said, shaking her head in wonder, “I just wanted to kiss you when I saw them.”

And she lunged for his lips again. Eating, drinking him in as he smiled into her touch.

“I’m glad you like those little fluffy things,” Gerard murmured, “They’re a part of your birthday present.”

She stopped kissing him for a moment and her eyes got wide when she finally realized what day it was.


Gerard tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand.

“I actually wanted to get you those birds. The real, breathing ones. So you could always coo over them like you did that night… You know, we could… We could name the white one Defne and the blue one Gera –”

She giggled in delight. But Gerard bit his lips and continued, though not being able to prevent the pink blush that crept to his full cheeks.

“ – rd. But then I thought. I thought they’d probably survive two weeks at tops in the tour bus so…”

She shook her head, her chest swelling up with affection so much that she thought she would burst in the end and white fluffy bunnies would pop out of her ribcage, hopping around blissfully.

“You don’t have any idea how sweet you are, do you?”

And she brought his head down for another sweaty floor-make-out session but Gerard broke off the embrace with a start after a moment, his brain truly processing the word “sweet” and bringing mental images of “sweet” things before his closed eyes.

“Fuckkkk! The ice-cream!” he yelled and tried desperately to disentangle himself from Defne’s body as she stared at him in utter confusion.

“What?” she asked, dumbfounded, “What ice-cream?”

The front-man hastily got up on his feet and tripped a little while trying to step away without stamping on Defne’s legs. He ran back in the direction where he came from as Defne yelled from the floor:

“Gerard, what the fuck?”

But she didn’t receive an answer to her question until Gerard emerged from the hallway at the entrance of the room with a little paper shopping bag in his hands. She watched him with curious eyes.

Feeling her gaze on him, he quickly explained as he made his way over to the mini bar.

“I’d actually gone out to get some ice-cream,” he began, “Thought we could make a pre-celebration with it… just the two of us.

Defne’s eyes widened and she struggled for a millisecond, thinking about if Gerard could rise up in the adorable-ness area a few more notches or not. Then she discarded the unanswered question and bounced back to her feet and jumped on the bed, reaching for Gerard who was on the other side, close to the mini bar.

She snatched the little bag from him and looked inside.

“Oooh! It’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough!” she literally squealed and beamed back at him. “I don’t think it can get any better than this but then I’ve got a gut feeling that it will…” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him, holding back a grin. “Have you been fantasizing, Gerard?”

He blushed furiously and pushed back raven locks away from his face to distract his attention away from the hotness in his cheeks. But he held her gaze and finally stuck his tongue out at her childishly. Then slipped into sexy-Gerard-mode and gave her a mega-hot-pose complete with half closed eyes, eyelashes incredibly thick and one eyebrow raised in suggestive innuendo.

“I’ve been fantasizing,” he admitted, “Though you already are my fantasy come true. But that doesn’t keep a guy from dreaming…”

She cracked a grin and ducked her head to hide her own reddening cheeks from view.

Gerard leaned in and grabbed the ice-cream from her loose grip, muttering.

“If it stays out any longer, there won’t be any chocolate chips or cookie dough to lick away… There’ll only be sticky mush.”

And he shoved it in the depths of the mini bar. Then he turned back to face her and took in her form sitting on the bed Indian fashion, her over-sized t-shirt not able to cover the tops of her thighs anymore. He licked his lips at the sight and sent her another suggestive look.

“So… since it’s gonna be a while for the ice-cream to get back in good shape, why don’t we skip to Fantasy No.2 in the meantime?” he asked in a very serious tone.

She blinked up at him and smirked.

“And that would be…?”

His lips twitched.

The shower.


“Hah, I’m still young!” Defne cheered as she blew out the candles on her birthday cake. People clapped. She beamed at their faces happily, not quite believing that they had thrown a mini-party for her in the tour bus. In the moving tour bus. “You’re the only girl around here, of course we’re gonna hold you very precious,” Frank had explained as she’d realized that they were going to celebrate her birthday in the bus, probably while crossing state lines. Even though they were pretty exhausted after the show of the night.

“Well, yeah…” sneered Devon, “I guess you could call 24 ‘young’.”

“Of course it’s young!” Mikey exclaimed, “Though Gerard sorta had a mid-life crisis when he was 24.” He laughed in his own sneaky way.

“I did not!” Gerard objected.

No one believed him. But he was telling the truth. Honest.

“Well she’s not 18 anymore, though,” murmured Matt pointedly, as if wanting her to hear his comment accidentally.

She rolled her eyes and grabbed the knife – making everyone cringe at the mental image of a slaughtered, dismembered Matt lying in the pool of his own blood – only to slice the cake.

Gerard joined in apparently to support her.

“Hey! Stop messing with my girlfriend!” he said frowning slightly, “She might be old but she’s still kinda hot.” He was smirking.

Her eyes widened and she pointed a finger at Gerard threateningly.

You. You don’t even start! You’ve seen the big 3-0. Who’s the old one, huh?”

The front-man ran a hand through his raven locks and sighed.

“I’m not old. 30’s not old. I’m just… not really that young.”

Defne huffed and turned back to her drummer.

“And I haven’t been 18 for 6 years, Matt. I’m kinda used to that.”

Devon nodded grimly.

“Yeah, man… She lost that fucking teen sparkle ages ago.” He tutted quietly, shaking his head.

“Well, I didn’t really have a sparkle anyway, so…” she trailed off with a huge grin plastered on her face, still working on slicing the cake, “… you’re not managing to make me mad, tonight!”

“Damn! Everything just seems to glide off of her…” mumbled Zack.

Frank’s eyes darted around between Defne’s happy expression and Gerard’s innocent glee as he watched her and the rhythm guitarist smirked.

“And it’s not only because it’s her birthday,” he announced and continued once he was sure he had caught everyone’s attention.

“See that expression on her face? Yeah, now turn and look at Gee for a second.” Heads snapped in Gerard’s direction and his relaxed smile vanished at the sudden attention. Frank continued.

“Yeah. You saw it, didn’t you?” he asked while all the other guys nodded enthusiastically, grinning.

“Though he tried to hide it, we all saw it for a moment there. That expression.” He paused just for the sake of the drama. “The blissful half-awareness of a thoroughly sexed-up person!” he announced loudly.

Bob laughed and joined in on the fun:

“Yeah. The blissfully silent state of mind of the well-fucked.”

Mikey grinned and chimed in:

“There should be a movie named that.”

Not even bothering to recognize the slight blush upon her cheeks, Defne laughed and stood up to serve her own birthday cake. She should have figured she would be left with the job. She turned to sneak a glance at them as she made her way to the little kitchenette and held up her middle finger for them to see.

“You know what? Fuck you all,” she said grinning.


Half an hour later, Defne was sitting cross-legged on the floor in the middle of the front-lounge, happily accepting her birthday presents. She had already put on the black t-shirt Devon had gotten for her that read “I have no job, I have no money, I have no car. But, I’m in a Band.” She had fallen in love with the shirt immediately. She was definitely wearing it on stage in their next show.

“I was actually planning to get you the last Potter book but damn those publishers! It’s not gonna be released for another two weeks, so…” trailed off Chris as she opened the wrapping paper.

Matt leaned in and glanced at the book she was holding in her hand and cracked up immediately.

“So you got her One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest?” he laughed, “’Cause those two are so closely-related!

Chris rolled his eyes at him. “No, asshole! I got her that book because I knew she’s been wanting to read it for sometime.”

Matt only kept on laughing as Defne waved it all away with a motion of her hand in the air.

“Don’t mind him, Chris, I love this! Thank you so much…” she said as she opened her arms wide for a hug. The rhythm guitarist smiled and moved in for the hug.

Then she went on with the present-opening and literally jumped with glee when she saw Zack’s: DVD of the animated film Happy Feet.

“Oh, no!” cried Matt this time, “She’s gonna make us watch the penguins sing all the time, now!”

She stuck her tongue out at him as she cuddled the DVD close to her chest and grinned as Zack kissed her on the cheek.

Matt, himself, had gotten her an Eeyore t-shirt on which the donkey was unexpectedly smiling a little innocent smile. It was so unlike him to buy something like that but she chose not to comment on it and just be happy with her new tee.

She got a black and purple checkered studded belt from Mikey, who clearly had a wonderful sense of style – though that was kinda expected since he liked wearing chick-pants. Ray handed her a beautiful guitar strap with diagonal leather bars over red-orange-yellow-ish flame designs and told her to play on stage more often. And Bob had gotten her a black Queen hooded-shirt featuring Freddie Mercury with a signature diva-like pose to which she grinned.

Then Frank handed her a box with a mischievous glint in his greenish-hazel eyes, his cheeks twitching with the large effort to not crack the maddest grin. He managed to talk through his held-back-grin and said “It’s been really hard finding that… They were all sold out, actually. But I just thought you’d literally love this so…”

Defne frowned and her hands hastily fumbled with the wrapping paper.

“C’mon, Frank, what is this?” she asked impatiently.

He just shook his head and she finally tore the wrapping paper violently. She stared at the box in her hands for a moment and then broke into laughter.

“Oh my God!” Gerard moaned and slapped his hand to his face once he saw what she was holding. The others all cracked up after having a look at Frank’s gift. Frank, himself, was actually fighting not to fall to the floor in his mad fit of high-pitched giggles as he managed to ask, holding his tummy with one hand.

“So, what do you think?”

She waited to calm down for a moment and stared at the box in her hands again, a stupid grin plastered on her face.

“Oh, I love him!” she cried out with joy, her eyes roaming over the pretty pale face of Gerard’s action figure with his black leather jacket and screaming-blood-red tie. It was a perfect little ridiculous model of him complete with his sexy poured-on pants and that amazing bat belt-buckle. She just couldn’t believe Frank had gotten her Gerard’s action figure!

As she struggled to free the tiny-Gerard from its box, the real-Gerard fake-scowled at Frank.

“I can’t believe you got her my action-figure!” he cried like the true drama-queen he was.

Frank just giggled even more between his words.

“Oww, c’mon, Gee! She appreciates it! Look!” he said while pointing his finger at Defne, who had finally managed to take the tiny-Gerard out and was currently wriggling his little arms around, giggling madly all the time.

Gerard rolled his eyes and sat down beside his girlfriend, bumping her on the shoulder slightly and muttering.

“Hey! Stop wriggling my arms all around the place like that!”

She bumped him back and bent his arms from the elbows.

“But you’re wriggly!” she said, obviously psyched up, “Look at your elbows!”

He huffed and gave up. “Okay…” he muttered, “Well at least give me my gun, will ya?”

Then he turned to show Frank another scowl and asked.

“Where the hell did you find this, anyway?” he asked, “I thought they were all sold out…”

Frank raised an eye brow at him.

“Oh, look at the size of that ego!” he said, grinning, and then added in a more high-pitched tone that didn’t resemble Gerard’s voice at all: “My action figures are all sold out!”

The front-man huffed and sulked from his place on the floor until Frank started talking again.

“Actually, that’s from my personal collection of ‘Gerard Way action figures’,” the guitarist said in a serious tone, “It was the only unopened box I got. I have another five of them at home and even one in my suitcase. And I have all these crazy accessories for them, too, you know? Like coats, microphones, enormous sunglasses and feather boas… I even have a pink convertible! They were actually Barbie’s and they’re a bit over-sized for you but I thought, what the hell? Gerard would love them anyway…”

“Shut up!” Gerard cried, trying so hard not to burst into laughter like the rest of the room.

“And I like playing with them when we’re not touring and when I’m missing you. It’s like, Gerard at the Beach, Gerard on Stage, Gerard-Ski Queen, Gerard in Hawaii, Gerard-Beautiful Bride –”

“Frank, just stop it!” Mikey yelled, choking on his laughter, “I can’t breathe!”


When Defne was done playing with her new “Gerard” and everyone had relatively calmed down from images of Gerard in white wedding gowns or pink convertibles, the front-man decided it was time to give her his own present. So he followed her when she went to put her gifts away and grabbed her hand, dragging her towards the back-lounge, once she was finished with that task.

“Hey,” he called silently, in an awkwardly shy way.

She cracked a smile at him.


Gerard shuffled his feet for a moment and then plunged his right hand deep into his pocket and brought out a tiny box, holding it out for her to take.

She looked at the little box, which suspiciously looked like it was hiding some kind of jewelry inside, and then glanced up at his face to see if it showed something. But he only had this wonderfully innocent expression that she adored.

“What is this?” she asked, her eyes wide open in surprise.

Gerard just settled with giving a light shrug and looking adorable.

She smiled nervously as she fumbled to open the box with slightly trembling hands. She was dying to know what was inside even though she had never been a huge fan of jewelry. She realized she trusted Gerard’s taste.

“Ohh…” she breathed once she was able to open it.

It was a snowflake. Not a real snowflake obviously, but a silver snowflake necklace. It was so simply elegant that Defne couldn’t help but stare at it for a few moments, her mouth wide open. It had a tiny sparkly stone right at the heart of it and a bunch of other tinier sparkly-stones sprinkled down the six hexagonal arms of the snowflake. It was almost like they made the pendant come alive, softly glimmering under the light. Wet, sparkly, innocent winter. And the most consuming part of the pendant was that it wasn’t perfect. It had six approximately identical arms but it didn’t have the perfect, flawless six-fold symmetry often illustrated everywhere, merely to please the eye. It just looked so natural, so clear. Like a real, beautiful snowflake with a few of its arms shaped just slightly different than the others. And the pendant was hanging from a graceful silver chain, ready to be put around her neck.

“Ummm… so, you like it?” asked Gerard quietly, with a curious, hopeful lilt in his voice at the end of the sentence.

She couldn’t do anything but nod, her senses on overload at the simple elegance before her. Then she raised a finger to touch the pendant and smiled, lifting her head up for him to see it on her face.

“It’s… just. It’s just. I-I mean…” she took a deep breath as he smiled down at her, “Thank you… It’s so beautiful.”

He stroked a hand down her face.

“That’s one of the reasons it reminds me of you,” he whispered, gazing at the awe-filled expression on her face as a faint blush adorned her cheeks. He loved it when she blushed for him.

“You’re so innocent, so beautiful like a snowflake… And you’re always glowing, full of life and emotion. Even in your most furious, most deadly state of mind… I can see that soft flurry glimmer in your eyes. And it makes me love you even more… And they say that no two snowflakes are alike, that all of them are unique so... I mean I know no two things in the universe can actually be identical to each other but... I just. You're one of a kind, is what I'm trying to say. Yeah. You're unique... I’d also say you’re delicate like a snowflake but then you’d beat me for it so… but then, that makes me love you even more, too…”

She chuckled at him and stretched on her tiptoes to kiss him on the lips delicately, holding his face between her hands carefully and touching their lips to each other’s as if for the first time ever.

“Will you help me put it on?” she asked when they broke apart.

He nodded and gently lifted the necklace from its protective surroundings as she took off her new t-shirt to be able to see how it would look on her skin and was left with her burgundy V-neck top. She turned her back to him and raised her hair to the top of her head for him to be able to put it around her neck.

He took great care with this job and planted a tiny kiss on her collarbone when he was finished, whispering affectionately in her ear:

“Happy birthday, baby.”

She turned around and gave him a mad-happy face and kissed him hard and firm and passionate and a little bit sloppy this time, before running to the little bathroom to see how it looked on her neck. He went after her, silently chuckling to himself.


A few hours later, not being able to fight the exhaustion anymore, everyone had gone to bed. But Defne couldn’t sleep. She felt like, no she knew, there was something she had forgotten to do. And in a flash of enlightenment, she realized she hadn’t opened the box her brother had given her a week ago. She had wanted to keep her promise to him and thus not opened it before her birthday.

She jumped out of her bunk and padded to retrieve the box from where she left it. Hugging it to her body tightly, she padded her way back to the front-lounge and sat on one of the couches.

Once she got rid of the wrapping paper, she was met with a wooden chest. Her eye brows rose in surprise and she stroked the wooden surface lovingly and then moved to open its lid once she had admired it long enough.

Inside laid her memories. Her memories of everything she used to be. Back. Home. Photographs. Lots and lots of snapshots of her past life. Her tiny two-months-old self in a stroller and her brother, only a kid back then, pushing it. This time, her five-months-old self on her brother’s lap, both of them smiling angelically. Her mom so young. And her dad with all his black hair, playing with her on the couch. Sitting on the hood of their car with her brother, holding cookies and smiling again, with a big stupid white hat over her head. And her grandmother. Giving her a swing. Smiling. Stuffed toys and little cars. Pictures taken on her previous birthdays. She’s wearing a pink dress on her first birthday. A red one on her second. And then there are pictures of them on the beach. Her and her brother again; out in the park, playing, or trying to play, kickball. Then her hair is finally long. And she has a fringe. And there she is, sulking in her first bikini because the sun hurts her eyes.

She couldn’t really understand how the years had passed. She shook his head to clear it a bit and kept on staring at the pictures, hugging her stuffed-lamb – which had also come out of the box – close to her chest and trying desperately not to cry.

Rocky the Budgie is there, too. Kindergarten. Graduation. Her grandma’s there. Graduation, again. Her grandma’s not there, this time.

Her chest ached so much she couldn’t breathe.

And just a few random photos taken at home. Maybe to remind her that her mother’s hair isn’t its natural dark brown anymore, she’s changed the color when she started dying it to conceal her white roots. And her father uses glasses now, sometimes. And then it’s her brother’s wedding.

Defne closed his eyes for a moment and drew in a shaky breath to at least try to keep the hiccups in. She carefully placed the photographs back in the box and rested her elbows on her knees, letting her hands dangle in the air mindlessly, her head hanging low.

It had been over two years since she had last been home.

And she didn’t know when she was going to be able to be home, once again.

Then came a shuffling noise from the doorway and she raised her head to see the newcomer with tears in her eyes.

Gerard’s smile froze on his face as he looked at her.

“Hey…” he called softly, walking over to her side. “I was just… about to sneak into your bunk for cuddling but. But. You weren’t there so…”

She didn’t respond.

“Defne. What’s wrong?” he asked quietly, putting a warm hand on her back.

She just shrugged helplessly, not daring to say a word, afraid that she was going to start sobbing if she tried to make a sound.

Gerard frowned and rubbed her back for sometime, at a total loss why she would be crying in the middle of the night. Then he noticed the chest on the floor. And he saw the photographs. He understood.

He immediately hauled her in his lap and wrapped his arms tight around her, giving away free, intangible comfort. Easy to deal with. After a while, her limbs came to life and she encircled his waist with her legs as her arms found their place around his torso. Holding on so strong, so tight that it hurt her muscles. Maybe even his muscles. But neither of them let go. Tears wet the fabric of his shirt and Gerard stroked her hair all the while. He let her muffle her sobs against the crook of his neck and shushed her softly. Until she was so worn out her chest ached continuously and it couldn’t produce anymore sobs. He kissed her neck, the side of her face. He let his arms wander around her torso, warming her, comforting her in a way that no one else could. She sighed, sagging against his touch, and murmured silently, in the end.

“I miss home.

He whispered against her skin, his voice traveling all the way down her spine from her neck to the small of her back.

“That’s okay.

“All of them…” she muttered, still hiccupping uncontrollably, “Mom. Dad. Mert. Everyone… My aunts and my uncles, too…”

Gerard gently lifted her head off his shoulder and brought her face close to his to be able to stare in her eyes.

“Of course you do. That’s only natural. They’re your family…”

She took a deep trembling breath.

“I don’t wanna fall out of their lives,” she pleaded, “I don’t wanna become a memory… of a girl who never really cared.

He shook his head hastily.

“You won’t!” he exclaimed in an excited whisper. “You care…”

“I don’t know… Anything. Not really. I mean, ab-about. What’s going on o-over there,” she stammered.

He brushed her unruly strands away from her swollen red face and kissed her lightly on the lips.

“But you’re still family,” he said, conviction evident in his voice, “Nothing’s gonna change that. It’s the most powerful, most eternal bond ever… You’re gonna be like you once were when you see each other again.”

She stared into his eyes for a very long time before giving him a ghost of her usual smile.

“There’s my girl,” he muttered, giving her another chaste kiss.

Then she fidgeted on her seat in his lap and stated, her gaze far off once again.

“I think… I think, it’s n-not ju-just that. I mean… I guess I miss my. My country, too. My culture, even. I miss speaking Turkish, s-sometimes. You know? It’s… it’s really sad… I sometimes think. I’m gonna f-forget my mo-mother tongue or s-something…”

“You won’t,” he reassured her, playing wit her hair to keep her safe and calm.

“And then…” she went on, a sheepish look taking over her features suddenly, “I’d… like. I’d think of a joke. But it’s so-something local. Like… Then I’d. R-realize no one would understand it here…” She paused and added unsurely after a moment. “No one would laugh.”

He gave her his brightest smile, which, she was sure, could melt Mount Everest to its bones at the sight of it, showing his impish little teeth and responded in the most dorky way possible.

“I’d laugh!”

Her insides warmed up in an instant and she chuckled, throwing her arms around his neck, squeezing hard.

She was going to hold on to him. At least for tonight.

It was okay.

A/N: Hmmm. Yeppp, another chapter's finally here. And it's pretty long. I hope you're not bored :) There are a lot of scenes in this chapter, huh? But I enjoyed writing every single one of them. And somebody, please get me an action figure of Gerard!!!!(I'm half-serious =P)

And yeah, sorry for the delay once again. But it really is long, so I hope it's worth the wait, huh? Tell me what you think! About anything =) About the Peanuts shirt, about the ice-cream, about the action-figure, about the necklace or generally about the story... Or about anything. You all know by now that I love talking so very much =) So rate and/or review!!!

And now, I am once again shamelessly gonna advertise another story of mine. It's called Was It A Dream? and is actually going to develop into a nice little lovely, short, chaptered, Frerard fic if I give the chance and patience to it. It's based on the time period when Gerard is trying to get sober and I know there are lots and lots of fics out there about that period and I know there are good ones so why am I writing it? Yeah, I had thought that it was gonna be original. I was mostly - a whole lot - inspired by the Buffy episode Normal Again (in which the reality keeps shifting and we see that Buffy is in some kind of an institution and she's schizophrenic), which is one of my favorite Buffy episodes ever, because it's really scary and crazy... and I am in desperate need of feedback for it. I sulk around at home, wondering why hasn't anyone cared enough about it to give any kind of a response. You can tell me if it sucks, honestly!

Heee, bye for now!

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