Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > How To Bang Miley Cyrus by Gerard Way
"Covered in sinners and dripping with gilt
Making you money from slime and from filth
Parading your bellies in ivory towers
Investing our lives in your schemes and your powers
You got to watch them - Be quick or be dead
Snake eyes in heaven - The thie-..."
"Turn that down will you! I'm talking to you! Hey!", said Mikey, competing with the stereo.
"Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom!"
-Shuts off stereo-
"Hey! What was that for?! I was jammin'!", I said iriitated.
"I'm talking to you!", Mikey responded.
"Oh. You were saying?", I questioned.
"Why did you drag me out of bed and then kidnap me to where you wanna go?! It's eight in the morning on a Sunday! In addition to that, you're blasting Iron Maiden! Are you trying to torture me?!", said Mikey very fast and quite loud.
"I just want to take you out! My treat!", I lied of course.
.
"Now?! I doubt that. You never wake up for shit.", he responded.
"Fine. Don't believe me. Ok. Remember that dare I had to do?", I asked while reminiscing the game him and his friends played previous nights ago.
"...Yes?... What does this have to do with me?!", Mikey asked in a very confused tone
"You are going to help me. I'm using you as bait basically.", I said.
"Why?!", screamed Mikey.
"Because you were an easy catch.", I replied.
"That's not fair!", Mikey screamed once again.
"Stop whining. Now this is what you are going to help me do.", I explained.
'"Well first off, where are we going?!", he asked.
"We are going to the mall, silly. Miley Cyrus is there.", I responed.
"I don't like her.", Mikey stated bluntly while crossing his arms.
"Neither do I, but it's worth it. I'll buy you ice cream!", I bribed hopeful it will work.
"No! If you want me to help you, then you give me twenty-five percent of the money you get and I get to give one of they guys a dare. Then I will help you with anyhting you want, but it can't be too ridiculous. Oh yeah and I want that ice cream. With sprinkles! And and gummy bears! Some oreos would do it-...", he said excitedly.
"Don't push it and we'll decide your ice cream when we get there. Now alright, i'll give you that if you help me, but you have to do whatever I say. It's fair.", I stated.
"Yes! Can we go to Burger King too?! I'm hungry!", he exclaimed.
"Ahh... Alright.", I agreed.
"Woo!", said the obviously younger of us.
"Oh my god! There's no parking! Ahh!", I said frustrated.
"Yes there is. Look over there, the one with the bue lines.", said Mikey.
Very stupid boy.
"That's handicapped, stupid. Hmm, I'll just park on these yellow lined thingies.", I said.
I am also a very stupid boy. I guess it runs in the family!
"Oh yeah, that's much better!", he said.
"Better than the handicapped parking! I could get a ticket!", I stated.
Ooh. Target locked. Anorexic, brunette slut with a nice asssimiliar looking friend. Stalking time!
"Hey is that them?", Mikey asked.
"Yes, little brother. It sure is. Time to go prey on.", I said.
"Pray? Why do you wanna pray for her? The last time you prayed was-...", said Mikey mixing up the meaning of the words.
"No! Not pray! Prey on! Like I'm the predator and she's the prey.", I corrected.
"Ohhh. Hahaha! That sounds wrong. You're gonna eat her! Rawr.", he said.
"...Are you being preverted?", I asked.
"Ahem. Let's go prey on.", Mikey quickly said.
"Ok, then... Now let's see. They are going to eat at GNC! Ew.", I yelled, disgusted.
"Woo! That means we get to go eat BK! And ice cream!", he said excitedly.
"Alright, come on.", I said.
"Here. Wear these sunglasses so you can watch them through the corner of your eyes without anyone noticing.", I said.
"Ooh! This is cool! I feel like the Matrix!", he said.
"You're not that cool. Hmm... They just bought water and a pill.", I said, not surprised.
Wow. That's filling.
"Eww."
"May I take your order?", asked the cashier.
"Yes! Can I have two triple whoppers, large fries, some chicken fingers, medium onion rings, apple pie, and a large coffee.", answered my younger siblling.
"Okay.. Anything else?", asked the cashier.
"No way! I need to watch the scale. Don't wanna tip over. Want anything, Gerard?", Mikey questioned.
Hah. He needs to watch the scale? And wow, he did not just order all that for himself.
"That is very hard to believe and wait, you ordered all that food for you?!", I asked.
"Yes, now don't keep the lady waiting.", Mikey said.
"Well if you ordered all that, I only have enouph for a small coffee!", I yelled.
"Small coffee for you, sir. Your total is $36.94.", stated the cashier.
That boy is not getting any ice cream!
"Err... Here.", I said while reluctanty giving the money.
"$3.06 is your change. Thank you and come back soon.", said the cashier.
"Not with Mikey.", I said loud enouph that everyone around me could hear.
"Aww! That's not nice!", Mikey exclaimed.
"Too bad. Now eat up.", I said.
"Hey is that what they eat? Water and a pill? And they have magazines.", Mikey asked.
"Hey. Go pass by them and tell me what kinda pill they are having and the magazine they are looking at.", I commanded.
"I am eating.", he said.
"Do you remember what we dealed on?!", I questioned.
"Fine, fine.", Mikey agreed.
Ooh. Giggling, blushing. They must be discussing their crushes, I'm guessing. Miley really needs to take off some of that makeup. That is disgusting. Looks like she just got face painted.
"Ok they are taking a diet pill and reading Bop! Magazine. The page is turned to the crushes and gossips section.", said Mikey reciting the information.
"Just as I thought. So far we learned, they diet, they like boys from that magazine, and like to go shopping around here.", I briefly summarized.
"How did you know they were coming here?", he asked.
"It's called stalking my friend.", I said.
"Sounds creepy. Nevermind.", Mikey said quickly.
"I thought by now you would know that yes, I am a very creepy person at times.", I said.
Rule #1: Stalk the prey.
Making you money from slime and from filth
Parading your bellies in ivory towers
Investing our lives in your schemes and your powers
You got to watch them - Be quick or be dead
Snake eyes in heaven - The thie-..."
"Turn that down will you! I'm talking to you! Hey!", said Mikey, competing with the stereo.
"Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom!"
-Shuts off stereo-
"Hey! What was that for?! I was jammin'!", I said iriitated.
"I'm talking to you!", Mikey responded.
"Oh. You were saying?", I questioned.
"Why did you drag me out of bed and then kidnap me to where you wanna go?! It's eight in the morning on a Sunday! In addition to that, you're blasting Iron Maiden! Are you trying to torture me?!", said Mikey very fast and quite loud.
"I just want to take you out! My treat!", I lied of course.
.
"Now?! I doubt that. You never wake up for shit.", he responded.
"Fine. Don't believe me. Ok. Remember that dare I had to do?", I asked while reminiscing the game him and his friends played previous nights ago.
"...Yes?... What does this have to do with me?!", Mikey asked in a very confused tone
"You are going to help me. I'm using you as bait basically.", I said.
"Why?!", screamed Mikey.
"Because you were an easy catch.", I replied.
"That's not fair!", Mikey screamed once again.
"Stop whining. Now this is what you are going to help me do.", I explained.
'"Well first off, where are we going?!", he asked.
"We are going to the mall, silly. Miley Cyrus is there.", I responed.
"I don't like her.", Mikey stated bluntly while crossing his arms.
"Neither do I, but it's worth it. I'll buy you ice cream!", I bribed hopeful it will work.
"No! If you want me to help you, then you give me twenty-five percent of the money you get and I get to give one of they guys a dare. Then I will help you with anyhting you want, but it can't be too ridiculous. Oh yeah and I want that ice cream. With sprinkles! And and gummy bears! Some oreos would do it-...", he said excitedly.
"Don't push it and we'll decide your ice cream when we get there. Now alright, i'll give you that if you help me, but you have to do whatever I say. It's fair.", I stated.
"Yes! Can we go to Burger King too?! I'm hungry!", he exclaimed.
"Ahh... Alright.", I agreed.
"Woo!", said the obviously younger of us.
"Oh my god! There's no parking! Ahh!", I said frustrated.
"Yes there is. Look over there, the one with the bue lines.", said Mikey.
Very stupid boy.
"That's handicapped, stupid. Hmm, I'll just park on these yellow lined thingies.", I said.
I am also a very stupid boy. I guess it runs in the family!
"Oh yeah, that's much better!", he said.
"Better than the handicapped parking! I could get a ticket!", I stated.
Ooh. Target locked. Anorexic, brunette slut with a nice asssimiliar looking friend. Stalking time!
"Hey is that them?", Mikey asked.
"Yes, little brother. It sure is. Time to go prey on.", I said.
"Pray? Why do you wanna pray for her? The last time you prayed was-...", said Mikey mixing up the meaning of the words.
"No! Not pray! Prey on! Like I'm the predator and she's the prey.", I corrected.
"Ohhh. Hahaha! That sounds wrong. You're gonna eat her! Rawr.", he said.
"...Are you being preverted?", I asked.
"Ahem. Let's go prey on.", Mikey quickly said.
"Ok, then... Now let's see. They are going to eat at GNC! Ew.", I yelled, disgusted.
"Woo! That means we get to go eat BK! And ice cream!", he said excitedly.
"Alright, come on.", I said.
"Here. Wear these sunglasses so you can watch them through the corner of your eyes without anyone noticing.", I said.
"Ooh! This is cool! I feel like the Matrix!", he said.
"You're not that cool. Hmm... They just bought water and a pill.", I said, not surprised.
Wow. That's filling.
"Eww."
"May I take your order?", asked the cashier.
"Yes! Can I have two triple whoppers, large fries, some chicken fingers, medium onion rings, apple pie, and a large coffee.", answered my younger siblling.
"Okay.. Anything else?", asked the cashier.
"No way! I need to watch the scale. Don't wanna tip over. Want anything, Gerard?", Mikey questioned.
Hah. He needs to watch the scale? And wow, he did not just order all that for himself.
"That is very hard to believe and wait, you ordered all that food for you?!", I asked.
"Yes, now don't keep the lady waiting.", Mikey said.
"Well if you ordered all that, I only have enouph for a small coffee!", I yelled.
"Small coffee for you, sir. Your total is $36.94.", stated the cashier.
That boy is not getting any ice cream!
"Err... Here.", I said while reluctanty giving the money.
"$3.06 is your change. Thank you and come back soon.", said the cashier.
"Not with Mikey.", I said loud enouph that everyone around me could hear.
"Aww! That's not nice!", Mikey exclaimed.
"Too bad. Now eat up.", I said.
"Hey is that what they eat? Water and a pill? And they have magazines.", Mikey asked.
"Hey. Go pass by them and tell me what kinda pill they are having and the magazine they are looking at.", I commanded.
"I am eating.", he said.
"Do you remember what we dealed on?!", I questioned.
"Fine, fine.", Mikey agreed.
Ooh. Giggling, blushing. They must be discussing their crushes, I'm guessing. Miley really needs to take off some of that makeup. That is disgusting. Looks like she just got face painted.
"Ok they are taking a diet pill and reading Bop! Magazine. The page is turned to the crushes and gossips section.", said Mikey reciting the information.
"Just as I thought. So far we learned, they diet, they like boys from that magazine, and like to go shopping around here.", I briefly summarized.
"How did you know they were coming here?", he asked.
"It's called stalking my friend.", I said.
"Sounds creepy. Nevermind.", Mikey said quickly.
"I thought by now you would know that yes, I am a very creepy person at times.", I said.
Rule #1: Stalk the prey.
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