Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > But I Can't.
Frank sinks, Gerard shows up conveniently. Can he bring him back up from the dead?
1Hot
So there you have it. This is not a story where Frank knew just by the way Gerard looked that he was madly in love with him, blah, blah, blah. Gerard had been there for a while and Frankie had really never thought anything of it. x D But the story will get much better from here on out! : )
Finch
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While I was really pretty scared about this question that Gerard had asked me, I was kind of excited. He was older than me! And he was attractive! How in the world was I able to score that? I mean, that was actually a little too... forward for him, well, anyone really! I stared at the question for a bit longer before deciding what I should reply,
"Uhm. Why? Do you think I'm hot?"
I kind of felt like a retard asking the question. I mean, what if he was just joking around with me? Or what if his friends had gotten onto his account?! Before I could even consider any of this more deeply I had pressed the send button. I felt like I was really going to regret asking that.
For a while I was still really depressed about the whole Matt thing. I was popping pills all the time and drinking on the weekends just to forget the pain(even though neither of them actually helped me). No matter how much I told people that I was okay, I still felt like I wanted to kill myself. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that I would be leaving so many unfinished and unexplained things in my life. After all, I really had to know what was up with Gerard. See, Gerard was one of those cool people who could resist signing on and messaging people like mad, so it took a few days for him to reply all the time. And honestly, it was worrying me half to death. So now I was stressing about the whole Gerard thing and wishing that I was dead because of the whole Matt thing. And my parents didn't even know that I was bisexual! Gosh, sometimes they were so utterly clueless. My brother didn't know what was going on either, not that it really mattered though, he didn't need to know everything just because he knew about my sexuality. But then again, it was a bit lonely in my position, I had no one to talk to.
A few days after I had sent that message Gerard finally replied,
"yeah i think your pretty hot. sorry if that makes things weird."
I don't know why but my jaw dropped, then after a moment, I smiled hugely. I couldn't help but feel some kind of weird, overwhelming happiness. Although this wouldn't rid me off my Matt problems, this certainly made me a little happier. So I sat there for who knows how long, thinking of what to say back to him. Now that I thought about it, he was really really hot, and I couldn't tell him no after what he just told me! So I spent about fifteen minutes just freaking wording a simple sentence correctly,
"I think you're hot too, so it doesn't make anything weird. :)"
I was actually pretty satisfied with my reply, I even put a nice little smiley, so I didn't hesitate to send it. I just had one question, how did Gerard know that I was bisexual? Could my brother have told him? That would have really pissed me off, but hey, if it got me here, then I wasn't too angry with him. I still needed to know though, after all, if he told Gerard then who else did he tell? I was not going to be happy if everyone at my summer camp knew about it. I mean sure, most of them probably knew, but they didn't know for sure. And I know how that goes, you think something but it's in the back of your mind, then when someone finally tells you you figure out that you knew all along. I think it was kind of like that, but I didn't want to give people confirmation for Christ's sake! But I didn't think too hard about it at the time, seeing as all I was really thinking about was still MattGerardMattGerardMattGerard back and forth back and forth. It was definitely giving me a headache.
Now here's the point in the story where the main character reaches their low. I was walking home one day when I was thinking about Matt and Gerard when all of a sudden I got the most terrible headache I had ever gotten. I stumbled the rest of the way home, holding my head in pain. I opened up the medicine cabinet and searched through the pills upon pills that my mom had left when she divorced my dad. I grabbed a bottle of pain killers and took two, before I could even consider the later, I decided that it would be best if I took about 12 and just forgot about everything else in my life for a little while. I ended up sitting in my room, crying emotionless tears the rest of the day, until I finally fell asleep without eating. Why weren't the fucking pills working for me? Maybe I needed more of them. I then proceeded to fake sick the next day and ask my dad to pick up some pain killers of a certain kinda, claiming that the other ones didn't work. Eventually he just forgot about the bottle stashed in my room and as soon as I finished it off I found other sneaky ways to get pills. I knew it wasn't right, but there was nothing else for me here. I felt so alone, I felt like the pills would make me less lonely, but in reality they made me even more lonely. I don't know where my head was at the time.
I still had scars from cutting myself during the summer, there were a few on the underside of my wrist, and a few more on the top of my wrist. Sometimes I would make another gash or two. Seeing as it was during winter that all this went on I was able to cover things up with jackets. I didn't want to tell anyone, not even Conner, who I had been seeing every other weekend since summer camp. So eventually I told Conner about the whole Matt thing, and he told me that he already knew that I was bi, and he really didn't care. He was just a little uncomfortable being to close to me for a while, but he got over it.
Anyways, I waited for his next reply, hoping to God that he wasn't going to tell me it was some big joke and humiliate me for life. I was constantly falling asleep in class and tripping in the halls and on my way home, trying to keep myself looking sober enough to stay in school and not look suspicious. Seeing as no one at school really cared and my dad was always gone to the "athletic club"(AKA strip club and bar) there wasn't much of a risk of getting caught. So I spent maybe five good months of my school year taking pills a cutting myself, I really was beginning to lose myself in it all, I didn't actually think anymore. I kind of stumbled around and faked a smile, becoming even more obscene that I had previously been in all my classes. Since our school was a piece of shit I rarely ever got caught kicking, punching, throwing, or in general hurting anyone. And in class I was very misbehaved and was sent out of the room countless times. If you think that being a class clown that's a giant dick to everyone is going to make you popular, then you're wrong. Sure you get a bunch of fake friends, but in the end no one(including yourself) really cares.
A few days after I replied I got a message from Gerard.
"wow okay. thats cool! i didn't think you would feel that way about me. are you a virgin?"
The last "sentence", if you could call it , through me off quite a bit. Wasn't he just a little too forward with all of this stuff? I mean I guess it made a little sense, he was really attractive and probably never had any problems talking to girls(or guys for that matter). I didn't really want to talk about it, but I told him the truth,
"Yeah... I'm not really one of those kids who just gives themselves up too quickly."
But who was I kidding? I would give myself to Gerard or Matt any fucking day, and I knew that. It was fully brought to my attention, and man, did I feel terrible about it. After that Gerard and I had casual conversations and we even started texting each other. Before the school year was up Gerard and I had grown pretty close. One night I posted a bulletin on myspace telling everyone that I was going to the bookstore at the mall, it was kind of far from my house but my dad had to go to the tire shop near by and said I could tag along. I was looking around in the pet shop when all of a sudden I heard a voice from behind me and felt a cold hand on my shoulder.
"Frank?" It startled me quite a bit.
There standing in front of me with his hand in the air(where my shoulder had previously been) was Gerard. I smiled widely at the sight of him and gave him a large hug. He hugged back tightly but I immediately pulled back. Not only had I never really talked to him a lot in person, but I just hugged him, a guy.
"Uh, hi Gerard." I tried to sound cheery to save both of us the awkwardness.
"Hey Frankie." Hey knew that people called me Frankie, but I had never heard him say it before.
It definitely made me smile though.
"How'd you know that I was here?" I asked raising and eyebrow.
"I read your myspace bulletin and was like, well hey, I live right by there! So I decided to come see if I could find you." He told me proudly.
He held his skateboard in one hand, I guess he skateboarded then? What was really bugging me/making me incredibly happy was the fact that he just decided after eight months and some awkward conversations that he should come see me. Not that I didn't like it though! I liked it a lot actually, it was just, he kind of just popped up. But then again, I would learn that he pops up at the most convenient(or inconvenient) times.
"Well I'm glad you came to find me! I missed you! It's been what, eight months now?"
"Wow, it's been too long Frankie."
We both smiled and decided to walk into the library section of the mall. We wandered around and sat in the back of the store, both of us stood on his skateboard and leaned against a bookcase.
"How have you been since last summer?" I asked, smiling up at him.
"I've been alright, I guess, lots of changes and stuff happening." He told me.
"What about you," He stared down at me with a funny expression.
"What've you been up to?" He asked.
"Oh, pretty much the same. Lots of changes. Do I look different?" I was eager for him to notice my new look.
"Yeah, you really do, but somehow I knew it was you from behind." He winked at me and I think I blushed.
"Do I look better this year?" I asked, hoping for him to say yes.
"Well you looked great last year, but you look incredible this year." I almost fell off the skateboard,
Instead I just blushed heavily and thanked him. We talked and had a casual conversation, it was so incredibly nice. The I remembered that my dad was in the store. I peeked around the corner of the shelf and peered into the center of the shop, my dad wandered around aimlessly. I laughed to myself and pointed him out to Gerard. We both giggled for a moment before decided to avoid him. We succeeded in hiding for about fifteen minutes before my dad finally saw me and waved me over. He stared at me funny as Gerard followed.
"Dad, this is Gerard, he works at my summer camp." I motioned toward Gerard with my hand and smiled.
My dad cheerily took his hand and introduced himself. It was funny that he had no idea that Gerard and I had an attraction to each other. After a few minutes of chatting my dad mentioned that we had to go and that he was going to go buy a book he had found. When we knew my dad was preoccupied we hugged a nice, long hug. I stared at him for a second,
"Can't wait till summer." I told him.
"Me neither." He smiled and I waved goodbye.
He brought my small body into one last hug and I giggled, running off to find my dad shortly afterwards.
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AWW. Well isn't that just a little fluffy? I hope you are enjoying yet being utterly annoyed by this story. : ) Please review! Or nothing might happen after this! Frank might just run off and never see Gerard again, wouldn't that be unfortunate? So therefore, you should review this. Thanks babes.
Lovelovelove
Finch.
Finch
----------
While I was really pretty scared about this question that Gerard had asked me, I was kind of excited. He was older than me! And he was attractive! How in the world was I able to score that? I mean, that was actually a little too... forward for him, well, anyone really! I stared at the question for a bit longer before deciding what I should reply,
"Uhm. Why? Do you think I'm hot?"
I kind of felt like a retard asking the question. I mean, what if he was just joking around with me? Or what if his friends had gotten onto his account?! Before I could even consider any of this more deeply I had pressed the send button. I felt like I was really going to regret asking that.
For a while I was still really depressed about the whole Matt thing. I was popping pills all the time and drinking on the weekends just to forget the pain(even though neither of them actually helped me). No matter how much I told people that I was okay, I still felt like I wanted to kill myself. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that I would be leaving so many unfinished and unexplained things in my life. After all, I really had to know what was up with Gerard. See, Gerard was one of those cool people who could resist signing on and messaging people like mad, so it took a few days for him to reply all the time. And honestly, it was worrying me half to death. So now I was stressing about the whole Gerard thing and wishing that I was dead because of the whole Matt thing. And my parents didn't even know that I was bisexual! Gosh, sometimes they were so utterly clueless. My brother didn't know what was going on either, not that it really mattered though, he didn't need to know everything just because he knew about my sexuality. But then again, it was a bit lonely in my position, I had no one to talk to.
A few days after I had sent that message Gerard finally replied,
"yeah i think your pretty hot. sorry if that makes things weird."
I don't know why but my jaw dropped, then after a moment, I smiled hugely. I couldn't help but feel some kind of weird, overwhelming happiness. Although this wouldn't rid me off my Matt problems, this certainly made me a little happier. So I sat there for who knows how long, thinking of what to say back to him. Now that I thought about it, he was really really hot, and I couldn't tell him no after what he just told me! So I spent about fifteen minutes just freaking wording a simple sentence correctly,
"I think you're hot too, so it doesn't make anything weird. :)"
I was actually pretty satisfied with my reply, I even put a nice little smiley, so I didn't hesitate to send it. I just had one question, how did Gerard know that I was bisexual? Could my brother have told him? That would have really pissed me off, but hey, if it got me here, then I wasn't too angry with him. I still needed to know though, after all, if he told Gerard then who else did he tell? I was not going to be happy if everyone at my summer camp knew about it. I mean sure, most of them probably knew, but they didn't know for sure. And I know how that goes, you think something but it's in the back of your mind, then when someone finally tells you you figure out that you knew all along. I think it was kind of like that, but I didn't want to give people confirmation for Christ's sake! But I didn't think too hard about it at the time, seeing as all I was really thinking about was still MattGerardMattGerardMattGerard back and forth back and forth. It was definitely giving me a headache.
Now here's the point in the story where the main character reaches their low. I was walking home one day when I was thinking about Matt and Gerard when all of a sudden I got the most terrible headache I had ever gotten. I stumbled the rest of the way home, holding my head in pain. I opened up the medicine cabinet and searched through the pills upon pills that my mom had left when she divorced my dad. I grabbed a bottle of pain killers and took two, before I could even consider the later, I decided that it would be best if I took about 12 and just forgot about everything else in my life for a little while. I ended up sitting in my room, crying emotionless tears the rest of the day, until I finally fell asleep without eating. Why weren't the fucking pills working for me? Maybe I needed more of them. I then proceeded to fake sick the next day and ask my dad to pick up some pain killers of a certain kinda, claiming that the other ones didn't work. Eventually he just forgot about the bottle stashed in my room and as soon as I finished it off I found other sneaky ways to get pills. I knew it wasn't right, but there was nothing else for me here. I felt so alone, I felt like the pills would make me less lonely, but in reality they made me even more lonely. I don't know where my head was at the time.
I still had scars from cutting myself during the summer, there were a few on the underside of my wrist, and a few more on the top of my wrist. Sometimes I would make another gash or two. Seeing as it was during winter that all this went on I was able to cover things up with jackets. I didn't want to tell anyone, not even Conner, who I had been seeing every other weekend since summer camp. So eventually I told Conner about the whole Matt thing, and he told me that he already knew that I was bi, and he really didn't care. He was just a little uncomfortable being to close to me for a while, but he got over it.
Anyways, I waited for his next reply, hoping to God that he wasn't going to tell me it was some big joke and humiliate me for life. I was constantly falling asleep in class and tripping in the halls and on my way home, trying to keep myself looking sober enough to stay in school and not look suspicious. Seeing as no one at school really cared and my dad was always gone to the "athletic club"(AKA strip club and bar) there wasn't much of a risk of getting caught. So I spent maybe five good months of my school year taking pills a cutting myself, I really was beginning to lose myself in it all, I didn't actually think anymore. I kind of stumbled around and faked a smile, becoming even more obscene that I had previously been in all my classes. Since our school was a piece of shit I rarely ever got caught kicking, punching, throwing, or in general hurting anyone. And in class I was very misbehaved and was sent out of the room countless times. If you think that being a class clown that's a giant dick to everyone is going to make you popular, then you're wrong. Sure you get a bunch of fake friends, but in the end no one(including yourself) really cares.
A few days after I replied I got a message from Gerard.
"wow okay. thats cool! i didn't think you would feel that way about me. are you a virgin?"
The last "sentence", if you could call it , through me off quite a bit. Wasn't he just a little too forward with all of this stuff? I mean I guess it made a little sense, he was really attractive and probably never had any problems talking to girls(or guys for that matter). I didn't really want to talk about it, but I told him the truth,
"Yeah... I'm not really one of those kids who just gives themselves up too quickly."
But who was I kidding? I would give myself to Gerard or Matt any fucking day, and I knew that. It was fully brought to my attention, and man, did I feel terrible about it. After that Gerard and I had casual conversations and we even started texting each other. Before the school year was up Gerard and I had grown pretty close. One night I posted a bulletin on myspace telling everyone that I was going to the bookstore at the mall, it was kind of far from my house but my dad had to go to the tire shop near by and said I could tag along. I was looking around in the pet shop when all of a sudden I heard a voice from behind me and felt a cold hand on my shoulder.
"Frank?" It startled me quite a bit.
There standing in front of me with his hand in the air(where my shoulder had previously been) was Gerard. I smiled widely at the sight of him and gave him a large hug. He hugged back tightly but I immediately pulled back. Not only had I never really talked to him a lot in person, but I just hugged him, a guy.
"Uh, hi Gerard." I tried to sound cheery to save both of us the awkwardness.
"Hey Frankie." Hey knew that people called me Frankie, but I had never heard him say it before.
It definitely made me smile though.
"How'd you know that I was here?" I asked raising and eyebrow.
"I read your myspace bulletin and was like, well hey, I live right by there! So I decided to come see if I could find you." He told me proudly.
He held his skateboard in one hand, I guess he skateboarded then? What was really bugging me/making me incredibly happy was the fact that he just decided after eight months and some awkward conversations that he should come see me. Not that I didn't like it though! I liked it a lot actually, it was just, he kind of just popped up. But then again, I would learn that he pops up at the most convenient(or inconvenient) times.
"Well I'm glad you came to find me! I missed you! It's been what, eight months now?"
"Wow, it's been too long Frankie."
We both smiled and decided to walk into the library section of the mall. We wandered around and sat in the back of the store, both of us stood on his skateboard and leaned against a bookcase.
"How have you been since last summer?" I asked, smiling up at him.
"I've been alright, I guess, lots of changes and stuff happening." He told me.
"What about you," He stared down at me with a funny expression.
"What've you been up to?" He asked.
"Oh, pretty much the same. Lots of changes. Do I look different?" I was eager for him to notice my new look.
"Yeah, you really do, but somehow I knew it was you from behind." He winked at me and I think I blushed.
"Do I look better this year?" I asked, hoping for him to say yes.
"Well you looked great last year, but you look incredible this year." I almost fell off the skateboard,
Instead I just blushed heavily and thanked him. We talked and had a casual conversation, it was so incredibly nice. The I remembered that my dad was in the store. I peeked around the corner of the shelf and peered into the center of the shop, my dad wandered around aimlessly. I laughed to myself and pointed him out to Gerard. We both giggled for a moment before decided to avoid him. We succeeded in hiding for about fifteen minutes before my dad finally saw me and waved me over. He stared at me funny as Gerard followed.
"Dad, this is Gerard, he works at my summer camp." I motioned toward Gerard with my hand and smiled.
My dad cheerily took his hand and introduced himself. It was funny that he had no idea that Gerard and I had an attraction to each other. After a few minutes of chatting my dad mentioned that we had to go and that he was going to go buy a book he had found. When we knew my dad was preoccupied we hugged a nice, long hug. I stared at him for a second,
"Can't wait till summer." I told him.
"Me neither." He smiled and I waved goodbye.
He brought my small body into one last hug and I giggled, running off to find my dad shortly afterwards.
-----------
AWW. Well isn't that just a little fluffy? I hope you are enjoying yet being utterly annoyed by this story. : ) Please review! Or nothing might happen after this! Frank might just run off and never see Gerard again, wouldn't that be unfortunate? So therefore, you should review this. Thanks babes.
Lovelovelove
Finch.
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