Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > We can settle this affair.
Gerard made me cry.
He made me cry at night and sometimes during the day when I'll catch a glimpse of him and Dee walking hand in hand to their next class. I would run to the bathroom and sit there sobbing with my back against the cold tiles, cursing his soul to burn in hell.
Everything else didn't matter anymore, not even my family situation which if I took more notice of it will appear grim and cold. My parents stopped talking and spent every waking minute at their respectable job, but I didn't notice or maybe I refused to notice.
All I cared about was Gerard. My hate for him, my anger at him, my jealousy and yes, love too.
I loved Gerard, my heart burned for him (something else burned for him too as Ray failed to perform his boyfriend duties at that department), what I failed to understand is whether I cared for him all along or did my feelings surfaced just cause I couldn't have him.
My mood changed 498349 times a day. I was up because he gave me a look when I passed him during lunch, I wanted to stab someone in the eye with a sharp pencil when he laughed over something Dee whispered in his ear. I was love bipolar and I hated how out of control I was over myself and off course took it out on Ray.
Poor Ray never did anything right. Either he bothered me by calling 489 a day or he upset me by calling just once. I yelled when he walked me to places, I cried when he was 5 minutes late for my birthday, I didn't talk to him for 5 days cause he called me sweetie, and we broke up 6 times in the past month.
I was making him miserable because he wasn't Gerard. I hated him not for he was but for who he wasn't, I knew it was irrational to want to turn him into a different person but I couldn't help it. I'd sink into a bitter misery everytime I picked up the phone and heard Ray's voice instead of Gerard's.
I think I told him that once, after I got high once again. He laughed.
He thought I was cute when I was high.
I wondered why he didn't just break up with me, yet I was grateful. No matter what I threw his way, no matter how many fits a day I had. Laughing or crying he was there for me, not understanding why I was the way I was, in his awkward boyish way he never actually dumped me which made me hate him even more.
Gerard walked away, why he didn't?
"Ugh! Fucking asshole!," I banged shut the door to the art room where so often I found my escape from my raging hormones and hunting thoughts, throwing my messenger bag against it. I watched it slid to the flow with all my possession spill to the floor, breathing heavily through a mist of anger, "Fucking shithole!"
A little chuckle caught me off guard and I whirled around, my ponytail whipping me across the face as I stared wide eyed at Gerard.
"Who peed in your soup?," he smiled, his forehead wrinkled with concern.
"Who made my soup your business?," I demanded feverishly, my knees weak and my heart still racing.
"Well when you cook it in a public place, it makes whoever sees you cooking it business," he shrugged, putting down his pencil and laced his fingers together.
"I didn't ask for a recipe," I muttered.
"I know, I just wondered what happened to your soup"
"You don't care anyway," I was sure my eyes fired daggers at him but he seemed unmoved.
"What makes you say that?"
"You don't like soup," I smirked, crossing my arms on my chest.
"Oh come on, Vi. Cut the metaphors and your smart assness," he leaned back in his chair and sighed.
"Smart assness is not a word"
"Whatever, just cut it"
"Says the guy who came up with soup as a metaphor"
"C'mon, just tell me"
"I told you, you don't care anyway," I shifted my weight from one foot to the other.
"Who died and made you in charge of what I care for?"
"Is this shit chat going somewhere or can I just go weep my little black heart in the bathroom now?"
"Not unless you tell me what's wrong," he said calmly, not taking notice of my melodramatic statement.
"I told you, you wouldn't care"
"And I told you, what makes you say that and then you said something about soup and asses. Can we get to the bottom of your insanity so you can go weep your little heart out in the girls dungeon?"
I swallowed a smile, correcting him, "My black heart. My little black heart"
"Of course"
I took a deep breathe and dropped to my knees by the door, picking up my scattered belonging with a patience that looked foreign compared to my earlier tantrum, "Ray drives me insane"
Gerard hummed with a little scratch of the chair against the floor as a background and a soft echo of his footsteps coming closer.
"We fight over nothing and I know it's all my fault but I can't help it," I shrugged, placing a blue notebook carefully into my bag.
"Maybe it's his fault too?," Gerard knelled next to me, picking up a book and smoothing back it's ruffled pages.
"But he can't help being Ray," I sat back leaning against the door, "It's all he ever does. He's just being sweet loyal Ray and I blow up"
"And that's it?," he chuckled, looking up.
He's not you. He can never be you. He would never be you. I gulped and looked back to the floor.
"I mean I know Toro and it's kinda hard to believe that him being a good guy is what sends you through the roof. He can be a really annoying dude"
I tried to hide my grin rubbing my nose randomly. Guys could be such girls. Ray could ramble for hours about how annoying Gerard was and how girly he was, in fact that was exactly what we did in our days of peace which happened rarely but that was how we bonded, by having a Gerard slam-o-fest.
"What did he do this time?"
"Tried to carry my books"
"Tried to carry your books? The fucker," Gerard snickered.
"I know," I nodded, "I have system-"
"Yeah, History on top, then English and then math unless you have art next period, then it's on top. Or if the book is green, then it beats both history and art"
"You remembered," I couldn't help but gasp.
"You made me memorize it, remember?," he swatted my arm.
"And he put the math book on top," I whined, "And then he dared to tell me I was making a fuss out of nothing! Nothing! I have a system! No one can mess with the system and hope I won't poke sharp shit up their ass!"
"You poked-"
"Nah, I'm just saying," I laughed at the mental picture.
He laughed too and then we sat silently with nothing left to pick up and organize. The noise of the hall crept through the crack under the door, "You should've"
"Oh stop, he's a nice guy," I stood up, my backpack at my feet. I casted a look around the room, inhaling the familiar smell.
"You just-," he exclaimed then shook his head, smiling, "Never mind. My logic can't compete with yours"
"So what are you doing here, where's your girlfriend," I grimaced at the girlfriend bit, murmuring the next thing, "Beating kindergartners for smokes somewhere?"
Gerard scrambled to his feet, heading back to the desk he occupied before I stormed in, "Actually, I'm doing my art project"
"Oh," I looked down at the color stained floor, "I'm sorry I never actually helped you"
"It's OK," he chuckled, "You've been busy"
"Yeah," I perked up at the excuse, "I was busy but if you still need a hand...I could...I mean if you want...I could"
He looked thoughtful for a moment, looking down at his desk and then up at me again, "Are you sure?"
"Sure," I grinned awkwardly, "I don't babysit often nowadays"
"Cool," he nodded, "Then 8 at my house would be OK?"
"Totally," I agreed, closing the gap between us, "Do you have a concept already?"
"Actually," he paused, casting a glance at the big clock over the blackboard, "I really should get going now. I'm late already"
"Oh OK," I felt the wind knocked out of me at his hurry, "No problem"
"Are you sure you wanna do it?," he bit his lip, pausing for a second.
"Friends help friends, right?," I smiled a little.
"Right"
"Honey!," the door flung open with a loud noise and I turned around sharply to come face to face with the last person I wanted to see right then. Or ever.
"Honey! Sweetie! I've been waiting and waiting and there you are! Babysitting!," Dee's heels stomped past me to grab Gerard's arm forcefully.
"I'm maybe a minute late, Diana. You didn't have to pick me up," Gerard rolled his eyes at her.
As I chuckled she diverted her orbs to me, narrowing her eyes but keeping a light tone, "But there you are! With Violet! Alone! Who knows what you've been up to behind closed doors"
"Yeah getting down and dirty with some sharpies," Gerard yanked his arm from her grip to close his backpack.
She humphed, her lips forming a perfect pout.
"Let's go," he urged her.
They walked past me and were almost out of the door when I had the sudden urge to be evil, "So see you tonight"
Gerard froze and turned around, frowning. I gave him a little wink, amused with Dee who looked she was about to charge at someone, "What the fuck?"
"Art project," he pushed her out of the door before I could say anything to make her want to shove sharp objects into my nose, "Remember the thing I was working on with all the shiny colors-"
Their voiced trailed off and mixed with all the noise in the hall while I smiled to myself. o-1 to the youngster.
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Whoa! That's what I call a long break! It's been a while since I wrote anything so I may be a bit rusty, feel free to spam me telling me that. Or how awesome I am, I'll respond to either.
He made me cry at night and sometimes during the day when I'll catch a glimpse of him and Dee walking hand in hand to their next class. I would run to the bathroom and sit there sobbing with my back against the cold tiles, cursing his soul to burn in hell.
Everything else didn't matter anymore, not even my family situation which if I took more notice of it will appear grim and cold. My parents stopped talking and spent every waking minute at their respectable job, but I didn't notice or maybe I refused to notice.
All I cared about was Gerard. My hate for him, my anger at him, my jealousy and yes, love too.
I loved Gerard, my heart burned for him (something else burned for him too as Ray failed to perform his boyfriend duties at that department), what I failed to understand is whether I cared for him all along or did my feelings surfaced just cause I couldn't have him.
My mood changed 498349 times a day. I was up because he gave me a look when I passed him during lunch, I wanted to stab someone in the eye with a sharp pencil when he laughed over something Dee whispered in his ear. I was love bipolar and I hated how out of control I was over myself and off course took it out on Ray.
Poor Ray never did anything right. Either he bothered me by calling 489 a day or he upset me by calling just once. I yelled when he walked me to places, I cried when he was 5 minutes late for my birthday, I didn't talk to him for 5 days cause he called me sweetie, and we broke up 6 times in the past month.
I was making him miserable because he wasn't Gerard. I hated him not for he was but for who he wasn't, I knew it was irrational to want to turn him into a different person but I couldn't help it. I'd sink into a bitter misery everytime I picked up the phone and heard Ray's voice instead of Gerard's.
I think I told him that once, after I got high once again. He laughed.
He thought I was cute when I was high.
I wondered why he didn't just break up with me, yet I was grateful. No matter what I threw his way, no matter how many fits a day I had. Laughing or crying he was there for me, not understanding why I was the way I was, in his awkward boyish way he never actually dumped me which made me hate him even more.
Gerard walked away, why he didn't?
"Ugh! Fucking asshole!," I banged shut the door to the art room where so often I found my escape from my raging hormones and hunting thoughts, throwing my messenger bag against it. I watched it slid to the flow with all my possession spill to the floor, breathing heavily through a mist of anger, "Fucking shithole!"
A little chuckle caught me off guard and I whirled around, my ponytail whipping me across the face as I stared wide eyed at Gerard.
"Who peed in your soup?," he smiled, his forehead wrinkled with concern.
"Who made my soup your business?," I demanded feverishly, my knees weak and my heart still racing.
"Well when you cook it in a public place, it makes whoever sees you cooking it business," he shrugged, putting down his pencil and laced his fingers together.
"I didn't ask for a recipe," I muttered.
"I know, I just wondered what happened to your soup"
"You don't care anyway," I was sure my eyes fired daggers at him but he seemed unmoved.
"What makes you say that?"
"You don't like soup," I smirked, crossing my arms on my chest.
"Oh come on, Vi. Cut the metaphors and your smart assness," he leaned back in his chair and sighed.
"Smart assness is not a word"
"Whatever, just cut it"
"Says the guy who came up with soup as a metaphor"
"C'mon, just tell me"
"I told you, you don't care anyway," I shifted my weight from one foot to the other.
"Who died and made you in charge of what I care for?"
"Is this shit chat going somewhere or can I just go weep my little black heart in the bathroom now?"
"Not unless you tell me what's wrong," he said calmly, not taking notice of my melodramatic statement.
"I told you, you wouldn't care"
"And I told you, what makes you say that and then you said something about soup and asses. Can we get to the bottom of your insanity so you can go weep your little heart out in the girls dungeon?"
I swallowed a smile, correcting him, "My black heart. My little black heart"
"Of course"
I took a deep breathe and dropped to my knees by the door, picking up my scattered belonging with a patience that looked foreign compared to my earlier tantrum, "Ray drives me insane"
Gerard hummed with a little scratch of the chair against the floor as a background and a soft echo of his footsteps coming closer.
"We fight over nothing and I know it's all my fault but I can't help it," I shrugged, placing a blue notebook carefully into my bag.
"Maybe it's his fault too?," Gerard knelled next to me, picking up a book and smoothing back it's ruffled pages.
"But he can't help being Ray," I sat back leaning against the door, "It's all he ever does. He's just being sweet loyal Ray and I blow up"
"And that's it?," he chuckled, looking up.
He's not you. He can never be you. He would never be you. I gulped and looked back to the floor.
"I mean I know Toro and it's kinda hard to believe that him being a good guy is what sends you through the roof. He can be a really annoying dude"
I tried to hide my grin rubbing my nose randomly. Guys could be such girls. Ray could ramble for hours about how annoying Gerard was and how girly he was, in fact that was exactly what we did in our days of peace which happened rarely but that was how we bonded, by having a Gerard slam-o-fest.
"What did he do this time?"
"Tried to carry my books"
"Tried to carry your books? The fucker," Gerard snickered.
"I know," I nodded, "I have system-"
"Yeah, History on top, then English and then math unless you have art next period, then it's on top. Or if the book is green, then it beats both history and art"
"You remembered," I couldn't help but gasp.
"You made me memorize it, remember?," he swatted my arm.
"And he put the math book on top," I whined, "And then he dared to tell me I was making a fuss out of nothing! Nothing! I have a system! No one can mess with the system and hope I won't poke sharp shit up their ass!"
"You poked-"
"Nah, I'm just saying," I laughed at the mental picture.
He laughed too and then we sat silently with nothing left to pick up and organize. The noise of the hall crept through the crack under the door, "You should've"
"Oh stop, he's a nice guy," I stood up, my backpack at my feet. I casted a look around the room, inhaling the familiar smell.
"You just-," he exclaimed then shook his head, smiling, "Never mind. My logic can't compete with yours"
"So what are you doing here, where's your girlfriend," I grimaced at the girlfriend bit, murmuring the next thing, "Beating kindergartners for smokes somewhere?"
Gerard scrambled to his feet, heading back to the desk he occupied before I stormed in, "Actually, I'm doing my art project"
"Oh," I looked down at the color stained floor, "I'm sorry I never actually helped you"
"It's OK," he chuckled, "You've been busy"
"Yeah," I perked up at the excuse, "I was busy but if you still need a hand...I could...I mean if you want...I could"
He looked thoughtful for a moment, looking down at his desk and then up at me again, "Are you sure?"
"Sure," I grinned awkwardly, "I don't babysit often nowadays"
"Cool," he nodded, "Then 8 at my house would be OK?"
"Totally," I agreed, closing the gap between us, "Do you have a concept already?"
"Actually," he paused, casting a glance at the big clock over the blackboard, "I really should get going now. I'm late already"
"Oh OK," I felt the wind knocked out of me at his hurry, "No problem"
"Are you sure you wanna do it?," he bit his lip, pausing for a second.
"Friends help friends, right?," I smiled a little.
"Right"
"Honey!," the door flung open with a loud noise and I turned around sharply to come face to face with the last person I wanted to see right then. Or ever.
"Honey! Sweetie! I've been waiting and waiting and there you are! Babysitting!," Dee's heels stomped past me to grab Gerard's arm forcefully.
"I'm maybe a minute late, Diana. You didn't have to pick me up," Gerard rolled his eyes at her.
As I chuckled she diverted her orbs to me, narrowing her eyes but keeping a light tone, "But there you are! With Violet! Alone! Who knows what you've been up to behind closed doors"
"Yeah getting down and dirty with some sharpies," Gerard yanked his arm from her grip to close his backpack.
She humphed, her lips forming a perfect pout.
"Let's go," he urged her.
They walked past me and were almost out of the door when I had the sudden urge to be evil, "So see you tonight"
Gerard froze and turned around, frowning. I gave him a little wink, amused with Dee who looked she was about to charge at someone, "What the fuck?"
"Art project," he pushed her out of the door before I could say anything to make her want to shove sharp objects into my nose, "Remember the thing I was working on with all the shiny colors-"
Their voiced trailed off and mixed with all the noise in the hall while I smiled to myself. o-1 to the youngster.
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Whoa! That's what I call a long break! It's been a while since I wrote anything so I may be a bit rusty, feel free to spam me telling me that. Or how awesome I am, I'll respond to either.
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