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"Oh, look there's Gray," Lily waved at the guys who were with him and started in their direction.

"Lily, wait," I stopped her, "Let's not go there"

"What? What are you talking about?," she frowned, glancing at them, "There's Grey, your one and only love"

I narrowed my eyes slightly, confused about the sarcastic note in Lily's voice when she talked about Gray, "I know that"

"Then what's the problem?," she crossed her arms on her chest impatiently and sighed, "He's your fiance"

"He's my fiance," I nodded, gulping. A ball of nerves settling deep in my stomach.

"Riight," Lily drawled, still confused.

"I don't really," I stalled, biting my lip, "I don't exactly...I don't recall-"

"Oh. My. God," Lily's jaw dropped, her beautiful long hair is being chased around her by the wind, sparkling in the sun, "You don't remember him, do you?"

I nodded, shifting my weight from one foot to the other, "I told you I don't"

"This is not good, Lola," she grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back inside, away from the curious looks people were sending our way, "I didn't realized it's that bad...I thought you don't remember bits and pieces like always....But it's...Really not good"

"You're telling me," I rolled my eyes.
Of course my loss of memory wasn't good. I don't even remember what I ate for lunch 48 hours prior, and on top of all some guy expects me to marry him.

"No, I mean Gray wise," Lily leaned in, whispering, "He's here for a reason and he has a temper and he doesn't like you not remembering him. It happened only twice before and everytime you did he went nuts"

"You mean he hit me or something?," I exclaimed.

"He'd never do that," she glared at me, "But he gets awfully violent to others."

"Awesome," I threw my arms in the air, "Just great. I just know how to fucking pick them. From one fucking asshole to another."

"Don't say that," Lily hissed, swatting my arm, "Gray loves you, it's hard to have someone you love just completely forget you"

"Well what can I do?," I rubbed my arm as she hit it pretty hard considering her size, "It's not my fault, I don't actually want this to happen."

"It's rather convenient though," she gave me a shifty look.

"What?," I breathed out sharply, "Are you kidding me? I don't actually want to forget things, it's not like I get up in the morning and think to myself; gee, wouldn't be cool if the last thing I remembered is being 15 and rejected by Gerard and then wake up engaged and 18," I glared at her.

Her pursed lips relaxed as her entire face soften up, "Who's Gerard?"

"My first love," I said, looking down.

"Oh"

"Can Gray know this or smoke will come out of his nose?," I sneered, looking back at the yard where the guys were still glancing our way.

"You don't really mention him that often. I remember you saying his name once when you were sleeping and that's that," Lily shrugged, following my gaze.

"I don't know," I tried shaking Gerard's face out of my memory but with no such luck. I could still feel him on my skin and breathe in his scent. He probably looked different now, he's supposed to be 21 by now and maybe in collage, I wonder if he still lives in Jersey. And Mikey was supposed to graduate this year. When Frankie and he will graduate from high school I'll graduate from the nut house, a bitter laugh began to built in the back of my throat, "I gotta find out why I'm here."

"Mm," Lily murmured, staring into space.

"You don't happen to know anything about it?"

"No," she looked down, a slightly glazed look in her eyes, "You never mentioned it"

"Do you think I told Gray?," I glanced back to where he sat, staring at me. He met my gaze and motioned me over while I smiled and looked back at Lily.

"I dunno," she shrugged her broad shoulders, "You might've"

"But I can't tell him I don't remember," I sighed.

"And how you plan to do that?," her voice was dreamy, trailing of at the last word, "You don't remember anything"

"But you do," I smiled nervously, poking her, "Will you help me?"

"Fool Gray?," she frowned.

"No, protect him," I took a stab at the dark that Lily had a thing for Gray. Some kinda twisted brother sister thing perhaps.

"Protect Gray?"

"Yeah, from getting upset," I said truthfully, "I don't want to hurt him"

"OK," she nodded.

"Are you girls planning on joining us any time soon?," a warm hand rested on my shoulder.

I turned around with a smile already planted on my face, "Sure, we were just talking"

"About what?," Gray looked from my smiling face to Lily's lost one and back.

"Girls stuff," I said.

"Is that so?," he removed his hand, "And I'm not included?," he pouted his bottom lip and looked down.

"Um," I wasn't sure if he was kidding or not, I was in a loony bin after all.

He grabbed me by the waist, making me gasp and began tickling me, "Not to include your own fiance! The outrage"

I started laughing madly despite myself and my uncertainness with him, "Stop! Stop it!"

"Are you gonna tell me?," he laughed with me while Lily merely smiled, "Are you gonna tell me?"

"No," I shrieked.

"And now?," he stopped and before I manged as much as to catch my breathe he pulled me in for a kiss.

I let him slip his tongue in, of course. I supposed I slept with him too, judging by the whore I was at 15, I probably didn't get any better at 18.
His kiss reminded me of Gerard. It was urgent and rough but at the same time considerate. I felt so guilty of thinking about Gerard while kissing another guy. Then again, I didn't exactly know him even if officially he was my fiance.
I tried to stop thinking about Gerard as Gray led us to his table, but I wasn't particularly successful.
What could possible make Gerard completely forget about me like that? So OK, I was officially crazy and in fucking Franklin but was it all it took for him to let go? I wasn't sure and I set me mind on finding out.


I couldn't get over how ridiculous everything seemed to be. Even in this looneybin you had cliques and you had to have a certain friends to belong, I mean, people who's biggest worry was to get through the day without strangling anyone were still worried about belonging to a certain group, to a certain table.
And as fate would have it, I belonged to the popular crowd. Gray fucking ruled the boys ward and I seemed to do the same in the girls ward.

It was weird being treated like you're the most amazing thing that walked the earth, with fear and respect yet not remembering anything you did to deserve it.
I felt like I was a bad actress, uncertain how to get into the character she was playing, not knowing the lines. I felt like a stranger in my own body.

I probably wasn't the nicest person around cause when I smiled to one young girl who happened to pass our table, gazing at me, she burst into tears and ran away. The others laughed but I wasn't sure if I liked it.
I know, I know, me worrying about being nice and kind to everyone is a bit of a stretch considering how I treated people before, but I never meant to be mean and hurt people just cause I was in a higher rank then them in the food chain.

And indeed it was a food chain. Everything was so raw here, yet at the same time mirroring perfectly the outside world.
Outside people were worried just as much about their rank and statues, yet they tried to cover it up. Tried not appear as shallow. Here, the animistic instinct kicked in full force. The strongest who have no mercy on the weakest.

Strangely enough I liked it, it was the harsh cold reality without the sugar coated lies you get outside.


I was seated opposite Lily, between Gray and Tom. Gray was proving difficult to maneuver or lie to as he either read minds or knew me all too well so I struck a conversation with Tom who seemed to be the second in command, "So how's life?"

He chuckled, looking me over strangely. I just hoped it wasn't cause I was too nice, "It's great. My life goal was to be locked away and eat pills"

"Mine too," I was thinking back to the pills I popped like candy back at the day.
Back at the day was just a day ago as far as I was concerned, but everything began falling into place, my comfort level grew. Strangely enough I didn't crave the sensation of the pill bottle in my pocket. It could be because they gave me at least 10 different kind of pills after breakfast. I was worried that my sense of calmness was just a false side effect.
I mean, I lost 3 years of my life, why wasn't I on the floor crying for my daddy. Or my Gerard?
"So I heard Frank got out," I said with a casual tone, dropping my volume as Gray shifted closer, brushing his knee against mine.

"Frank?," Tom furrowed his brow, his concentration shifted fully on me instead of the off color joke the other guy was telling. Ken or Ben or Dean or something of that sort.

"Yeah," I tried to appear calm and uncaring, "Frank Iero. Short little dude," I dropped my hand to show him just how short Frank was, my heart racing, my breathe shallow.

"Hmm," Tom wrinkled his forehead, thinking hard, "The only Frank I know is up there," he pointed at the second level of the building.

"What's up there?" I panted, following his gaze.

"The real nut jobs, you idiot," he laughed, "The ones that give us bad name"

"And Frank is there too?," I muttered as Gray moved even closer if that was possible without actually sitting in my lap.

"Yeah, I saw him like once," Tom began losing his interest in me as he giggled at another joke someone told, "I think you arrived at the same time, actually. Do you know him?"

I nodded, not daring to say anything, partly cause Gray turned to smile at me and partly because I completely lost control of my voice with excitement. I glanced back at the window Tom was pointing at. Frankie was there. My Frankie was there. I wasn't dreaming anything, Frankie was real and Gerard was real and I was gonna get my answers...Once I get my voice back.

"You OK?," Gray squeezed my shoulder lightly.

I nodded, smiling faintly.

"What you were talking about with Tom?," he glanced at his friend uneasily who was oblivious to the stares as he was laughing loudly with the Ken/ Ben/ Dean dude.

"Um about my friend," I said cautiously, "Frank from the psycho ward"

"Oh you know him?," Gray narrowed his beautiful blue eyes at me, they turned color to be a metallic Grey, "I didn't know you knew him"

"Well it's not a big honor to know someone from there. The fuckers give us such a bad name," I repeated Tom's words, hoping to avoid unnecessary questions.

"How do you know him?"

"Um," I leaned away from him, fiddling with the hem of my shirt, "Just here and there"

"Here and there?," he frowned, looking even more handsome.

"There and here," I giggled nervously.

Gray nodded, still scanning my face thoughtfully, "You got any better from last night?"

Fucking mind reader, "Oh yeah, loads better," I glanced at Lily urgently but she had a completely blank face expression and she was swaying in her seat. So much for help, "But I was thinking about going to visit Frank"

Gray tilted his head and laughed, "Oh OK, you're gonna buy some flowers and waltz right in, aren't you?"

"Well not waltz," I sulked, "And without the flowers"

Gray kissed my forehead, grinning wildly, "It's a guarded ward, baby. You know that"

"Of course I knew that," it was a blow below the belt but I guess I should've guessed that they'll keep the lunatics locked up, I misjudged the situation as we appeared to have so much freedom. Girls and boys kept walking in out the two building on either side of the yard and there weren't any guards, just staff dressed in white robes occasionally strolled the yard.

"Oh you wanted some help," Gray winked.

"That would be nice," I tried to sound confident regardless of how panicky I felt. Lily's words echoing in my head. [i] He's here for a reason. He's here for a reason[/i].

"No problem," he waved the hand that wasn't around me, "You tell me when you wanna go and I'll make it happen"

I smiled weakly, "What you're gonna do?"

"What I usually do," his suspicious blue radars were back on.

"Oh, right," I nodded, faking understanding, "Awesome. Good. Thanks"

"But under one condition," he brought his finger to my lips, outlining them, "You'll wear my grandmothers wedding dress"

I breathed out with relief, "Whatever you want"

He stiffened and detached himself from me, addressing the laughing crowd around the table, "Leave"

My eyes widened as everyone immediately got up without much of a protest. My heart filled dread of what was about to come.