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Ch.12; Painful Good-Bye


{{Gerards POV}}


It was hard behaving in the back seat with Frank on top of him, but for Ray's sake, Gerard tried his best. To ensure their behavior, Ray made one last stop at a rest stop before they left the highway and bought them coffee. It didn't last Gerard long but it held him over until at long last they were home. By some miracle, there were not fans all over the place and Gerard let go of the tension he had building up. He was now sitting fully up because Ray made Frank take the wheel while he moved to the drivers seat, just to get back at Gerard for harassing him earlier. To piss him off more, Gerard played with Ray's fro but Ray kept yelling and hitting Gerard so finally he gave up and stared out the window. It had been decided that everyone would meet at Frank's house and Gerard was nervous to be face to face with Mikey again. He regretted some of what he said but he was still mad at Mikey for punching Frank for no reason.

"We're home." Frank said in a strange high pitched voice and a smile as he pulled into the driveway. Bob was leaning against the car and Mikey was nowhere to be seen. Frank parked the car and Ray got out to talk to Bob while Frank turned to Gerard. "Need help?" he asked giving Gerard an enticing look.

"No, I think I can manage." Gerard said as he opened the door and climbed out. He still felt weak, but nowhere like he had the previous day. Frank shut the door and went to join Ray and Bob while Gerard followed slowly behind.

"I've been here for 3 hours!" Bob said aggravated.

"Why didn't you ask Jamia to let you inside?" Frank asked as he approached.

"I knocked but there was no answer." He told Frank whos face was painted with confusion. Gerard watched Frank walk to the front door and use his key to unlock it while Gerard took Bob's place leaning on the car. When he got the door open, Frank disappeared inside while Ray and Bob went back to talking. Something didn't settle right with Gerard when Frank disappeared inside.

"So where's Mikey?" Ray asked causing Gerard's mind to be taken off Frank and put on Mikey.

"He made me drop him off at home." Bob said glancing at Gerard then looking back at Ray.

"Good, he can stay there." Gerard said coldly.

"He said he was sorry." Bob told Gerard. Gerard just shrugged and went back to staring at the door of Frank's house, waiting for him to return. After about ten minutes, Frank still hadn't returned and Gerard was getting worried. Ray and Bob were talking amongst themselves but Gerard's mind was too distant for him to focus on their conversation. He wondered what Frank was doing inside and hoped that he was ok. After a few more minutes passed, Gerard had gotten very antsy and decided he should go inside.

"I'm going to see if he's ok." Gerard told Ray and Bob as he passed them and headed for the door. He quietly opened and shut the door behind him once he made it inside. The house was dead silent and Gerard's chest became heavy. "Frankie?" Gerard called s he began to search the house. "Frankie?"he called again. No reply. Gerard started getting really nervous as each room he checked came up empty. Please tell me he didn't do anything stupid Gerard thought as he made his way to Frank's bedroom.

The bedroom door was shut so Gerard knocked. Still no reply. He turned the knob and slowly opened the door. "Frankie?" He called softly as he entered the room. Frank was sitting in the corner with his head propped against the nightstand and a piece of paper in his hands that he stared blankly at. "Frankie!" Gerard said with slight relief that Frank hadn't done anything stupid; not that Frank would resort to that anyway. Frank just stared at the paper. Gerard quietly shut the bedroom door and walked over to Frank. "Frankie." Gerard repeated for the umpteenth time, trying to get Frank's attention, but he just continued to stare at the paper. Gerard tried to read the paper but the ink was run and Frank's hands covered too much of it. He assumed the ink had run from tears but Frank's eyes were dry and in no way red or puffy; just blank. "Come on Frankie, talk to me!" he pleaded, pulling a few strands of hair from Frank's face, but Frank remained just as mute as he had before. Sighing heavily, Gerard got up and headed back outside.

"Is he ok?" Ray asked when he spotted Gerard.

"He's clutching a piece of paper, sitting on his bedroom floor, and wouldn't even acknowledge my presence in any way. He just stared blankly at the paper." Gerard said rubbing his head.

"What did the paper say?" Bob inquired, slight concern in his voice.

"I couldn't read it because the ink had run from being cried on and Frank's hands were covering a good portion of it." Gerard said leaning back on the car. "Only Frank's eyes were bone dry and as beautiful as ever." Gerard sighed.

"We don't need all the details." Bob said rolling his eyes at Gerard and Ray smacked Bob's arm then told him to shut up.

"Do you think it has to do with Jamia?"

"I assume she wrote it herself." Gerard told them.

"Well why would she write a note while crying? He was only gone for a week, and he was with you!" Bob said somewhat frustrated.

"Because Frank told me about four days ago that he and Jamia were getting a divorce!" He snapped at Bob. He didn't mean to be so harsh but he was very frustrated with everyone. Bob backed down and both he and Ray remained silent for awhile.

"So what should we do?" Ray spoke at last. Gerard shrugged and stared at the ground.

"I could stay here tonight." Gerard mumbled, trying to be helpful. Ray looked at him questioningly.

"I'll stay here too." He said after. "Just to make sure your ass stays this time." Ray said sternly. Gerard wanted to object but he didn't feel like creating another argument because he had had enough of them lately.

"Fine." He agreed. Gerard had no intention of running away again but he knew he wouldn't be able to persuade them into believing him.

"Plus, I don't trust you two alone." Ray teased him and Gerard couldn't help but smile even though he smacked Ray anyway. "Why don't you go attempt to verify our plans with Frank." He suggested and Gerard nodded then headed back inside. Venturing back to Frank's bedroom, Gerard opened the door again and saw that Frank was in the same exact spot Gerard had left him in.

Gerard bent down to Frank who was still blankly staring at the run ink. "Hey, Ray and I are going to stay here tonight if you don't mind." He told him rubbing Frank's shoulder. Frank remained unresponsive so Gerard kissed his head and left. "Well he knows." Gerard sighed when he reached Ray again. Bob was gone now so Ray and Gerard went into Frank's living room and sat down to talk. "I wish we could do more."

"Do you love him?" It was not what Gerard was expecting to come out of Ray's mouth. Gerard stared at Ray with dismay.

"What?" He asked confused.

"Do, you, love, him?" Ray repeated, briefly pausing between words as though he was talking to someone who didn't understand English. "Is this a hard question?"

"No, I just wasn't expecting it." Gerard told him. Of course he loved Frank. No one else made Gerard as happy or secure as Frank did. But he didn't understand where Ray was going with it. "Yeah I love him." He told Ray, still confused.

Well you'll figure out what to do then." Ray said sliding down in the chair he was sitting in. Ray turned on the tv and flipped through the channels while Gerard was comprehending what Ray had said. Once he got over the initial shock, Gerard thought about how he could help Frank deal with the pain. He decided to go and try talking to Frank again. Gerard stood up and headed for the bedroom.

"To Frank's bedroom, mother." Gerard replied sarcastically. He knew he wouldn't be able to put up with constant surveillance from Ray or anyone else.

"Just making sure." Ray said then went back to watching tv. It annoyed Gerard slightly that Ray thought Gerard was going to run away again but in the back of his mind, he was grateful that Ray cared about Gerard's safety. For the third time, Gerard entered Frank's room and went to sit by him.

"You can talk to me Frankie." Gerard said as he sat down. "We're worried about you." He was trying anything to get Frank to speak. Gerard sighed then decided he would try to get the paper from Frank's hands. He reached for the paper and surprisingly got it from Frank's hands easily. When Gerard read the note, he suddenly felt all of Frank's pain. Gerard got up and headed back to Ray.

With the paper in his hand, he stood by Ray who looked at him with confusion. "What's tha-" he said when Gerard cut him off.

"Dear Frankie, as you can see I am no longer home. I decided to pack my stuff and leave before you got home to save ourselves the painful good-byes. I'll stay with my mom until I can find a place of my own. You should receive the divorce papers soon in the mail. It's killing me to write this but I knew it had to be done. I will always love you and think of you often. Please, don't be upset and continue being the rocking guitarist I know you are. Love, Jamia." Ray stared at Gerard with shock. Gerard handed him the paper for him to read over himself, shaking his head slightly as he read.

"Poor Frankie." He said more to himself then to Gerard. "No wonder he's so quiet. I would hate to come home to a note like this."

"Don't let yourself." Frank's voice suddenly broke their consentration. Gerard turned to see Frank standing at the end of the hall. "Don't let your relationship with your wife fall apart like I did with mine." His voice was full of pain but his eyes remained dry. "Go home to her Ray." he told him. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"You sure you'll be ok?" Ray asked.

"I'll be fine." Frank told him, barely managing a smile.

"And you'll be fine?" Ray turned to Gerard who nodded. "I'll be back in the morning to check on you." He warned before hugging Frank and leaving. Frank told he Ray he could borrow his car so Ray wouldn't have to call anyone to come get him. When Ray was gone, Frank walked to Gerard and wrapped his arms around him.

"She's really gone." He spoke into Gerard's chest. "I'm all alone." Gerard put his arms around Frank's neck and told him to calm down as Frank began to cry.

"You're not alone." He reassured Frank. "I'm here."

"You'll have to live your own life without constantly having to take care of me." Frank said into Gerard's chest again. Gerard hated seeing Frank like this, especially when Gerard could think of little to do to make Frank feel better.

"I want to take care of you." Gerard told him, trying not to start crying himself. It seemed like nothing was going right. "No matter where I go, or what I do, you will always be in my life." Frank's grip tightened around Gerard utnil it felt as though his arms were cutting into Gerard, but Gerard didn't care because he would do anything to make Frank feel safe and happy. "You are my life." Gerard whispered to him, losing his ability to breath under Frank's grip.

"I don't feel good." Frank said before a moment later when he fell limp. Not getting too worried, Gerard carried Frank to his bedroom and laid him on the bed. He figured Frank had worn himself out emotionally which caused him to become weak physically. Gerard laid Frank's head on a pillow before kissing Frank's head to discover it was burning hot. He went to the bathroom and got a damp washcloth then returned and laid the washcloth across Frank's head. The weather was slightly cold so Gerard didn't turn the fan on even though Frank was radiating heat because he didn't want Frank to get chilled. "Feel better Frankie." Gerard told him before heading back to the living room. He fell onto the couch with a heavy sigh of exhaustion and watched the tv until he too passed out.