Categories > Original > Humor > The Amateur Professionals
Chapter 9 - U p w i t h E v e r y t h i n g B u t P e o p l e
---China's POV---
"MASTERSON!" Mr. Grubler bellowed out. Oh, wait, Coach Grubler. Sorry, my bad. He was a bag of muscles and hair with an awful buzz cut. His neck was massively thick along with his pecs and calves. Grueling Grubler, that's what i liked to call him. I let out a sigh as i put away the hockey sticks and walked over to him. His giant arms were folded across his bulging chest, his bushy eyebrows frowning at me.
"Yes coach?" I asked in a bored tone.
"We've got 2 jock strap fittings, three jersey orders, and 4 guys here who want football helmets NOW!!"
I shuddered as his voice boomed throughout the store and bounced off the walls. I quickly sprung into action and helped the seven guys who had a less...provocative demand. I handed out 3 jerseys and 4 helmets, then, it was onto the jockstrap fitting. I looked over and saw an overweight, balding man wearing thick rimmed glasses trying on a jockstrap waaaayyy too small for him. I shuddered and squinted my eyes as he struggled to get out of it. There was no way i was going to help ANY man try on a junk cup to hold his chestnuts. No way!
"We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead..."
I quickly picked up my phone and bolted out the door. Thank god for technology.
"Hello?!" I spoke out.
"Whoaaa. Hi" a familiar voice spoke. My heart smiled.
"Hey Tegan! What's up?"
"Save me...please, I can't take another minute with the bimbo brigade!" She grunted.
"I wish i could twigs," I sighed,"but Gruble's got my throat and wants me to measure meat pole holders"
"Aughghgh, Jock straps" Tegan gagged,"Well, get on break soon, these chicks are killing me."
"Be there in five" I announced.
"Kay bye."
To my utter dismay, I ended up measuring jock straps. My world was literally crumbling around me, I needed a new job fast. I rushed up to the Khaki Barn and found tegan folding a pair of blunt tan pants.
"Hello, welcome to Hell" She muttered as she continued to fold. I let out a giggle and patted her shoulder. She quickly snapped into place when she realized it was me and turned around sharply.
"You're here!!" She chirped as she wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back and noticed the twins walk in with lemonades at hand. They were wearing matching tight belly tanks, jean skirts, and black knitted ugg boots. They should be on What Not To Wear. Their names were Katie and Tori Staton. They were both blond with the IQ's of a deranged sheep. They were under this weird delusion that the whole world loved them.
I watched as Tori scanned me up and down and snickered.
"Nice look China, tacky stripes are definitely you"
I gave her a plastic smile.
"Thanks Tori, tacky overpriced trashwear and snotty attitudes are your calling"
Katie glared at me and simply took out her mirror. She teased up her giant mound of blonde hair and applied some lip gloss. Man, if this bitch said another snotty word to me, I was gonna beat her down.
--- Tegan's POV---
"So China," Katie began,"I hear you're going to the Drop Dead Tour. You gonna go backstage?"
I pursed my lips together and glared at her. She's gonna blow Me & China's top soon if she kept this going.
"No, but i'm going in the pits to mosh out" China answered.
"Uh huh, well, Tori and I got free backstage passes from Oli's brother Tom" She bragged.
I felt the anger inside me bubble to the surface as a satisfied smirk spread across her face. She peered at her nails and giggled.
"I'm excitied 'cause we get to spend the whole day, and night with them," She snickered,"And who knows, maybe Oli will ask me out."
I rolled my eyes and scoffed at her. She quickly peered at me and gave me an ugly look.
"And what's your problem?!" She snapped at me. I gave her an amusing look. The real monster was coming out.
"I don't think Oli would stoop so low as to go out with you" I commented. Tori's mouth hung from her face and she let out a little "uh" sound. Katie pursed her shiny lips together and glared at me.
"And you think you're any better?" She jeered,"Going out with you is like kissing a hairy wort covered troll!"
"Yeah you would know," I sassed back, "You went out with three of 'em. At the same time!"
Everyone in the whole store let out a gasp, seems like we were a little too loud. But who cares! This jerk was asking for it.
"Okay freak, listen up and listen good," Katie snapped,"We don't like you, got it? We can fire you any second now"
"Good! Go ahead! Release me from this Satanic Tacky Barn Hell!" I yelled out.
"Fine! You're FIRED! See ya bitch! Nice to know you!" Tori screamed back.
I simply stuck up my middle finger and grabbed China's arm. This scene was officially over.
---China's POV---
"MASTERSON!" Mr. Grubler bellowed out. Oh, wait, Coach Grubler. Sorry, my bad. He was a bag of muscles and hair with an awful buzz cut. His neck was massively thick along with his pecs and calves. Grueling Grubler, that's what i liked to call him. I let out a sigh as i put away the hockey sticks and walked over to him. His giant arms were folded across his bulging chest, his bushy eyebrows frowning at me.
"Yes coach?" I asked in a bored tone.
"We've got 2 jock strap fittings, three jersey orders, and 4 guys here who want football helmets NOW!!"
I shuddered as his voice boomed throughout the store and bounced off the walls. I quickly sprung into action and helped the seven guys who had a less...provocative demand. I handed out 3 jerseys and 4 helmets, then, it was onto the jockstrap fitting. I looked over and saw an overweight, balding man wearing thick rimmed glasses trying on a jockstrap waaaayyy too small for him. I shuddered and squinted my eyes as he struggled to get out of it. There was no way i was going to help ANY man try on a junk cup to hold his chestnuts. No way!
"We will never sleep, 'cause sleep is for the weak
And we will never rest, 'til we're all fucking dead..."
I quickly picked up my phone and bolted out the door. Thank god for technology.
"Hello?!" I spoke out.
"Whoaaa. Hi" a familiar voice spoke. My heart smiled.
"Hey Tegan! What's up?"
"Save me...please, I can't take another minute with the bimbo brigade!" She grunted.
"I wish i could twigs," I sighed,"but Gruble's got my throat and wants me to measure meat pole holders"
"Aughghgh, Jock straps" Tegan gagged,"Well, get on break soon, these chicks are killing me."
"Be there in five" I announced.
"Kay bye."
To my utter dismay, I ended up measuring jock straps. My world was literally crumbling around me, I needed a new job fast. I rushed up to the Khaki Barn and found tegan folding a pair of blunt tan pants.
"Hello, welcome to Hell" She muttered as she continued to fold. I let out a giggle and patted her shoulder. She quickly snapped into place when she realized it was me and turned around sharply.
"You're here!!" She chirped as she wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back and noticed the twins walk in with lemonades at hand. They were wearing matching tight belly tanks, jean skirts, and black knitted ugg boots. They should be on What Not To Wear. Their names were Katie and Tori Staton. They were both blond with the IQ's of a deranged sheep. They were under this weird delusion that the whole world loved them.
I watched as Tori scanned me up and down and snickered.
"Nice look China, tacky stripes are definitely you"
I gave her a plastic smile.
"Thanks Tori, tacky overpriced trashwear and snotty attitudes are your calling"
Katie glared at me and simply took out her mirror. She teased up her giant mound of blonde hair and applied some lip gloss. Man, if this bitch said another snotty word to me, I was gonna beat her down.
--- Tegan's POV---
"So China," Katie began,"I hear you're going to the Drop Dead Tour. You gonna go backstage?"
I pursed my lips together and glared at her. She's gonna blow Me & China's top soon if she kept this going.
"No, but i'm going in the pits to mosh out" China answered.
"Uh huh, well, Tori and I got free backstage passes from Oli's brother Tom" She bragged.
I felt the anger inside me bubble to the surface as a satisfied smirk spread across her face. She peered at her nails and giggled.
"I'm excitied 'cause we get to spend the whole day, and night with them," She snickered,"And who knows, maybe Oli will ask me out."
I rolled my eyes and scoffed at her. She quickly peered at me and gave me an ugly look.
"And what's your problem?!" She snapped at me. I gave her an amusing look. The real monster was coming out.
"I don't think Oli would stoop so low as to go out with you" I commented. Tori's mouth hung from her face and she let out a little "uh" sound. Katie pursed her shiny lips together and glared at me.
"And you think you're any better?" She jeered,"Going out with you is like kissing a hairy wort covered troll!"
"Yeah you would know," I sassed back, "You went out with three of 'em. At the same time!"
Everyone in the whole store let out a gasp, seems like we were a little too loud. But who cares! This jerk was asking for it.
"Okay freak, listen up and listen good," Katie snapped,"We don't like you, got it? We can fire you any second now"
"Good! Go ahead! Release me from this Satanic Tacky Barn Hell!" I yelled out.
"Fine! You're FIRED! See ya bitch! Nice to know you!" Tori screamed back.
I simply stuck up my middle finger and grabbed China's arm. This scene was officially over.
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