FicWad

"There!" Hermione took the ring off, and turned to Harry "Are you happy now?"

"Very. Thank you" They both stared at Ron, who was still wearing the loin-cloth he had been since they met him, but now he had a pair of boxer-shorts under it "At least now when he decides to dive under a rock, he won't flash his ass at me"

"For which I am sure you are very grateful"

"You have no idea" He looked down at Ron, who was now crouching on the ground, staring up at Hermione "I don't suppose you could do something about the lack of shirt?"

"Remember the urge to kill everyone and conquer the world?"

"Oh yeah - I forgot"

"Well - I think it gets worse the closer we get to..." She gestured to The Dark Tower that was now dominating the Eastern sky line.

"So you don't want to use it again?"

"Not if I can avoid it"

"Lets hope" He smirked at her "And be honest - you kind of like the look, don't you?"

"No comment"

"Indeed?" He smiled at her, then took a step back as Ron let out a low growl "Smeagol?"

"Don't touch precious" He smiled up at her, which made Hermione shiver despite herself.

"We should go" She glared down at him "Time's a wasting"

xoxox

Cedric came out of The Halls of Dunharrow, and, after glancing around, walked over to where Draco and Neville were stood.

"Are we ready to leave yet?"

"About ten minutes" Draco said "Why? Anxious to leave?"

"Whatever gives you that idea?" Cedric replied, still glancing around.

"Oh - no reason" Neville said, then looked over Cedric's shoulder "My Lady"

"Eeep!" Cedric span round, then - seeing no one - turned back "Hate you all"

"I know" Neville smirked "But it's fun"

"My Lady!" Draco said, and Cedric span round again "Are all you Hufflepuffs so easy?"

"Kill you all!"

"Strider! Is that really the language a future king should be using?"

"Ask me if I care" He growled at them, then, suddenly, his mouth fell open, and a moment later he started to smile.

"Ced?" Draco stared at him, but Cedric ignored him, and started to run off towards the path leading up to The Halls. Draco and Neville watched him go "Where is he going?"

"No idea" Neville shrugged "Shall we find out?"

"Why not" They started walking towards where he had stopped. A moment later, they saw a group of twenty or so horse-riders come to a halt "Isn't that Hannah?"

"Seems to be" Draco and Neville slowed down, and watched as the horse-riders dismounted, and walked, as a group, over to Cedric "And that's Susan, Zach and Justin" He turned to Neville "Oh god"

"What?"

"I think we are being joined by an army of Hufflepuffs" Draco sounded so miserable that Neville couldn't help laughing. Draco glared at him, which only made Neville laugh all the harder.

"Sorry - but you have to admit - it is kind of funny" Neville continued to chuckle.

"Oh yeah - hilarious" Draco turned back to the group surrounding Cedric "We are going to war with the bloody lollipop guild"

xoxox

"So, Pippin, remember what I said?"

"Yes, mom" Fred smiled, but Luna simply glared back at him "I mean - yes. I remember. I will be good"

"Okay" She turned, and pushed open the door to the throne room, and they walked in. A moment later, Fred turned to Luna.

"I guess I should have realised" He turned back as they strode forward.

"My Lord Steward, I have come on a matter of grave importance"

"Don't you always" Cornelius Fudge replied "What is it this time? Lost your house keys? Misplaced your staff?" He turned and stared at Fred "And what the hell is that and why is its hair that colour?"

xoxox

"How did you get here?" Cedric and the other Hufflepuffs were talking as their horses were being fed and watered.

"You summoned us" Hannah replied "We came from the North when we got your call"

"You all came down here?" He looked at the rest of the group "Weren't you supposed to be protecting The Shire?"

"Yup" Susan replied "But honestly - if you get horribly killed because we aren't here, then they'll be next"

"True" Ced smiled "When did you get my summons?" His eyes widened when all of the other Hufflepuffs groaned "What?"

"There was this psychotic owl" Susan said, rolling her eyes "It flew in about four nights ago and would not shut up until we agreed to go"

"That would be Hedwig" Cedric smiled "She's a good friend of ours"

"Are you the reason she is so sarcastic?" Hannah asked.

"No - that would be cause she is also a good friend of Gandalf" He smiled as they all nodded their heads "So - are you all ready to go?"

"Yes boss" Justin said "As soon as you tell us where we are going... Why are you looking like that?"

(a few moments later)

"Are you bloody well kidding me?"

"No" Cedric smiled "It is the only way"

"We rode for four days straight so we can go in to The Paths Of The Dead?" Susan asked "We need a new union"

"And when I become King Of The Known World, you can get one. Until then, you come with me"

"Sir yes Sir!" She saluted, then gave him a smile "So - when do we leave?"

xoxox

"Frodo?"

"Yes Sam?"

"Why hasn't Voldemort tried to kill us?"

"Sorry?"

"I'm just surprised. He has an army of orcs, goblins, winged monkeys and the like. And yet we got here in one piece"

"And you are unhappy about this?"

"Oh no - I am quite happy about it. Just a little surprised" Harry smiled, then glanced back "Why hasn't Ron stopped us, if he knows what we are doing?"

"Why do you think I know?"

"Smartest witch"

"I thought that was Luna"

"Shut up!" She smiled at him "My guess is that he is waiting for the best moment, and then will do us in, so to speak"

"Great" He looked back, then turned back to Hermione "Any ideas how we avoid killing him?"

"No"

"Ah"

xoxox

"I don't want to sound like I am whining, but are we nearly there yet?" George was riding behind Theoden.

"About another day and a half of riding, my boy" Arthur replied "I know it is slow going"

"Is there anything we can do to pass the time?"

"We could talk about the history of pipe weed, or of The Kings of Rohan" He smirked at the expression on the young boy's face "Unless you have another suggestion?" George paused to think for a moment then smiled.

"Have you ever played Going To The Market?"

xoxox

"So - let me get this straight..." Fudge was glaring down at Fred "My son - the future leader of Gondor - was killed by orcs"

"Yes"

"And you were there"

"Yes, sir"

"And yet you, and your twin, survived"

"Yes"

"Can you explain this?" Fred stared at him for a moment, then shook his head.

"Your son died to save me and my kinsman, sir. I owe him my life, and I would do anything to be able to bring him back, or at least repay it somehow" Luna noticed the gleam in Fudge's eyes at Fred's words, and mentally sighed. But short of casting an imperious curse on the pair of them, she couldn't think of a way to stop Fred from talking, and Fudge from listening.

"Of course, I could always kill them both" She thought "Nah. The amount of paperwork I would have to do would take forever, and Sauron would kick our asses"

"So, young Hobbit, you want to repay your debt?"

"Yes sir"

"Very well - here's what I want you to do..."

(several hours later)

"Are you finished?"

"Yes, sir" Fred looked around at his handiwork "But I am not sure why I had to write 'I will not kill a prince of the realm again' out ten thousand times"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time" Fudge said dismissively "Are you ready to finish paying your debt to Gondor, young hobbit?"

"Yes sir, and I know how I can do it" Fred knelt in front of him, and pulled out his sword "I lay my sword on your... urk!"

"You do realise it is against the law of Gondor to draw your sword in the presence of the Steward without permission?" Fudge looked down at him "And that the penalty for such a crime is death?"

"Really?" Fred gulped, trying not to think about the two swords now pressed at his neck.

"No, not really" The swords withdrew, and Fudge grinned at him "But you really should see the expression on your face"

"I am sure it was very entertaining" Luna said, walking in "But if you will forgive me, Lord Steward, we do have things to discuss"

"Patience, my wandering wizard" Fudge continued to stare at Fred "Your hobbit was about to swear service to me" He paused "Do you swear loyalty to Gondor, to The Steward and The King, should he return?"

"I do"

"And I promise to reward you if you do good, and kick the crap out of you if you don't" Fudge gave him another smile "Congratulations, young hobbit - you are now mine"

xoxox

"This is a very strange game, young hobbit"

"But it's fun, isn't it?" George smirked.

"It certainly passes the time" Arthur paused "May I ask you something?"

"Yes sir?"

"What is a quadratic, quixotic quantum leap?"

"A type of bird, sir"

"Really?"

"No, not really" George sighed, and looked around "Where are we?"

"About a day West of Dunharrow, in The Valley of Erised" Arthur smiled wistfully "It was here that I met my wife - Theodred's mother. It was spring, and she was out for a walk..."

"Here?" George looked around at the barren, bleak rocks "Why would anyone be walking here?"

"Surely you have places you take young ladies to be alone?" Arthur said, and George suddenly realised what King Theoden - his father - was talking about, and decided that it was time to change the conversation.

"So - anyway - we were up to R?"

xoxox

"You are really going to do this?" Draco asked, as he, and the rest of Army Of Bunnies (as he had dubbed them) rode up towards Harrowdale.

"Yes - we are really going to do this" Cedric replied "So now you - all of you must decide if you are with me, or if you will stay here to wait for Theoden and his merry men"

"We are with you" Hannah said, and the other Hufflepuffs nodded "From now, until death"

"I am with you too" Neville said "If only because I know Merry will be arriving here soon, and I think this is preferable to putting up with him"

"I will be sure to tell him that when we see him again" Cedric replied with a smirk, then he clicked his fingers "Damn it - I knew I forgot something. All of you hold here, and I will be back in a moment" He turned, and spurred his horse back down the valley.

"Where's he going?" Draco asked.

"No idea" Neville said, then smirked "You don't think he is going to declare undying love to Ginny, is he?"

xoxox

"My Lord!" Ginny bounded to her feet, and ran over to Cedric as he pulled his horse to a halt "You came back! I knew you wouldn't take that dark and dismal road to doom... what's wrong?"

"I just came back to give you a message for your father and brother" He said.

"Oh" Ginny sighed "What's this important message then?"

"That we will meet again, even if all the hosts of Mordor stand between us" She stared up at him, waiting for more.

"Is that it?"

"Pretty much, yeah" He paused "I think that would have been more impressive if I said it when I originally meant to"

"D'ya think?"

"Oh well - I am sure I will get a chance to be dramatic before the end" He smiled, then waved "Later" Ginny watched him until he vanished out of sight.

"If I didn't want him so much, I am pretty sure I would kill him"

xoxox

"Now - where were we?" Cedric asked as he rejoined the group at the doors to The Paths of The Dead.

"Legolas was about to decide whether to come with us, or to wait for Merry" Neville said, smirking.

"Fine. I'll come" Draco snapped "You happy now?"

"Yup" Cedric beamed at him "Thank you - I won't forget this"

"Good, because I intend to collect" He looked up at the doors "So - are we talking Hogwarts ghosts, or something else?" Cedric pondered this for a moment, then smiled.

"How about you wait until we get there?" He asked hopefully "Make it a bit of a surprise"

"That bad, huh?"

"Yeah" Cedric turned to him "Still sure you want to come?"

"No, but lets go anyway"

"Very well" Cedric turned, and lead the group through the door. Draco watched the rest of the vanish, then sighed to himself.

"Canons to the left, canons to the right..." He spurred his horse forward, and vanished in to the darkness. For a few moments, the vale was completely silent, then a voice echoed out of the darkness "Dementors? Are you frickken kidding me?" There was another pause, then there was one final sound before they vanished beyond the sight of mortal men.

"I hate you Cedric"

xoxox

The Frodo/Sam journey is basically prolonged torture, so it might be less amusing than previous parts. I apologise in advance, but there is a limit to how amusing I can make torture (at least without rewriting the plot). And Cedric's companions (before The Bunnies turn up) are some of Theoden's army. That might not have been made clear