FicWad

Chapter Two - Behind the Smile


Frank could hear the banging, faint at first but then it got louder and it continued to get louder. He slowly opened his eyes and as the haziness began to clear, he noticed the mess and the blood. The banging didn't stop and he eventually pushed himself up from the floor with all the strength he could muster.

"I'm coming," he half groaned as he reached for his hoodie and his sunglasses. Frank pulled the hoodie over his blood-stained t-shirt and fixed the sunglasses to their now permanent place. He cautiously opened the door, "Hey man,"

"Are you just up?" Gerard awkwardly asked.

"Yes, why did you need me for something?" Frank replied holding the door close to his body to prevent Gerard seeing inside the room.

"Just we're leaving soon and I wanted to make sure you were okay," Gerard said rubbing the back of his neck. "Can I come in?"

"Em, not really I kinda have someone in here," Frank said instantly realising how good he had become at lying, even to his closest friends.

"You mean the girl from last night?" Gerard asked slightly taken aback.

Frank racked his brain; he couldn't even remember speaking to a girl last night, "That's right."

"Well I hope you were careful cause you were pretty out of it," Gerard said looking Frank up and down, "I'll come and get you in an hour."

"Okay," Frank mumbled a smile appearing across his face as Gerard looked at him once more before turning to walk back down the corridor.

Frank walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower before he sat down on the toilet. He felt like shit and as he glanced in the mirror and removed his sunglasses he realised that he also looked like shit. His eyes were dark and rimmed with deep black circles. He'd never seen himself so pale, even with his bouts of sickness, they never made him feel as undead as he did now. He slowly removed his jeans and boxers and threw them on the floor. It took all of his strength to take off his hoodie and t-shirt. Looking in the mirror once more at the name emblazoned on his chest, a permanent reminder of how stupid he had been and again the familiar stabbing feeling occured. His earlier drinking had caught up with him as he quickly let his knees fall to the ground and he gripped the toilet bowel before he heaved. The tears falling from his eyes as his body tried to expel the self-inflicted poisons within him. When it finally stopped, he fell back against the toilet wall and buried his head between his knees as he pulled them as close to himself as he could. Rocking back and forth, he cried for everything that he had lost and the day he would have to face.


x-------x


"Is Frank okay?" Mikey asked as soon as he noticed Gerard appearing in his room.

Gerard shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know."

"Did you not just go to see him?" Mikey asked impatiently.

Gerard looked directly at him, "He seemed okay, he had a girl in his room and,"

"He had a girl in his room?" Mikey suddenly questioned, "Did you actually see this girl?"

"Of course I didn't but he wouldn't let me in because of her." Gerard explained.

"We shouldn't have left him in the bar," Mikey said watching as his brother sat down beside him on the bed.

"I know but all he's wanted to do lately is get totally drunk and I can't watch him do that," Gerard muttered, "He needs time to get over this and I need him to know that we're all here for him when he needs us."

Mikey put his arm around his brother and brought him close, "He'll get there Gerard."

"I hope so, I miss him Mikes," Gerard said hugging his brother, "I miss my friend."


x------x


Frank had somehow managed to shower himself, the cut on his arm had stung like hell but at least he didn't smell like a tramp now. He tried to clean up the mess in his room and he glanced at the bin which was now full of empty cans and bottles. The time of being shocked by that had long since passed. The alcohol was simpy not working anymore, he needed something stronger. He looked around the room once last time checking that he hadn't left anything behind. Taking a deep breath, he stepped out of the room and walked towards the sound of familiar voices.

"Hey Frank, you made it," Ray said noticing him appearing at the door.

"Hey guys," Frank muttered throwing his bag down and sitting in the nearest seat. The irony of Ray's words almost making him laugh. He had made it, made it through another night.

"You look like shit Frank," Bob said glancing up at the sound of Frank's voice.

"I feel like shit." Frank replied.

"That'll be the copious amount of alcohol you drank at the bar last night," Bob grinned trying to keep the conversation light,"I would never believe that someone so small could drink so much."

Frank smiled, "But I'm paying for it now."

Gerard never spoke as his attention remained firmly focused on Frank. Bob was right, Frank looked awful. He was so pale, the darkness of his sunglasses that now seemed permanently fixed to his face only heightened the fading colour. He had tried over the last few weeks to get Frank to speak to him but everything was just shrugged off. Gerard had been the one to first find Frank after Janie had told him that she was leaving him. Janie had been with Frank for 6 years and to everyone they were the perfect couple. No-one really knew what had happened between them and it had seemed Frank had no idea that she wanted a break. The initial break had left him feeling lost but he always held the hope that she would change her mind. That night Gerard had found him, lying on the kitchen floor of the bus with the telephone still in his hand. The sound of Frank crying had almost made him fall, it was a terrible gut wrenching sob mumbled with the sound of Frank repeatedly calling her name. Gerard had stood debating with himself whether to go in or not.

"Frank," Gerard almost whispered as looked down at the crumpled body in front of him.

Frank didn't move as Gerard knelt down and removed the phone from his hand and placed it on the bunker.

"Frank," Gerard repeated as he sat down beside his friend and brushed his hand gently over the top of Frank's head.

Frank looked up slightly, his face stained with tears,"She's gone Gerard, for good this time," he croaked as he pushed himself up to sit.

Gerard didn't say anymore as he pulled Frank to him and wrapped his arms around his friend. He felt Frank's weight rest on him as the sound of sobbing returned once more.

Since that time, Frank hadn't spoken about what had happened. He kept himself distant from everyone. As the weeks went by it became more apparent that he was struggling to cope. Frank had lost all interest in the things that had excited him before, on stage he still played but the passion was gone and in interviews he just seemed to disappear. He avoided having to meet new people and fans. That what made it so noticeable, Frank the one member of the band you could count on to be there to chat to the fans and with the amazing talent to make someone feel special, just didn't seem to care anymore.

Gerard sighed as he thought about the tour ahead and how Frank would cope. It wouldn't exactly be the best way for Frank to avoid people but as Ray had suggested earlier it might just be what he needed. They would all be there for Frank but it would be up to him if he would accept their help and at this very moment Gerard had little hope. He had seen the signs before and he knew where it would end.




Thanks so much Moonpig for your review, I hope you like the update.
I'd really welcome any review/ratings as I might not bother with this if no-one's interested.