Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > My Only Sunshine

It's Never Too Late To Try

by ipanicdaily 4 reviews

"But I know he's really upset with me." Frank started unwrapping his bandages to reveal the long lines of stitches; jaws dropping all around. "Wouldn't you be too?"

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2008-11-26 - Updated: 2008-11-26 - 3106 words - Complete

Frank wrote down probably a dozen numbers; an hour ago. He sat on the couch, staring at the phone, trying to convince himself to actually call one of them. The t.v. played some cartoon which Frank only had going for background noise as he looked at the little piece of paper before him. Ray still hadn't come back so he figured Gerard was giving him issues; which was nothing new.

Taking deep breaths, Frank shut his eyes and grabbed his cellphone from the table before him then flipped it open and (with his eyes open now) quickly dialed the first number. "H-hello..." he said when someone answered; he was almost shaking with nerves. "I need help." He told the person on the other end. "I, uh, physically abuse myself." Frank said quietly and luckily the person heard him because he really didn't want to say it again. "Frank Iero. Sure. Three it is. Thank you." Frank quickly shut the phone, ending the call, and threw it at the couch while he realized what he just did.

A moment later he grabbed his phone, excited now, and called Ray. "Guess what?!" He practically yelled. "I did it!" Frank could tell that Ray was slightly confused. "I called someone to get help! I have to go there at three!" Now understanding, Ray congratulated Frank and said he would be back soon. Since Frank didn't have a car, Ray would have to take him but it was only one so he had time. "See you in a bit then."

Happy, Frank set down his phone again, shutting the phone book and turning his attention to the television. "I did it!" He said to himself. It was the first step to getting better and he was excited; the first step in a long line of steps to help him get better. Frank would have to see a counselor about his depression and other psychological problems as well but Ray had already set that up for him. It was his task to find help about his abusing himself, and he was proud of himself for doing so.


"That was Frank." Ray told Gerard who lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, still freezing. Mikey tried to convince him to go to the hospital too but it was useless because he had no intention of moving. When Ray had gotten back, Mikey left, rather pissed at Gerard. He took Gerard's car (with Gerard's permission of course) to go home with. Gerard said he didn't plan on leaving the house any time soon so for all he cared Mikey could keep the car.

"That's nice." He said semi sarcastically.

"He's really excited." Ray sat on the bed next to Gerard. "He said he called someone and he has an appointment in a few hours. He's getting himself help."

"Yay for him." Gerard remained sarcastic as he stared at the ceiling. He really didn't want to talk about Frank at the moment, or ever, but he knew there was no way he would avoid it forever. They were all going to try and get Gerard and Frank back together, no matter how much Gerard wanted them to stay out of it.

"Can't you be happy for him?" Ray was becoming annoyed with Gerard; again.

"I am; see?" Now Gerard turned his head to Ray and gave him a sarcastic smile.

"Frank's trying to help himself! The least you can do is support him!"

"Why?!" Gerard turned away from Ray, pulling the blankets tightly around him since he was still cold. "I've tried to fucking help him and he continued to fuck himself up. He won't last long." He mumbled and Ray stood up.

"When you get the fuck over yourself, call me." Ray said coldly as he walked to the door. "I hope Frank succeeds and I hope he moves on rather than waste his life on you." Gerard heard Ray leave, slamming the door, and Gerard remained exactly how he was.

The dizziness began to return to him so he shut his eyes tightly to focus on lying in the bed. He was really lightheaded and nauseous. Gerard was still freezing even though he had probably three blankets and the heat was on at least 80. The only thing he could think was he was dying; and he really didn't care.


"You can do it Frankie." Ray said with a smile as they sat in front of the building.

"I'm scared." Frank said, his hand on the handle of the door, trying to persuade himself to get out. "Let's go home."

"No." Ray became a little stern towards him. "You're going in there and you're getting help." He turned the car off to let Frank know they weren't going anywhere anytime soon.

"Will you go in with me?"

"Sure." Ray took the keys out of the ignition and got out of the car, Frank getting out a moment later. "Just take deep breaths and take it slowly." Ray told him and Frank nodded, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath before opening them and heading towards the doors. Ray followed him but stayed a good distance back without letting Frank know because that way it was like Frank was doing it on his own, which is what needed to be done.

Frank grabbed the handle of the door and with one swift tug, yanked it wide open. Ray walked to the door and held it open while Frank stood there, convincing himself to go in. "I know you can do it Frankie." Ray said and Frank nodded. "Are you fine to do it on your own now? You've made it to the door which is the hardest part."

"I think so." Frank said, looking inside with fear.

"Call me when you're done." He hugged Frank gently. "It's to help you get better." Ray let go and went back to his car, driving away, Frank still standing in the door way. He was petrified to go in but like Ray said, it was to help him get better which needed to happen. He needed to get better so he could get Gerard back.

Taking more deep breaths, Frank convinced his feet to move inside and open the inner door. He ended up in a large room with a bunch of chairs, a few people sitting in them, and a desk with a blond lady sitting behind it. Frank let go of the door and walked to the counter, the lady looking up and smiling at him. "Can I help you sir?"

"I-I'm Frank Iero." He said nervously. "I was told to come in at three." She looked over her papers then looked back to him, still smiling.

"Group starts at 3 3o. Please fill these papers out." Just like a doctor's office, she handed Frank a clip board with a bunch of papers on it, a pen attached by a string to the top. Frank took it to a seat and began to fill it out. All it really wanted was basic information about him; his name, his address, phone number, social security number, birthday, license information, medical information; the normal. When he had it all done, he brought it back to the lady with a few minutes to spare. "Thank you." She told him, taking the clipboard and reading everything over. "Go through this door, take a right down the hall, and group is on the third door on the left." Frank nodded and went through the door, following her instructions.

The room he ended up in was no bigger than a living room. There was a large circle of chairs, some of which had people sitting in them. Frank pulled the sleeves of his hoodie over his arms as far as he could get them to go before apprehensively taking a seat. "Welcome." A lady with long brown hair extended her arm to Frank and he shook it nervously. "My name's Maelyn. I'm the counselor. Sara told me we had a new comer today. Please, take a seat and make yourself at home. We're expecting a few more people then we can begin." Frank nodded and sat in a chair on the other side of the room where it was pretty vacant.

Over the next ten minutes, more people piled in and Frank couldn't believe his eyes. All these people had the same problem he did; physical abuse. Most of them seemed nervous like he did too and Frank started to feel relieved. No one sat next to him, not that he really minded, and Maelyn stood, shut the door, and walked back to her chair. "Welcome everyone." She said with a smile. "It's good to see so many of you again. We have a new comer today. I ask that you be kind to him because he's starting his journey to helping himself, like all of you did not too long ago." Maelyn looked to Frank, who at that point felt nauseous. "Please, stand and introduce yourself."

Frank stood, everyone looking at him with warm smiles and soft eyes. "M-my name is Frank." He said, staring at the floor.

"Welcome Frank." Everyone chimed at the same time and Frank's uneasiness died a little.

"Tell us Frank, why did you chose to come get help?" Maelyn asked and Frank couldn't figure out a story quick enough so he had to give them the truth.

"I have a problem where I hurt myself when I get upset." He said quietly and there were nods of understanding from the others. "It went a little too far." Frank said, pulling his sleeves up to reveal his bandaged arms. People gasped, nodded, and told him that it was ok. "I caused my fiancé to leave me because I couldn't stop."

"Is he upset with you?" Maelyn asked and Frank looked at her with shock.

"How'd you know it was a guy?"

"Honey," she smiled, laughing a little, "this clinic is for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people who need help." Suddenly Frank felt at ease because one of his biggest worries was what people would think about him being gay. Everyone here though was just like him in that sense too, and he felt at home. "Thank you Frank, and welcome." Maelyn said so Frank sat, still a little shocked. "Now, who would like to start today?" A man, no older than Frank, slowly raised his hand. "Emmett, please, go ahead."

"My boyfriend left me." Emmett said, playing with his hands since he was nervous.

"Why was that?" Maelyn asked sympathetically and Frank realized that this group was more than just for physical abuse; it was for whatever needed to be shared. Everyone here went through the same problems so they all knew what it was like.

"I refused to get rid of my blades." He told her quietly.

"Why won't you get rid of the blades Emmett?"

"They're like a security blanket for me." Emmett replied, looking to the ground. "I haven't used them recently but I can't bring myself to get rid of them either." Frank nodded in complete understanding. When he had lived with Gerard he kept blades hidden in the bathroom because he felt like he had to have them.

"You can't help yourself get beyond self mutilation if you keep the weapon around." Maelyn told him gently. She was in no way harsh or mad at him; she was relaxed and calm.

"I know and I don't want them but when I try to throw them out, this voice inside my mind tells me that I need to keep them. I listen to it." Frank stared at Emmett because it was like Emmett was a carbon copy of him; they both seemed to have the same exact problems. "He said he could live with the HIV, but not the blades." Emmett looked like he wanted to cry and for some reason, Frank wanted to run to him and hold him if he did.

"Any comments?" Maelyn looked around to them and no one said anything so Frank decided he would, even if he was new. Being polite, Frank raised his hand a little. "Yes, Frank." She said with a smile. "Please tell us what you think."

"I understand what Emmett's going through." Frank said and Emmett looked at him with slight shock. "I have the same exact problem." He smiled at Emmett who returned it. "Gerard, my ex-fiancé, bought me a house for Christmas, the night he proposed to me." There was a chorus of 'awww' from everyone else and Frank blushed slightly. "He was so good to me, yet I kept some of my blades hidden in the bathroom because I couldn't bring myself to get rid of them. In my mind they were my escape from the pain."

"Did Gerard ever find the blades?" Someone asked as though Frank was sharing some fascinating story.

"I think he knew about them, but he never said anything to me." Frank smiled as he thought about it. "Gerard told me every day that he loved me and that we were going to work on me not hurting myself." A few tears came to Frank's eyes. "But I didn't listen to him. I kept hurting myself. I even tried to runaway because I was hurting him."

"What did Gerard do about you running away?" Maelyn asked, curious as she too wanted to hear the story.

"He actually sent his younger brother Mikey, one of my best friends, to find me. I was passed out in a park because like Emmett said, I have this voice in my head that tells me not to stop hurting myself. All I remember was pulling the bandages off my arms and ripping the stitches out, letting myself bleed. That put Mikey and his boyfriend Bob in trouble when they found me since I'm positive. I woke up in a hospital, in the ICU again, and Gerard came in, really upset." More tears came to Franks eyes so he ran his hand along them to wipe them away.

"What did Gerard say?" Maelyn continued to be soft.

"He asked me why I didn't love him since I kept hurting myself. Then he told me he would always love me but he didn't know if he was still in love with me. He took his pocket knife and cut himself slightly to make me feel the pain that I had been causing all of them each time I did it." Everyone gave Frank sympathetic looks except for Emmett. He was looking to Frank with admiration and understanding as though he had gone through the same ordeal. "Before he left, he threw his engagement ring to the floor and told me that I need to get help, but from someone else because he didn't care anymore."

"Do you believe that?"

"No, not really." Frank said, taking deep breaths to calm himself. "But I know he's really upset with me." Frank started unwrapping his bandages to reveal the long lines of stitches; jaws dropping all around. "Wouldn't you be too?"

"Oh my god..." Emmett said quietly as he looked to Frank.

"How do you feel when you look at that?" Maelyn asked, looking to Frank rather than his arms where everyone else's eyes rested.

"I hate myself for it. I yell at myself and abuse myself mentally." Frank said quietly, resting his arms in his lap and looking to the ground.

"Congratulations; you've just overcome the second step towards recovery." Maelyn said with a smile. "You've admitted your problem. You all can learn from him because I can't remember the last time someone admitted their problem on their first day." Everyone hung their heads and Frank felt a little embarrassed. "Well, that's all the time we had for today. I'm sorry if we didn't get to anyone, we will next week. Remember, I am always on call for anyone who needs help." Maelyn stood and opened the door, everyone standing and heading out.

Frank grabbed the bandages and rolled them up, figuring he would have Ray help him get them back on later. Emmett walked to Frank, smiling a little. "Would you like help getting those back on?" He asked nervously and Frank looked at him, a little nervous himself. "I-I'm a nurse." Emmett said quietly.

"Sure..." Frank said as he stopped rolling them up. Emmett kneeled by Frank and took one of the strips of bandages, taking Frank's arm gently and began to wrap the bandage around it. He did a better job at it than the nurses at the hospital did. Emmett did the same to the other arm until both were wrapped tightly again. "Thank you."

"Anytime." Emmett smiled at Frank, his eyes gleaming a little. "I love to help people." He looked to the ground. "If only I could help myself."

"That's what we're here for, right?" Frank said with a small smile, pulling his sleeves back down.

"Right." Emmett looked back to Frank, smiling again. "Do you, uh, want to get coffee or something?" He hesitated a bit as though he was extremely nervous. "I know this quaint little coffee shop..."

"Sure." Frank said, standing. He was excited at making a new friend; especially someone so similar to him who he could share his problems with and for once, have them truly understand what it was like. "I have to call my friend though and tell him not to pick me up." Emmett nodded and Frank pulled out his cellphone, dialing Ray's number.

"Hey...Nope, no need...I'm going to grab some coffee with Emmett...he's my new friend...yeah he comes here too...did you know this place was for gays and lesbians?...bastard...yeah I'll call you later...ok...bye." Frank hung up and stuck the phone back on his pocket. "Lead the way." He said to Emmett who smiled, took Frank's hand gently, and headed out of the building.


A/N---- I have high dramatic plans for this story xD

and O.M.G. GEE'S GONNA BE A DADDY! That seems so weird for some reason xD Its gonna be one gorgeous baby ^^

for anyone who uses 'twitter', my username is 'ipanicdaily' on there too if you wanna follow me xD

Title of this chapter comes from the song "Proud" by Heather Small. It's an amazing song ^^

xoxo Tabi


I was thinking of lyrics for the title; I had my itunes on mute; so I thought of Proud and posted this chapter. I unmute my itunes...AND PROUD IS PLAYING. so weird
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