Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > You’re My Phobia
Chapter Sixteen: Let’s Make Believe...
Song: Foo Fighters - On The Mend
The gentle sprinkling of raindrops battering against the wide glass window brought the tired Gerard away from his slumber as he laid silently, eyes slowly opening as he watched in awe as silhouettes danced across the ceiling in a lazy manner. The bizarre shapes swayed to the beat of the rain drops as a roar of thunder caused their bodies to glow as if burning then quickly return to the normal states of dark shades of black and grey, they began to sway once more, forgetting what had happened only moments ago. Another eruption of glistening light filled the room as he listened to the distant weeping of small children calling for their mother's, and that very second he would have laughed if it wasn't for the fact that his throat felt so raw and sore as if someone had sucked the moisture complete out of him. He groaned as he shuffled his aching body into a more comfortable position.
The room shook slightly as the skies screamed with rage, lighting the sky as if day for no more than a second. Gerard's lips curled slightly in what appeared to be a small smile as he listened contently to the rain and thunder. Storms had never bothered the young man; he loved the bright lights that flashed across the dark New Jersey skies. Gerard had always resembled thunder and rain as a sign of hope, a way to wish away the bad. To clean the world.
He never quite understood why people were frightened by such a beautiful thing. He saw it as a reassurance, a glimpse of hope that maybe; just maybe there was something more too littered streets and alcohol. There was such a place where he would smile and really mean it, where he could laugh and smile and touch and feel. A place where his father would come marching through those two door's and demand to see his son... and then with a wide smile he would wrap his arm's around me, and mutter small "I'm so sorry son..".
A place where I could be happy. Be happy with him, Mum and Mikey. ..Elena could even come and I could sing for her. She could teach me again, and me and Mikey could stay up and tell ghost stories, just like old times.
We could play picture perfect.
We could play the 'happy family.'
But these were nothing more than fantasy's, dreams of a non-existent world. Dream's of a better life.
He felt slightly idiotic thinking about such things. An 18 year old shouldn't be thinking about a better family life. A normal 18 year old should be out having fun with his best friends, "getting totally wasted" as his peers used to ramble on about. He should be out having sex, getting wasted, experimenting with drugs even.
Wasn't that what normal New Jersey boy's got up to?
Normal. You're not exactly normal are you?
You prefer Metallica, they rather Pop.
You rather drawing, where as they rather get drunk.
You smoke, they snort.
You jerk off, they fuck.
You're strange, they're normal
What about Frank, was he normal? That question dwelled on my mind for some time as the rain continued to drizzle across the New Jersey hospital grounds.
The mentioning of Frank had brought Gerard into realisation that Frank was no where to bee seen. Gerard felt a sting of disappointment as he slightly missed the young boy's presence even though he had promised to return.
Lied. He lied to you.
And what if he did? It wasn't like he was my boyfriend.
Wait- was he? No. Yes! No- ..Oh shit.
The very concept of having Frank as a boyfriend startled the young man as he shuffled his aching body into a seating position. Gerard ran his slender artistic fingers through his raven black hair as he thought deeply over the situation at hand. Frank couldn't possibly be his boyfriend considering Gerard wasn't even gay in the first place.
Maybe your bisexual?
Sure Gerard had noticed the slender body's of fellow young male class mates, but he had never thought anything of it, until now. He had even felt some slight attraction to some of them, but he had simply shrugged it off as puberty.
Plus, wasn't looking at the same sex part of growing up? Gerards head ached with the overflowing stream of thoughts that ran through his mind. He shrugged them away and distracted himself by taking in the dim surroundings of his room. The sun had set long ago, causing the lime green walls to darken and somehow send Gerard at peace as the dark greens reminded him of home. He thought he would never miss the smell of polluted air and dead grass more than he did at that very moment. He missed the pasta his mother would quickly whip up for him and Mikey before she rushed to work.
He missed home. But mostly, he missed his family. But there was noth-
Gerard's entire body froze suddenly. All thought seemed to disappear as his heart began to race as slight movement was caught out of the corner of his eye. He felt his blood run cold as he heard a light tap and bang as if someone had fallen over. The empty bed's sheets shuffled as someone behind it began to pull at the blue sheets.
"H-Hello?" Gerard's sore and groggy voice rung out as he stared cautiously at the bed. "W-Who's there?"
Soft muttering could be heard as Gerard tried his best to make out what they were saying. His heart skipped a beat as a small figure shot up from behind the bed, Gerard's body jumped from the shock. He gave a sigh of relief as he saw that it was nothing more than a small boy, 12 years old he guessed as the boy smiled shyly. "Sorry if we woke you up mister." He mumbled as he fiddled with his small fingers.
Gerard allowed a small laugh to escape his lips as he muttered a small "don't worry, you didn't wake me."
The boy nodded, snapping his head towards something or someone behind the bed. "Come out, he wont tease you."
Gerard started at the boy curiously, the consideration that maybe this boy was crazy crossed his mind, his thought's were however proven wrong when a small "no, go away" was muttered in a frightened voice.
The boy grinned sadly as he shot Gerard an apologetic sigh, "I'm David by the way, the boy hiding is my brother Benny."
"Why doesn't he come out?" I regret the question as soon as it left my lips as the boy's face fell. "Oh, I-I'm sorry, you don't have to sp-"
"No, its okay." He mumbled looked towards what i assumed was the boy before muttered a small "It's up to Benny if he wants to tell you, or even show himself."
I nodded understandingly before sweeping the sheets off my body; i shivered as the cold air seeped over me. The boy eyed me cautiously as i swung my two legs over the side of the bed ignoring the pain that shot up my back and arms as i smiled softly at the young boy. "Don't be scared, I’m not going to laugh or point, I promise" I assured them both as i struggled to keep my balance before making my way towards the smaller boy. "Please don't look shocked or anything" he whispered.
For a slight minute i felt frighted to what i would find, but i shrugged of the slight discomfort and made my way towards the smaller boy. The sigh i was met with made my heart jolt with sadness as i found a small boy curled up, arms covered in raw and burned skin, sobbing slightly. It took all my energy not to reach out and comfort him.
I kneeled down beside him, smiling softly as his wet and hazel eyes met mine. His face was scared and burnt with crimson skin that was still in the healing process. "Why are you hiding Benny?" I asked softly as the boy's wet tears slid down his scarred face. "B-Because i-I’m ugly.." he mumbled, biting his lip as i stared at the boy in disbelief. "Why do you think your ugly Benny? Cause i sure as hell don't think you are." The boy grinned in thanks as he took a deep breath, "t-the other k-kids t-think i am." I sighted heavily as the young boys' brother crouched down and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's frame. "Your not ugly Benny, this isn't your fault, it's those stupid kid's fault, okay?" The younger boy let out a harsh sob as he buried his face in the crook of his brother neck.
I eyed the boys in sympathy as the elder brother rubbed a small circle across his brother back whispering soothing words. I smiled sadly as i silently wished i could do that when Mikey cried but i never could, and i lost all hope in believing i ever could.
The rain was still a soft buzz in the background as the room was filled will silence, the boy's sob's soon began to fade as his breathing became smooth and calm and he had drifted into slumber. I watched silently as the elder brother lifted his small body and placed him into bed, tucking him in, smiling softly as the body curled into the warmth of the blankets. "Good bye Benny, I’ll see you tomorrow" he whispered, placing a delicate kiss on his brother's forehead.
An awkward silence overcame us as he stood beside his brother, before turning to me. "I better go; my mum should be waiting for me outside."
I nodded, watching as the young boys back turned and he made his way outside the room. "David!" I called after him, unaware why I had called him I walked towards him and shot him a fake smile. "I'll walk you to the front doors or whatever." I mumbled, ignoring the slight curious look he eyed me with. "Mkay." he answered before leading the way towards the exit.
An awkward silence surrounded us before he finally broke it with a simple "ask me already."
My head snapped to the side as i opened my mouth to reject.
"Don't worry about it man, just ask already" He forced a laugh which I grinned at. I remained silent for a few more minutes, watching the nurses pass by before finally asking "what happened to him?"
The young boy David sighed, pausing before beginning "Benny wasn't the most popular kid in school; he was always getting picked on. And well me, i was the idiot brother who didn't care, because i wanted to be popular and he was just my loser brother." The boy spat, he looked away in shame before continuing. "Anyway, one day some kids thought it would be cool to try smoking or some crap, and i went along with it until it was my turn, i declined.." He looked troubled, running his hands through his brunette hair, his eyes met mine before smiling sadly. "i didn't want to smoke, and they got pretty angry because i was being a pussy or whatever, anyways.. To make a long story short we got into this fight, and i got pissed and told on them." He sighed heavily once more. "Big mistake. They got expelled and before they left the school the vowed to get me back... and they did."
My breathed hitched in my throat as my eyes widened.
No.. Oh god.. Holy shit..
"T-They..O-Oh my god.." My voice was low, hadn't realised i had stopped walking until benny stopped to look at me, sadness and anger detected in his gaze. "They did. They stole petrol from one of the 711's and they decided it would be funny if they lit my brother on fire.."
My jaw had completely dropped as i eyed the boy. "T-They b-burnt h-him?!"
David simply nodded, it frighted me that he seemed so completely calm about something as tragic as this.
David's eyes lowered as he continued walking, Gerard took this as a sign to follow and he did. Gerards heart ached for the young boy as they walked in silence until the younger boy finally spoke. "They burnt him, nearly to death if it wasn't for one of the cleaner's who threw him into the boy's bathroom and hosed him down all he could with on of the taps. It didn't do much, but it was enough."
Gerard nodded muttered a small "I-I'm so sorry" in which the boy waved him away and they continued to walk in silence until they reached the main entrance of the hospital. Gerards arms and legs were aching as he waved at the boy who departed.
Gerard couldn't help but think over the words the young boy had said to him before he left, "After that day, i vowed i would never leave his side.. and i never did. Nothing would get in the way between us, i won’t let it. He's my brother after all, and i love him to death, so I’ll protect him until the very end...”
Gerard remained still as nurses seeped passed him, ignoring his very existence.
He watched as the boys form disappeared into the darkness, and he couldn't help but feel some gratitude towards the young boy, he was what seemed to be only 12, but he had faced and experienced thing that maybe a 16 year old would have. He may have been small, and looked child-like but deep inside he was a man.
"So I’ll protect him until the very end...” Those words so strong and meaningful, especially coming from a 12 year old.
Gerard couldn't help but look around the slightly empty area as those words seemed to scar his mind and soul. Gerard's eye's skimmed the door's once more, his heart skipped a beat as a couple entered. He couldn't help the fact that his eyes widened as they held hands giggling and smiling in content. He wasn't sure why the sight hurt him so, when it didn't come as a big surprise, there were couples everywhere. He truly understood the concept of love though, he had never been in love, but he new what it was, and that right there was love. The way they held each other, the way there lips met in a passionate kiss.
He allowed his mind to skim over the very words that young boy had said once more, "So i'll protect him until the very end.."
And in that very moment Gerard understood those very words. No matter what happened, they would always be together. Nothing could destroy something so strong, so passionate.
And that’s when it hit him, the 6th rule. The most important rule of all...
Rule number 6, put on a fake smile and pretend its okay. Pretend you’re blind to the things surrounding you...
Gerard snapped out of his sudden daze as he felt a pair of eyes on him, he looked up and was met with the sight of the couple eyeing him curiously.
Make believe.
Fake it.
Pretend.
Gerard forced himself a smile, that he was sure they noticed it didn't quite reach his eyes, as they did the did the same. Gerards face must have fell slightly as he noticed that yes indeed they were in fact REALLY smiling unlike Gerard who faked another one. In a swift movement he turned his back on the couple and strolled back to the room in which he was staying.
Unanswered questions had been answered.
I'm Okay.
I'm Okay.
Gerard then and there understood the concept of that rule, everyone was okay. Everyone was fine, where as Gerard had to pretend to be fine, just like David. He had to pretend...
There were two types of people in this world, the normal people... and the abnormal people.
Gerard wasn't normal. Gerard wasn't fine.
I'm Okay.
I'm Okay.
I'm NOT OH-FUCKING-KAY.
....But no one need's to know that do they?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WAABBAAANNGG! Guess whos back, back again?! NANANA. -looks around- ermmm yeaa. AHAHHA.
Anyways, yesss kiddies i'm back, and im HAPPY AS HELL YO BE BACK!!! I hope you all enjoy
this chapter, i'm really proud of it, so enjoy! Next update soon, =D
And reviews would make me even more happy. XD =D
Song: Foo Fighters - On The Mend
The gentle sprinkling of raindrops battering against the wide glass window brought the tired Gerard away from his slumber as he laid silently, eyes slowly opening as he watched in awe as silhouettes danced across the ceiling in a lazy manner. The bizarre shapes swayed to the beat of the rain drops as a roar of thunder caused their bodies to glow as if burning then quickly return to the normal states of dark shades of black and grey, they began to sway once more, forgetting what had happened only moments ago. Another eruption of glistening light filled the room as he listened to the distant weeping of small children calling for their mother's, and that very second he would have laughed if it wasn't for the fact that his throat felt so raw and sore as if someone had sucked the moisture complete out of him. He groaned as he shuffled his aching body into a more comfortable position.
The room shook slightly as the skies screamed with rage, lighting the sky as if day for no more than a second. Gerard's lips curled slightly in what appeared to be a small smile as he listened contently to the rain and thunder. Storms had never bothered the young man; he loved the bright lights that flashed across the dark New Jersey skies. Gerard had always resembled thunder and rain as a sign of hope, a way to wish away the bad. To clean the world.
He never quite understood why people were frightened by such a beautiful thing. He saw it as a reassurance, a glimpse of hope that maybe; just maybe there was something more too littered streets and alcohol. There was such a place where he would smile and really mean it, where he could laugh and smile and touch and feel. A place where his father would come marching through those two door's and demand to see his son... and then with a wide smile he would wrap his arm's around me, and mutter small "I'm so sorry son..".
A place where I could be happy. Be happy with him, Mum and Mikey. ..Elena could even come and I could sing for her. She could teach me again, and me and Mikey could stay up and tell ghost stories, just like old times.
We could play picture perfect.
We could play the 'happy family.'
But these were nothing more than fantasy's, dreams of a non-existent world. Dream's of a better life.
He felt slightly idiotic thinking about such things. An 18 year old shouldn't be thinking about a better family life. A normal 18 year old should be out having fun with his best friends, "getting totally wasted" as his peers used to ramble on about. He should be out having sex, getting wasted, experimenting with drugs even.
Wasn't that what normal New Jersey boy's got up to?
Normal. You're not exactly normal are you?
You prefer Metallica, they rather Pop.
You rather drawing, where as they rather get drunk.
You smoke, they snort.
You jerk off, they fuck.
You're strange, they're normal
What about Frank, was he normal? That question dwelled on my mind for some time as the rain continued to drizzle across the New Jersey hospital grounds.
The mentioning of Frank had brought Gerard into realisation that Frank was no where to bee seen. Gerard felt a sting of disappointment as he slightly missed the young boy's presence even though he had promised to return.
Lied. He lied to you.
And what if he did? It wasn't like he was my boyfriend.
Wait- was he? No. Yes! No- ..Oh shit.
The very concept of having Frank as a boyfriend startled the young man as he shuffled his aching body into a seating position. Gerard ran his slender artistic fingers through his raven black hair as he thought deeply over the situation at hand. Frank couldn't possibly be his boyfriend considering Gerard wasn't even gay in the first place.
Maybe your bisexual?
Sure Gerard had noticed the slender body's of fellow young male class mates, but he had never thought anything of it, until now. He had even felt some slight attraction to some of them, but he had simply shrugged it off as puberty.
Plus, wasn't looking at the same sex part of growing up? Gerards head ached with the overflowing stream of thoughts that ran through his mind. He shrugged them away and distracted himself by taking in the dim surroundings of his room. The sun had set long ago, causing the lime green walls to darken and somehow send Gerard at peace as the dark greens reminded him of home. He thought he would never miss the smell of polluted air and dead grass more than he did at that very moment. He missed the pasta his mother would quickly whip up for him and Mikey before she rushed to work.
He missed home. But mostly, he missed his family. But there was noth-
Gerard's entire body froze suddenly. All thought seemed to disappear as his heart began to race as slight movement was caught out of the corner of his eye. He felt his blood run cold as he heard a light tap and bang as if someone had fallen over. The empty bed's sheets shuffled as someone behind it began to pull at the blue sheets.
"H-Hello?" Gerard's sore and groggy voice rung out as he stared cautiously at the bed. "W-Who's there?"
Soft muttering could be heard as Gerard tried his best to make out what they were saying. His heart skipped a beat as a small figure shot up from behind the bed, Gerard's body jumped from the shock. He gave a sigh of relief as he saw that it was nothing more than a small boy, 12 years old he guessed as the boy smiled shyly. "Sorry if we woke you up mister." He mumbled as he fiddled with his small fingers.
Gerard allowed a small laugh to escape his lips as he muttered a small "don't worry, you didn't wake me."
The boy nodded, snapping his head towards something or someone behind the bed. "Come out, he wont tease you."
Gerard started at the boy curiously, the consideration that maybe this boy was crazy crossed his mind, his thought's were however proven wrong when a small "no, go away" was muttered in a frightened voice.
The boy grinned sadly as he shot Gerard an apologetic sigh, "I'm David by the way, the boy hiding is my brother Benny."
"Why doesn't he come out?" I regret the question as soon as it left my lips as the boy's face fell. "Oh, I-I'm sorry, you don't have to sp-"
"No, its okay." He mumbled looked towards what i assumed was the boy before muttered a small "It's up to Benny if he wants to tell you, or even show himself."
I nodded understandingly before sweeping the sheets off my body; i shivered as the cold air seeped over me. The boy eyed me cautiously as i swung my two legs over the side of the bed ignoring the pain that shot up my back and arms as i smiled softly at the young boy. "Don't be scared, I’m not going to laugh or point, I promise" I assured them both as i struggled to keep my balance before making my way towards the smaller boy. "Please don't look shocked or anything" he whispered.
For a slight minute i felt frighted to what i would find, but i shrugged of the slight discomfort and made my way towards the smaller boy. The sigh i was met with made my heart jolt with sadness as i found a small boy curled up, arms covered in raw and burned skin, sobbing slightly. It took all my energy not to reach out and comfort him.
I kneeled down beside him, smiling softly as his wet and hazel eyes met mine. His face was scared and burnt with crimson skin that was still in the healing process. "Why are you hiding Benny?" I asked softly as the boy's wet tears slid down his scarred face. "B-Because i-I’m ugly.." he mumbled, biting his lip as i stared at the boy in disbelief. "Why do you think your ugly Benny? Cause i sure as hell don't think you are." The boy grinned in thanks as he took a deep breath, "t-the other k-kids t-think i am." I sighted heavily as the young boys' brother crouched down and wrapped his arms around the smaller boy's frame. "Your not ugly Benny, this isn't your fault, it's those stupid kid's fault, okay?" The younger boy let out a harsh sob as he buried his face in the crook of his brother neck.
I eyed the boys in sympathy as the elder brother rubbed a small circle across his brother back whispering soothing words. I smiled sadly as i silently wished i could do that when Mikey cried but i never could, and i lost all hope in believing i ever could.
The rain was still a soft buzz in the background as the room was filled will silence, the boy's sob's soon began to fade as his breathing became smooth and calm and he had drifted into slumber. I watched silently as the elder brother lifted his small body and placed him into bed, tucking him in, smiling softly as the body curled into the warmth of the blankets. "Good bye Benny, I’ll see you tomorrow" he whispered, placing a delicate kiss on his brother's forehead.
An awkward silence overcame us as he stood beside his brother, before turning to me. "I better go; my mum should be waiting for me outside."
I nodded, watching as the young boys back turned and he made his way outside the room. "David!" I called after him, unaware why I had called him I walked towards him and shot him a fake smile. "I'll walk you to the front doors or whatever." I mumbled, ignoring the slight curious look he eyed me with. "Mkay." he answered before leading the way towards the exit.
An awkward silence surrounded us before he finally broke it with a simple "ask me already."
My head snapped to the side as i opened my mouth to reject.
"Don't worry about it man, just ask already" He forced a laugh which I grinned at. I remained silent for a few more minutes, watching the nurses pass by before finally asking "what happened to him?"
The young boy David sighed, pausing before beginning "Benny wasn't the most popular kid in school; he was always getting picked on. And well me, i was the idiot brother who didn't care, because i wanted to be popular and he was just my loser brother." The boy spat, he looked away in shame before continuing. "Anyway, one day some kids thought it would be cool to try smoking or some crap, and i went along with it until it was my turn, i declined.." He looked troubled, running his hands through his brunette hair, his eyes met mine before smiling sadly. "i didn't want to smoke, and they got pretty angry because i was being a pussy or whatever, anyways.. To make a long story short we got into this fight, and i got pissed and told on them." He sighed heavily once more. "Big mistake. They got expelled and before they left the school the vowed to get me back... and they did."
My breathed hitched in my throat as my eyes widened.
No.. Oh god.. Holy shit..
"T-They..O-Oh my god.." My voice was low, hadn't realised i had stopped walking until benny stopped to look at me, sadness and anger detected in his gaze. "They did. They stole petrol from one of the 711's and they decided it would be funny if they lit my brother on fire.."
My jaw had completely dropped as i eyed the boy. "T-They b-burnt h-him?!"
David simply nodded, it frighted me that he seemed so completely calm about something as tragic as this.
David's eyes lowered as he continued walking, Gerard took this as a sign to follow and he did. Gerards heart ached for the young boy as they walked in silence until the younger boy finally spoke. "They burnt him, nearly to death if it wasn't for one of the cleaner's who threw him into the boy's bathroom and hosed him down all he could with on of the taps. It didn't do much, but it was enough."
Gerard nodded muttered a small "I-I'm so sorry" in which the boy waved him away and they continued to walk in silence until they reached the main entrance of the hospital. Gerards arms and legs were aching as he waved at the boy who departed.
Gerard couldn't help but think over the words the young boy had said to him before he left, "After that day, i vowed i would never leave his side.. and i never did. Nothing would get in the way between us, i won’t let it. He's my brother after all, and i love him to death, so I’ll protect him until the very end...”
Gerard remained still as nurses seeped passed him, ignoring his very existence.
He watched as the boys form disappeared into the darkness, and he couldn't help but feel some gratitude towards the young boy, he was what seemed to be only 12, but he had faced and experienced thing that maybe a 16 year old would have. He may have been small, and looked child-like but deep inside he was a man.
"So I’ll protect him until the very end...” Those words so strong and meaningful, especially coming from a 12 year old.
Gerard couldn't help but look around the slightly empty area as those words seemed to scar his mind and soul. Gerard's eye's skimmed the door's once more, his heart skipped a beat as a couple entered. He couldn't help the fact that his eyes widened as they held hands giggling and smiling in content. He wasn't sure why the sight hurt him so, when it didn't come as a big surprise, there were couples everywhere. He truly understood the concept of love though, he had never been in love, but he new what it was, and that right there was love. The way they held each other, the way there lips met in a passionate kiss.
He allowed his mind to skim over the very words that young boy had said once more, "So i'll protect him until the very end.."
And in that very moment Gerard understood those very words. No matter what happened, they would always be together. Nothing could destroy something so strong, so passionate.
And that’s when it hit him, the 6th rule. The most important rule of all...
Rule number 6, put on a fake smile and pretend its okay. Pretend you’re blind to the things surrounding you...
Gerard snapped out of his sudden daze as he felt a pair of eyes on him, he looked up and was met with the sight of the couple eyeing him curiously.
Make believe.
Fake it.
Pretend.
Gerard forced himself a smile, that he was sure they noticed it didn't quite reach his eyes, as they did the did the same. Gerards face must have fell slightly as he noticed that yes indeed they were in fact REALLY smiling unlike Gerard who faked another one. In a swift movement he turned his back on the couple and strolled back to the room in which he was staying.
Unanswered questions had been answered.
I'm Okay.
I'm Okay.
Gerard then and there understood the concept of that rule, everyone was okay. Everyone was fine, where as Gerard had to pretend to be fine, just like David. He had to pretend...
There were two types of people in this world, the normal people... and the abnormal people.
Gerard wasn't normal. Gerard wasn't fine.
I'm Okay.
I'm Okay.
I'm NOT OH-FUCKING-KAY.
....But no one need's to know that do they?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
WAABBAAANNGG! Guess whos back, back again?! NANANA. -looks around- ermmm yeaa. AHAHHA.
Anyways, yesss kiddies i'm back, and im HAPPY AS HELL YO BE BACK!!! I hope you all enjoy
this chapter, i'm really proud of it, so enjoy! Next update soon, =D
And reviews would make me even more happy. XD =D
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