Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see
“Mikey…” I said into his mouth, knowing I needed to pull away, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
He pulled away and looked at me, knowing what I was going to say. He looked hurt.
“Mikey, we can’t do this. Im with your brother. If he find’s out I will loose the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Im not saying that this wasn’t good, ‘cause it was amazing Mikes. I just don’t think I can do that to Gerard. I love him Mikes, please understand that. Im so sorry,” I hung my head only for it to be brought back up by Mikey’s fingers.
“I understand,” he smiled at me. I could tell he was hurting inside, but he wasn’t the type to show it. He was so considerate, just like his brother, and I knew that I could trust him not to tell Gerard.
“Thanks Mikey. I love you y’know,” I smiled back, taking his hand away from underneath my chin, and holding onto it for a while.
He looked slightly shocked at first, but then he realised, “I know you do.”
“I always will. You’re my best friend,” I rubbed my thumb over the back of his hand, making him smile so widely I almost laughed.
“So? What did he say?” Gerard looked concerned as I sat down beside him on the sofa after hugging Mikey goodbye at the door.
“He was just shocked, as you would expect,” I said.
“Well, he knows that im bi, so it wouldn’t have been much of a shock if it was just some random guy. I can see why he’s shocked it was you, though,” he smiled.
“Yeah. He just asked me a few questions, y’know. He didn’t think I was gay, I mean, neither did I…” I laughed.
Gerard smiled and chuckled, running his fingertips down my cheek, “Your face is damp.”
“Oh…” I stuttered.
“You cried?” his smile turned to a look of concern.
“Only a little. Mikey was so, like, overwhelmed… and he was all like, ‘you’re my best friend, don’t feel you have to hide stuff from me’… that I cried because he cared so much…” I made up excuses.
“As long as you’re alright, Frankie,” he smiled again, cuddling up to me.
I woke to the sound of Gerard’s heavy breathing. We were still in the same position that we were in the night before, on the sofa.
I looked at the clock. 8:30.
I moved Gerard’s arm from around my waist and silently crept into the kitchen to make us both some coffee. He must have heard the kettle boiling because a few minutes after I had switched it on, I felt his hands slide around my waist and his head rest on my shoulder.
“Morning,” I smiled, pouring the boiling water into the two mugs I had put on the side.
“Morning babe,” he kissed my neck.
I giggled quietly and put some sugar and milk into my cup, then turned around to face Gerard’s beautiful smiling face.
I handed him his coffee, and was thanked with a tender kiss. That was when I began to feel seriously guilty for making out with Mikey… twice.
“Gerard,” I said as I followed him back into the front room.
“Yes, Frank,” he replied, sitting down.
I sat beside him, taking a sip of my coffee before saying, “I love you.”
“I love you too… Y’know for a minute there I thought you were going to tell me something life changing,” he chuckled, taking a mouthful of the boiling hot liquid in his mug.
I felt even more fucking guilty, “It kinda is life changing though, if you think about it…”
“Well yeah… I guess it kinda is. Y’know, in a few years time, just think where we’ll be. You’ll have left school and got a job, I might have actually got somewhere with my life and made a difference… y’know, I could have my own cartoon like ive always dreamed of. Frankie, we could get our own place, we could get…” he paused, shaking his head, “No, that was stupid.”
“What?” I asked, “What was stupid? Im sure you will have your own cartoon. Im sure you’ll be famous and hove lots of money, and im sure we will live together… and… and, what else was you going to say, Gee?”
“Oh, nothing… I just got caught in the moment. I didn’t really have anything else to say,” I could tell he was lying by the way he tapped his finger on his coffee cup.
“You did, go on… I wont laugh,” I smiled, reassuring him that it was okay to share his dreams with me.
“I was gonna say… we could… we could get married…” he said quietly, as if he didn’t want anybody else to hear, even though we were the only ones in the flat.
“Married?” I almost choked.
“See, I told you it was stupid…” he frowned.
“No, no… im sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It’s just, im only 15… it just seems a little weird for me to be thinking about marriage, when ive only been in a relationship for what? 2 weeks?” I held onto his hand.
“It was stupid.” he shook his head, seeming almost disappointed with himself, “Frank, im so much older than you. It’s okay for me to be thinking about this kind of stuff, ‘cause im 22. Are you sure this is what you want…”
“What, being with you? Am I sure being with you is what I want?” I asked.
“Yeah, I mean, we’re both thinking about different things. While im thinking about getting married and getting a better job, you’re thinking about finishing fucking school!” he began to get worked up.
“Gerard…” I kissed his hand, “You’re making it seem like this is not what you want. If you would just trust me and believe me, you would know that there is nothing I want more than to be with you.”
“I know I keep asking you over and over and im sorry for that. It’s just… im so happy that we are together that I want to be sure that this isn’t going to end anytime soon. I just want to be certain that you want this as much as I do. I love you Frank, and if you ever leave me, I don’t know what im going to do,” he half smiled, half cried, as a tear rolled down his cheek.
“I love you too, Gerard. I want to spend the rest of my life with you…” I wiped the tear from his cheek and planted a kiss in its place, “Ah, fuck it… let’s get married!”
-Just a litte filler for you here. R&R's please, they keep me going! Thanks!-
He pulled away and looked at me, knowing what I was going to say. He looked hurt.
“Mikey, we can’t do this. Im with your brother. If he find’s out I will loose the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Im not saying that this wasn’t good, ‘cause it was amazing Mikes. I just don’t think I can do that to Gerard. I love him Mikes, please understand that. Im so sorry,” I hung my head only for it to be brought back up by Mikey’s fingers.
“I understand,” he smiled at me. I could tell he was hurting inside, but he wasn’t the type to show it. He was so considerate, just like his brother, and I knew that I could trust him not to tell Gerard.
“Thanks Mikey. I love you y’know,” I smiled back, taking his hand away from underneath my chin, and holding onto it for a while.
He looked slightly shocked at first, but then he realised, “I know you do.”
“I always will. You’re my best friend,” I rubbed my thumb over the back of his hand, making him smile so widely I almost laughed.
“So? What did he say?” Gerard looked concerned as I sat down beside him on the sofa after hugging Mikey goodbye at the door.
“He was just shocked, as you would expect,” I said.
“Well, he knows that im bi, so it wouldn’t have been much of a shock if it was just some random guy. I can see why he’s shocked it was you, though,” he smiled.
“Yeah. He just asked me a few questions, y’know. He didn’t think I was gay, I mean, neither did I…” I laughed.
Gerard smiled and chuckled, running his fingertips down my cheek, “Your face is damp.”
“Oh…” I stuttered.
“You cried?” his smile turned to a look of concern.
“Only a little. Mikey was so, like, overwhelmed… and he was all like, ‘you’re my best friend, don’t feel you have to hide stuff from me’… that I cried because he cared so much…” I made up excuses.
“As long as you’re alright, Frankie,” he smiled again, cuddling up to me.
I woke to the sound of Gerard’s heavy breathing. We were still in the same position that we were in the night before, on the sofa.
I looked at the clock. 8:30.
I moved Gerard’s arm from around my waist and silently crept into the kitchen to make us both some coffee. He must have heard the kettle boiling because a few minutes after I had switched it on, I felt his hands slide around my waist and his head rest on my shoulder.
“Morning,” I smiled, pouring the boiling water into the two mugs I had put on the side.
“Morning babe,” he kissed my neck.
I giggled quietly and put some sugar and milk into my cup, then turned around to face Gerard’s beautiful smiling face.
I handed him his coffee, and was thanked with a tender kiss. That was when I began to feel seriously guilty for making out with Mikey… twice.
“Gerard,” I said as I followed him back into the front room.
“Yes, Frank,” he replied, sitting down.
I sat beside him, taking a sip of my coffee before saying, “I love you.”
“I love you too… Y’know for a minute there I thought you were going to tell me something life changing,” he chuckled, taking a mouthful of the boiling hot liquid in his mug.
I felt even more fucking guilty, “It kinda is life changing though, if you think about it…”
“Well yeah… I guess it kinda is. Y’know, in a few years time, just think where we’ll be. You’ll have left school and got a job, I might have actually got somewhere with my life and made a difference… y’know, I could have my own cartoon like ive always dreamed of. Frankie, we could get our own place, we could get…” he paused, shaking his head, “No, that was stupid.”
“What?” I asked, “What was stupid? Im sure you will have your own cartoon. Im sure you’ll be famous and hove lots of money, and im sure we will live together… and… and, what else was you going to say, Gee?”
“Oh, nothing… I just got caught in the moment. I didn’t really have anything else to say,” I could tell he was lying by the way he tapped his finger on his coffee cup.
“You did, go on… I wont laugh,” I smiled, reassuring him that it was okay to share his dreams with me.
“I was gonna say… we could… we could get married…” he said quietly, as if he didn’t want anybody else to hear, even though we were the only ones in the flat.
“Married?” I almost choked.
“See, I told you it was stupid…” he frowned.
“No, no… im sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It’s just, im only 15… it just seems a little weird for me to be thinking about marriage, when ive only been in a relationship for what? 2 weeks?” I held onto his hand.
“It was stupid.” he shook his head, seeming almost disappointed with himself, “Frank, im so much older than you. It’s okay for me to be thinking about this kind of stuff, ‘cause im 22. Are you sure this is what you want…”
“What, being with you? Am I sure being with you is what I want?” I asked.
“Yeah, I mean, we’re both thinking about different things. While im thinking about getting married and getting a better job, you’re thinking about finishing fucking school!” he began to get worked up.
“Gerard…” I kissed his hand, “You’re making it seem like this is not what you want. If you would just trust me and believe me, you would know that there is nothing I want more than to be with you.”
“I know I keep asking you over and over and im sorry for that. It’s just… im so happy that we are together that I want to be sure that this isn’t going to end anytime soon. I just want to be certain that you want this as much as I do. I love you Frank, and if you ever leave me, I don’t know what im going to do,” he half smiled, half cried, as a tear rolled down his cheek.
“I love you too, Gerard. I want to spend the rest of my life with you…” I wiped the tear from his cheek and planted a kiss in its place, “Ah, fuck it… let’s get married!”
-Just a litte filler for you here. R&R's please, they keep me going! Thanks!-
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