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I unlocked the front door of the house, it was almost 9 when I arrived home. I flicked on the lights and noticed that Gerard hasn't come home yet, which was unusual. I decided to have a shower and maybe surf the net. I was never scared to be home alone, I've always felt like I was alone anyway.

After my shower I combed through my towel dry hair and flicked the computer on. I then heard the front door open and close, I knew it was Gerard but I couldn't help but open my bedroom door to check. He appeared down the hallway walking almost tiredly. I heard him heavily breathe then sigh and scratch his messy hair. He loosened his black tie around his neck and looked up to see me. His hazel eyes captivated me, maybe because I haven't met his eyes in a long time. He quickly looked down and ignored me as he walked passed. He quickly got into his bedroom and locking the door behind him. I sighed and closed the door. Why won't he look at me? What have I done?

I was so desperate to rage into his room right now and start screaming about. But that would be a stupid thing to do. I sat at the corner and sniffed. I didn't like this, I didn't like depending my happiness on Gerard. I noticed that my feelings for Gerard has developed from that love of a parent to something more intimate. I knew it was wrong, but I can't help what I feel for him and I know that nothing will happen from this. I knew that because I was going to move out soon and Gerard has no intentions of seeing me more then just his dead wife's daughter.


"Nicole, you wanna come?" Penelope who was another friend asked.
"Hmm?" I tried to hide the embarrassment that I wasn't listening.
"The party this Saturday."
I knew I had something to do on Saturday but I had trouble remembering it. My mind quickly remembered it and I cursed myself silently on forgetting it in the first place. "I can't, I got family matters."
She nodded. "Damn, it would have been cool if you were there though."
I smiled, I didn't know if I should believe it. "Maybe next time."
I didn't believe her anyway, I mean why would someone invite you to go to their party the day before it? I excused myself and decided I should go home.
Tomorrow, as in Saturday was the 8th anniversary of my mother's death.


Walking through the cemetary was always so silent where you could only hear the wind blow and the crows. It was almost scary, but what really scared me was that I was going to end up here someday anyway. It reminded of the reality of life. We humans think we are immortal. I gripped the bouquet of flowers in my hand and halted in front of my mother's headstone. I didn't stop the tears cascading down my cheeks as I was reminded that my own mother was rotting under a few metres of soil.
"Mum, it's your 8th year of your death as you know," I tried not to be muffled by my tears. "I miss you so much, and I know I say this everytime but I feel so alone in this world. Although my friends are there for me but I need moral support, someone that I can depend on all through my life."
I crouched down and laid the flowers next to the headstone. "I picked the best flowers and they smell great, I'm sure you would love them."
I stared at the flowers absently. "Gerard never recovered from your death and I hate it. I hate you for taking all his love with you and now he can't love anyone... he can't even love me. How could you be this selfish!" I sobbed.
I wiped a tear and calmed down. "I'm sorry mum, I got out of control. I just," I sighed. "I just want the love that Gerard have for you."
I stood up, "Happy anniversary Mum."

I hugged myself as I walked off. I watched my chucks stomp its way to the gates of the cemetary. I heard footsteps other than my own and looked up to see none other than Gerard.
He was holding roses in his hands, the scenery suited him. He slowly let his eyes drift up to me, I felt exposed for first time as if his eyes were undressing me. I held my breath when our eyes met his eyes held sudden glitter. Before I could even analyse his face he quick look back to his feet and continued walking passed me.
"Hi," I called out. It was pathetic, but it was worth a try.
He paused for a second as if he was deciding if he should say something back but then continued walking as if he never heard me.
I breathed out the breath I was holding. No use. I felt miserable and took my phone out and dialed a number.
"Penelope? I changed my mind, I'm coming to the party. Has it started yet? Okay great, I'll meet you guys in an hour." I close my phone and hurried to catch a taxi home to change.
I didn't even want to think about all the romantic things that Gerard is saying right now to my dead mother.




Yay!
I finished my exams... and I feel like one of my storied that I have written, I kinda ran away from my dads house. I bet he wants to kill me now... probably don't wanna speak to me after the nasty things I said to me.
Meh.


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