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Ch.13; I Mean This, Forever


{{Gee's POV; this one is a bit emotional}}


This time with Frank in the hospital, it was worse than before. He was extremely weak, always tired, and seemed like he had a really bad cold. The worst part was no one could figure out why he was so ill. Frank was losing weight because he couldn't keep anything down and his skin was still pretty pale. Gerard was always underneath Frank because Frank would keep his head on Gerard's chest to listen to his heart and Gerard didn't protest because it made Frank happy. The doctor removed the tube so he could talk but when he spoke it was quite and a little labored.

Each negative test brought frustration because Frank was only getting worse and was put on antibiotics in an attempt to keep him from deteriorating. During the day Gerard would sit with Frank and carry on as much of a conversation with him as he could handle. Each night he would sing whatever came to his head to Frank before Frank fell asleep then again in the morning if Frank wanted to hear him. Gerard would hold Frank tightly even though it felt almost like holding nothing. Seeing Frank waste away make Gerard wish he could take Frank's place because he believed he deserved to suffer instead of Frank.

When Frank was asleep the doctor asked Gerard out of the room to talk to him, leaving Ray, Bob, and Mikey with Frank. "As you know, we've tried pretty much everything we could think of only to come up blank." Gerard nodded and the doctor took a deep breath. "There is one more thing we could try only it's not pleasant."

"What?" Gerard asked hesitantly. He just wanted to know what was wrong.

"We could test for HIV." Gerard became nauseous. "As I'm sure you know, HIV destroys T-cells causing the immune system to weaken and the slightest cold could present as the flu."

"AIDS?" He choked out, holding back tears.

"Eventually yes." Gerard shut his eyes and took a deep breath. There was no cure for AIDS and it was one of the worst killers known to man. "Of course while the disease is non curable, there are medications to help prolong life and help keep the body strong."

"How long would he live?"

"There's no way to know. Could be five years, could be fifty or more." Knowing that Frank could still live a long life made Gerard feel slight relief. "Of course the test could come back negative and we'll just have to keep trying." He smiled to Gerard and left while Gerard wet back into Franks room.

"What he say?" Ray asked when Gerard sat on the edge of the bed.

"He said there is one more test they can think of." He said quietly.

"For what?" Bob asked as he shifted Mikey who was sitting on his lap as usual.

"HIV." Gerard winced at saying it and everyone stared at him with shock and disbelief.

"As in the non curable, very fatal disease?" Mikey gasped and Gerard nodded slightly. "Oh my god!"

"But it could come back negative." Bob said trying to calm Mikey down.

"I want it to be negative but then at the same time I want to know why he's so ill." Gerard sighed and Ray got up then sat by him, avoiding sitting on Frank's legs.

"No matter what happens as long as you stay with him everything will be fine." He put an arm around Gerard and Gerard smiled slightly. "Because I swear to god I'll kill you if you break his heart again." Gerard couldn't help but laugh very slightly as Ray joked with him. "And if he does have, you know, it'll just mean he needs more care and love to help him through it." Ray hugged Gerard then returned to the chair he was sitting in.

"People with HIV and AIDS live pretty normal lives still." Bob said trying to lighten the mood. "They just have to make sure they stay in shape and to have protected sex, which I'm sure you guys do anyway." Mikey nodded in agreement with Bob.

"The only thing that confuses me is how he could have gotten it." Gerard said glancing at Frank who was still asleep. "Well I'll tell him when he wakes up."

"You sure he should know?" Mikey asked cautiously. "I mean it could come back negative and the last thing he needs is stress."

"I can't keep something that important from him." Gerard told his brother miserably. "Because if it came back positive and he found out I knew they were testing for it;" Gerard looked to the ground. "I don't want to lose him again."

"Why don't we talk about something happier?" Ray suggested and everyone agreed. "Anything new with anyone?" They all shook their heads, unable to think of anything. "Alright, I'll start with something. We were fucking amazing the other night."

"Dude, Gerard, never knew your voice was that good." Bob complimented him and Gerard blushed a little.

"Thanks. You killed those drums." Gerard complimented him back. "And damn Mikey, you got a hell of a lot better with that bass. I mean, you were always good but listening to you at that show and rehearsals, I swore it was someone else."[/b] Mikey laughed slightly as he lifted his head off Bob's shoulder.

"Ray's guitar almost blew me away." Mikey said and they all laughed. "I swear the place was shaking."

"Yeah well Frank contributed a good amount of that. He's got more energy than a fucking power plant." Again everyone started laughing but they all knew it was true. Frank had an insane amount of energy ninety percent of the time.

"There's too much energy in him for such a small person." Gerard said and everyone just laughed harder.

"I can't wait to play another show somewhere." They all nodded in agreement. "The rush of being on the stage with everyone cheering is amazing."

"Imagine when they learn the lyrics." Mikey said before spacing out like he was deep in thought.

"That will be awesome."

"Then I can do the microphone to the audience thing." Gerard said with amusement.

"Mikey, we gotta go."

"Oh right." Mikey said as he snapped back to reality and looked at his watch. "See you guys later." Gerard waved good-bye even though he was really confused why the two had to leave. He looked to Ray who returned the same amount of confusion and then Gerard felt Frank begin to move so he knew Frank was awake. Gerard got off the end of the bed and went to Frank. "Hey Frankie." Gerard said bending down and kissing Frank's head then pushing Frank's hair from his face. Frank smiled at Gerard and Gerard got into the bed with Frank.

"Hi Ray." Frank said as he put his arms around Gerard.

"Hey Frank. How you feelin?"

"Tired." He said quietly. Frank's voice didn't get too loud because he didn't have the energy to put force into it.

"Well I think I'll head out for the night so you can rest some more. I have to clean my place up anyway." He told Frank who nodded and Ray waved good-bye then left. Gerard pulled the blanket up to Frank's shoulders then rubbed Frank's back gently.

"So I talked to the doctor today." He said. Gerard figured the sooner he got it out the easier it would be. "And he told me they're going to try one more test." He continued to gently rub Frank's back.

"For what?" Gerard took a deep breath in before replying.

"For HIV." He said quietly and Frank began to cry slightly into Gerard's chest. "It'll be ok Frankie." Gerard said running a hand through Frank's hair. "It's just a test."

"For AIDS!" He choked out.

"No, for HIV." Gerard said. "AIDS is the final stage and that could take years to reach." Frank just continued to cry. "And it could be negative."

"Or it could be positive!" Gerard lifted Frank's head up so Frank was looking into Gerard's eyes.

"If it is, we'll deal with it." He said calmly.

"Who would want to be with me knowing I had it?"

"Me." Gerard smiled and wiped Frank's tears away. "I'm going to anyone a chance to be with you because you're mine." He kissed Frank's head because his lips were too far away. "And if the test does come back positive, we'll just have to be more cautious, that's all." Frank smiled through his tears.

"I would die." He mumbled.

"We all die eventually." Gerard said as he rubbed Frank's back more. "It will just require more strength is all." He pulled Frank up so their faces were together then pressed his lips against Frank's, running his tongue along Frank's bottom lip. "You've kicked deaths ass three times now so I'm sure you'll be just fine." Frank smiled then gently bit Gerard's lip before sliding his tongue into Gerard's mouth and pressing it against Gerard's tongue.

"Only because you didn't give up on me." He told Gerard when he pulled away.

"I'm not giving up any time soon either." Gerard kissed Frank again then held him closely. A nurse came in and them she needed some of Frank's blood so Gerard sat up so Frank could sit up easier. While the nurse prepared everything, Gerard shut his eyes and put his head into the back of Frank's head so he didn't have to see the needle when she slid it into Frank's arm to pull some blood from his veins. When he nurse finished, she stuck the needle in a bag to be sent off to the lab and left.

"You're pathetic." Frank said with slight laughter as they laid back down.

"Fuck you." Gerard said with a smile. "You know I don't do needles."

"You're still pathetic."

"And you're a pansy." Frank laughed a little more and Gerard put his arms around Frank to keep him close. "But you're my pansy." Frank nodded as he positioned himself into a comfortable position on Gerard.

"So what did you do today?" Frank asked when he was settled.

"Talked to the guys while you slept."

"Bout what?"

"Your test." A little hope left Frank's eyes. "Then about the show the other night. We did an amazing job." Gerard stared into Frank's eyes. "You did an amazing job."

"You too." Frank's eyes shone with pure joy and Gerard felt like he was going to melt underneath Frank's body. He was so cute at times that Gerard lost feeling in his body as he looked at Frank.

"I love you Frankie." He said, a smile spread across his face as big as it would go.

"I know." Frank said with a cocky smile. "I love you too." Frank's eyes began to fall shut as he fell asleep again since he was only asleep maybe two hours previously. He slept in intervals except for late night when he would stay asleep for a good six hours at least. Gerard found out that when he did wake up he would just lay on Gerard and wait until he would fall asleep again, listening to Gerard sleep.

"Why don't you get some rest Frankie." Gerard suggested, pulling the blanket up over him again.

"You won't leave me will you?" Gerard knew that Frank didn't really like to be alone in the hospital so when Frank was admitted, Gerard basically was too.

"I don't think I have a choice." He said leaning against the pillows. "You're holding on to me pretty tight."

"Because I don't want to lose you."

"Nor I you." A few moments later Frank passed out so Gerard stared at the ceiling until he bored himself to sleep.

***************

As usual Gerard woke up before Frank so he shifted a little to try to relieve himself of the stiffness. Frank had his arms wrapped tightly around Gerard still so he couldn't move too much. He had no idea what time it was but the room was light so he knew it was morning at least. Gerard figured he must have been very exhausted since he slept from late evening until the morning. He didn't know how he was tired since all he really did was sit around the hospital with Frank.

Gerard did manage to reach into his pocket and get his phone so he flipped it open and saw that it was nine am. Figuring no one would be awake yet, Gerard put the phone on the small table next to the bed and tried to figure out a way to get off the bed to stretch. He didn't want to wake Frank but he didn't want his muscles to hurt all day either. He settled on just waking Frank up because Frank could always go back to sleep when Gerard was up. Gently, Gerard rubbed Frank's back until he opened his eyes and moaned . "Mornin sunshine." Frank just yawned and shut his eyes again. "I need to get up so you need to move."

"But I'm sleeping!" Frank whined. He may have been really exhausted and sick, but he was still himself and Gerard loved it.

"You can go back to sleep; just not on me." He said but Frank made no effort to move. Gerard sighed and put his arms under Frank then proceeded to pry Frank off him. Even if Frank was weak, he still had a strong enough grip around Gerard to make Gerard use a good amount of effort. Eventually Gerard won and got Frank off him then got off the bed and stretched. Frank pouted as he put a pillow under his head. "Oh stop it." Gerard said, pulling the blanket over Frank's head to hide his face.

"Why are you so mean?" He asked Gerard, trying not to smile as he pulled the blanket back down.

"Because you can't ever behave." Gerard picked up his phone and slid it back into his pocket.

"Behaving is boring." He smiled and Gerard laughed before he leaned down and kissed Frank. "Some people would say that was inappropriate behavior."

"Some people can rot in hell."

"We'll rot with them." Frank laughed slightly and Gerard nodded. Frank sat up and stared at the door. "I envy you for having the ability to leave." Gerard sat next to Frank and Frank put his head on Gerard's shoulder. "I'm tired of being stuck in fucking hospitals."

"This will be the last time until you're eighty and mean as hell." Gerard joked and Frank laughed more.

"If I'm mean, then you'll be satan himself." Gerard couldn't help but start laughing. "Can I come live with you again?" Frank asked quietly when Gerard stopped laughing.

"Of course." He put an arm around Frank. "We'll leave my fucking parents and get an apartment just for us."

"And you'll go back to school." Frank looked at Gerard as though Gerard had no say in the matter.

"We'll see." Gerard told him calmly. "I want to see where the band goes."

"What about your art though?"

"I can always do it in my free time." Gerard pushed a few strands of hair from Frank's face. "I'm a fucking amazing artist after all." He said cockily with a smile.

"And a diva." Frank said with a smile, taking his head off Gerard before Gerard pushed him back and stood up. "You're only proving my point." He said laughing. It was then that Gerard realized he and Frank were having a normal conversation without Frank whispering or talking slowly from shortness of breath. He also noticed that Frank's heart rate was improving and that Frank could easily sit himself up which meant he was regaining strength. "What?" Frank asked which snapped Gerard back to reality.

"I just realized we're having a regular conversation." Frank looked at Gerard with slight concern.

"That we are." He said still slightly concerned. "Is that bad?"

"No it's really good." Gerard sat back down. "You're not whispering, you can easily sit up, and you can laugh without choking and gasping for air." He smiled with excitement. "You're getting better."

"I still feel like shit." Frank said smiling.

"And you still look like it." Gerard laughed and Frank hit him, laughing himself. Frank sat up again, sitting on his knees, and put his arms around Gerard's neck, pressing his lips against Gerard's while Gerard put his arms around Frank's waist as the door opened.

"Glad to see you're feeling better." Ray said as he laughed a little and went to sit in a chair. "Came to tell you that I spoke with the owner of that club we played at and he wants us back when Frank feels better because he liked our music and we brought in good money."

"Really?!" Frank said eagerly and Ray nodded. "That's great!" He let go of Gerard and sat as though he was deep in thought. "I think I'm going to get some tattoos when I get out of here."

"Because that's not random at all." Gerard said with a small laugh.

"Well I've always wanted them and I've had so many damn needles in me lately that I doubt I would feel it too much." Gerard winced slightly from thinking about it when there was knock at the door and Frank's doctor came in.

"Good morning."He said as he walked to the edge of Frank's bed and Gerard was about to stand up to sit in a chair but Frank wouldn't let him. "Glad to see you're regaining your strength Mr. Iero." Frank was still sitting on his knees which was something he couldn't do well previous times the doctor checked on him. "How do you feel?"

"Exhausted." Frank said miserably. "I'm always falling asleep."

"That's perfectly normal. The body rebuilds strength and energy when you sleep and since your body's supply of energy is low, you sleep a lot while your body works on resupplying." Frank nodded though Gerard got lost in the doctors sentence. "I came to discuss the results of your EIA test." He told them, flipping open the folder he held in his hands and reviewing it. Frank put his hand in Gerard's and held it tightly as the doctor closed the folder and looked back to Frank. "The test came back-"

A/N BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! WHAT WILL THE RESULTS BE? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR THE NEXT EXCITING INSTALLMENT OF 'WHEN SKIES ARE GREY' x3

sorry, been watching too many soap operas; well forced to watch them actually. and we all know I'll have the next chapter up probably in a day xD