Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > My Only Sunshine

Nothing You Can Say

by ipanicdaily 4 reviews

"I want to prove to him that I can do it." Frank told Ray who nodded.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2008-11-24 - Updated: 2008-11-24 - 2825 words - Complete

"I know where he went so don't worry." Ray assured them. "We need to let him have some space right now."

"I blew it again." Frank mumbled, looking at his hands. "He told me he didn't care anymore."

"You know that's not true." Mikey said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "He's just really upset right now and needs the time to think; like Ray said."

"You're going to come stay with me again." Ray said, sitting next to Frank.

"Are you sure?" He asked apprehensively and Ray nodded.

"You just have to promise you'll take your medication and get help." Ray told him calmly.

"I need help." Frank agreed, looking to his arms this time. "I've hurt you all so much."

"Past is the past." Bob said with a smile. "Live in the present and plan for the future." Mikey smiled and nodded, pulling Bob by the arm towards him.

"So, what's your plan?" Ray asked, turning to face Frank so he didn't have to watch the other two.

"I'm going to get out of here, I'm going to live with you until I can afford my own place, I'm going to stop hurting myself, and I'm going to see a shrink or therapist or whatever." Frank was strong in his voice; almost as though he was a king decreeing a new law. He was going to get his life back together.

"And you're going to get my brother back." Mikey said, now standing with Bob's arms around him.

"I'm not so sure about that one." Frank replied quietly.

"I am." Mikey spoke sternly to him. "He's fucking miserable without you around." Bob and Ray nodded their agreement. "I'm not putting up with miserable Gerard."

"He's furious with me." Frank's voice was unsteady and he tried not to cry. "He made me watch him cut himself so I knew what it felt like."

"How's it feel?" Bob asked calmly, his chin on Mikey's shoulder.

"Horrible. It hurts; a lot." Frank looked at his arms again. "I'm really sorry guys. I didn't know I was hurting you so much."

"What's done is done; just don't do it again." Bob warned him but smiled to lighten the tone because he wasn't trying to be harsh. Frank couldn't help but smile himself because at that moment he felt loved; a different kind of love then he felt with Gerard.

"I'll come back for you tomorrow." Frank nodded as Ray smiled, hugging Frank tightly, then standing and heading for the door. Mikey and Bob hugged Frank (not so tightly) as they followed Ray, all three disappearing. Somehow, they took a lot of the pain and despair Frank was feeling with them, and he smiled as he got comfortable on his bed to try and sleep a little.

"I'm going to get better." Frank told himself, lying on his side. "I'm going to stop hurting myself and I'm going to stop hurting everyone." He pulled the blanket further over himself. "I'm going to get help so I can get better." Frank shut his eyes. "I'm going to prove to Gerard that I still love him." In no time, Frank passed out into a deep, much needed sleep.


"Rise and shine lazy ass." Ray said, kicking Gerard to wake him up. Gerard opened his eyes, moaning because he was soaked and freezing. He felt nauseous and dizzy so he just remained how he was, staring at Ray. "Come on."

"I don't feel good." Gerard mumbled, shutting his eyes again out of pure exhaustion.

"No shit. You slept in the pouring rain dumbass." He bent down next to Gerard and put a hand on Gerard's head, noticing that Gerard was starting to get a fever. "You need to get somewhere warm and in warm, dry clothes." Ray told him, grabbing Gerard's arm and lifting him up. It took Gerard a moment to keep his balance but he managed to stay up, though he felt like falling back down. Ray stuck an arm around Gerard to help keep him on his feet as they headed back towards the road. "Are you ok?"

"I'm really dizzy and nauseous." Gerard told him, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"I'm going to drive you home, ok?" He nodded to Ray as they walked through the underbrush of the woods. "I'll have Mikey come get your car later." Ray helped Gerard into the passenger's seat then got into the driver's, starting the car and pulling onto the road. Gerard leaned his head against the window since it was cold and he was desperate to relieve the pressure. His eyes were closed and he hugged himself because he was still cold. "Do you want to go to the hospital instead?" Ray asked with concern as he drove.

"I'm fine." Gerard said though he felt far from it. "I just need dry clothes and aspirin." He said, sliding down in the seat a little more. Ray sighed, knowing Gerard was lying, but didn't say anything more about the matter. Gerard felt like he was going to pass out so he focused heavily on the noises of the road until Ray finally reached his house, pulling into the driveway and taking the key from Gerard to unlock the door.

Ray helped Gerard out of the car (since he could barely keep his balance) and helped him inside the house then to the bathroom. "Get these off; I'll go get you different clothes." Ray told him so Gerard started pulling his heavy, matted clothes off and dropping them to the floor, freezing still. He grabbed a towel and while his arms shook, he managed to dry himself off then hold the towel around himself for warmth until Ray returned. "Can you dress yourself?" Ray asked him, handing Gerard the clothes with a bit of amusement.

"Y-yeah." Gerard was so cold that he felt himself shake. Ray looked at him with slight concern before shutting the door while Gerard got dressed. When he finished, he headed to the kitchen where Ray was making him some coffee. Gerard sat at the table, Ray grabbing a small blanket from the closet and wrapping it around Gerard's shoulders because he still shook.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the hospital?" Ray asked, pouring some coffee into a cup and giving it to Gerard. "You're like violently shaking and you look pretty bad."

"I'm fine." He lied again, lifting the cup to his mouth and drinking a little. The warm liquid felt really good as it ran down his throat. He could feel it warm his chest and slightly warm the rest of him as well. "I'm just really cold."

"Well I'm turning your heat on then." Ray said, walking to the thermostat and playing with it. It was the middle of summer and was hot as hell outside, but Gerard was still freezing. Ray figured it was a mixture of Gerard still being partially wet and the fact that no matter how much he denied it, he was getting sick. "You're going to lay down too and I'm going to call Mikey."


"Because you're getting sick; if you're not already." Ray told him, pulling out his cell.

"I want him to come stay with you while I go get Frank from the hospital and bring him to my place." Gerard scoffed, finishing the rest of his coffee. "He said he's going to get help." Ray sat at the table, trying to make Gerard see the situation a bit better.

"Don't hold your breath." He mumbled, setting the cup down.

"I think he really means it."

"Tell yourself that when he's back there in a week or so." Gerard pushed the blanket off his shoulder and stood up. "He's not going to change Ray. Face it."

"Stop acting like a drama queen Gerard." Ray's voice was becoming sharp because he was aggravated with Gerard and Frank always fighting. "He's got some mentality problems. I'm pretty sure when he see's someone, he'll probably get more medication to help balance him out."

"Like he needs more medication." Gerard shut his eyes, his dizziness kicking in again. Ray quickly got up and put an arm around Gerard to hold him up. "I'm fine Ray."

"No, you're not Gerard." He told him sternly. "I won't take you to the hospital if you don't want to go, even if I think you should, but you're going to lay down and I'm going to call Mikey and have him keep an eye on you until everything gets sorted out." Gerard opened his mouth to complain but figured Ray was right in the fact that he should lay down so they headed to his bedroom.

Gerard laid on the bed, Ray pulling a blanket over him and sitting down next to him, calling Mikey. "Hey Mikey...Yeah, I told you he would be there...Have Bob drive you to the campsite and get his car...he's sick...yeah....he says he's nauseous and really dizzy...I don't know, I just felt his forehead...yeah he's pretty hot...lying down right he won't go...yeah I know...he's really shaky and doesn't look try telling him that...I want you to stay with him while I get Frank...yeah...yeah...ok. Bye Mikey."

"Does he want to kill me?" Gerard mumbled into the pillow when Ray got off the phone.

"Pretty much. He's worried about you." Ray said, pushing Gerard's damp hair out of his face and pulling the blanket up to his head to keep him warm. "He said he'll be here in no later than a half hour."

"Oh joy." Gerard said sarcastically, shutting his eyes and wrapping the blanket around his shoulders.

"Will you be ok for those thirty minutes?" Ray asked, ignoring Gerard's sarcasm. He did it so much that anyone who comes in contact with him on a regular basis is used to it.

"I don't plan on moving off this bed." He said and Ray got off the bed.

"Good." Ray slid his phone into his pocket and headed for the door. "I'll call Mikey in a half hour to make sure he's here. I'll be back when Frank's all set."


"Look, I know you're upset, but you need to get over yourself. He says he's going to get help and I'm going to help him. I hope you can get past yourself and hope he does." Ray left to go to the hospital.

"I hope we don't see you back here anytime soon Mr. Iero." The doctor said a little warningly to Frank as he waited for Ray to come get him.

"I don't plan on it." Frank said quietly, looking at his hands. They wanted to put them in casts so Frank couldn't remove the bandaging and pull himself open again but Frank promised he wouldn't do it again so they apprehensively agreed. However, if he did it again, they were being put in casts no matter what.

"Well, come back in four to five days so we can check on your arms." Frank nodded and the doctor lingered for a moment before turning and leaving. Frank was already dressed and waiting, sitting on his bed and staring at the door. He sat there telling himself over and over again that tomorrow he would look into getting help.

It took Ray about an hour to show up, but Frank was relieved none the less to see him. "Sorry I'm late Frankie." Ray said with a smile as he entered the room. "I got caught up with Gerard."

"Oh..." Frank said, looking to the ground then to Ray. "How is he?"

"Being a stubborn jackass as usual." Ray said, grabbing the bag that he and Mikey had brought to Frank a few days prior. It contained most of Frank's stuff (that Gerard had so kindly packed and chucked on the front lawn). "He fell asleep in the pouring rain and I think he's getting sick. I made him lay down because he's freezing and shaking hysterically." Frank felt pain stab at him because he thought it was his fault.

"Oh..." Was all Frank could manage to say. He told himself over and over that everything was going to be ok, and that it wasn't his fault. Gerard could have easily chosen to go inside where it was dry and warm.

"Are you all set?"

"Yep." Frank jumped off the bed. "I was just waiting for you." He smiled at Ray then passed him to go to Ray's car outside. On the way, Frank said good-bye to all the nurses that he knew all too well now, Ray laughing slightly as he followed. "You sure it's ok that I stay with you?"

"Don't worry about it. You can have the spare room again." Ray told him happily, leading Frank to his car. "And about last time you were here," Ray became a little quiet, "yeah I still love you; I think I always will. But I know that you belong with Gerard and I'm going to help you get back with him."

"Thanks." Frank said with a smile as he followed Ray. He wasn't sure about the whole situation because of what Ray had told him about a month ago but knowing that Ray understood that Frank was meant to be with Gerard made everything seem alright. "I'll always love you too."

"Yeah yeah." Ray teased, shifting the bag on his shoulder and jingling his keys as they walked through the parking lot.

"You realize you're going to have to help me change the bandages on my arms, right?" Frank asked when they reached Ray's car, Ray throwing Frank's bag into the back seat.

"Whatever helps you get better." He told Frank with a smile, climbing into the car, Frank following. "Do you mind if I go back to Gerard after you get all set at home? I want to make sure he's alright."

"Sure." Frank said, smiling though he felt like crying because he really didn't want to think about Gerard at the moment. "You're his best friend."

"Yeah but you're my best friend too." Ray started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. "And I want to make sure you're ok too."

"I'm fine." Ray sighed because he heard that phrase enough already. "I'll just watch some cartoons or something because I can't exactly play my guitar right now."

"You'll be back at that in no time." Ray said, smiling again. "We'll drive the neighbors insane." Frank couldn't help but laugh a little. It felt so good too; he hadn't laughed in awhile. He almost forgot what it was like to laugh.

"Thanks." Frank said when he calmed down.

"For what?" Ray asked, a little confused.

"For giving me somewhere to stay." Frank said, shifting himself a little in the seat.

"Sure; anytime."

"And for believing in me." Frank said softly and Ray smiled even wider.

"I know you're going to get help and turn your life around." Ray told him compassionately.

"You're the only one." There was a little disappointment in Frank's voice.

"Mikey and Bob do too." Ray said, turning onto his road. "And even if he won't admit it, Gerard does too."

"I want to prove to him that I can do it." Frank told Ray who nodded.

"But make sure you're doing it for yourself; not anyone else. We all want to see you get better and get help, but it's about you; not us." Frank nodded and Ray pulled up to his apartment. "Home sweet dump." He said with a laugh, Frank laughing a little himself. "Do you want me to go with you or just give you the key?"

"I'm a big boy." Frank said, a little of his childish charm shining through. "I think I can do it by myself now. I promise not to talk to strangers and find the nearest adult if I get in trouble." He smirked at Ray who rolled his eyes and handed Frank the key. "See you later."

"Hey Frank;" Ray called before Frank went inside. Frank turned and looked to him. "Good to have you back." He said with a smile.

"You too." Frank waved as Ray pulled out of the driveway, heading to Ray's apartment and unlocking the door. It had been awhile since he had been here; not since he stayed with Ray actually and in a way he felt happy to be back. It was like a second home for him; well a third because the hospital was more of a second. His and Gerard's house used to be a first but Frank wasn't so sure about that anymore.

Chucking his stuff to the floor, Frank searched for Ray's phone book, taking it to the couch and turning on cartoons. Once the television was set, Frank opened the phone book to look for numbers of therapists.
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